thoughts on a sunday

•  Confession:  Every Sunday night I sit down at the computer to do this and I kinda hate it.  I have been feeling this way for awhile.  My life is kinda busy and kinda stressful and there are a lot of other things to do and worry about.  But you guys, I CAN"T STOP.  I don't want to stop, but I do.  I love blogging and I hate it.  I am so conflicted.  Can you tell?  I just really get sick thinking of not continuing to keep a record of our life.  So I keep going.  I hope when things calm down a bit I might start loving it again.  

• Sometimes I think I'm crazy to keep blogging during this point in my life.

• Okay, so now that that's out of the way, here we go.  It's probably important for you to know how cute it is that McKay and Ellery say "dreamboat" for everything.  "We're having blueberries?!  Blueberries are my dreamboat!" Dreamboat just means something they totally love.  It is totally my dreamboat when McKay uses the word dreamboat, because that's just funny to hear from a six year old boy.

• Something Ellery has been saying a lot is "alert!"  Like, "Ellery alert, Ellery alert!" when she's getting involved in something you're doing.  Really, anything can cause an alert:  Layla probably is the reason for most of them.

• Lets talk about those two girls for a second.  I am starting to see a beautiful thing growing between them.    Layla somehow adores Ellery no matter what she does to her.  Multiple times a day Ellery will carry her in the most awkward position all around and Layla doesn't seem to mind at all.  But what I've really loved seeing lately is how much Ellery loves taking care of Layla.  She is my number one helper when it comes to keeping Layla safe- which mostly means keeping little things out of her mouth, which means I usually get a "little-thing alert!  Little-thing alert!"  But Elle is completely skilled at fishing those little things out.  She really does love helping with Layla and playing with her and making her happy when she's sad. I am so, so happy that my girls have a sister.  I kind of really love my own, and couldn't imagine not having them, so I'm really glad my girls will experience that.

• So Brian, bless his heart, has been running a lot lately.  He went for a run on Saturday, promising to be home by 10.  He was doing an eight mile trail run and quickly told me the name of the place he was going as he ran out the door just before seven am- so that if he got lost I would know where to look.  By 10:20am I decided to give him a call to see if he was alive.  He answered- still on the trail and all out of breath- and explained that his eight mile run had accidentally turned into a fourteen mile run.  Oops!  I decided not to be mad, it was an accident after all, but I made him promise that he would not be tired and that his run wouldn't affect our day together   You see, when you only really have one full day together, it is not okay if that person tires themselves out in the morning by a long run. I know this, because it has happened before.  So he promised up and down that he would be as awake and alert as ever and he did it.  I didn't think he could, but he lasted until after 11.  He is pretty sore today.   

• This week I was informed by my good friend- an experienced mother of five- that picking out your own clothes is a really big deal in kindergarten.  Her son was shivering in shorts at school, while McKay was wearing brown from head to toe.  They thought they looked great, so that's what matters.  I hope I can remember that always.

• Another thing I learned was that playing chase on the playground is really important also.  We hear stories daily of who was chasing who and who was the leader of what team.  I've seen them play it too- it's serious business.

• We had our ward's trunk-or-treat last night.  There are some flaws with Ellery's wig.  It didn't stay on very well.  I have a plan to fix it, and I really hope it works.  She got lots of attention, but Layla may have gotten more.

• Ellery and Brian got in a huge fight.  It was about riding her bike, Starburst.  It was really important for us that she get over this fear she had of falling.  It took a time out, lots of screaming (from her), a prayer, elbow pads, bribes and finally a promise of playing Pretty Pretty Princess for her to get back on and try again.  She finally did it and hopefully is over her fear.  Brian worried that she would be nine before she would ever try to ride again (this happened to our neighbor) so he really worked hard at getting her back on.  

• I have already eaten way too much sugar this week.  I have been baking and baking and eating and eating.  It's not good.  I made these  for trunk-or-treat and of course we had to make and decorate sugar cookies.  I feel like I giant bag of frosting walking around.

• I am contemplating going off sugar- which I have never, ever contemplated before.  But my teeth hurt when I eat it and I eat it too much and I am kind of addicted to it, I think.  So wouldn't you?

• Brian came home on Friday and we carved pumpkins and decorated cookies.  You wouldnt' know it but Brian is really talented when it comes to free-handed pumpkin carving.   

• Layla loves horses and the other day I caught her playing with a horse in each hand saying "neigh, neigh, neigh" over and over.  It was really, really adorable.  She also is totally into Old McDonald and Wheels on the Bus.  Her little "shhh, shhh, shhh" is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

• When I get her out of her crib lately, she's been showing me everything that she sleeps with before she wants to get out.  I get to see both blankets and her baby and her lamb, and then she tries to grab all of them and take them out with her.  Usually she only manages to bring one blanket.

• For my lesson this week I read Enos.  I kind of really love his story.  My lesson was on loving ourselves so we can serve others, which Enos is a great example of.  He repented and immediately began to pray for the Nephites.  But what I really, really loved that I couldnt' really share with the Beehives, is how Enos had fallen away from the righteous teachings of his father, but remembered when he said "the words which I have often heard my father spake concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart."  Then he prayed for forever and repented, which is a great story.  But that particular part really made me think.  I know I can't control my children, especially when they are grown, but I also know that what I do now can and will make a difference throughout their lives.  By my example and the things that I teach them, no matter what they may chose do to, I know that they can always rely on those teachings wherever they may be in their life.  It makes me want to be more steadfast in being a positive example for them and providing a safe and loving home filled with the Spirit so they might always remember that feeling wherever they are in life.  

