What is Ash Wednesday?

Here's a quick intro I wrote for the students in my ministry.

Disciples of Jesus observe the Christian calendar as a way of ordering time according to the life and work of Christ. The 40 day period is intentionally evocative of Israel’s 40 years of wandering through the desert wilderness, Moses’ 40 days on Mount Sinai with God, and Jesus’ 40 day fast that marked the beginning of his public ministry. Accordingly, this is a time of greater intentionality in the spiritual life, situated in preparation for Jesus’ execution in the holy city, and his resurrection on the third day. We prepare for Easter’s joy by remembering our own fragile mortality, and engaging practices of repentance and self-denial.

The Ash Wednesday liturgy brings the stark reminder (from the book of Job), “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you will return.” We are all made of mud, but we also bear the image and likeness of God. We are also a people who suffer the effects of the Fall: the separation from God and his life that brings death into the world, and inhabits our own hearts.

Our right response to this remembrance is to open ourselves to receive God’s gift of repentance. I commend to you today’s Scripture readings, Joel 2 and Matthew 6, which offer guidance on works of repentance both public and private. We seek to return to God by agreeing with him about the sin in our lives - those attitudes and practices that destroy his life in us, and mire us in bitterness and unforgiveness against others. This is an urgent call for all of us, whether we consider ourselves highly religious, or if we have drifted from the Faith. The good news of God’s forgiveness and healing in and through Jesus Christ is offered to all of us. If you stand in the Faith, let this be a time of spiritual reading and examination of conscience. If you have drifted from the Faith, or fallen into some habitual sin, come back. It’s difficult, but it’s at least simple. Come back. People fall into sin. We say yes to evil in small ways, and these small choices turn into big and habitual choices. There’s freedom in admitting that we’re walking down the wrong road, and then turning around.

Finally, this is a time of self-denial and deliberate conformity to the cross of Jesus Christ. God himself suffered and died for our salvation. We remind ourselves of this daily, and think on it intently. We pray in that place. We offer gratitude to the Crucified. As a way of remembering and walking along side him, we fast, and practice abstinence in various ways. We fast from something good in order to gain control over our actions, or simply to deny ourselves in some way, because in the Christian faith we understand that it’s actually good and needful to deny ourselves. (I would caution you, in conformity with the command of our Lord, not to share details of your fasting with anyone but your pastor or spiritual director, and the people you live with only in so far as can and will join you in the fast.) Follow in the way of Jesus over Lent by showing love to people close by that you find it really hard to live with.

If I can offer a listening ear, reading suggestions, or advice as you take your Lenten journey with Jesus, please let me know.

Remember that you are dust, and to dust you will return.

Pray for me, a sinner.

Kyle

Prayers for Holy Week

(written for some folks at Georgetown College)

Dear friends in Christ,

As the Church around the world looks to Jesus and the love of God demonstrated by his Cross and suffering, I wanted to share with you a few user-friendly resources for prayer this week that may assist you as you seek to draw closer to our Lord.

Bible Readings: check out this set of Scripture readings for each day of Holy Week, courtesy of the Crossway, publishers of the ESV Bible. These readings from the Prophets, Psalter, Gospels and Epistles, are all arranged to follow Christ's journey to Jerusalem.

Collects are written prayers that teach us to reflect with the Lord on what he was doing that week, thereby forming us to be a people who suffer with him and move forward with him on mission. These prayers are based upon Scripture, and can be found on pages 219-222 of the Book of Common Prayer. I have reproduced them below.

Stations of the Cross: this is a traditional pattern of meditating upon the suffering of our Crucified God. Note this link to a Scripture-oriented version of the meditation, with Bible readings and references, courtesy of the United States Council of Catholic Bishops (if you're curious about what the medieval, biblically "looser devotion" is like, watch Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ).

The Great Litany. Lent is a time of special special focused repentance in the Christian life. It is observed with specific and careful naming and renouncing of our sins before God. This long prayer of confession may be a help to you, also from the Book of Common Prayer, that all-purpose resource book of the English Reformation.

