thoughts on a sunday

• I do enjoy putting all my crummy phone pictures on this blog.  It's an easy and good way to get our "family history" somewhere.  And I've kept up pretty well.  As I uploaded some pictures and revisited my blog, I realize how much I miss my thoughts on a Sunday.  I feel like that really captures the moments and feeling of my children right then, of our family and our life right now.  It's funny to me to think that my words can capture a memory better than a photo can.  But I believe it does.  So I'm attempting to put some passion back into this blog (aka, write more, write better) and capture those feelings of us.  I don't really know if you can decide to obtain passion for something...seems like that's not how it works...but I can try, right?

• Brian and I were arguing over what I am calling our "laundry room renovation" and what Brian is calling "getting tile".  By our titles alone you can guess that this might be a source of contention.  Anyway, like terrible parents we were talking heatedly about our different opinions on this matter and sweet little Layla was the only one home with us.  She was playing with her girls, and then she'd come up and pat Brian on the cheek...then play some more, then come up and say "I think mom's right"...then play a little bit, then stand up on the ottoman and order us to stop arguing.  It was upsetting her...and rightfully so, we should have gone upstairs where she wasn't right in the middle of our angry voices.  But, here's the thing about Layla.  She's a strong little girl.  She can kind of take care of business.  So that's why I shouldn't have been so surprised when she came over to me and whispered as serious as can be into my ear, "I think you should kill him."  I can tell you that I laughed for about five minutes and Brian did too and that little 30 pound girl caused the tension in the room to just vanish.  

• Also, should I be worried about her idea for a solution to the problem?

• I don't know how I did it, but somehow Layla thinks that eating peppers and celery is a super awesome treat.  I know, it's shocking.  She is my only child who would eat either of those things.  But she crunches away at them any time I remember to buy them for her.  The other day we had tacos- a household favorite meal for sure- and because I had bought a biggish bag of mini peppers I set one at the top of everyone's place setting.  Ellery took one bite of hers, and then Layla ate all five of them.  

• My sweet little Ellery, who I always describe as so easy and pleasant...until a rare moment when she's not- then she is DEFINITELY not!  She hates to be in trouble, hates to have people mad at her, hates to think that she did anything wrong.  When one of these things happens, she can't handle it and reacts in a not so great way.  I worry about this for her, because all of these things will continue to occur throughout her life.  Oh the things I hope I can teach these children of mine...

• McKay has had a...how shall I put this...tricky year.  He's had some struggles and Brian and I have struggled to know how to help him.  Mostly in school- you know, because he's banking on being an RSL player, so who needs school?  And also he's had a difficult situation with another student in his class.  Combine that with a child's general distaste for piano practice and we knew we needed some kind of a behavioral system.  So now he is currently, and painstakingly earning 200 points to receive an XBox.  That is a lot of points, and that is on purpose.  We wanted him to have to work hard and to have to work hard for a long period of time.  This is a major purchase for us ($$$) and a major dream come true for him.  We don't want that to come for nothing.  So far it is working out fairly well, we're on week two.  Here's the thing about this though, and about McKay.  He is such a good kid.  He's a great son and I am so proud of him for many different things.  But I worry that this bout of difficult behavior is all he's going to remember about himself.  We are in a crummy position because we can't just let him act however and do whatever he wants- we have to teach him and correct him and point him in the right direction- but while doing that, I don't want him to perceive himself as bad or naughty or that we're disappointed in him.  I just worry so much about that balance of discipline and self-esteem.  I always tell Brian that I feel like we're holding their self esteems in our hands and we have the power to grasp a little too hard and crumple it all up.  It keeps me up at night.

• While the issues we've been having are very real and fairly frustrating, it does not get lost on me how blessed I am to have such a great kid for a son.  Now if I can just make sure to communicate that to him.

• Here's the thing about this blog.  All I want is for someone to make them into books for me...ah, I wish.  I know that I'm going to have to be the one to do that.  But anyway, I want them printed so that my kids can look at them and read them and remember from them.  But I realized that I write things about them, that while it is a good record and history of our family and me as a mother and them as children, it might not be appropriate for them to read these thoughts I write while they still are children.  Remember those self esteems I'm holding?  Yeah, I don't want to do any crushing with my blog.  

• Thinking about turning this into books makes me want to cry- so. much. work.