• Sometimes I write these little thoughts I have and I worry that everyone is going to be like, I can't believe she hadn't thought of that already.   

• Brian goes to Seattle this week.  He gets to be home for Halloween, which is really nice.  But then he gets to go live in some people's house who he's never even met.  He's staying with a guy's parents, who we had over for dinner once because he just started the program at OHSU- the guy, not the parents.  Anyway, kind of a random connection, but he offered and it is better than finding and paying for his own place to stay.  People are really nice.

• He is continually job hunting.  Talking to a group in Yakima, as well as Twin Falls.  My dream of a Idaho farm might come true...

• I found a new pair of yoga pants to replace my five year old old yoga pants.  It has taken a long time to find a pair I love as much, and now that I have, I feel like life is whole.  I can live again.  It's a good feeling.

• They are from Old Navy, if anyone needs some.

• I know I've written a lot already, but I feel like I really need to talk about my butterfly.  I told you how we had caterpillars who turned into butterflies who we let go, right?  Except for one had a bent wing, so we kept him.  Well, that poor little thing has now lost half of the bent wing-like it broke all the way off- and due to an unfortunate accident involving Layla, has only a front leg on one side and a back leg on the other side.  He is the most pathetic butterfly ever and he can't fly and I don't even know if he's  in pain or not but I cannot get rid of him.  I feel responsible and sorry for him and I am keeping him and feeding him little orange slices everyday and no one else cares about him but me.  A couple days ago I finally realized how ridiculous it was and I really wanted to get rid of the net cage that has been in my kitchen for weeks now, so I let him go outside and told myself that he'd be happy out there.  After about thirty minutes I couldnt' take it anymore and I ran back out there and got him and put him back in his little cage and told him that I never intended to leave him there to die, but that I was just giving him fresh air.  Brian was speechless when he came home and noticed my attachment to this sad butterfly.  You don't have to say it, I already feel crazy.

Happy Sunday!

thoughts on a sunday

Steven's gravestone, as dictated by McKay.

• Our caterpillars finally became butterflies this week.  (forgot to mention we had caterpillars.  they poop a lot).  After enjoying them in the net-cage for a few days, we let them go on Saturday.  Except one of them wouldn't fly.  His wing was bent.  He's nowour newest pet.

• Which is great, because our other pet passed away this morning. . .or three days ago. . .but we just noticed this morning.  His name was Steven.  He was a wooley bear caterpillar.  McKay took really good care of him- feeding him grass everyday (almost) and making a really nice home for him in a mason jar.  He even held him and played with him quite frequently.  One morning, Steven and McKay woke me up in the morning- in my bed.  We had thought Steven had begun to hibernate already, but McKay discovered that this morning he felt different.  Like, dead different.  So we had a burial.

• At dinner, McKay proclaimed that every body dies and Ellery wondered how her dead grasshopper pet was doing in his watery cage.  She's sure he'll get resurrected.

• McKay scored a goal at his soccer game on Saturday.  

• McKay is driving me crazy with clothes lately.  Somehow, everyone is into dressing themselves.  This is great, but how come they want to wear my least-favorite clothes over everything else?  I swear McKay's favorites are the ones I hate.  Anyway, he's also really fussy about his pants.  He only wants to wear jeans, and he doesn't have enough jeans to wear a pair every day.  So we either fight about wearing other pants, or he will dig a pair of jeans out of the dirty clothes and proudly go off to school.  Usually it's the latter that happens.  Also, he's obsessed with socks.

• Ellery's devotion to dresses and skirts has gone to a whole new level, as she is completely boycotting leggings and tights of any kind.  

• Layla started walking this week.  I figured I should start encouraging her to walk by holding her hand as she practiced, instead of  carryign her everywhere.  But before I could even do that too much, one day she just started doing it.  She still falls after she walks a bit, but she can walk across the room and start, stop and get up by herself.  

• There is nothing cuter than a baby who just learned to walk.

• Guess what else she learned to do?  Speak German.  I don't actually know German, so I don't know what she's saying, but I know that's what it sounds like.  

• Another noteworthy tidbit about miss Layla Ann:  She had her first tantrum on Saturday morning.  She woke up crying, so I got her and she wouldn't stop crying.  Then batting her fists at me.  I tried milk, books, snuggling, blankets, souci- all the tricks- and she either twisted like an alligator or threw them. McKay came down and I thought he might cheer her up, because he usually does.  Nope.  She hit him repeatedly, directly, and forcefully.  She has never done any of this before.  Finally, after just watching her twist around scream on the floor for awhile, Ellery came down.  I made a big deal as Elle glided down the stairs towards her, and somehow, that is what got her to stop. Ellery gave her a hug and kiss and we quickly got some books going and read book after book until there were no sobs in between.  I kind of loved this tantrum, and I don't even know what it was about.

• We went to the farmer's market this week, perhaps for the last time ever.  I tried not to think about that and just enjoy the sights, smells and tastes.  We enjoyed kettle corn, as always, as well as some pears, pitas, and broccoli.  

• Lets talk about the weather.  I am so happy with Portland right now.  You see, we have had Utah-like Fall weather this wee.  A little chill, mostly sunny, but sometimes cloudy, and yellow and orange leaves blowing all over the grass and streets.  I am so happy I got a taste of this weather because sometimes Portland skips important weather transitions like this and then I go crazy.
• Brian is so silly when it comes to running shoes.  He took his jar full of change and cashed it in to buy a new pair (again!?) of trail running shoes, because, you know, you really need both.  I was mad that he dumped a huge jar of change on my bed, but then when I saw him counting out his little piles of money I thought it was kind of cute, and my heart was softened for the trail shoes.  

