Who dunnit?

IN THE DRIVEWAY

WITH A ROCK

DONE BY MR. COLTON

MYSTERY SOLVED!!

POOR POOR ALEX....HIS BROTHER BEATS HIM


NOTHING A LITTLE ICE CREAM WON'T FIX!!

Calling all brain specialists!!

Do you ever have those moments in life when you feel as though something serious has happened to your brain? Like there is a little fog in there and you can't get it out? Like your two year old is smarter than you? Like you want to run into a wall just for pure fun and you don't know why? Like your husband and children are looking at you like you are crazy? Like you really really want to sleep for a couple of days just to be "rejuvenated"? If you answered no to one or all of these questions then please exit this blog entry because you are in for a long ride..oh, AND because I don't like you!

As I sit here in this moment..right now..typing.... my head feels like it is going to burst from too much effort. Greg this morning said..."are you pregnant?...you must be pregnant!!" Um, news flash: I'M NOT! My brain may just be experiencing some sort of technical difficulty..although I do feel a little bit teary and I don't know why? ScArY!!! Let me lead you into my life this week: (funny how I felt so accomplished last week..hmmm)

#1: I am usually such a good mom....(I think) I pride myself on Dallin looking so cute for school. Picture of Perfection(he gets that from my side) Well on Tuesday he came to me and said, "I don't want to do my hair today!" I said, "Fine, if you really don't want to then don't do it." Let me tell you that he also was just wearing a little t-shirt for soccer because they had a game that night. Whatever...I don't want to be too OCD so why not let the kid go to school with his hair not combed and in his t-shirt that looked like it was going to shred after the first wash. WHATEVER..easy peasy. I always notice the moms driving their kids to school who have it all pulled together. By that I mean..they have actually showered by 9 a.m. I look like I have just woken up with bed hair and usually braless. (poor Dallin) BUT..he always looks great..has a full tummy..and a nice sack lunch...scriptures read...church songs sang....family prayer..ect.ECT! Well, this day we pull up to the school and I say something funny in my usual funny manner and he smiles and I say, "Um, Dee..did you forget to brush those suckers today?" He says in his very toothy grin..."No, oh, well yes, well ....(as he puckers his tongue all around his mouth to taste the bad taste) yeah I think I did!" What can I say...you practically have to pry boys mouths open to get them brushed..but usually he is pretty good. Oh, well..EASY PEASY...he'll survive. Give mom kisses and off he goes!! Poor kid comes home from school that day mortified that is was freakin "PICTURE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" OF FREAKIN COURSE IT WAS!!! The only day he has gone to school with his hair not done and his teeth not brushed!! I'm sure he walked past teachers who felt bad for the poor orphan kid whose moms brain doesn't work well enough to look on her calendar where it says in big letters on Tuesday September 23..."PICTURE DAY".

*write note to teacher to remind me about makeup day!

#2: Recovering from Tuesday..it is now Thursday..oh wait, that is today!! Alex has school at 11:15...Look at clock, oh, Alex has ten minutes until his ride comes. Oh, crap!!! Alex also has a collage due in ten minutes. PANIC SETS IN! Today they are talking about how SPECIAL they are and have to bring a collage to share with his class about him and how SPECIAL he is!!! How could I forget. Once again it is on my calendar for Thursday September 25!!! I ran around like a crazy woman ripping through my "toilet selection magazines" (heaven knows I have those memorized!) to try to find anything that Alex likes. Trying to talk myself into the fact that maybe he likes random things in the magazine like um, babies, or "how to raise your child" facts, or the leapfrog he doesn't have. I finally whipped things together so that my child is not the only one whose parent forgot to make an "I AM SPECIAL" collage. I guess I can look at the positive because if my brain had clicked any later he would have ended up in class with NOTHING!! PHEW!!!

#3: My brain is oddly fixated with Disneyland. I have this undeniable feeling to be in the "HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH" and I don't know where it is coming from. What am I 3? I frantically have tried each day this week to try to win this contest to go to Disneyland and I convince myself I am going to win. (It oddly feels like all those times I ran for student council and NEVER won but convinced myself every time that I was actually going to win and then wanted to jump off a cliff when I lost every time!! How many times did that happen you ask...oh, like just like 7?!!!! oh, and then add on Cheer leading and dance groups.) What I wouldn't give to be in Disneyland Heaven right now! (Geez..snap out of it!!)

#4, #5 and #6 can go hand in hand. Have you ever put eggs on to boil and who knows how long later start smelling something and thinking it smells oddly like bacon and makes you hungry until you remember that you forgot your boiling eggs?? Yeah, try finding eggshells all over your kitchen for the next lifetime!!! BOOM! All over my kitchen!! Never happened? Okay, then how about making cookies for your neighbors and putting them in the oven and forgetting that you were making cookies at all? Getting scared yet? Okay, how about throwing your jelly away half full (or half empty if you are negative like that) instead of putting it back in the fridge. Yep, quite fascinating I know!!

