a really long prayer

McKay (laying in bed):  Mo-om.

Me (calling from the other room):  What McKay?

McKay:  I just said a really long prayer.  Like really long.  I said thank you for lots of things and my heart is beating really fast. It kind of feels ticklish.  I just can't stop smiling.  I feel so happy right now.

Me (going into his room):  That was the Holy Ghost you felt sweetie.  That's  really great that you felt those things.  That feeling was from Heavenly Father.

McKay:  (beaming)  Can I tell dad?

I am so humbled and grateful by this little experience.  One thing I am really trying to teach my children is that they can pray whenever, wherever they are and for whatever reason (except when they pray that we will go to Disneyland tomorrow- not sure what to say to that one).  I try to take the time to pray with them in the everyday situations that come up in their little lives, not just at bedtime, so that they will really know that He is there, that He cares for them, and that they can pray to Him as they try to navigate their way through this life.  I know they will need Him.

I am lacking in so many areas as a parent, but teaching my children to use prayer in their lives is something I feel so strongly about- something I am so conscious of as I am with them.  I know how valuable it will be, and how much they will need it.  

Don't get me wrong- we have a long way to go.  Their prayers are usually the same few things every night, McKay is usually staring me straight in the eyes during his personal prayers and Ellery will pray to get out of time outs and that she won't get in trouble- we have a lot to work on- but nothing makes me happier than when they ask me to say a little prayer with them.  Content and reverence will come with maturity, but I always want them knowing where to turn and when.

five days

Brian just left for his last week as a SRNA at Seattle Children's.  Five days left.  I cannot believe we are finally at this point.  It felt so much better saying goodbye to him tonight, knowing this would be the last time we had to.  The kids didn't even cry.  Well, McKay tried really hard to, but even he couldn't fake it for very long.  We are so happy that we will soon be able to live like a normal family again.

This being my last week as a single parent has caused me to reflect on how very blessed I have been during the last year.  It has been difficult, horrible at times, and lonely but we did it.  We got through it.  I have to acknowledge my loving Heavenly Father- I know I was being watched over, helped and lifted.

It was difficult, especially in the beginning, to be alone all day and night with the kids.  There were days that my patience ran so thin and I didn't know what to do.  So many times I would get a thought in my head, "Read to your kids."  This would sometimes happen at times when I just wanted to run up to my room and shut the door and let them fend for themselves and I couldn't possibly imagine how reading to them would fix anything.  I am here to say that I know those were inspired thoughts.  Every single time I stopped whatever we were doing and just read books to them when I heard that whispering I felt better, they felt better and everything was better.  It was such a simple thing, but it really brought back the spirit of love and patience into our home.  I am so grateful for those promptings.

There was not one night that I was afraid of being alone.  To me this is quite remarkable.  I am not an overly scared person, but to be alone as much as I have been and to not even have my thoughts go in the wrong direction one time?  That was a huge blessing given to me.

I was, however, afraid that there would be medical emergencies with the kids in the middle of the night that I would have to deal with alone.  Aside from a couple fevers and our usual vomiting antics, nothing happened.  I am so grateful that this fear was in vain.  Again, I count myself very blessed and have felt watched over.  It's one thing to just say that, but I really believe that.  I felt it.  I know it.  We were watched over during this time and my heart is so full thinking of the gratitude I feel for my Heavenly Father.  He heard my prayers.  He answered them.  He was with us.

So very glad that I don't have to see that man go out the door again with a suitcase and that stupid blue cooler.  

People have told me repeatedly that they could never do what I've been doing.  I always answer the same- "I can't either.  But I have to."  That's why I'm so grateful tonight- my last yucky Sunday night.  I know I couldn't have done it alone.

And I didn't.

thoughts on a sunday

• All the batteries in all my cameras are dead, so this phone pic will have to do.  That's our Christmas tree.  Since we are leaving in a couple weeks we;re not getting a real tree- so this was the next best.  Layla has already knocked it down.  She is crazy, that one.

• Without all our tree decorations we really don't have much.  There are a few items that are sentimental to us, and we have some beautiful nativities, but our tree stuff is what really makes it feel like Christmas in our home.  I miss it.  

• Yesterday morning McKay and Ellery had the brilliant idea of sleeping in their tent in the backyard.  They were extremely excited about this, and so instead of diminish their joy by saying no, we opted to let them sleep in the tent in their room.  They have done this once or twice before, and it was easy to transfer their excitement to the new idea.  