• I will say that more than ever, my prayers are more like pleadings for heavenly help while I raise these kids.  Please help me to know what to do, say, be for this child.  Please inspire me to know what is needed.  Please give me the strength and divine connection that I need.  Please help me to not screw this up.  Parenting is so overwhelming.  And it seems like just when you think you have a bit of a handle on it, you get something even more overwhelming.  I am really grateful for the knowledge that we don't have to do this alone.  That we have One who is on our side, on our team, who loves our children as much as we do.  I just need to be ready and willing to listen.

under our umbrella

About a week ago the whole city of Pleasant Grove had quite a scare. . .and the epicenter of that fear was based at Layla’s preschool.  It started on a Friday morning when my neighbor showed back up at my house with Layla, not ten minutes after picking her up to take her to school.  They were back because Layla’s teacher, Mrs. Melva, had said that her home wasn’t safe that day and that she could not hold preschool.  She said she had to help her son who was not doing well.  She had been waiting on her driveway to turn away her fourteen preschoolers that were showing up in groups at her house.  My neighbor saw her grown son pacing back and forth through the front window.  He did not look well.  According to police reports, about twenty minutes later is when he went outside, to that same driveway, and waived a gun around shouting profanities.  A neighbor called the cops.  

But I didn’t know any of this.  I thought it was strange that she canceled school, but went about my day.  I was walking with a friend of mine when Brian called me.  He said he had received a reverse 911 call that said the following:

This is an important message from Pleasant Grove Police Department. Do not hang up. This is an update on the barricaded subject in the Sage Drive area. This incident is still in progress. There is no threat to the schools. There is no access in or out of Sage Drive. For your safety please remain in your home. You will receive an update when further information is available. PLEASE do not call police dispatch regarding this incident.

Mrs. Melva lives on Sage Drive.  Layla had been at this very house where this threat was taking place.  All morning Brian and I, and also my fellow preschool moms, went over the “what if’s?” that could have been and expressed gratitude for how it turned out for the kids.  We worried about Mrs. Melva and wondered if she was okay, as well as hoped for the best for her son who was clearly in a very dark place.  I am grateful to Melva for making the right decision to turn those kids away, even though I'm sure it was scary and humiliating.

We knew he lived there.  Some parents were uncomfortable with that fact.  But I remember asking Ellery quite frequently when she went to preschool there if she ever interacted with Mrs. Melva’s son.  She always said no and gave no indication that he was involved in any way in their day at school.    

By 2:00 that day PG sent out another call saying that subject was in custody and the warning was lifted.  When I picked my older kids up from school that day Ellery put it like this, as she excitedly told me how they had to stay in at recess, “There was a man who was having a reeeeally, reeeeally, reeeeally bad day today.”

I guess that’s all it was.  A mentally unstable man having a really bad day.  But throw a gun in his hand, a preschool at his house and his mom as their teacher and it becomes so much bigger than that.  

All day I went back and forth between over reacting and under reacting.  “It’s all fine, no big deal, no one got hurt, the police have to make it a big deal as a precaution….but she could have been in there!...what if she saw a man kill himself?....what if he had slept ‘til ten and 14 four year olds were in the house when he woke up in that state?...”   It was emotional and exhausting and confusing.  I was relieved to hear that Melva was okay, but extremely curious as to how she would handle what had just happened.  

I didn’t have to wonder long.  She sent an email out to all the parents that night, apologizing for canceling school, explaining that her son, a good person, woke up angry that day and she knew she couldn’t have children around him.  She then reminded everyone that Wednesday was Ugly Day (don’t even ask) and that we’d have a make up day on Friday.  Business as usual.

This did not sit well with Brian or I, but it was the weekend, so no decisions had to be made right away.  I do know that all the other parents were feeling like us- very confused and unsure, and not at all satisfied with her explanation, or lack thereof.  Some of them were angry.  Most of them were baffled.  That’s probably why Melva’s husband sent a second email on Saturday, explaining the history of their son and what it means for our kids and their school.  He had struggled with drugs since he was 14 (now in his late 30’s).  He had a rough life, made poor choices, but came clean on his own and was clean for the last 10 years, and living with his parents.  His life was slipping back down that road, after 10 years of climbing up it, and he panicked.  He got some marijuana to deal with his lack of employment and got caught.  They took his license away, and the next morning he woke up with a plan to get the police to shoot him.  Friday.

Mrs. Melva’s husband explained that he was locked up, and he wouldn’t be allowed at their home.  He said they wouldn’t not be able to do preschool again, but were trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the school year.  School would at least continue on while he was away, and she was ready for them on Monday.

Sunday night we wrestled with whether we should send Layla to school or not.  The threat was gone, but if we let ourselves think about it, uneasiness would set in.  Ultimately, we decided to send her, and so did nine other parents.  It has now been a week since this all happened.  Mrs. Melva has continued to keep us informed on her son’s whereabouts (still in jail) and reassures us that she can do graduation in a moment’s notice if his status changes.  When he’s out, so is school.