Forgiving others. This is a collect I wrote to help me walk thorough forgiving others - that requirement of God we are reminded of every time we pray the Lord's Prayer:

Almighty God, in obedience to your command to forgive, I commend to you N. I forgive his sins against me, especially ______________. I acknowledge that you are the only one righteous, and that like N., I stand as a sinner in need of your grace. I know also that I have from time to time committed similar sins, and even worse. Please forgive N., and forgive me. Please bless and heal N., and help him to grow in relationship with you, that both he and I would come to delight in your will and walk in your ways, to the glory of your name. Amen.

May God lift us up as we humble ourselves to worship him during Holy Week.

Shorter Christian Prayer

Shorter Christian Prayer: The Four-Week Psalter of the Liturgy of the Hours Containing Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer with Selections for the Entire Year. New York: Catholic Book Pub. Co, 1988.

Shorter Christian Prayer is a condensation of Christian Prayer, which is itself a short version of the gigantic four volume set, Liturgy of the Hours. SCP is oriented around the Psalms, and provides readings and guided intercessory prayers according to the Christian year, along with additional material for major feasts.

What I Like. This book is small and affordable, retailing at $13.95 each.

What I Don't Like. Nothing, really. Using seasonal time can be just a little unwieldy at first, but once again, once you've learned how to use a particular breviary, it's second nature.

Bottom Line. This is an excellent book for individual and group use. Some believers may be uncomfortable by some basic Roman Catholic theological commitments (e.g. the Blessed Virgin Mary is often referred to as a model for discipleship, because she is, and the Pope is occasionally prayed for, because he ought to be).

Divine Hours

Primary Volumes

Tickle, Phyllis. The Divine Hours: Prayers for Summertime. New York: Doubleday, 2000.
_____. The Divine Hours: Prayers for Autumn and Wintertime. New York: Doubleday, 2000.
_____. The Divine Hours: Prayers for Springtime : a Manual for Prayer. New York: Doubleday, 2001.

Supplemental Material

Tickle, Phyllis. Christmastide: Prayers for Advent Through Epiphany from The Divine Hours. New York: Galilee, 2003.
_____. Eastertide: Prayers for Lent Through Easter from the Divine Hours. New York: Galilee, 2004.
_____. The Night Offices: Prayers for the Hours from Sunset to Sunrise. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2006.
_____. The Divine Hours. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2007. [Pocket edition.]

The Divine Hours is a multi-volume handbook for fixed hour prayer modeled set of prayer offices ordered according to the traditional monastic hours, condensed into four prayer times throughout the day. Ecumenical in scope, much of the material is taken from the Bible and the Book of Common Prayer, with the addition of poems, hymns, and short meditations taken from the broader Christian faith (i.e. Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox writers). The offices can be said in 5 to 10 minutes, and are ideal for slow reading and meditation, especially lectio divina.

Go here for Tickle's introduction to the practice of "fixed hour prayer."

What I Liked: This breviary is extremely user-friendly, and the type is readable and attractive. The offices observe major feast days and commemorations of the Christian year, and is even available for the Kindle.

What I Didn't Like: Only the paperbacks of the original three volume work are presently in print. I still have the older hardcovers, so I have no idea how sturdy and long lasting the paperbacks might be, as they are each nearly 700 pages.


The Bottom Line: This is an excellent book for beginners to the practice or for folks who want short offices with a very loose form, and is the most simple and user friendly breviary that I've used. If you want to follow the Christian year more carefully, consider Celebrating Daily Prayer or the full Liturgy of the Hours.

Celebrating Daily Prayer

Church of England. Celebrating Daily Prayer: The New Pocket Version of Celebrating Common Prayer. London: Morehouse, 2005. Amazon link.

In 2000, the Church of England published a new English liturgy meant to supplement and expand upon the theology and liturgy presented in the classical Book of Common Prayer (1662), in contemporary English. This volume is called Common Worship: Services and Prayers for the Church of England. I have great appreciation for this book of services, as do some of my pastor friends in other Christian traditions.

