thoughts on a sunday

• Mckay went to the dentist this week and he had NO cavities!!!  I am so excited about this.  This poor boy- who brushes and flosses the same as his sisters- has been cursed with my weak teeth and has some bad luck with cavities.  But not this time!  Maybe there is hope for him yet.

• The girls went the week before and they didn't have any cavities either.  I don't think that ever happened to me as a child...

• Last weekend we ate dinner with Brian at the hospital.  I love this picture.

• We have recently noticed a cute little twang in a few of Ellery's words.  Tired is tirrrad.  I can't remember the other words at the moment...but they are similar to that one.  She kind of loses the whole two syllable word and makes it one with an emphasis on those r's.  I hope it stays forever, kind of like my sister says Holloween instead of Halloween.

• I called Ellery's gymnastics teacher this week and she had some really great things to say about my girl.  She told me that Elle has some natural talent that stands out in her class and could go farther with it if she wanted.  I don't know what Ellery will want to do, but she does seem to really like it.  The place she's at now is great and she's with her friends, so for now this is a good thing for her.  

• My uncle passed away on Monday.  My parents were up there with him when he died.  It's interesting to me that these two men, who once were so close, could live a huge chunk of their adult lives apart, in disharmony.  Then my uncle, at the end of his life, turned to my dad again- which may have been hard- and my dad dropped everything to be there by his side- which may have been hard- and they were once again close during this very intimate time.  It shows me that no matter if you believe in God or not, and no matter the differences that have caused two people to live without each other for so many years- in the end, your family is important.  Your family is who you can always turn to- no matter what has gone on between you.  Being a sibling does not go away just because there are problems or difficulties or disagreements.  Being a sibling means something, always.

• I was not close to my uncle at all, and have but few memories of him from my childhood.  His death doesn't cause me a lot of grief.  But, suddenly, writing this now and looking at this picture of this man that is my uncle- the only one I have- I feel sad that I didn't know him better.  And I'm sad that things were the way they were.  And I'm sad for my cousin, who now has no parents at all.  

• Brian's cousin Jenni passed away this week also.  Was it the same day even?  It's been heartbreaking to read about the end of her journey and I think often of the sweet family she is leaving behind.  My good friend Cathy's dad died last week and I was able to see her at his viewing on Tuesday night.  It was hard to see her hurting.  It's been a tragic week all around, I guess.  I am happy that at least my uncle and Jenni don't have to suffer any longer.

• It has made me reflect on what is important and what really matters.  At least we gain that through grief.  I sure am grateful for the simple moments that I get to spend with my people everyday.  Like baking with my girls, or laying in bed with McKay, or snuggling with Brian on the couch at night.  

• Okay, we gotta lighten this up now.

• Sometimes when I'm getting ready in the morning I have to be creative in how I entertain little Layla.  Lately I've been asking for foot massages as I put on my makeup and it turns out that Layla has some pretty natural talent herself as a masseuse!  She takes lotion or vaseline, or sometimes both, and rubs it all over my feet.  Then when she's satisfied, she'll go and get me a pair of socks and put them on my feet.  This is not a bad way to get ready in the morning.  She really does love it too- she even rubbed Brian's the other day and she is so professional that she didn't even mind rubbing his disgusting callouses.  

• Lisa, as if she isn't busy enough, planned a French Revolution dinner party to spruce up a dreary January.  We all dressed up like characters from Les Mis.  McKay came up with his all on his own- he was the priest.  Brian and I were so happy that he was off doing something himself, but that didn't last too long.  When we saw that he had drawn a cross in marker on one of his undershirts we were not very happy.  He was creative though, I'll give him that.  Ellery stewed all day about her costume, but hers ended up being one of my favorites.  She looked just like little Cosette.  Brian was the one who truly stunned me.  This is a man who has only dressed up once for Halloween in his adult life, because I made him.  But for this he had a costume in mind before we even discussed it.  An old mission trench coat is still handy to have around!  His costume was great and I was very impressed with my Halloween-hating man.  Lisa's family was all decked-out too and I especially loved her in one of Grandma Doris's dresses with a bonnet on as a "french lady".  I love that lady.