• Just so you know, I did not make him use his change to buy these shoes.  If you remember last week he bought new running shoes.  Newer new running shoes were not an option on our budget, so he had to get creative.

• Ellery has had a mishap on her new bike.  Did I tell you about her bike?  Probably not.  She got a bike for her birthday, named Starburst (she's into naming things) and for the first day she loved it and felt like a hot shot zipping around on Starburst.  Then, she stopped paying attention and fell off.  Since we had to go somewhere right when this happened, she was not able to get back on and try again until two days had passed.  By then, fear of falling had taken root in her bike-riding soul and she is not interested in Starburst at all.  She is afraid.  We are frustrated.  

• Often times, when I ask Ellery to do something, she replies with, "sure".  I sure love it.

• Today was the primary program.  McKay did awesome on his part- memorized it and everything.  Ellery memorized hers, but I think maybe the sunbeams said it all together at some discreet time, because I never heard her say it.  I don't know if she sang a word either.  She still looked cute sitting up there being a little sunbeam.

• Brian has come and gone.  I thought it would be easier when he was here in Oregon, to be apart.  It is easier in a lot of ways- like with me taking care of the kids on my own.  Maybe I'm getting used to doing it on my own, but that part isn't as hard as it was.  It also helps being in the same time zone.  What is harder though is having him come and just when we're getting used to being together again, he has to leave.  It's heartbreaking to say goodbye to him each Sunday night.  I hate it.  The kids hate it.  I feel like crying when I say goodbye, but I can't because I know I have two little people laying in their beds needing me to hold it together because they are having a hard time holding it together.  Sunday nights they lay in bed for several hours trying not to be sad and feeling who knows what.  I honestly wonder if I should talk to them more about what is going on.  I do tell them that this is a hard time and it's just something we have to do for a little bit longer until dad is done with school.  And then we usually focus on Disneyland.  The idea of going to Disneyland is literally saving their happiness right now on these yucky Sunday nights.  Disneyland better not disappoint these kids, because we have a lot invested already.

• I feel like I'm sick of complaining. . .or even just talking about Brian being gone on my blog, so I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing it too.  It's just hard to not talk about it though.  It's really hard not being able to live together.  You'd think that he'd come home and we'd be all happy and everything would be perfect for the few days we have together, but it's not always like that.  There is a lot of stress, adjusting, and confusion going on and it's just not that easy to put those feelings aside.  We did have a lovely weekend, but it's just hard to keep doing this over and over and over.  I'm completely sick of it.  

• Also, it's looking like we might be moving anywhere now.  At first we kind of thought we'd like to stay in Oregon, or go back to Utah.  Now, we're looking all over the west coast for jobs and who knows where we'll end up.  This is making me crazy.  I could almost cry thinking about leaving our house, ward, neighborhood, area, friends, and schools.  At this point, staying in this same spot in Oregon, even if we do stay in Oregon, is extremely unlikely.  This is an opportunity to look forward to the next adventure. . .but it's so hard thinking about moving my kids away from all that they know.  And change is hard.  

• I got kind of depressing at the end there, didn't I?  Does this help?  How cute are my twinner girls?  I have really taken to dressing them the same for church.  I figure I should do it while they still think it's cool.  What is Layla's face?  It's the best I could get.

Well, happy Sunday anyway!

newport

We tagged along to Newport for Brian's first week of clinicals down there.  I am so glad we did.  It was expensive, yes, and technically, due to unexpectedly having the first two days off, we didn't really need to do it after all. . .but we didnt' know that until we got there, and I'm still glad we went.

It was a great time to reconnect as a family.  We needed it.  It was a good week for us.

Out of the dozens and dozens of pictures I took, this wins as my favorite.  About to go off on a sea creature hunt.  

And this is my second favorite.  Brian and I laugh about how uncharacteristic it is of me to love seeing wildlife so much.  Brian says I'm in my element when I'm doing things like this with my kids.  It's kind of silly, but I really do love it, and so do the kids, and so together we made a really great team.  We even caught a crab with our nets from the dollar store.  

Other highlights of the trip:

-the beautiful scenery- the Oregon coast is gorgeous.

-Seeing wooly bear caterpillars

-going to the tidepools, which have been covered with sand from the ocean

-Layla getting excited to see the seals

-our crab.  had to talk Mack out of wanting to smash him or keep him.

-visiting the sea lions on the pier.  stinky, loud and gross, but somehow fascinating.  

-looking for starfish with Elle off the pier in the water.  we found a ton.  she liked the pink ones.

-pink starfish are much prettier than stinky boy sea lions, according to Elle.

-we knew they were all boys because someone told us that all the girls stay in California.

-eating clam chowder and fish-n-chips at the local restaurants

-going to the science center (aquarium)

-browsing at the pirate plunder mall

-Elle picked an ornate hand-held mirror

-Mack searched and searched and after two days, finally settled on a shark tooth

-visiting the light house.

-McKay and Brian climbed to the very top.

-Elle, Layes and I waited outside and enjoyed the ocean views

-having meals around our hotel room table

-Layla taking two naps a day, even though we were all in the same room

-mostly due to an ingenious idea of Brian's to cover her crib with the heavy curtain (see below)

-snuggling with Brian in bed each night at 8pm, sharing ear buds to watch movies and tv while the kids slept.

-picnic in the park.  feeding the crows and blue jays our leftovers.

-swimming with dad in the most chlorinated pool ever.  ever.

-Elle's swimsuit being bleached and her hair straw-like because of said chlorine.  gross.

