cat rescue | bonesdiary

Hiya!

Yesterday I went through a list of cats that really get up my nose, I hope you enjoyed reading it and I hope it served as a reminder of just how annoying cats can be, both on tv and in real life.

I mentioned yesterday how I have left the world’s two most pointless cats out of it: Raffles and Milly. I thought I’d show you a couple of photos of the sort of creatures they are.

Milly

This is Milly, a scruffy and skinny common moggy. Brought up in a Birmingham bin she learned to scavenge from an early age and as such obviously cannot be trusted.

As a cat she has no interest in running to fetch a thrown stick or ball and doesn’t seem to want to go for a walk – so why have a cat in the first place? She just follows dad around and sleeps all day. A pointless waste of fur if you ask me.

I’m shocked that dad seems so fond of her, I think she’s ignorant and rude. She’s probably got fleas too.

Raffles

The other pain under the tail is the ginger good-for-nothing Raffles.

This is not the sort of cat you’d want to meet in a dark alley. As I have mentioned in a previous post, me and Raffles got off on the wrong paw from the first moment we met. Jess and Alf seem to think that Raffles is some kind of king of cats but I’m not impressed, it takes more than a big lump like that to get me scared.

Mom says that Raffles is handsome, but come on, look at that face, have you ever seen a more evil glint in an eye?

I’m a growing lad and one day me and Raffles are going to have a reckoning. I’m not sure if the house will still be standing when we’re finished but I promise you this: only one of us will still be standing!

Let me tell you a sad story that Alfie told me. It concerns one of the cats that live here, I’ve told you about the monster Raffles, well this is about the other one Milly: the skinny black and white thing.
Apparently she is the eldest resident, mom and dad had her when they lived in a different house, in a different town. If what Alfie says is true of course, you never can tell with that joker. So here goes:
Back in the day, mom and dad had differing views on having pets, mom wanted one but dad didn’t. For some reason (and God only knows why) mom wanted a cat; dad was dead against it – he didn’t much care for cats. He said “If a cat moves in, I move out”, and that was that.
Now mom had a friend who was living on the other side of Birmingham and she rang to say she had found a cat in her dustbin; how it ended up there I don’t know, some stupid skin had abandoned it and it crawled in to get out of the cold? Or maybe some evil skin had dumped it in the bin. Why would anybody do something so…… ah words fail me! I don’t like cats, that’s not by choice – I’m a dog it’s just the way it is, but I wouldn’t wish them any harm. Mom’s friend couldn’t take this cat in for long because her own cat Boris was a big, bad bruiser and wouldn’t allow another cat in the house. So now moms saying to dad “shall we have this cat?” Dad’s not having any of it, so mom being a bit devious, asked if they could at least pop across and have a look. Dad has trouble saying no to mom so he relented.
They drove over there and went in, there’s this little black and white ball curled up under the table. That’s when the real emotional blackmail started, now there was two of them going at him, mom and her friend in either ear: “oh but look how cute she is, she’s got nobody else, what will become of her?” In the end, and against his better judgement, he gave in.
Mom’s friend found a cardboard box and put an old blanket in there and mom sat in the back of the car with this cat. As soon as dad started the engine this cat freaked out and went on a mad circuit of the inside of the car at a high rate of knots. She ended up in the driver’s footwell before climbing up dads legs, digging her claws in. Finally she curled up in dad’s lap as if that was the only safe place in the whole world. After a while dad put her back in the box and drove home.
They called her Milly and still to this day she’s daddy’s little girl, in fact it’s rare that she lets mom give her much fuss; I don’t understand that, how can anyone refuse fuss? Alf says he heard mom and dad talking about when dad goes to sleep Milly lies on him and goes to sleep too. When he’s out she sits on the stairs waiting for him to come in. Freaky stalker cat!
She never goes outside, apparently she went out a couple of times but didn’t like it, I suppose getting abandoned does that to you, she just likes to lounge around upstairs or play chase with the ginger beast Raffles. At least she knows she’s safe now.
I felt a little bit sorry for her when I heard this story so next time I saw her at the top of the stairs I called up to her to see if she wanted to play. As usual the nose went up in the air, she flicked her tail and walked off like she’s the lady of the manor. Huh, I hate cats!