• After a few hours in the morning, McKay began to fret the whole rest of the day on whether or not he would sleep in the tent or in his bed.  At one point he kept asking me and Brian to decide for him.  He was very conflicted.  Ellery wanted to sleep in it from the start- and she did!  McKay started out in the tent, but bailed after he counted to 630 and still couldn't fall asleep.

• Yeah, I said 630.  It took him two hours.  He's really into counting- words from his own mouth.  I have never counted to 630.  I wonder if this means he'll be interested in math?  Oh goodness I hope so.

• Ellery has been saying this phrase a lot lately: "Mom!  Look what I done!"  Sometimes it's a good thing that she's done, sometimes it's a bad thing.  But I will never tire of hearing her say it.  

• Oh, and also, Ellery has finally, finally, FINALLY learned to buckle her seat belt by herself.  I know, I know, I can't believe it took this long either.  But she did it!  It was more of a patience thing on my part, I think.  I never made enough time to wait for her to take forever to learn to buckle, and because of that, she never thought she could do it.  I feel very happy about this progress.

• We went to Zoo lights this week.  It was chilly, but dry and that's good enough.  I lost the flash that attaches to my camera somewhere at the zoo.  I am completely depressed because it's $150 to replace.  I didn't use it very much, thank goodness, but I am still very sad.  I even drove down to the zoo on Thanksgiving scouring the parking lot in the wind and rain, but no luck.  Boo.

• We had a really nice Thanksgiving at Scott and Traci's.  They made a delicious dinner, and I brought sweet potatoes, jello salad and pecan pie.  I'll talk about the pie in a minute, but we had a great time at their house- they have been so good to us since we moved here.  It's nice having a little bit of "family" to spend holidays with.  We really love them.

• So on to pecan pie.  My sister Lisa said that she thinks pecan pie sounds really gross, and has never tried it.  And she is no spring chicken.  Up until a few years ago, I was just like her.  I thought "who likes pecan pie?"  But at some sort of Whitney family Thanksgiving function I tried it- and I loved it!  So this year I decided to make one.  It was really easy and really delicious and I've decided to make one every Thanksgiving.  I can't wait to serve Lisa a big old slice.  So tell me, do you like pecan pie?

• The morning of Thanksgiving Brian, McKay and Ellery were running in a Turkeython!  Brian ran a 10k and the kids ran a 1k.  Ellery was really proud to be included this time, and she had a smile on her face the whole time.  McKay broke away from the family and ran at his own pace.  He has quite a competitive little streak in him- mostly with himself.  Oh, and by the way it was freezing.

• At 11:30 on Thursday night I was headed to Kohl's with my friends Cathy and Cassidy.  I have no idea what is up with the stores opening on Thanksgiving, for what Lisa appropriately name Brown Thursday, but I was so disturbed by it all and did not want to participate.  But, then I thought of the new vacuum I wanted to get and how I would never, ever get a better deal, and out I went on Brown Thursday.  We went to three stores and didn't get to bed until after three in the morning!  It was crazy, but fun.  I still have mixed feelings about Brown Thursday, and worry that next year they might just skip Thanksgiving all together and everyone will shop during dinner instead of spend time with their families.  Am I a hypocrite for hating it so much, yet taking part in it?  Don't answer that.

• I love my new vacuum so much.  I feel like life can go on again.  Please don't be too disgusted- and just be happy for me- but when we vacuumed for the first time we had to empty the canister about five times!  Ahhhh!  It was so gross and so wonderful and I loved it and wanted to die at the same time.

• McKay came home from school with an idea that he could not let go.  Build a bird house with dad.  You see, he had read a book in school about a boy and a dad building a bird house.  So he thought, "I am a boy.  I have a dad.  We HAVE to build a bird house TODAY!!!"  It was quite cute, actually, and since Brian didn't have much going on this week, that's exactly what they did.  Except it was a boy, a dad, and a girl building a bird house.  It's like a real bird house, made of wood with a little sliding door and a perch.  It's now very proudly hanging on the fence in the back yard and we are just waiting everyday for a bird to move in.  I don't know who is more proud, the boy, the girl or the dad.

• This week in Portland has been RAINY!  You'd think that would be a totally normal thing for me by now, and it is, but I have never, ever seen it rain as much as it did on Tuesday.  A lot of the rain here is really light.  It may be constant, but it is often times very mist-like.  On Tuesday it poured and poured and poured the biggest, hardest rain I've seen here.  And it was all day.  