The Anglican Franciscans of Great Britain created a version of this liturgy in a little breviary meant for personal and corporate daily prayer, entitled Celebrating Common Prayer (CCP), now called Celebrating Daily Prayer (CDP). The former edition was small and black, and the new edition is larger and red. This is important because the text inside is similarly formatted, but different (the two cannot be used together in group prayers).

The volume at hand, Celebrating Daily Prayer, offers short offices that can prayed in fifteen minutes. It includes materials for ordinary time and all of the seasons of the Church year. Each office begins with an opening prayer themed according to the Christian year, continues with a selection from the Psalter, a canticle (a song from the New or Old Testament that is traditionally chanted), a short selection from the Bible, and another canticle (either the Benedictus or the Magnificat). The office concludes with both free and written intercession, a closing collect, and the Lord's Prayer.

Supplemental devotional material includes additional prayers and collects, the Angelus Domini, Graces for meals, a cycle of intercessions, and special prayer services for thanksgiving, observing a death, departures, Eucharistic devotions, prayers at the foot of the Cross, and several others.

What I Like. This breviary is one of my favorites for several reasons. It's wonderful for beginners, because of its simplicity and variation. It's rare to find one that's both simple to use and allows disciples to observe the breadth of the Christian year. Not just an Office book, this is suited as a full-on devotional manual, with its offerings of supplemental occasional material, traditional prayers, and descriptions of the Calendar.

What I Don't Like. It's a little pricey, retailing for $29.95. Amazon Marketplace can offer some deals, however. Also, it does not contain the entire Psalter.

The Bottom Line. This is perfect for beginners who want a quick prayer time with a lot of Scripture themed around the Christian year.

The St. Francis / St. Clare Prayer Book

Sweeney, Jon M. The St. Clare Prayer Book: Listening for God's Leading. Brewster, Mass: Paraclete Press, 2007. $14.95

_____. The St. Francis Prayer Book: A Guide to Deepen Your Spiritual Life. Brewster, Mass: Paraclete Press, 2004 15.95


These two prayer books are similarly formatted, along two different themes. They contain an introduction and biographical chapter that commend the life and witness of Francis and Clare of Assisi, followed by short offices (prayer services). The offices can each be prayed slowly and meditatively in ten to fifteen minutes. There is one separate morning prayer and one evening prayer office for each of seven days, and a quick compline (night prayer) that's the same for each night. Each day includes collects (set prayers) quotations, and Scripture readings that enlarge upon a particular theme in the spiritual life.

In the St. Francis volume, these are themes in Franciscan spirituality:

• Following Christ
• Disregard for possessions
• Peace and care in human relationships
• Love for all creatures
• Preaching the Good News
• Passion more important than learning
• Joyful simplicity

The St. Clare volume is oriented toward discernment, or "listening prayer":

• Embracing Christ
• Purity
• Walking the path of conversion
• Listening with the heart
• Adoring Christ
• True discipleship
• Redefining family

What I Like. It's important that a breviary (book of short prayers) be accessible and easy to use. While they are paperbacks, they are well bound and attractively designed. The type is reasonably large and the different sections are easy to read. Finding one's place requires only to know what day of the week it is, and the prayer offices require no flipping back and forth. They are also very attractively priced.

What I Don't Like. It is a common poetic device of Franciscans to thank God in all circumstances by offering prayer of praise to Lady Poverty, et al. You know, like Brother Sun, Sister Moon, and all of that. I don't imagine that Francis, Clare, or any of the Order's members suppose there to be an actual heavenly persona named Poverty, whom we would care to address in real terms. I understand the poetic device and find it pleasant. Christian prayer, however, is addressed to the Father, with the Son, through the Holy Spirit (leaving aside the question of intercessions to departed Saints). The Psalms seem to entreat Creation to praise God along with the worshippers, but when I'm teaching beginning disciples to prayer, I don't want to have to go through the trouble of explaining/defending that particular literary device.

