50

Sometimes I look at the man I'm married to and think, "Who are you?"  

Not often, but every once in awhile I will have this strange thought process where I recognize that even though we are "one" in marriage and we feel like "one" most of the time, really, he is this individual person with his own thoughts running through his head that I don't know anything about.  

Who is he and really, what is going through his head?

Such is the thought I had when Brian decided to run 50 miles.

I do know of some of the thoughts that led to this decision.  He had a goal, a dream, I guess you could call it.  And although it was sometimes hard on our whole family, supporting his dream was important to me.  I wanted to be able to do that for him.  And every time I would start to feel annoyed, frustrated or resentful of all the time and effort he was putting into the training, I would go back to that.

One thing I really love watching is the prep that goes in to the night before a big race.  This was the biggest yet.  I love seeing his supplies laid out perfectly the night before, just like I used to do with my Easter dresses when I was little.

That whole day I was kind of in a fog.  Brian started running at 5:00 a.m.  At 10:00 I realized he'd been running for five hours.  Every couple hours I would calculate his progress in my head.  By the time we ate dinner he had been running for 12 hours.  It just completely blew my mind and I had a really hard time focusing or being productive at all that day because my mind was with him.  

We were all able to gather at Big Springs to cheer them on at the last aid station.  We waited quite a while, and finally we saw them coming down the trail.  

Brian was focused, emotional and serious (and maybe quite miserable) and McKay was as smiley and cheerful as I've ever seen.  They got their drinks and whatever else they needed and stood with us for a few minutes, and then they were off again to finish the last two miles. 

I really love this picture.  These two are great partners.

We went back down to the bottom to the finish line and in soon enough they came running through!  They did it!

I am so proud of him!  He is such an example of hard work, motivation, dedication and self control.  They finished within their goal time.  And really, they finished.  That is just impressive in and of itself.  I know he would have liked a faster time and to feel better after, but I think they were amazing and am so proud.

Brian was in a bit of a daze at the end.  He had pretty bad kidney pain for the last ten miles and was dehydrated.  He sat down on the grass and the kids gathered around him like he was a celebrity.  

I love how amazed they were at their dad.  They don't really understand how far he ran and how hard it was, but I kept trying to tell them that it was a big thing he was doing and I think they got that.  He is their hero for sure, and I'm glad he's such a good example of working hard at a goal and completing it.

  

At the end of the night as he was laying in bed next to me- sick, exhausted, dehydrated with his legs involuntarily twitching with exaggerated movements every few seconds I knew that he would do this race again.  I thought maybe he might die that night, but I knew if he didn't, he would be running the Squaw Peak 50 another time.

I have said all along that we'd see how this race went before he went on to another.  After this, I felt strongly that I would not be able to support a 100 mile race.  No question.  But I knew that he would have to push himself again, to improve. . .to prove to himself that he could do this 50 miler better, stronger, faster.  That's just the way he is.  And at least one more time, I can support that dream of his.

Good job Team Matthews.

may photos

My girls needed work on their bubble blowing for swim lessons.  I forgot to have them do it in the bath, so this is what we did.  They loved it and water was everywhere.  

Layla got invited to her first birthday party by her friends Traverz.  She was so excited about this.

This is on the way to a play date with Ava, our next door neighbor.  We knocked on the the door and guess what who greeted us?  Belle!  They were wearing the exact same dress.  

This year's fairy garden. 

Brian making my favorite food to bring to dinner on Mother's Day.  Mashed potatoes!

Pinewood derby prep.  Love this moment.

Twins.

Enjoying this warm spring weather.

Layla learned how to whistle.  It was soft and sporadic, but it was there.  After only one week of practice, she can actually really whistle quite well.  

Two naked pics, sorry.  But this started out by me filling up the sink for her to play mermaids while standing on a stool.  

My sweet girls.  I love them.

Maybe one of my favorite pictures ever.  Free time at swimming lessons.

Brian being the very important Cub Committee Chair/judge at the pinewood derby.

The whole group.  It was a fun night- so different than what I expected.

This is gonna get me in trouble, but this is how men play dress up.  Get new gear, try it on for fun.  Dress up.

McKay's last soccer game.  Look at those cheeks!  It was the first intense game we've experienced as spectators with the other team.  Sad note to end on, but McKay had two awesome goals and a great season, so we're happy.  He has surprised Brian and I with his determination and competitiveness- mostly with himself.  He plays hard and has improved so much since the Fall season.  And I am a happy soccer mom- it's fun to watch!

The Green Dragons!  A great group of boys and two awesome coaches.  Can't wait for next year.

the busiest week of my year

The last week of school.  It is fun, it is busy and it feels like it's never going to end.  

Working out goes out the window.  Eating out moves right on in.  

This is just some of what the last few days looked like.

The dance festival.  I love it.  It's kind of hot and a little bit miserable for that reason, but so fun to gather together as supportive parents and watch kids of all ages perform what they have been learning and practicing for weeks.  

This year McKay danced to Supercalifragilisticexpalidocious (wow- did I maybe spell that right?) from Mary Poppins.  He was partnered with a girl named Shayna and if he had to be partnered with a girl, she was the best case scenario for him.  Seeing him dance around in his black church pants and white undershirt made me happy.  