I feel terrible for her.  My heart has literally hurt for her and this situation.  Her business is likely ruined.  Her son is clearly unstable and needs help.  Her love for these kids and the abrupt end of her long career is heartbreaking.  I am so grateful for the safety of those kids and how it all turned out okay.  As I was talking on the phone to Adele about all this, she said something that really struck me, “It’s as if you have this umbrella of protection over your house and family, where bad things are happening so close to home, but you keep getting spared.”  That is exactly how it is, and I am so humbled and grateful.  I can't even express how I feel about avoiding some truly tragic things that have happened right beside us.  I am thankful for these blessings of protection, and thankful that my children are safe.  Thank heaven for that umbrella.

 Ugly Day

january pics

I wish that I put more effort into our family home evening treats.  There are some Mondays where we have a little handful of chocolate chips for dessert.  Mostly we do something better than that, but it has happened more than a few times.  I remembered how Adele used to make a New Zealand dessert called pavlova and I decided to amp up our FHE treat and try my hand at meringue.  It was a little tricky and wasn't as stiff as I wanted, but I think with practice I could do better.  We all loved it though and it was fun to have something new and different.  Layla was actually on treat this night, so she helped me make it and she got to place the fruit on top.

We went to the children's museum with Jana and her kids.  Layla got to the very top of this wall.

These three often surprise me in the mornings by getting all the way ready, cleaning their rooms and making breakfast.  This particular morning I got breakfast in bed.  Bless the way McKay sliced the bread.  I love it and I love these thoughtful children.

I got released from young women's at the end of this month.  This was my last Sunday with these cute beehives.  I will miss them so much, but at the same time I feel ready to be done.  I have had such a great few years serving in young women's and I am so grateful for the girls I've gotten to know, the things I've learned and the leaders I've become friends with in the process.  I am very happy I've had this opportunity and life is going to be quite different now that I don't have so much to do for my calling.

Sisters playing in jammies.  Love.

There was a day off from school and so we brought the Allred's to lunch with Brian at the hospital.  Corn dogs and grilled cheese all around!

After lunch we went to the Puppy Barn and the kids had so much fun petting and watching all the cute puppies there.  It was kind of a bummer that they weren't old enough to hold any of them, but still fun.  I left feeling confused about the puppy barn....some of the puppies looked sickly and I just don't really understand the whole concept of the store.

Denim on denim triplets!

Layla was invited to Carson's Jake and the Neverland Pirates birthday party.  She dressed up as this ferocious pirate-girl.

Shadow puppets before bed (ruined by my flash for a moment) in nightgowns.

Meanwhile, this man was lounging in his plush robe....

I don't know...selfies with my cute girls.

McKay and Layla have a sweet little bond, and it's called the ipad.  

Actually, they have more than just that between them, but they do have love for computer games in common, for sure.  Ellery couldn't care less about video games.  

Here's Layla on the boat.  Miss Sheila brought it out special for Layla and Nat to dive off of.  Layla thought this was very fun.

sweet little new year

We had fun plans to spend New Year's Eve with the Matthews' side this year, but due to a nasty bout of the flu for this cute child, we had to keep the germs and the party at our house- just the five of us.

I quickly planned an at-home party and party we did!  I had let each of the kids pick out a snack to share at the store, so we munched on those and snuggled up on the couch.

We did this last year too.  And somehow last year we let our kids stay up until midnight.  What!?!  How!?!  Why!?!  If we were out- maybe I can see how that would be.  But WE WERE HOME!!!  We did not make the same mistake again this time.

Brian and I started us off with a romantic duet of "More Than Words".  Our kids just looked at us, anxious for the song to be over, I'm sure.

Ellery didn't feel well enough to do karaoke, and McKay and Layes did one song together- reggae style- but I didn't get a picture of then since I was taking video of it.  Layla seemed to really enjoy karaoke because she sang with everyone!

We had some sweet dance moves, her and I.  Ellery was a good audience on the couch.  Poor little thing felt so miserable.  

After we gave singing all that we had, we watched the movie Maleficent and we all LOVED it.  It was such a cute movie that I didn't' expect to like as much as I did.  

Next was Don't Eat the Cousins- and Ellery perked up for this game.  Raisins will do that to you.  This is the best game for all ages and we love it.

After that, it was time for charades.  Layla is probably acting out a couch, or cucumber, or stick.  I don't remember, but seeing her do charades is fun.

We popped balloons every hour leading up to New York's midnight (wink, wink) and got our hats and horns out as we watched the ball drop.  

We went outside to do our snaps- and it was freezing so it didn't take us long.  Then it was time for a quick family selfie before the streamers and poppers went off. 

It turned out to be a great party.  We were bummed to miss being with our extended family, but I'm so happy to know that even with just us five, we know how to have fun and celebrate.  I love these four people so much.  It was a happy new year, indeed.