• A little bit about my baby.  She is still taking two solid naps a day.  This is longer than either of my others.  I love her so much for this.  Also, she is so annoying when she is all done eating.  She squeezes, shreds, mutilates and throws her food when she is finished.  It's messy and she delights in this.  Also, she is still such a cute little toddling thing- several people have commented that she doesn't look old enough to be walking.  Little do they know she waited until she was an old lady to start!

• We loved having Brian home all week.  It was wonderful. . .except maybe after day five. . he started to go a little insane.  Like really.  So I changed our plans and sent him out alone for the day- Christmas shopping.  He needed it.  And guess what?  I was actually quite happy to have him gone for a few hours.  When you're in vacation mode and together constantly, lots of things don't get done. Basically, my regular routine goes out the window- which was wonderful for five days- but then I was ready to clean the bathrooms and organize my closet and do the laundry and put everything in it's place.  It felt good.  Some of you totally know what I mean and some of you are probably thinking I'm a mean old wife and couldn't imagine being sick of your husband.  I'm just tellin' the truth.  I love him like crazy, but that there's the truth.  

Happy Sunday!

thoughts on a sunday (with pictures!)

• Brian has five days left in the OR, which stands for operating room, not Oregon.  Anyway. . .FIVE DAYS!  I am so happy about this, I can't even explain it.  What's almost as good as having five days left as a SRNA, is that it's Sunday night and instead of being half way to Seattle right now, Brian is downstairs in this very house.  He has this whole week off and I almost don't even know what to do with myself.

• As excited as I am to have him home for a week, and then have him here permanently really soon, I wonder if it will be an adjustment for us to live together full time again.  Although I haven't enjoyed it, I have gotten quite used to this life.  It will be a happy adjustment though.  I get excited thinking about living with him again.

• So I think it's pretty obvious that we're moving.  We still don't know where.  Yakima is kind of our safety net (if all goes as planned), but Brian has been talking to the Utah group again, and also a group in Olympia, WA.  We are hoping for Olympia, but Brian is in the OR all day every day and has not been able to make or answer any calls, so we're hoping it's not too late for that.  

• I wish we could stay here.  I am getting really sad about moving.  You know when you're in that place where you are comfortable and settled in a ward and area?  It's just hard to walk away from that when you don't want to.  I will miss this place so much.

• My sister Krista came to visit this week.  I am so glad she came- I feel so much love and support from her and it means so much that she came to see me during this time.  The kids were so excited to have her, and so was I!

•  I'd love to say that I toured her around Portland like a little tour guide. . .but sadly, she basically just got a taste of what I do every day. . .for three days.  It just kind of happened that way.    At least we did some fun things on Saturday when Brian came home.  We went to the Portland Market and Pioneer Square downtown, and out to dinner.  But even then, we were so excited to come home and put our pajamas back on. 

• Krista was lucky enough to be a guest at McKay's Thanksgiving Feast in his kindergarten class.  It was crowded and a little terrifying to have Layla loose in a classroom, but we all enjoyed the homemade stew and the program.    

• Ellery learned about Indians in preschool this week, and even got to pick out an Indian name- Heart Love.  But then it turned to Hearting Love, and then Loving Heart.  I think now we're back to Hearting Love, but really I can never keep that Indian straight.

• Something I never want to forget:  Watching Ellery in Sacrament meeting taking two of her little baby dolls and stuff them in her shoes/cribs and then feeding them bottles of chapstick and lipgloss.  

• I also never want to forget how cute it is to see my six year old love coloring so much.  This is huge for him!  He was never really enthralled with coloring. . .okay, he was never really even interested in it.  Now he is drawing like crazy and so proud of his work and I love how I can't even see the color of my fridge due to all this fantastic art happening over here!

• That's Santa up there.

• I am tired of wearing my sheep skin boots every single day.  They are super warm and comfy, but I don't always want to wear them everywhere like I do.  I feel frumpy.  But the thing is, the only other alternative thatI have is little flats- and it's too cold for flats.  Is anyone else in this predicament besides Jana?

• Layla is pretty in love with her dad lately.  They are little buddies.  Also, she had learned the signs for all done and more, and now she's replaced almost every emotion or communication, including those two signs, with her "read, read, read" sign from wheels on the bus.  I'm always confused as to what she means when she shakes her two little hands in their air.  

• Layla is also suddenly so into reading books to herself. She will go over to the basket and just pick them out one at a time, flip through a few pages, then go for another one.  This day she got into the library books, which was especially fun for her, and especially dangerous.  She did get a good rip in Ladybug Girl and Ellery screamed in horror- she knows that you're not supposed to rip library books!