Ellery's grade did Under the Sea and am I allowed to say that she was the best one?  Well...the best one in my line of sight anyway.  Brian and I both recognized how thoroughly she can shake those hips.  In the picture above you can see her in the front row- light green shirt with her hands up.  

On to the fun run.   

This event gets me teary every time.  These kids support each other and it's inspiring.  Healthy competition is good and both of my kids wanted to win their race.  Neither of them did, but they tried and ran hard and I was proud of them for that.

But what brings me to tears is how the whole school will come together to root for those who are behind.  Like way behind.  Cheers will suddenly become louder and a name will be heard rising from the crowd of students, chanted louder and louder.  And that little kid will just keep going, one foot in front of the other, often times with instant support on each side of them that shows up for the last stretch of the race.  It gives me chills every time to watch.  I love that about this school.  

This is most of the buddy club.  Aiden, Skylar, McKay, Josh and Dawson in the front.  McKay has had such a great class this year.  He loves his teacher, and the boys in his class are super good friends and include each other.  It has been a really good year for McKay.  He came in 7th in second grade boys in the Fun Run.  He pushed it hard right at the end and sprinted to the finish, passing a few boys in the process.  Sounds like someone I know...

Ellery was not interested in the run at all leading up to it.  But she surprised me, as she often does, and really tried her best.  She came in 8th in kindergarten girls and did awesome.  I was proud of her for working hard and putting effort in.  

Ellery had her end of season gymnastics performance.  

It was fun to watch her, and she got a medal.  This is a big deal because with all the sports McKay has played, he's collected a little stash of medals.  This is a first for Elle and she is thrilled about it.  

This is her class.  She moved up half way through this year and has improved a lot since doing that.  She is the youngest in this class- the only kindergartner, among first and second graders.  I think that is pretty awesome.  She loves gymnastics and will surely do a cartwheel anywhere there is room for it.  I remember not even a year ago when she didn't know how to do a cartwheel.  She's doing awesome.

McKay and Mrs. Herman.  Am I the weird mom who comes in to take a picture of my kids and their teacher on the last day of school?  After the fact, I felt like I was totally weird for doing that.  

Ellery and Mrs. McAllister.  She is the sweetest teacher and Elle has had a good year in her class.  

Okay, now I'm feeling really weird that I make them pose outside the school....I don't remember people doing this when I was in school.  Maybe I should let this go next year.  That will be hard.  Either way, school's out!!!  I am so ready to be done with the morning routine and being on the school's schedule.  However, I am not sure I'm ready to have my three kids home ALL THE TIME.  It could be a little rough over here.

Having a neighborhood shave ice party to celebrate was a pretty good distraction from my summer panic though.  I went through over 50 cups, so it was a good turnout, but it was super stressful shaving the ice by myself.  Brian usually does it and I wish he'd been there.  McKay and Ellery were so excited to do this, and I'm glad we did.  Fun stress!

Right after I cleaned up the stickiness that was coating my driveway, I headed up to Timp Cave with the wolves.  I hadn't done that hike since I was a Merry Miss (!) and I was glad I got to go and help.  

And with this cute little cub scout, that's the end of our last week of school!  Bring on summer...

a great reason to celebrate

There is no other kindergartner more dedicated to her performance as my Ellery.  This was the biggest deal in her life.  For weeks she would give us little, tiny tidbits of songs she was learning, careful to not give too much away.  She would proudly declare when they had memorized a whole song and trick us by singing the tune but not the "new" words that she had been taught for this special occasion.  

The day finally came- she was ready!  And she sang her little heart out.  She sang and she sang for about twenty minutes...and then it was over.  Just like that.  

Camryn Oborn and Maddie Wisner are Elle's best friends this year, and also the carpool crew.  I am so glad she has sweet little friends.

Luckily, this time I told Grandma and Granddad the right day and time, and they were there to support Elle.  We went to lunch at Costa Vida after to celebrate.  McKay even got checked out to join us.

I am proud of Ellery and the kind of student she is.  As a mom, there are always characteristics that you notice in your children, both good and bad.  I know Ellery has some weaknesses, as we all do, but I also know her strengths.  She is a great student.  Smart, self sufficient, and on her own doesn't cause much trouble.  She is creative and serious and funny and loves affection.  She can be a great leader and is the best older sister to Layla.  

She wants to be good- this can be hard because she wants to be perfect, I see this in her already.  And luckily, most of the time she is good.  I just want her to know that it's okay to make mistakes, that we all do it, and that she is still good despite any mistakes that might come.  I want her to to be confidant in her decisions and her opinions and feelings.  I hope for her good friendships and the ability to make them so.  

I can't believe that she will be in first grade and gone from me all day.  Layla and I will feel that sting for a long time.  It will not be the same without her joining us at noon everyday.  I really dislike having a kindergartner, purely for the fact that every day is broken up into three hour blocks, but at this kindergarten celebration, I couldn't help but wish it would last a little longer.  My kids are just growing up before my very eyes and every so often I step back and notice this phenomenon...this growing up... and it shocks me.  

I'm proud of this growing girl and can't wait to see what the future holds for her.  I still get excited thinking that I get to be her mom through all of that growing up she's doing and will continue to do.  I am lucky to be here.