-walking to the candy store.  Mack: mini jawbreakers, Elle: chocolate rocks.

-playing legos in the bathroom while Layla naps

-Ellery, being Grammy, giving a much anticipated birth to a dog (?)

-wasting time at McDonald's playland while Brian worked.

-Driving to the Lincoln City outlets to waste more time.

-stopping to get sand at the most lovely little beach in Lincoln City.

-unexpectedly playing in the sand and collecting shells and lovely beach.

-Layla loved this and was covered with sand.

-Ellery found a whole "clam" on lovely beach.  a prized treasure in our house.

McKay once again wants to live in Newport.  Fortunately for him, that is not such an unrealistic idea. . .one day maybe.

utah highlights

I was so happy to be in Utah for several weeks in August.  

Here are a few of the highlights of our trip. . .at least the ones I have pictures of:

Nintendo. . .especially when Grandad would play.

                                                          

Listening to Steamboat Willy. . .again. . .and again. . .

  Homemade bread at Grandma's, or in this case, letters.

                                                      

    Playing with Sharp and Silas.  

                                                                    

Dressing up.  I love this pictures and I love this outfit.

Somehow this pic didn't make it in her birthday post. . .had to share it.

Opening his remote control car- a present from dad.

Playing with it on the golf course at Grammy and Poppy's.  

We also loved the thunder storms we got to watch out the windows.  

     A special birthday party at Grammy and Poppy's-

including happy birthday noodles!

Two big babies in a pool. . .fully clothed.  

Utah summers are the best.  Loved being outside.  Loved the sunshine.

Really loved this little lady.  The kids loved reading "just one more book" with her.  

Catching up with Liz and Mel and seeing their cute babies.  

Halle screaming on the table still makes me smile. :)

And perhaps the most important thing of all.  Shaved ice!  The four of us went several times.  Naturally, I had to get Ellery the flavor called Barbie and guess what?  New favorite!  Cotton candy and marshmallow.  Delish!


There is a lot more that happened. . .but it's been so long that I can't remember anymore.
So this is all I've got!

a little brag about some big hair

Many of you know that I have been working on this baby for the last little bit.  I'm happy to report- the wig is done!  And I also am happy to brag a little.  You see, I didn't think I could do something like this by myself. But I did.  All by myself.  I didn't have help from anyone.  I combined several tutorials that I found online, and even did a few adjustments of my own and it turned out exactly how I wanted it to.  Now, that never happens to me!  And that's why I wanted to tell everyone about it.

Layla was my model today, but we all know who this wig is really for.  Ellery has been waiting anxiously for her Rapunzel hair to be done for about four weeks- when I first brought home a huge ball of yarn and told her what it would one day become.  She is now wearing it daily and as happy as can be.  

And guess what?  Halloween is in ten days and we're done!  Yay!

and we're walking. . .

since Wednesday. . .

Kind of.   Sort of.

Ellery's Birthday Interview ~ Three

Elle's answers in purple.  Notes from the editor in orange.

• What are some things you like to do?  Play games.  Candyland and Pretty, Pretty Princess.  I like to play with my mommy and baby sister and my daddy too, and McKay.  I love to go to my Grandma and Grammy's house.  I love those guys so much.  (It's all about princesses.  She loves to play with the little princess figures or any other figures.  She usually has one in each hand at ALL times.)

• What sports do you like?  Soccer.  I played it with Layla once.    ("Soccer is for boys, not girls."  We have some work to do in the sports department with this one!)

• What things do you like to do around the house?  Clean up.  I like to pick flowers.    (She never takes pictures.  She does love to run around, and dance all over the house.)

• What are some of your favorite foods?  Flowers- haha, no!  I like grilled cheese and tia's.  (She does love quesadillas, and this girl eats carrots like it's no one's business.)

• What are foods that you don't like?  Grease and yucky water that has dirt in it.    (Even though she can now tolerate cow's milk, she wants no part of is.  Maybe it's all the times we said, "Cow milk hurts your tummy."  It's rice milk or nothing for Elle.)

• What do you like to wear?  Dresses.  (She hardly goes a day without wearing a skirt.  If she's wearing pants she'll want to change half way through the day into a skirt.  If she's listening to Taylor Swift or sees a princess on tv, she will NEED to wear her fancy Easter dress.)

• What’s your favorite color?  Light pink!

• Where are some of your favorite places to go?  Disneyland.

• What things make you happy?  Sharing and stuff.  

• What makes you sad?  Not sharing and stuff.  

• What do you do when you are sad?   I go tell momma.  (Um, usually she just cries or wants to snuggle.)

• What do you do when you are mad?  with hands on hips say,"I don't want to!"

• Who are your best friends?  Kenna and Kenzi.

• What are your favorite movies or TV shows?    My princess movies.  (She's never seen Aladdin.  Caillou is her favorite show on tv.)

• What are your favorite books?  The princess books.  And Barbie books. 

• What do you want to be when you grow up?  Be a little momma.  (She's always talking about when she's a little momma.  Based on her interests though, she'd like to be a ballerina or a princess.)

• If you were an animal, what one would you be?  A princess named Golly.  (No Elle, what animal?)  Like a princess!  Golly!  (Okay, fine.)

• Who is your hero?  Golly.  (Elle, what about a real person?)  Um, McKay.  (Most definitely true.  She loves her older brother so much and is constantly copying everything he does, as well as bragging about him to just about anyone.  "My brother can tie his shoes!")

thoughts on a sunday

Rapunzel blowing our her candles.  You may not have noticed, but that's a ponytail-braid-bun in her hair.  It was a special request from Rapunzel herself and she thinks it's the most beautiful hair combination ever.  