• We had a dinner of french onion soup, french bread pizza, salad with french dressing and bread from a french bakery.  After the movie we had french dessert, which Brian and I brought from a real french bakery and guess what?  It wasn't very good.  But it was french- so we were happy.  I think that maybe us Americans are used to sweeter desserts- more sugar!- than the french.  It was fun to be french for a night!

• This week I had a sleepover...with like seventeen beehives.  We had a Book of Mormon Read-a-thon sleepover which has been in the works for six months.  Our class started personal reading back in August and we were all supposed to be to Helaman by January, where we would read the rest of the Book of Mormon together at our sleepover.  I didn't come up with this activity back in August, but since I replaced the second counselor who did start it, I got to be in charge and finish it- yay!  It was interesting.  I was pretty stressed trying to make sure we were on track for our reading schedule and really, when you're reading that much in such a short period of time, it's hard to take it slow and really feel and ponder and totally understand what you are reading.  That was hard- it didn't seem like a super spiritual experience for anyone.  But they did accomplish a huge goal, they did something hard and had to work for it, and they got into the scriptures- some having read the book for the first time.  Those are all good things and although as a leader it was crazy and a lot of work, if it touched one girl or a testimony of the Book of Mormon began to sprout from the experience, then it was totally worth it.

• I do not want to do a Book of Mormon Read-a-thon sleepover ever again.  

• I do just have to note that each girl was asked to bring a snack to share.  So there were like twenty snacks- all junk food- floating around us.  I cannot believe how much junk those girls can put down!  Me, Alison and Jill (the other leaders) felt sick just watching them and had to have a veggie break together to cancel out some of the things that we saw.  I think maybe I used to be able to eat that way.  Now I would die, pretty much.  

• I know everyone is dying for a wart update.  Okay, I'll tell you.  First, I am not obsessed anymore...maybe because it's not growing and expanding anymore.  And neither is she!  We are cured!  We went to our second opinion wart doctor and he offered us several different treatment options.  We decided to do beetle juice and poison ivy.  Haha, I can't even try to explain what those are, but one attacks from the outside and one from the inside.  They both seemed to work, especially the beetle juice which created a fantastic blister that peeled off with the wart attatched in just a few days.  I think she'll need another treatment, but we are on our way!

• We walked to church today and McKay stayed behind to walk with me and my heels.  He also walked home with me too, as I held onto his shoulder for support.  Both on the way there and back I looked at him and wondered how I got so lucky to have him as a son.  I am grateful that I get to be his mom.  Plus, he looks so handsome in his church clothes- he melts my heart.

• This picture of McKay as a two year old popped up on our screensaver and McKay happened to be wearing the exact same shirt.  How did he grow up so fas?  And how is this shirt still being worn?

• I often remember how I used to judge my older sisters with things they did with their kids, before I had my own, or even when I just McKay and Ellery.  One was not caring what they wore.  I knew that I would always care that my kids look nice and that their clothes at least match and are appropriate for the weather and season.  And then there came Layla.  

• I hid her swimsuits- or else she'd be wearing them daily with her rainboots and a coat (maybe), but I rarely even lay her clothes out for her anymore because I never chose right and she'll just end up avoiding my choice entirely.  She pretty much gets dressed on her own all the time now and I'm lucky if she matches.  Tonight I sent her to get some pants on because we were going outside and she came down in white footless tights as pants, with her little pink undies shining right through the sheer fabric.  And you know what?  Outside we went!

• Monday was MLK Jr. Day and we celebrated by going to the cabin.  There is just something so, I don't know...romantic?...about having to snowshoe up that big hill to the cabin.  It wasn't easy carrying sleds, kids, food and gear, but I kind of loved it.  We had to work a little bit before we played.  

• I was impressed with my husband for strapping on the old skies that we lugged around pretty much our whole married life.  And also when he slid down the tin roof into a snowbank.  These events were both not as extreme as we thought they might be, but he was adventurous to try them and I like that.  

• We are lucky to have such a beautiful place to go, even in the winter.   

• I brought a puzzle that I have been wanting to do forever and I was delighted to learn that Jaynie, Tyler, Sharp, Jenn and Adele are all puzzle people!  I am not alone!  I kind of have some feelings about Lindy and Al, but they weren't there so I don't know for sure.  Puzzles at the cabin!