I have a few theories as too why this is happening. One theory could be that when Colton had his stroke and suffered brain damage he was actually in my body. He seems to have suffered nothing from his stroke or show any sign of brain damage so I am wondering if maybe it transferred to my freakin brain. I know...IMPOSSIBLE I hear you say! Well, shut it because something has to explain my brainfog and thats one of my theories. (mom, I am just kidding. I know you are thinking I must be crazy if I think Colton's stroke could have transferred to me..just a joke. No one's going to think I'm serious). My other theory is that my body is suffering from what I like to call..."cokedeprivation". REAL THING!! It is been deprived these past two weeks and has decided to commit brain suicide!! SERIOUSLY!! I must be put on a coke IV STAT or it may not survive. (um, can we have an ambulance sent to my mother in laws right now because I am sure she is experiencing some sort of shock right now.) APPAULING!!

Hopefully anyday now my brain is going to start functioning at its normal capacity.... but until then, if you see me walking around shoeless and talking to myself please take me home!!

What are brothers for?

What a difference a week makes!! I feel so accomplished this week. I no longer have to change diapers! That is right my friends....Colton has had a visit from the potty training "GODDESS"(okay AKA: ME) and is now diaper free! I hate to pat my ownself on the back..okay I love it!! Yeah me for being the freaking potty training master!! (Please only refer to me as the Potty Training GODDESS from now on because that is what I am) I thought we'd have a problem with Colton because let's be honest..my other kids couldn't talk back to me at this age and so potty training was a breeze. I would say, "Colt, you want to pee on the toilet?" and he would say, "nope Mom, I want to pee in my diaper!" Um, excuse me? Well, I thought it was impossible but even I can amaze myself sometimes!!


The flu decided to take up 2 weeks of our time. It was a crazy little bug that would come and go and come and go. Being a brother can be good and bad. Bad because you pass the flu back and forth but GOOD because when you're both sick you can take a bath together at 2 freakin in the morning! That's right..that picture is taken at 2 in the morning!! Good thing you can't smell my breath through the lens!! I took little Princess Mia (my dog) to the vet last week and as I'm driving on the freeway Colton just started puking all over! I had to pull over to clean it up as best as I could to make it back home. I called Greg so I could vent and Dallin said, 'Mom are you crying?" And I said, "Um almost...I hate puke!!" That is usually daddy's job.....right honey?


Crazy hair day: Poor Dallin has to deal with the consequences of me not ever having a girl......PIG TAILS!! Hey, don't judge me...it's not very often that I put pigtails in my boys hair. I mean, I just grew Alex's out to look like a woman...and now Dal has had pigtails but it is no BIG deal!! He ended up just wearing it with the black paint....oh, well, at least I got to play for a little bit!! See, this was last year....part of my rebellion I guess!













Wow, SOCCER is running my life! Dal is obsessed with soccer and is actually a great player. May I brag for just a minute? Okay, he plays competitive soccer for the 9 year olds...okay, that's it.....just a proud mommy!! They are undefeated!!! Everyone else can eat our shorts. I'm not a bad soccer mom....okay, so I may be riding a fine line!!


Okay, these videos were just too good to pass up!! This is why I love my life so much! These boys keep me laughing all day long!!!





Just for everyone to know: I have been off coke for an entire week just out of pure "SELF CONTROL"!! I know, amazing. I did sneak one on Saturday just to give my self a reward for going a whole week and I have to admit..I didn't even enjoy it. Even better, I got on the scale yesterday and I am down 7 pounds. No joke people. I'm on my way to skinny heaven!! Don't worry, I won't enjoy it too much!!

Funny Greg story: we had all the teachers over that Greg works with on Saturday to play games. Greg gets just a little competitive...and a lot obnoxious when he plays games. He was trying to explain this game and said you have to get people to guess the word by doing P0rn0graphee(I spelled it wrong on purpose to keep out the sickos). Um, excuse us Greg? Not a good game for seminary teachers!! I don't know what word he was trying to use but I'm guessing that wasn't the right one. Oh, well, at least it was a good laugh!! We had such a good time with everyone and I'm so glad that Greg has such a fun faculty!!


Well, time to get back to parenting!!

Flattery

Can't forget what my little Alex said to me last night...

I was singing "I like to move it move it...I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it...I like to MOVE IT!"

Alex then says, "Mom, can we get that movie?"

I said, "you like the movie Madagascar?"

He says, "Yep. You know that lady who has the same boobie's and tummy like yours.. the one on the show who does this."