Bottom line: The introductory material provides an excellent popular account of these Christian saints and their contributions to the spiritual life of the wider Church. The book itself is easy to use for prayers, aesthetically attractive, and well-priced. If you don't mind the aforementioned literary device, these volumes are an excellent gateway to the practice of regular structured prayer as well as Franciscan Christian spirituality.

Collect for the Memorial of Mary Magdalene

Some of the things I find in Lesser Feasts and Fasts are not as theologically rich as I would prefer. If you're going to commorate something, do it write. So in true LOLAnglicanz fashion, I duz it bedder.

Almighty God, by your deep compassion you delivered and healed Mary Magdalene from the affliction of demons. Secure in your love even after the Crucifixion of the Lord, she emerged from the night of shattered hopes to anoint the Body of your Son at the morning light. Upon her encounter with the Risen One, Jesus sent her as an "Apostle to the Apostles," proclaiming, "I have seen the Lord!" For the sake of your mission and this same compassion, we beg you to heal us from the dark forces that keep us from abundant life, and set us free to love you with undivided hearts and preach with boldness the Resurrection of your Son.

Collect after the Commemoration of Benedict

Lately, whenever the commemoration/feast day of a saint comes 'round, I take time to write a collect that highlights the way a particular sister or brother served God's purposes, and ask God to give us a measure of the same Spirit. I offer it during our free intercessions, which is where we put in any "extra" collects beyond the Proper for the day.

Almighty God, you desire all your people to walk in holiness, and to know the transformation of our lives that comes with the continual renewing of our minds. You moved your servant Benedict of Nursia so long ago to establish communities that would shine as “schools of the Lord’s service,” and offer a beacon of hope in a dark culture. Give us this same grace, to order our houses and our common life in such a way as to cultivate holiness and love for our neighbor. Make us faithful and fruitful like your servant Benedict, and cause us to persevere in disciplining our desires, until the Day when, through your mercy, we may with Mary, Patrick, Benedict, and all your saints, attain to your eternal joy.

Lord, in your mercy

Hear our prayer

Notes on Christian Worship

Note: I first wrote this with small group home-based worship in mind.

Worship as Response

Simply put, worship is the response we make to the Lord's initiative in our lives. He created us to live joyfully in community with him and one another. Because of the Fall, this is neither natural nor intuitive. Happily, the Christian story is all about Jesus winning us back to God and giving us his own Spirit that we might learn to walk in the ways he originally intended. We can simply be with him.

I often keep a cluttered space at home, and when someone comes to visit, I have to pick up all the clutter, coats and clothing off the chair so they can sit down. Worship is somewhat like this – making a space for God to enter, by quieting our hearts and being still. The liturgy we use - whether simple or complex – is a way of knocking away the clutter and inviting Jesus in.

Creating Space for the Presence

“You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”

— Ephesians 2:19.

Christ dwells in our common life. We are the temple of the Living God; we are the Body of Christ. He is here among us not because of any good and right things we say, or bad things we don’t do, but because of who we are.

That means the pressure is off. Choose to waste time. Don’t try to figure out anything new, either in regard to him or yourself. Don’t worry about saying the right things, or saying anything at all. You can speak to him, or just sit and listen. We will create an open space for him to simply be, for no particular purpose. This is a wasted time, wasted energy that could be spent getting something done. This blesses him.

Expectations

Jesus will come to be among us. He enjoys our presence, and desires that we would enjoy his. Several of us may not. We’ve been forced to sit with destructive, exploitative images of God and sitting with Jesus while those old ideas are still banging around in our hearts can be uncomfortable. He’s really very much okay with that. Where Jesus is, he heals.

Avenues into the Presence of God

Invocation. Jesus comes to be with us because he loves us and because we need him; that’s why he first came to us. We can invite him into our midst on that basis; we need no other.

Praise and Thanksgiving. Sit. Remember the works of Yahweh. Acknowledge the good things you have received as being his gifts. Cite those moments of the day when some word, action or remembrance reminded you that you are loved and cared for. Thank him. Say, “I love you, too.” Tell him he’s wonderful.