• We spent most of this last week in Newport with Brian.  The weather was wonderful, which was a very lucky thing, and we all had fun being together.  McKay still wants to live there.

• McKay lost his first tooth while we were sitting at dinner on our way down.  He was shocked- we all were- and it was very exciting.  He's acting like he's about fifteen now, and the toothfairy needed to act fast because we were on vacation and she hadn't anticipated a tooth under a hotel room pillow.

• It's no secret that I am addicted to cherry chapstick.  Ellery hates the smell of it.  Every time I get close to her after putting it on my lips, she gives me this disapproving look and says, "Moooom!  I don't like your chapstick smell," in a little sing-songy voice.

• McKay was having a hard time saying goodbye to Brian tonight.  He was pretty sad that he had to leave again.  Brian helped put them to bed and just as we were tucking them in, McKay's sad face lit up and he ran out of the room, only to come back with Brian's pillow.  Somehow, he started sleeping with it while Brian was in Florida, and he was excited to get it back.  I guess that's one good thing about him leaving.  McKay said that when dad's here, he's happy, and when dad's gone, he's happy to have his pillow because it reminds him of him.  Awwww.

• I swear Layla took six steps today in the mother's lounge at church.  Don't worry, I wasn't feeding her in there, I was changing her diaper.  And then we sat down on the floor and hung out and I listened over the speaker and I think I really love sacrament meeting that way.  I might make it a regular thing.  She wasn't bothering anybody, we practiced walking, and I just sat there and listened while she climbed around.  

• Sometimes I think the brand-new-mother Sarah would be freaking out that her almost fourteen month old baby is not walking yet.  Luckily, I'm not her anymore, and I'm not freaking out at all.  Besides, I think she's pretty close.

• I finally stopped nursing that big, old, almost fourteen month old baby on Friday.  It's almost like she doesn't even care.  I am trying not to feel sad about this.

• We celebrated Ellery's birthday on Saturday, so Brian would be around for it.  McKay is almost about to die because we let Ellery think it was her actual birthday, but he knows that it's really on Tuesday.  So he wants so bad to explain it to her, but we've just been telling him to let it be.  She keeps saying she's four and he keeps going crazy because she's not, yet.

• She is so easy to please.  She was so grateful for everything we did and repeatedly said, "Thank you for my party." all day long.  It was so cute.  What a sweet girl.

• Layla has been teething for what feels like two months, but really has just been the last two weeks.  She has had a horrible diaper rash due to some pretty constant diarrhea and she's just not been herself.  But the very worst thing about it has been her lack of appetite.  You'd think I've never had a teething baby before, but I am so upset that she isn't eating.  Seriously, some meals she eats like a cracker and that's all.  Tonight she ate a ton of dinner, so hopefully her appetite is coming back and I can stop going crazy.  I may not be freaking out over her walking, but I am still paranoid at other things, like this.

• This week was the Fun Run at McKay's school.  Brian was able to go and volunteer to help out and watch McKay.  McKay had fun and did awesome.  Brian was so impressed with his determination and drive to keep running laps for half an hour.  He never rested, he never stopped, he never walked.  Brian thought he might pass out he was running so hard at the end.  We have no idea where or why this determination hit him so hard, but he was working.  Brian was so proud of him, but it created quite a controversy at our house.  You see, McKay ran the most laps in his class, and the kid who ran the most laps, got recognized and awarded a water bottle from the local bank.  But the trouble is, whoever looked to see who the winner was, miscounted and another boy won.  McKay ran 33 laps and the boy who won ran 28.  McKay had no idea, but Brian knew how many he had run and knew that he should have won.  It was almost painful for Brian to not see little Mack get the experience of being recognized for working so hard.  He didn't know if he should say something, or just let it go.  He could do neither.  He came home and was really bothered by the whole thing.  It took him the whole rest of the day to get over it.  He wanted McKay to realize what can happen when you work hard for something, and knew that McKay would have been so thrilled to have ran the farthest.  Oh well, we're still proud of our little runner.     

• Speaking of running, Brian got a new pair of snobby running shoes.  They are fancy and expensive and the brightest green you ever did see!  He really loves them, as he does most of his running shoes, and the first day he got them I kept catching him looking at them on his feet as he walked around the house.  I'm starting to realize that he gets very enthralled with certain items.  It was his sleeping bag and pads, and now it's these shoes.  

• He is training for a half marathon next month.  It's been a long time since he's run an actual race.  He just hasn't been able to train or be around for any.  He misses races a lot, and I'm happy that he is so happy about his upcoming race and his new shoes.  He ran 10 miles on Saturday- I think he's ready!

• This seems like a good time to tell you about how I went to the dentist on Monday.  First, in Oregon NO ONE has laughing gas- at least not the many dentists that I have been to here.  This is very sad for me.  Second, I have THE WORST teeth.  Third, I am still recovering from the work I had done.  Words like "monster," "ginormous," and "exhausted" were all uttered by my dentist.  He's a funny man, and if I didn't like him so much, I would be totally offended at him saying these words in regards to my mouth.  And finally, fourth, I need about five crowns in the near future- as soon as we have insurance that covers them, and a job to pay for the rest.  Brian thinks I should just go ahead and get dentures.  I told him he wouldn't like waking up next to me with no teeth in the mornings.  We're going to be saving up for those crowns.

• For the record, and so no one is completely grossed out, I had no new cavities.  All the work I had done this time was from past work that just needs to be re-done.  Maybe that grosses you out even more?  

