For the Centers for Spiritual Living the month of May’s topic has been Divine Doubt and Reverend Theresa Fieberts has given some thought provoking talks. She asked us to consider “doubt” in our lives and where we stand, etc. which has had me pondering where doubt lives in the space of greater calm and equilibrium in which I’ve been living.

So much of my life before the spiritual path — and in its first years — was spent not just in doubt, but questioning every decision to the point of massive angst. So when Rev Theresa asked us to think about doubt I realized it works really differently now.

While doubt is still present, it arrives less often — and is really more likely to happen if I’m really tired and my head starts spinning about something like whether I’m going to have granola or a bagel for breakfast. Big expenditures are probably the main place where doubt takes over and, because it’s a huge multi-generational family habit, I’m finding that one hard to shake.

But most of the time, as I progress ever more into “living in the flow”, when I realize I’m letting doubt take over, I stop, take a breath and tune in. The more I turn the decision over to the higher self/inner voice the more likely a very strong answer falls in place. About as often as not the answer presents a choice I wasn’t even considering.

I’m especially loving how well it works in a lot of small places. My mind often decides on a plan full of “shoulds” for the day. Some part of me drags about the plan. I tune in and a different plan which at the least changes the order of mine, at most presents an alternate set of things to do, is announced. Following the inner plan leads to a day in which more things get done while I feel more relaxed at the end.

Doubt now is more… quiet. When I can stay mindful enough to notice its presence and tune in for the answer I know comes from higher consciousness, it’s easy to move from doubt to a place of certainty about the next step.

Overall I’ve also moved into a space where I feel a general calm about larger issues. I follow what’s happening in politics and government and do all I can to be sure I’m helping wherever possible to make sure the authoritarians don’t win but I’m rarely caught up in feeling panicked because for quite a while I’ve had a deep sense we’re just watching the last throes of resistance to the times of love and compassion toward which we’re moving.

Even “tanks bottom” warnings, while leading me to prep, don’t have me in constant worry, just aware of possibilities and set to ride out the possible downward spiral. Such a change from the reaction I’d once have had to the studies on the looming tanks bottom impact.

It’s been fun as I hit this moment of recognizing how very far my spiritual journey has brought me to add in thoughts about doubt in my life and how it’s changed.