• I couldn't pick just one.  I really, really love this about my baby.  And I really, really love that I have a baby.

• Came across this quote from Elder Ballard this morning.  Really good reminder for me right now.
  "I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being."
  Happy Sunday!  

laysie

So, does this make you as happy as it makes me?

elle's birthday interview

This girl's birthday was super easy.  Sprinkles on her favorite (daily) breakfast, princess wrapping paper, Pinkalicious cupcakes and pink balloons all over the house.  Add in a Rapunzel gown and Starburst, the bike, and she was completely thrilled with her "party".  She kept saying all day, "Thank you for my birthday party."  She is a sweet girl.

I changed up our birthday interviews a bit.  The questions from before were. . .just not right.  My kids didn't take them seriously and wouldn't answer them honestly.  So I simplified.  Favorites!


Ellery's Birthday Interview ~Four
Favorite Color:  Light pink
Favorite movie:  Tangled
Favorite TV Show:  Caillou
Best Friend:  Kenna, Kenzie, and Kimmie
Favorite Toy:  little Rapunzel
Favorite Subject:  learning about seeds
Favorite Activity:  playing hide and seek
Favorite Outfit:  skirt and a black top
Favorite Treat:  candy bars
Favorite Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner:  bread w/ butter and jam, tillas (quesadillas), and grilled cheese and tomato soup
Favorite comfort item:  mom
Favorite thing to do with the family:  play dominos
Favorite thing to do outside:  swing
Favorite thing to do inside:  play with McKay and Layla
What you want to be when you grow up:  a teacher named Miss Matthews, and Rapunzel

it's autumn time

Oregon is producing the most beautiful autumn we've had since we moved here.  There are a lot of trees around here- really, everywhere you look you can see trees going on and on and on.  And lots of them look just as beautiful as the ones on our street.  I wish I had more pictures of what I get to see everyday, but it's safe to say I'm happy with Oregon right now.  And just because the cloudy days are starting to come more often, I am poppin' my vitamin e faithfully.

 

thoughts on a sunday

Um, the only picture I took this whole week.  It was really funny to this girl to look through the hole in her book.  I was trying to get a shot of when she rested her two top teeth on the edge of the circle. I love those big teeth.

• I realized something.  Maybe why blogging is hard for me right now is because I do it on the absolute worst night of my week.  Sunday night.  I hate Sunday nights.  Remember when Sunday nights were fun and we were all together the whole night and no one had to leave and I didn't have to hold in my tears and comfort my two crying children who dont' want their dad to go again?  I remember those times every Sunday night and get sad that it can't be that way right now.  I'm tired of this.

• If you weren't keeping track, which you probably weren't, it's going on twelve weeks since Brian has "lived" with us.  He visits, but he hasn't lived here for 12 weeks.  This is so sad to me, and so exhausting to him.  My poor husband has been living out of a suitcase for 12 weeks.  Even when he's here, his suitcase still sits in the middle of our bedroom as he unpacks a little here and then re-packs it all a couple days later.  His food is kept in our big blue cooler, which I have grown to hate because it smells like food and reminds me of him leaving.  He heads out the door with his broken black suitcase in one hand, the blue cooler in the other and his backpack full of books on his back.  He really is so tired of this life.  

• Today I taught the young women combined lesson.  On about Friday I started to have that feeling of dread.  You know that feeling that won't go away until whatever it is you have to do is over with?  Yeah, that one.  Then today I realized that Brian has probably had that feeling for the last three months.  Maybe longer.  He is doing hard things, you guys, and I'm proud of him.

• In my lesson today for some reason I kept using the word weird. Like I over-used it.  I even said, "Rachel, will you please read this quote.  Now, this quote is kind of weird."  What?  Who says that about a quote they are using in their lesson?

• I'm relived its over. . .and now I get to focus on preparing for preschool that I'm teaching this week.

• I want to tell you about Layla.  She is so horrible on Sundays.  She must hate them too, because all day today she just had this crazed look in her eyes and we were a little bit scared of what she might try to pull.  Usually this is just at church, but today it continued throughout the day.  

• She also really, really loves Halloween candy and will follow the bowl around like a little puppy.  It may have been kind of mean to tease her by moving the bowl every time she got close to it, but it was really funny, and we did give her some.

• Layla is my first child to love to color.  She can be entertained with crayons and paper for a lot longer than my other two- which was never.  

• McKay is getting really into drawing though.  He has learned a lot about creating pictures and I love to see what he comes up with.