• I try not to get mad at my parents for my teeth, but really, who else is there to blame?  

• I guess I'm a little to blame.

• I love you mom and dad, despite our sad teeth.

Happy Sunday!

rest in peace, tampa

If you were wondering if we will ever move to Florida, I can tell you right now that will never happen.  You might then wonder if we will ever vacation there?  According to Brian, that will never happen either.   I have no offenses or objections to the state, after all, it's where my parents met and fell in love.  Were it not for Florida, I wouldn't even exist.  But Brian developed a pretty strong aversion to all things Florida, so I would probably have to go without him.  

He's very glad to be back in the Pacific Northwest.  It's cool, it's not humid (compared) and he has a family and a car here.  All of which he was lacking in Tampa.  

He did spend eight weeks there, and we texted so much that I went $20 over on my phone bill.  Here are a few of pics he shared with me while he was away.  I think it's important that we don't forget the following:

"The Shack"

Not-so-lovingly named that by fellow students who had gone before him.  That redish house on the left is it, except only half of it made up "The Shack".  The other half was someone else's shack.

Now, it doesn't look so bad to me from the outside, but I know it was small, awkward, dirty and pretty bare bones as far as basic commodities go.  

The Roaches

One night, we were talking on the phone.  In the middle of our conversation, all the sudden, I hear a rustling  sound and then what sounds like the phone being thrown across the room.  Then nothing.  Silence.  

I called Brian's name, but again, nothing.  I pretty much thought he had been shot or kidnapped or something, so I tried to call him back several times.  No answer.  I decided not to call the police, but just wait it out, when my phone rang a couple minutes later.  

I guess I would jump up and throw my phone against the wall in a panic too if that ugly guy was crawling up my leg, while I was in bed.  Poor Brian.  He had to believe that since he had only seen them in the kitchen area, that they weren't in his bedroom.  He felt safe when he closed the door, knowing they were far away.  We all know that's not true, and I'm sure deep down he did too.  But that's why it was so disturbing to find this guy in his bed, with only a week left.  

Just in case you're wondering, to avoid the crunch, Brian turned to a can of bug spray and would spray them to death.  

  

The Cruiser

There were two.  This was the black one, which he favored.  Have I given you the visual of him riding home from the grocery store?  If I have, that's okay because it's always good to think of it again.  Picture him on this bike, with a backpack full of food, a bag of tortilla chips strapped to the outside, with two grocery bags on each arm,. hoisted up to his shoulders.  Then cruisin'.  Just cruisin' along home.

He rode to and from work on this bike.  He got lots of flat tires on both bikes.  He rode through torrential downpours on this bike.  He does not miss this bike.

Luckily, two other students in his program were there at the same time.  They rented a car, and would give him rides when they could.  At first I was pretty bummed that he was assigned to go to Tampa with two girls from his program.  I thought it would have been better to be with guys.  But he got to know Julie and her husband, who was there too, quite well and they took care of him and were sensitive to his situation (their's was much better, because they paid for it).  Bri and Matt, the husband, would go on man dates with Matt's  little daughter in tow.  It was a good thing.

The Lizards

Not as bad as the roaches, but still infesting the shack, and getting squished while riding the cruiser.  Can you see it in there?  This picture was sent for McKay, because he thought living with lizards would be awesome.

The Work

He really didn't enjoy working at this hospital.  The  people were horrible, the language was horrible, and the  hours were long.  It was not a positive, supportive place for students to work.

But look at all those hangy things!  He was in charge of all of those.  If I remember right, this was a liver transplant.  Pretty crazy.  Sometimes I forget how much stuff he knows and what an important job he has, as far as keeping people alive!  He just keeps people alive, no big deal.

So that's it.  That's all I've seen of Florida.  I am so proud of him for getting through such a difficult, miserable experience.  And although this is all extremely negative, he did learn and grow as a person from going through this challenge.  But really, there's not much else to say about it. . .except, I will never make him go back. . .at least not to Tampa!

thoughts on a sunday

Last month for my thoughts I posted a picture pretty similar to this one. .  .except this one doesn't have a beef stick, and this one shows a lot more happiness and relief than the other one did.  We are happy.  We are relieved.  Florida is over.

• Yes, Brian is home!  He might not be living in the same house as us all the time, but we are so happy to be in the same state, at the very least.  He goes to Newport on Tuesday,  and I pretty much insisted that we go with him.  McKay has three days off of school, so it just felt like it was meant to happen.  I don't care how much it costs us, we need to be together right now.  So now we have a whole week!  

• Brian survived Florida and I am so proud of him.  It was rough on me, yes, but I think it may have been worse for him.  He did a really, really hard thing for two whole months.  He never plans to return to Florida.  

• It's fun to see how happy the kids are to have him home.  Layla was pretty cold towards him when he said hello in the car the first time, but even just a few minutes into the drive home, she was smiling and acting all amazed that there was a man in our car.  I can't tell if she remembered him or not, but she's totally accepted this man. . .although this morning she was a little shocked again that there was somebody else in my bed.

• We all know that I love my little Layes to pieces, but there is something that I do not love about her.  She refuses to sit in the grocery cart seat, and prefers to hang out in the basket.  That makes it sounds too  nice.  She doesn't "prefer", she climbs, crawls and twists her way out of the seat, so that I have no choice but to put her in the basket.  And as soon as I do she is as happy as can be and kind of wants all the other customers to pay attention to how cool she is.  

• I'm always afraid she's going to fall out of the basket because she acts like it's her own private little room and roams around like a crazy person.  How did we get here?