Um, let me guess..."The freakin HIPPO or whatever the freakin LARGE animal that is?!?!?!"

Oh, yeah..that's what he was talking about. I have a meeting with the therapist tomorrow. (that's a joke people...I'm really going to be fine with my boobies and tummy that just happen to look like a hippos!!)

What did you say?

Wow, it is only 9:00 a.m. and my kids are really cracking me up today. I really have to record it so I don't forget!!

Colton: Poor guy has been sick all weekend and was really sick last night. He is miserable and CRANKY today and I have a feeling we'll be paying for it all day. This morning he wanted a toy..but the problem was Alex already had it. Colton has a way of manipulating the situation..okay, who am I kidding, he beats, punches, and pinches until he gets what he wants. Poor Alex is so tender hearted that he practically is just terrified of the kid and drops the toy and runs. AND STILL...Colton has to still be cranky and walks up to Alex with toy in hand and scratches a 10" gash into the poor kids face. Then the conversation went like this:

Mom: Colton you are not allowed to touch your brother. That makes me angry when you do that.

Colton: But moooom, I had it first.

Mom: No you didn't. Alex had it first and he was so nice to give it to you.

Colton: But mooom, I not haPPPPPy!!

Mom: I'm sorry you're not happy but I'm not happy when you hurt your brother.

Colton: But MOOOOM, I SICK!!!!!

Really,...excuses start this young? I am shocked! I've never had kids who talk before potty training..seriously so this is shocking to me!!!

And then there was Alex:

He has been having horrible nightmares for the last month. I always ask him what he dreamed about and some are really really scary. He usually doesn't remember the all. Well, of course last night he had another one and so I asked him about his dream from last night and this is what he said..:

Mom: Hey buddy, you had another bad dream last night. What was it about?

Alex: Um, you know my dad?

Mom: Yep

Alex: You know my dad?

Mom: Yep

Alex: You know you husband?

Mom: Yep

Alex: Um, he asked another lady to go and get a new house.

I assume this means what I think it means and although it is a dream...Greg will pay for this. :) I had a dream the other night that he took a girl I went to High School with to Prom and bought her a $3.00 sweatshirt (yes 3, not 30) and didn't buy us one. I just remember being really FAT in the dream and although it was a dream..I didn't really need to talk to him the rest of that day!! :)

And then there was Dallin:

This needs no introduction....SERIOUSLY. We are thinking about trying to bottle this self confidence and selling it for good money...although I may keep some for myself!!!

Mom: Hey, Dal a girl at church told me she knows a girl who has a crush on you and chases you at recess. Her name is....!

Dal: UGHHHH! FrEaKy! UGHHH, she freaks me out. She gave me a candy and a love note.

Mom: Did you eat the candy?

Dal: Oh, um yeah. Whoops?

Mom: Haven't I taught you anything? I bet there are a lot of girls that have a crush on you.

Dal: YOU THINK? All of the girls just follow me around everywhere I go at recess. They won't leave me alone. I always say to my buddies...."Dude, can I trade you bodies cause then the girls will leave me alone!"

Mom: YOU SAY WHAT? Dallin!!!!! That is so rude!

I then went on to explain to him why that was rude. NOTE TO SELF: Family Home Evening tonight must be on HUMILITY!!!

In memory of....

So last week Greg's grandpa passed away. This is the first grandparent for Greg to pass away so this was a tender time for Greg. I on the other hand lost my last grandparent 13 years ago and so truly I have adopted Greg's grandparents as my own. Although, it really wasn't a surprise because he had been sick, it is still hard...especially for me...to deal with death. I think I probably cried harder than anyone....TyPiCaL!! I'm a boob fest all the time. ( Greg likes when I'm the other kind of "boob fest"...and I actually have a story to go with that in a minute) Heck I cried when the player from Washington got hurt during the BYU game and they brought his mom out to the field. I thought.."why am I crying so hard?"