• This makes me think about who else I was missing at the cabin.  It is becoming more and more obvious that there is a gender difference within the Utah cousins.  Poor little Ellery tries to interest the boys in what she wants to do, and sometimes she catches their attention, but mostly she is left feeling like a girl among...boys.  I have been missing my Alaska nieces a lot lately- I think about them often.  I don't dare point this out to Ellery because she doesn't realize that this is something she can be sad about, like I do.  I just imagine those little girls playing together and my heart hurts.  I wish they could be together.  

• I think Afton might feel the same way soon.

Happy Sunday.

on getting a dog

Right now a dog sits at my feet as I type this.  I don't think I ever blogged about Ollie, or Scout as he was once known, but dog-sitting him for the last two weeks has caused me to realize some things.

First, I like having a dog.  Second, I don't.  It's hard to be indecisive about this issue, and perhaps that is why it didn't work out when we first got him.  I'd imagine most people would have to be fully committed before you get a dog (and keep it)...or at least give it two or three weeks to tip you one way or the other.  But for me, I honestly haven't been tipped.

I love having a dog around our family because it helps us be active.  Running around outside is a lot of fun with a dog.  We've gone on all sorts of winter walks that we otherwise wouldn't have taken.  I love that.  I want him to have exercise and I am really happy when me and my family can do that together too.  Tonight we all went over to the church to break up our long Sunday in the house and to get out some energy.  I wouldn't have thought about going if it weren't for the dog, because I wanted him to jump and run around a little.  The kids had so much fun racing with him, running around, chasing him.
Running around the church is funner with Ollie there.

I also have seen how dogs really can be loyal companions.  Ollie loves me.  He really does.  He cries when I leave, he follows me everywhere, he jumps around like an idiot every morning like he hasn't seen me forever, he stays close to me when we walk and barks when he thinks I'm threatened.  It really is remarkable, and I feel like I kind of know a little about how dog owners feel from their loyal sidekicks.  He also loves the kids and has started to cry when they leave for school.

I've seen an interesting relationship form between Layla and this dog.  It's almost like she is seizing the opportunity to boost her rank in the family and that means being bossy, passive aggressive, and sometimes practicing her physical prowess out on him.  In turn he is extremely jealous of my attention to her and feels threatened by that little three foot human, resulting in overwhelming licking and getting in her face.  But I've also seen her play with him when the other kids aren't home, and talk to him exactly the way I remember talking to my first dog, Daisy, when I was little.  They aren't best friends by any means, but given the opportunity, it could happen.  I think of the fond memories from my childhood of my dogs and I would love that for my own kids.


Now, the reasons I don't want a dog are far simpler and, honestly, more powerful.  I HATE having to come home because he's already been in his crate for three hours- so we can't go here and we can't do that and we have to leave here early.  I now understand my parents always constant rush to get home.  I hate that rush.  I do not like an animal dictating my schedule.  And I hate feeling guilty for being gone too long, or out too often.

A couple days ago McKay and Ellery had new friends (siblings!) over to play.  At the door as their mom dropped them off I couldn't help but notice the piles of dog poo all over our front yard- littering our crusty, white snow.  It offended me and I wondered if she noticed too.  When she left I picked them up- chipping them out of the frozen snow with a shovel.  Just...gross...our snow will never be the same.

As much as I've enjoyed my sneak peak into the loyalty a dog provides, I've also grown tired of the constant companionship.  He follows me everywhere.  He will be in a dead sleep and I will walk from the kitchen to the stairs and he is beside me in seconds.  He lays outside the shower, waiting for me to finish.  He wants to come with me whenever he can tell I'm leaving the house.  He's always there.  I do like when he accompanies me to the basement (because who likes to go to the basement alone?) but I get tired, for him and me, of the following.

As we ran around the church tonight, enjoying the fresh air and exercise, a man walked out of the building.  Ollie, protecting his clan, ran up to him and started barking.  The man did not enjoy this and I felt terrible.  That is something I definitely don't like about having a dog.  It's hard and uncomfortable to have to worry about how other people are feeling around your dog.  People coming to your home, people he barks at on a walk...

Then there's the chewing- he's still a puppy and it's almost constant.  We've lost several socks, a couple chapsticks, and a few toys.  It's exhausting keeping things off the floor at all times, and frustrating when we forget.