• For preschool I moved the kids' easel that was in the garage, into the family room.  I think it may have a new home.  I just can't move it out because for the first time since we got it two years ago, they are playing with it, almost daily.  Something about having it out in plain sight, I guess.  McKay will go and practice writing words and letters, and Ellery does some really great abstract art.  Layla even loves to draw. . .but  not as much as she loves to chew pieces off of the eraser.  Anyway, it's red and blue and ugly and it's in my front room!

• That brings me to McKay's writing.  We've been working on birthday thank you notes and at the rate we're going, family, you will probably get them by Christmas.  Anyway, I thought writing thank you's would be a great way for him to practice writing, with a purpose!  I love seeing his mismatched upper and lowercase letters, as well as the varying sizes of each letter and word.  He's totally into putting periods behind every word and no matter how many times I tell him they go at the end, they just keep showing up.

• So a few months back Layla started doing something occasionally and I always forget to mention it.  Sometimes, when I get her up from a nap, I will go in and she will be completely topless.  Somehow she maneuvers her body out of her shirt and just hangs out half nude in her bed.  I have no idea how she does it.
   
• I guess it's time to talk about how I want a mini van.  I am SO sick of our car seat situation.  Since Layla was born, we've had all three kids in the middle row of our car.  It was squishy, and I spent the first year throwing her infant carseat over Ellery to the middle, but it worked.  Now, Layla is in "the throne" and Ellery has graduated to a booster with McKay, and they cannot buckle their seatbelts becacuse it's just too squishy.  Ellery, I love her, but she is pretty helpless when it comes to doing her seat belt.  This really frustrates me.  She tries, I think, but she just hasn't gotten it yet.  So with lack of space and all the buckling, I am ready for more room.  So this week I told Brian that I either needed a mini van or an umbrella stroller, so McKay could fit in the back row with just a little stroller instead of the huge one.  Guess what I'm getting?

• The stroller. 

• The throne is the car seat that we bought McKay, our first born, when he turned one and we were young and stupid.  It is huge, heavy, and luxurious.  

• Ellery loves to tell the general public Layla's name when we are out and about.  

• This weekend we got to go to a baptism of our pretend Oregon cousin, Kari.  Ellery was all enamored with Kari because of her b beautiful white dress and fancy french braid.  She could not wait to get baptized herself someday, as she told me several times during the program.  You know how they always invite the kids to go up to the font to get a better look?  Well, my kids went up and watched the baptism.  As soon as they came back to sit by me, Ellery had a panicked look on her face and practically yelled to me, "I DO NOT want to get baptized!  I DO NOT want to get in that water!"  At least she has a few years...

• McKay was also quite taken with Kari, except his fascination came with the picture on her baptism invitation.  She was in her dress all beautiful and fancy, and McKay carried it around for a whole day.  I think I even saw Kari get a peck or two.  Oh dear.

Happy Sunday!

what she sees

When Ellery gave me this picture (several months ago) that she colored in primary, I had to smile.  The little girl and flowers colored purple. . .and nothing else.  

I wouldn't expect anything different from my girl.  

This picture is just so her.  She sees beauty all around her and is naturally attracted to it.  

Also, I have to wonder if snuggling with Jesus was discussed in this lesson because I've been hearing a lot about that lately.  She says he's good at it.  

I love this picture.

thoughts on a sunday

I know this is not the cutest picture, but  I really love it.  First, look at that lady bug.  She is a little scandalous because that is like a 2T, but I'm sure she likes it that way.  Also, that wild hair?  Totally typical of everyday for her.  Love Layla sitting in the bin behind her and love that she's holding her little pumpkin that she picked out at the store.  Don't really love remembering the mess she made and how she wouldn't clean it up...

• It's always a struggle to get the kids to clean up their room if they've made a big mess.  The other day I had instructed them to not come out of their room until it was all cleaned up.  They were pretty upset because their room was really messy.  They tried all they could think of to get me to help (meaning I would end up doing most of it, of course) but I was busy with something else, so they were on their own.  As I was listening to them from the other room I heard McKay start to pray. He asked that they could clean up good and clean up fast.  Then McKay started singing I am a Child of God and in no time they were both belting it out as they ran around the house putting all their things away.  Finally, they came in to show me what they'd done.  They led me into their room and they had done a great job.  Then Ellery said to me, "Mom.  God is the best guy.  Do you know how we cleaned up?  God helped us.  We sang I am a Child of God and so he helped us."

• Although I feel like I am failing at countless things, I guess trying to teach my kids to pray is paying off at the moment.  When the kids were in bed and missing Brian, McKay yelled out, "Mom.  Do you know what Ellery just did?  It was so good.  She said a prayer and it was so long.  She blessed dad and asked that we wouldn't be sad and it was just the best prayer I ever heard."  Aw, precious.

• Ellery is struggling right now.  Or I'm struggling with Ellery.  Or we're both struggling and so together we're lethal.  Any way you look at it, this girl is going through some stuff.  She is whiney, stubborn, hitting, argumentative, disobedient and doing little tiny pees in her underwear about every day. . .sometimes twice!  I  guess she's not always like this, but a lot more than any of us are used to.  I am trying hard to be patient with her, but my patience is just about on empty.  She's probably mirroring my behavior anyway- besides the hitting and peeing.  I wish I had more patience with her.  I'm glad we only have six days until Brian gets home, but at this point I'm wondering if we're ever going to make it.