Anyways, of course Dal got baptized last Saturday and then first thing on Sunday morning with left for Idaho and drove straight to the family viewing. Greg's brothers came and so although it was a sad time,..it was a blast to be with everyone. Can I say I actually have some great inlaws...especially the outlaw inlaws....(shout out to Mel, Katie, Ryan, and Kerri!!...that is an inside joke and not to be offensive to my inlaws...dont' you wish you knew..okay, I'll tell you!) We took the greatest picture at the funeral of just the outlaw inlaws and it all has to do with the beginning of Greg and Becky. Let me tell: Two days before Greg and I were getting married we were driving down the street and I mentioned how wierd and exciting it was going to be for us to be in the same family pictures...his family was getting family pictures the day before the wedding..right after I went through the temple. He then said, "What are you talking about? You aren't invited to be in my family picture. It's a family picture, so that just means my family." That is when I sidekicked him out of the car...okay, I was nice and polite at the time and so I said, "oh, um okay, please pull over so I can walk home." He didn't get it. He was the first to get married and so they some how missed the part when you get "sealed" in the temple that you become part of the "ETERNAL" family...but, um Okay...whatever. He felt so bad and started saying, "Well it's not me who doesn't want you in the picture..it's my parents." Okay, well um tell them to jump off a freakin cliff and HELLO...so they discussed me not being invited in the picture. Being scared of everything I finally changed my mind about walking home because it was dark and I'd rather be stuck in the car with my soon to be husband in 48 hours than be attaked by whatever psycho is just waiting for Becky Peterson to walk on by. (I'm sure that's how it works) Anyways, I told him he was dead if he said anything to his family because the only thing worse than being not invited into your future family's family picture is having them know that I am upset by it. Of course..he didn't listen and within five minutes he was back apologizing and telling me I was now invited into the family picture...which made it quite akward because they seriously felt pushed into having me in "ONE" picture...seriously and then said,..Okay, now go stand over there until we finish the real family pictures. Everyone had matching sweaters...like same color scheme..except me. AK freakin Ward!! So, because I have a brilliant sense of humor and they like to see me fume...this is still a family joke. So, everytime there is a family picture taken this little story comes up and I insist that they can have their "immediate" family picture taken but that it won't be as pretty if I'm not in it. So, at the funeral I had the greatest idea to have the most gorgeous family picture taken.....JUST THE OUTLAW INLAWS PLEASE. I said everybody out...this one is just for the outlaws. Okay, well actually they did one just with Greg's family and so Melani and I sat taking pictures of just ourselves and then I came up with the idea to just have the outlaws. It was beautiful....just like I thought it would be!!! So, I agree that the immediate family should always have a picture taken...my family does too. But my family was complete opposite because my sisters boyfriend...(who is now my brother in law...shoow) was in all of my wedding picture/family pictures. But, whatever!!! (FYI: No inlaw was hurt in the retelling of this story!!)

(Uncle Brad had all of the kids scared into the corner!!)

Anyways...on to the embarassing story of the week. So, Greg and I went to our Stake Temple night on Friday night. I was so excited and washed all of my clothing and was just oh so prepared. We met up with our bishop and his wife and went in to change together. Um, problem!!! My boobs have jumped up a trillion sizes I guess since the last time I wore that dress. The last couple of times I have rented because I usually don't prepare soon enough to wash and iron my dress. I seriously couldn't get the button to stay buttoned over my blossoming bossoms!!! Crap! We were going to be late and so I went out and said to Stacy.."Um, my dress fits everywhere....EXCEPT for my swollen chest!!" She said, you'll be covered in no time. But then I had to go out and show it to Greg,...(va, va, va, voom!!) and then the bishop knew..atleast that took care of the confession of flashing all the old temple workers. Everyone just laughed..except for me who doesn't think this is funny at all. What happened? So, I bought the dress after I had Dallin and was 30 pounds lighter...shouldn't it last atleast another 10 pounds of crazy weight gain? I guess if I'm going to gain weight the best place to gain it is in my "chest area"..right honey? And to make myself feel better..the dress was a size small...! I still fill lousy. Well here's to big boobs and one exciting night at the temple!!

Alex started preschool and everytime he comes running out to me and screams, "I didn't miss you!!" Sad...I don't want him to be sad and miss me...but atleast miss me!! I am enjoying my couple hours a week with just Colton!! It will be crazy when he starts preschool next year too!!

So, today Greg sent me an email...and we had been discussing things and inside my head I knew we were talking about selling his truck but in one email he wrote something totally random and then said, "I am dying with gas." Well, I automatically thought he meant the "the passing of"..you know...anyways, I ran an errand today and when I got back it smelled as though a bomb had gone off in the house. I nicely asked Greg if he decided to unload on the living room couch and he quickly said, "Um, no..it's Colton!!" I said, "Oh, sure blame the two year old. You're the one who said you were dying with gas today!!" I thought he was going to pee his pants. I guess he was referring to "gas" that you put in your cars...you know, the price of gas was killing him and all day I was so disturbed that he would randomly share with me that he was holding in the wind today!!! (or not holding it in...I'd rather not know) Sometimes we read each others minds and other times I wonder how we ever even carry on the same conversation.

The other day I heard this little voice saying, "help me....PLEASE help me!" I went to the stairs to find Cowboy Colton trying with is might to bring his little bouncing donkey up the stairs. I just had to take a picture because he was so cute!! (Don't mind his army pajama top with his reindeer pajama bottoms..oh and his cowboy hat is backwards.)

Well, onto another week.