Even with all that bad, I still think he's cute and funny and soft and sweet.  Yet, I still can't decide, so maybe our current situation isn't so bad.  My parents took this dog for us, and we have a long-standing babysitting gig.  I don't want a dog, but sometimes it's fun to have one for a little bit.  So it all worked out.  I think back about our crazy decision to get him in the first place and I feel embarrassed, regret and like a terrible parent...but then I think about how much my dad loves this dog- the happiness and loyalty that he brings to him- and I think maybe that decision wasn't so bad after all.  We brought them together.  There's no regret in that.

thoughts on a sunday

• This week has been full of sickness, wart-fretting and travel.  I'll start with the travel.

• Brian went to San Diego with his dad when he was eight years old.  That sparked a long standing tradition in his family of each kid going to San Diego just with dad.  Brian and I decided we liked that idea and decided to keep it going on our little family too.  McKay was given a few choices of where to go, and with the prospect of a gigantic zoo and Sea World, it wasn't very hard for him to choose San Diego too.  They left on Thursday from the Provo airport.

• McKay was so excited- like Christmas excitement...which is funny because Christmas happened like five minutes ago.  They had so much fun and I loved getting pictures and phone calls and facetime several times a day with my little boy.  The big boy would never have called me so often.

• I thought a lot about Adele sending Brian and big McKay on the same trip and how there was no such thing as facetime and texting and probably not even a cell phone...unless McKay was really cool and important...which he might have been.  

• Brian let McKay pick what they did and where they ate.  They went to an aircraft carrier on Thursday and ordered a Dominos pizza at the hotel.  McKay insisted that it had to be Dominos- no one really knows why.

• Friday was spent at the San Diego Zoo.  McKay's favorites were the pandas.  He also tricked a girl into thinking he was giving the jaguar commands, and a highlight was seeing a snow leopards overspray splash a lady when he peed.  These are the things that captivate my boy at the zoo.  They got all fancy and went to the Cheesecake Factory that night and McKay couldn't help but wonder, and ask Brian frequently throughout the meal, if this was what it was like on a date.  Fancy indeed!

• Saturday, McKay saved the best for last: Sea World.  They spent the whole day doing things like feeding bat rays, watching just about every show there was to watch, observing the sea lions being fed, going on a few rides (who knew they had rides?) and shopping for souvenirs.  Brian was worried going into this trip, knowing that souvenir shopping with  McKay has taken painful amounts of time and stress in the past.  But he was pleasantly surprised when McKay laid his eyes on a glass, dolphin paperweight sphere that has glow-in-the-dark features.  He saw and he just knew.  So that was a nice surprise.  He also thoughtfully picked out a stuffed animal whale and dolphin for his sisters.  That night Brian actually chose the food.  Against McKay's will, they went to Subway, as Brian was suffering from eating too much restaurant/fast food.  Brian said, "McKay actually likes Subway...if you order a sandwich with nothing on it...except melted cheese."  They spent the rest of that evening watching a football game in their king-size bed.  

• And that was it!  They got up super early and were home shortly after the girls and I got home from church.  The girls and I missed them and it feels good to be all together again.

• One thing worth noting is that Brian's worst fear came true the morning he left for California.  There was a leak in our roof!  I discovered it in the garage right after I took Ellery to school.  I put a bucket under the drip, wiped up the shelves and called Brian's dad.  McKay came over that afternoon to check it out for me (and shoveled my driveway) and we both decided it was best not to tell Brian.  I kept the secret until he got home.  It did only leak that day- but this is still tragic news for Brian. 

• Okay, so now that's documented- we can go on to more important issues.  Like my daughter's wart...who we have recently named the Wart Monster.  This name came easy, as the wart is back, in full force, growing, expanding in all directions and being as gross and obtrusive to my Ellery's foot as never before.  The poor girl- it is right on the ball of her foot and growing outward...like it's getting taller.  I was really concerned when Ellery was obsessed with showing people her wart, telling people about it, calling people when there was new news regarding her wart.  Like, I just could see this obsession growing and getting stronger and I wanted to downplay the wart.  Well, friends, I'm sorry, but this wart is taking over our lives.  I am now right there with her.  We inspect it with my book-light maybe twice a day, you know, just to see if there's anything new.  We are horrified and intrigued and sucked into it together.  