• Okay, moving on.  Lets not get too depressed here.  I've got lots of good stories.  I guess one that illustrates how lovely Ellery has been is in order.  We were at the store and she saw something she watned to buy.  A princess, naturally.  Anyway, I said no.  And kept saying no. And kept saying no and you can see where this is going.  She could not let it go.  We argued about it into the parking lot.  Then she said something that she thought would cut me deeply.  "MOM!  Well, you look like Icabody Crane!"  She thought this was a horrible insult, and yes, she calls him Icabod-y, which I think is cute.  I told her that I was glad because I liked Icabod and then she didn't know what to say.

• Do I really look like Icabod Crane?

• I feel like we have just been trying to survive here and every weekend I think I'm giong to take the kids out to do something fun.  But then I never do.  Well, the weather was so nice on Friday that I decided to take the kids to the zoo before it gets too rainy and cold- and this was all before afternoon kindergarten, so you should be very impressed about that.  Some friends joined us and it was a fun morning.  I feel like such a stressed out grump that it felt so good to do something purely for them and purely for fun.  They loved it.  

• A couple weeks ago we rented Mulan from the library.  I've always like Mulan, and my kids do too. I decided to download a few of the songs that we like from the movie.  I  don't really know how to describe the feelings I have when I listen to I'll Make a Man Out of You, but basically, I just get so full of love for Donny Osmond.  Like I just feel the power of the song and his voice and my love and it's a magical combination.  (He sings it, if you didn't know.)  It makes me happy and it makes the kids happy and we love it.  And we sing it loud in the car.  McKay takes it very seriously.  If no one else understands this thought, at least I know my sisters will. :)

•   Speaking of music, I love hearing Ellery's interpretations of certain songs- mostly songs from Tangled.  For weeks she kept asking me, "What is amentatie mean?"  or, "Mom, what is amentago?"  I had no idea what to tell her.   Finally, after hearing her singing in the car, I realized she had been asking about a line in a Tangled song which says, "where I'm meant to be" and "where I'm mean to go."  Mystery solved.

• We had a busy week.  I was in charge of preschool this week for Ellery's little class.  The theme was senses.  I planned WAY too much for them to do on the first day.  It was extremely hard to get through it all- we didn't- and they barely had time to play because I had so much crammed in.  I definitely learned a lot from the first day, so by the second day I had toned it down a ton and it went much better.  She was actually better than I thought she would be, having it at our house and all.  

• McKay was home when we did preschool and he was totally annoying.  He dubbed himself a teacher, and thought he was the coolest.  He kept trying to interrupt me when I was explaining things to the kids and wanted to add his own ideas into the lesson plan.  It was challenging.  Next time he might go to a friend's.

• He was definitely not annoying when I went in to volunteer in his kindergarten class.  I am SO glad I got to go and see what he does every day.  It was so helpful for me in lots of ways.  Plus, I loved seeing him in that environment.  He was really cute.  His teacher is really great and I was happy to be able to see her teach for a day.  I even stole her tone of voice for my preschool class the next day and it worked great.  :)

• One thing I learned from going to kindergarten was that McKay was kind of supposed to be bringing back his letter writing papers.  No idea.  This prompted me to give him a proper homework time, which I decided should be at 7pm.  I put Elle and Layes to bed at 7, and then work on "homework" with McKay for half an hour.  This is great because he is way more motivated to practice knowing he would otherwise be in bed, and Ellery falls asleep a lot faster when he's not in there to talk to.  Win, win!

• I have to acknowledge my sweet boy.  This has been a rough week for me and while Elle and Layla are completely oblivious to what is going on, I can tell he is trying to help me and make things easier for me.  He has been a big help.

• I almost forgot to mention conference!  I loved it and can't wait to listen to several of the talks again.  I felt inspired, loved and comforted.  It was hard to not have Brian here listening to it with me, and my thoughts drifted a lot to last conference.  Last conference I had a lot going on- the questions about MS and my upcoming lumbar puncture, among other things, and it was a very difficult and emotional time for me.  This time was the same, although for different reasons.  I am happy to say that I'd rather be here than there, and I can't wait for the next conference, which I hope is very peaceful.

• During conference I let the kids do my hair.  I had about a hundred little clips on the top of my head.  It was very beautiful and two kids were very proud of their handiwork.

• Also, they were pretty much horrible for conference.  No activities kept their attention for more than  a few minutes, except my hair.  I finally gave up and let them watch a movie upstairs this afternoon.

• I have mentioned how there are several people here who have been extra thoughtful to me and my family.  This week was more of that.  My sweet friend Deanna McRae is just an angel and my friend Starr has had us for dinner several times.  My neighbor and friend Cathy has been a huge support, as well as her husband, and I am just so grateful to these sweet friends of mine.  It makes me want to be more mindful of how I can help people I know in their various situations.  

• Layla said Ellery today.  It doesnt' really sound like Ellery, but I knew that's what she meant.  

• I'm glad that Layla still loves Ellery because her very favorite thing to do to her baby sister is carry her around in the most awkward and uncomfortable position ever.  She does it constantly and Layla just kind of smiles with a slight bit of fear in her eyes, through it all.  

• I bought grapes at Albertson's this week and just as I was about to open the bag to wash them, I saw a big grasshopper living in there.  Except he was dead.  We all jumped around and I threw the bag on the back porch and left it there for several days.  Then Ellery "caught" the grasshopper in a jar and filled it with dirt and water.  I think that's where we stand now.

• I hope that I don't sound like I'm complaining about my situation too much.  I don't want to put up a front and act like I'm totally fine though.  This is really, really hard and seems to be getting more difficult everyday.  We just have to get through it.  I'm trying to do that.  

• Hi Brian.  I love you.

Happy Sunday!