I heard a funny story which I wanted to share with you. It concerns my dad from a time before I was born, even before Jess was born, when he and mom were buying their first home together.
They had been living in a rented place in Birmingham but apparently although the flat itself was nice and it was by a small boating lake so the view was great, it was in the middle of a rather rough neighbourhood. Following a few shootings and stabbings in the streets around them, dad said “c’mon, time we moved.”
They went to Tamworth which was where my dad was brought up and bought a nice little flat together. Mom decided she didn’t like the existing decor so she decided to paint it magnolia. The previous owners said they would leave their sofa behind so she had somewhere to sit while decorating; very kind of them. When the decorating was finished they decided to throw out this big old leather sofa and buy new furniture. It was then they realised why the previous owners had left it behind: it was too big to fit through the door! Dad tried turning it one way then another but it was not getting through. Eventually he told mom he was going to phone his friend to help him.
That afternoon mom had gone out and dad’s friend Gus arrived in his van. Gus mocked dad for not being able to do it himself. Dad told him that if he was so clever he’d have no problem getting it out. Gus turned it one way then another but it was not going through the door. It was way too big to go through the window too. Gus scratched his head, “How did they get it in here?” Dad wondered if they had actually built the complex around the sofa, “maybe it’s always been here.”
Gus is a roofer by trade so he has an array of tools on his van. He left the flat with a determined stride and returned with a still saw – a circular saw with a petrol motor used to cut roof tiles, bricks, concrete whatever. Gus pulled the cord and it roared into life, he roared too: “Right then, now it’s having it” This had become personal, Gus would not be defied by furniture! Dad asked if this was a good idea but it was too late.
As the saw ripped through the sofa the stuffing caught fire, thick smoke began filling the room at such an alarming rate that dad could no longer see Gus, but he could hear him laughing manically over the noise of the screaming saw. The acrid smoke was choking dad as he stumbled blindly across the living room looking for the window. He was worried that the new neighbours would be soon calling the fire brigade.
Eventually the smoke cleared and Gus stood there triumphantly holding the still smouldering sofa arm, “There, simple when you know what you’re doing,” he declared. They wrestled the remains of the sofa outside and threw water over it to make sure the building would be safe before returning to the living room. It was then they realised that the saw had a leak and oil had sprayed up the freshly painted living room wall…..!