Confession. Welcome him into the dark places. Don’t try to fix them up. Certainly don’t keep him out of them. Ask forgiveness only for actual sins: brokenness and need are not sins, and do not require apology. If you’ve got an incredible problem that you can’t seem to work out, tell him about it. Not that it will fix anything necessarily, but we need to cultivate a habit just being with Jesus in those places where we are uncomfortable being ourselves. If you’re not sure what to say to him because you just realized he’s not the horrible trickster god you were brought up with, say so. You don’t have to talk beyond that. Don’t make promises, just be there with him.

Listen. Read the scriptures. Let your friends affirm and challenge you. Sit and receive.

I utilized Richard Foster’s chapter in Celebration of Discipline to cover the bases.

Christian Worship Lingo

I had a good conversation with a friend yesterday about the teaching implicit in different liturgical styles. For example, in some churches, the "worship band" is illumined by stage lights in an otherwise dark auditorium. In the context of Christian worship, the implication is that the band are objects of veneration.

Seriously. Otherwise, why would it be important to see them? This is improper, and you should all stop it at once.

In other congregations, however, the worship band/music team/whathaveyou doesn't have a script. They don't talk. The entire congregation has a script it follows as it learns to talk to God the Father along with Jesus, who is the real "lead worshipper."

And of course, when my own parish meets in a place with fancy lights, we illumine the altar, because that is the dramatic focus of the entire movement. And yes, you may venerate it if you wish.

Anglican Imagination: Liturgy and Worship

Lester: "I don't get tired of kissing my wife, and I don't get tired of the liturgy."

Me: "Ooh, I see. Liturgical revision is like adultery. I agree."

I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to say that, but still...

More on Latin: Public Response

Lisa Takeuch Cullen's short opinion piece, "I Confess, I Want Latin," (link) can be found on the last page of the July 30 issue of Time magazine. Her reason is simple: "I want to hear Mass in a language I don't understand because too often I don't like what I hear in English." She tells of growing up the daughter of a laicized priest and a Japanese woman, and sitting through Masses in an unknown language. Cullen enjoyed the experience, she says, because it was meditative: it compelled her to slow down and think about God.

The English Masses she would later attend stand in sharp contrast to this, because she had to sit and listen to a priest dictate the congregation's political involvement and pontificate on "controversial" and divisive issues. She grew tired of hearing sermons taken from from the priest's Netflix queue (zing!). She longs for a return to sacred space in the liturgy, and desires to hear comfortable words "in a world unmoored by violence and uncertainty." Indeed, I am sympathetic to some of her arguments, particularly when she pleads for Padre's film choices to take a backseat to Eucharistic devotion: "With your back to the congregation and speaking in a dead language, you find it difficult to tell me how to vote."

She pleads, "Allow me to experience the joy of communion without the anguish of our modern day differences. Bring back the Latin and bring back an embattled believer."

Let's take 'er down. Though I'm not a Roman Catholic, I think you'll see shortly why I bothered with this.

The Good

I think Cullen is right about one thing: there are better sources for moral avatars than inane Disney films. If somebody's going to really listen to you talk about God for 20 minutes every week (or even half-listen), surely one can do better than offer a version of the New Testament according to Eddie Izzard: "Don't do bad things, only do good things, never put a sock in a toaster, never put jam on a magnet, and never lean over on a Tuesday..."

When a priest says Mass and reads the Gospels aloud, he has already created an imaginative world in which to invite people to see themselves. What the hell does he need a film for?

The Bad

Honestly, I think this woman has been to as many Latin Masses as I have: zero. But from what I've read in history and liturgical rubrics and such, I'm pretty sure that sermons are always in the vernacular, and I'm pretty sure that any bishop worth his salt would beat down a presbyter guilty of political opining or even extemporaneous speech during the consecration. Therefore, some of Cullen's cuter comments don't make any sense: one could still hear a bad sermon or a "political" sermon at a Latin Mass, and no priest is going to be sermonizing while at the altar, anyway.

