When you‘re a bald, middle-aged chick people stare at you constantly, even in the progressive San Francisco Bay Area. It really sucks.

Four years ago I was completely bald and I had just finished 18 weeks of chemotherapy for advanced stage ovarian cancer. Today’s my four year cancerversary so thinking about being bald has been on my mind.

I became a  highly talented starer when I had ovarian cancer.  I had 18 weeks to practice the art of staring people down. I’m not an aggressive person, but every time I saw someone staring at my bald head, I would make my face go intentionally blank. Then I would think to myself, “you wanna fuck with me, go ahead” and it worked!!!   I made myself a wall of steel. I wouldn’t let the stares of compassion or pity penetrate my soul.  It didn’t matter who was doing the staring, kids or adults, I gave everyone the same blank look.  That was my secret for going out in public without crumbling into a tear-filled mess

Wigging out and hats off!!!

My decision to rock the bald look was highly personal.  You might be wondering why I didn’t just wear a hat or a wig.

1. I found wearing a wig was  uncomfortable and very, very itchy, while  I rocked a blond wig once in a while,  I preferred wearing a hat, especially at work.
2. I never had the confidence to go bald at work, but I wish I had.  I didn’t want to make my co-workers uncomfortable so I just didn’t do it.

In public, while I sometimes wore a hat, I preferred being bald. I liked the way my head felt. I felt free. I felt unburdened.  Plus,  I wanted to set an example for other bald women, be it from cancer  or from other hair-challenged issues.

The hair issue among the cancer community is non-judgy and highly personal.

Some people who are being treated for cancer never go out in public without a wig or hat. Most feel uncomfortable being bald in public places and I completely understand and sympathize with them.

You can be super cool!!!

Wanna keep your hair during chemo?  Wear a cold cap. Pay $2,500 and you get a series of caps to wear during chemo. The cold cap is designed to freeze your hair follicles and wearing the cap prevents your hair from failing out. For me, this never seemed like a good option.  It’s expensive, and I figured my hair would eventually grow back.  But some women swear by them and feel strongly about keeping their hair and cool caps work.

Today’s a bittersweet day for me. I’m healthy. For now I’m cancer-free. But many women (and men) aren’t. They have faced very hard and very sad struggles staying cancer-free. They have had multiple chemos and many, many bad days.

Or even worse. They have lost their fights.

May their memories be a blessing.