• I think the reason I got sucked in is because of how bad its getting and how it's effecting the way she walks and I can't imagine having to live life with that thing on me in that particular place.  It needs to go- and soon.  We have an appointment on Tuesday with another dermatologist (yes, we are getting a second opinion on the wart monster) and we will see what he says.  The first doctor wanted to dig it out again and offered little else as an option.  I really don't want to do that because it's traumatic, it already didn't work, so might not again, and it is on such a used part of her foot that I think it would hurt a lot while healing.  So, now you know.

• And now that I've written a few paragraphs about Ellery's wart, I'm not gonna feel ashamed because I already declared my obsession.  So we're good.  Good.

• Well, how do you follow that?  We are dog sitting again.  I must admit, we didn't have much time to miss him- since we just did this in December.  But Ollie is back.  The kids are happy about this.  

• While the boys were gone, the girls and I decided to go through their clothes- a chore I dread.  But we did it.  I had piles all over the room- Ellery too small, Layla too small, ugly, Spring, etc...  Now Layla normally changes her clothes about three or four times a day- she just loves to put an outfit together, and, well, all these clothes just about blew her mind.  She changed twelve times- I counted- and that saddest thing was she'd see something she'd never seen before, fall in love with it and start putting it on- declaring her adoration and plans for the outfit- then, most often before she was even finished dressing in her new treasure, she would see me throw something else on a pile and abandoned what she was doing and change course completely.  It was exhausting and incredible to watch.  She finally settled on tights and a new-to-her purple shirt, once all the piles had been put away.

 One of the many costume changes any old day could bring.

• We also did a lot of drawing, coloring and stickering.

• Its our second week at eleven o'clock church and today I really loved it.  We made blueberry muffins from scratch, made a welcome home sign for the boys and the girls took a bath.  It's just the right amount of time before church where you're not rushed, but the day is not wasted.  We all know this though.  

• Today in young women's we talked about feeling Heavenly Father's love.  I didn't teach, but as I sat and listened to those twelve and thirteen year old girls share when they have felt that love, I thought about my own kids and how they really are on a personal journey here on earth and I can't feel those feelings for them.  I can't make them have those experiences.  I know there is a lot I can do to help, but really it is a purely personal thing to start and strengthen a relationship with our Heavenly Father  and to gain and build a testimony.  I got excited thinking about how they will be able to do that on their own.  And it wouldn't be me if I didn't wonder and worry a bit about what I can do to help.  

• Sometimes I write this blog with the image of people...my children, really...reading it when I am gone, or old, or when they are going through this same stage of life, and that is a lot of why I want to make sure and record how I feel about many things.  I hope that they will especially be able to know my testimony through these words.  It's not written out in a beautiful, long, organized format...but I hope that they can see who I am through these bits and pieces.  I surely want them to know that I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father and that I have felt His love for me many, many times in my life, and that I continue to be amazed at that love and the patience He shows me time and time again.  Oh the patience.  I really am learning how frustrating I must be.  

• In other news, Ellery has learned to do a backbend with her nose touching the ground.

• And last, a couple of things that happened last week, or the week before...not sure, really.

• We went to a BYU basketball game on the last Saturday of Christmas break.  By the time Christmas break was over Brian and I were exhausted from hearing, "What's the plan for tonight?" so often- they literally began to expect something grand and wonderful during each morning, afternoon and evening...at least it felt like it at times.  The word entitled started to mean something more to me than ever before and it did not feel good.  But even though we were so ready to settle back down into routine life, we decided we could end on one last high note.

• You can tell that I am really just trying to get this done because now this picture is up here and I am looking at Layla's face and I'm just gonna leave it right here.  You're welcome.

•  Layla wasn't a huge fan of watching the game- but she did enjoy getting cougar tails with me in the hall, stopping in the restroom a couple times, giving hand massages to us with lotion and brushing my hair for quite a long time.  The other kids had fun- Mack of course loving it most of all.
• We also went sledding on New Years Day and here is a picture of that.  We went to Tibble Fork and it was cold, but fun.  Also, I learned/accepted that I am really bad at sledding.  It's scary.

Happy Sunday!