• Except at church today when he drew a picture of one guy killing another guy with arrows.  I guess it's time to delete that game on dads phone.
• I'm not a fan of daylight savings.  Brian doesn't see the big deal, and I tell him it's because he is not in charge of three children who are on strict bedtime/naptime routines.  An hour is a big deal for a napping baby!  I usually spend the next week living between the two times.  It's totally annoying.

• Ellery has memorized the pledge of allegiance. She recites it at school, but I had no idea it was sticking.  Those are hard words!  McKay does not say the pledge at school and is really envious of her knowing it.  She is trying to teach him.

• Brian ran his trail half marathon.  He enjoyed it and his new shoes served him well.

• Lets talk about my vacuum.  Have we before?  I don't know, but our poor vacuum is just about dead.  I am hoping that it will kind of last until Brian has a job, but that will be one of our first purchases.  I cleaned out our vacuum this week like I have never cleaned a vacuum before.  I was washing filters, cutting hair (oh the hair!) and opening compartments that I didn't eve know existed.  I was sure the vacuum would have new life after that cleaning.  Nope.  Still won't pick up the hair or half the crumbs.  I feel so gross about this.

• Ellery had her well child check up this week, and they all got their flu shots while we were at it.  So here's the story:  McKay decides he'll go first.  Then after 30 seconds of feeling brave, decides to begin crying and not go first.  Ellery goes first.  She has to get five shots.  She whimpers a little before, then cries with the shots, then is placed on a chair, still crying.  Layla is walking around the room unattended.  It's McKay's turn.  He gets on the table and begins to absolutely freak out.  Kicking, screaming, twisting, crying, contorting.  It was bad.  Nurse uses force and expects me to follow.  She plans on holding him down and just doing it.  She's waving the shot around in her hand as we try to get him to sit still.  He is going completely nuts and is terrified.  I realize how ridiculous and wrong this feels.  I demand that we stop.  She says okay, but has major attitude.  She is like twenty two years old, and I don't even think she's a nurse.  She begins to bug me really bad.  I try to talk to McKay and calm him down.  Nurse, however, is still standing there with the shot, holding his legs down.  All of my reassuring and reasoning is lost because he is afraid nurse is going to poke him any second.  She keeps telling him (with her attitude) "I'm not doing anything."  I want McKay to kick nurse.  Finally, I give up and he continues to freak out and nurse pokes him with the shot.  McKay stops crying immediately and says, "That didn't even hurt."  I was so disturbed and upset for many reasons.

• Layla got hers and barely made a peep.  She also was very attracted our doctor and wanted him to hold her practically the whole time.  He would put her down to do something and she'd just go right back to him, holding our her arms to be picked back up.  He loved this because he says it never happens with babies.  

• Ellery has great hearing and vision and is in the 50th percentile for height and weight.  

• McKay's soccer season is finally over.  We had a team party at Godfather's Pizza and he got a trophy.  McKay had an awesome coach, who said that McKay did great at learning the game (his first year playing) and always wanted to make sure he was doing things right.  He had a really great experience with soccer this year.

• To get Ellery to do anything but a pony tail or wild hair (down), I have named different hair-do's in an attempt to get her to want them.  The regulars are a princess twist, and a princess crown.  Toady she sported the princess crown to church.  It's also very cute to note that she thinks crown is a very beautful name and will sometimes name her girls Crown.  I love that.

Happy Sunday and Happy, Happy Birthday to Jana and Kristen. . .and Darrell?  Did we forget you on the fourth?   

a four year old

I can't believe this girl's fourth birthday has come and gone.  I was actually really sad to see three leave.  She has been a really cute three year old, and to be honest, I'm going to miss my three year old Ellery.  Thank goodness she isn't in Kindergarten yet, I might only be able to handle that once in my lifetime.

Even though I'm sad to say goodbye to three, I do love watching this girl grow up and get older.  Her independence is coming out more and more, which is a very good thing for her.  She is thoughtful, funny and a really good little and big sister.  She is quite a daddy's girl, but mama has a special place too.  Her little lisp is still going, and still cute, and she is by far our very best snuggler.  She just fits.  Skirts and dresses are still an everyday must, and princesses are still the most important thing in life.  We sure love this girl.  

Happy Birthday Ellie Janie!

keep reading. . .i just did a halloween post, it's after this one- and don't die of shock, but there is not even one word!

halloween things

t-minus two teeth

How come this boy is growing up so fast?  Two teeth lost.  Two!

And how come he looks so cute and old in his soccer gear?  The only thing keeping me from crying is that I still have to help him get those shin guards on for every game.

I love this child.  My first baby.