The Ugly

It is not the purpose and end of religion for it to be a comfort to those in need of it. The Christian narrative is a story that subverts and displaces other stories. If one wishes to engage in Christian practice - particularly the liturgy, which can and should crack open imagination like a bolt of lightening - one should open oneself to the possibility that other stories will be assaulted, and make much less sense before long.

One of those stories is the separation - even the alienation - of one's "spiritual" and "political" commitments. May the Triune God save us from the schizophrenia of modernity!

Cullen's piece is ultimately a paean to consumerist religion: I want a particular good that the Church can offer me, and in exchange I'm willing to do them the favor of consuming that good. I am not willing to offer my self, my imagination, or even, in Cullen's view, my full attention.

I'm sure any Christian pastor would be pleased to help someone like Cullen enter a Christian fellowship, share life with the Body of Christ, and begin the work of being transformed by the renewing of one's mind - but not on the terms she has offered.

Storefront Churches

The main story in last week's Faith and Values section of the Herald-Leader was Providence Christian Church's temporary storefront location (link), coupled with an article on the popularity of storefront churches in Florida (link).

I would really enjoy reading an article on all the local storefront churches that are starting up in Central Kentucky. I have particularly noticed in Georgetown that it seems like a new one opens up every six months or so. I'm not one for watching church planting trends, but if there's anywhere in the world that wouldn't seem to need more congregations that are just like the others, it's this place. Why do you folks think these churches are opening?

I've heard that storefronts appeal to the poor, because dedicated buildings can seem pretentious or intimidating. For many of these Christians, of course, it's the cheap first step to megachurch status, and they don't to meet in homes because they want to grow numerically through an attractional model of mission, i.e., "come to see and experience this neat thing we're doing." I don't like to call that "mission," but there you go.

I also don't take for granted these churches are having the financial or numerical success that they would like; I know that a recent Baptist church plant has been meeting in the Regal Cinemas for almost two years now. Everybody says they offer something "different" from all the other existing churches; I have to say that in many cases, if they have leadership under 50, they are indeed something different.

My favorites are the billboards for the Pentecostal churches that offer more entertaining worship, and the Baptist church plants that see themselves as necessary because the other churches are too entertainment-focused.

I was recently contacted over the MySpace by the worship leader of a storefront start-up in Georgetown. They're trying to put together a combination worship space, coffeehouse, art gallery, and music venue. The funny thing was, the coffeehouse wasn't open for regular or any posted hours, and the Saturday night live music they're promoting is "Christian Rock," and carries with it a $5 cover charge.

This really doesn't help those ugly rumors that Pentecostal preachers are in it for the money. But seriously, I would assume it's because they need to pay the rent on the space in the Georgetown Outlet Mall, and can't wait until they have adherents to do so. Do they really expect Scott County kids to come streaming in with fivers in hand on Saturday nights to listen to an Audio Adrenaline cover band?

The implication is that a church is a meeting space before it is a group of people covenanted together, and that it's a worship band before it's a liturgy. The slogan: "A Non-Denominational, Relevant, God Glorifing, Body of Believers!"

I would have stopped in to meet them and see if I can learn what they're about (Roger and I were feeling feisty that night), but I didn't want to pay $5 for the privilege. I drove by another time out of curiosity, but there were just a couple of bored kids sitting at the door waiting to take money, and nobody inside. They advertise "freedom," too. Oh dear. I need to share with them the gospel of ritualism...

Anytime one of these groups introduces someone to a journey with Jesus, that's great. It really is. But I always wonder, how many people are going 'round those parts because they're offering something more relevant or exciting? Do they ask them to return to their previous fellowship? If they don't, they probably deserve them, now that I think about it.

Can you imagine what kind of parish priest I would be?

"Yeah, we really want to come to your church - the sermons are much more relevant than our other church, and I really feel like I'm in the presence of God here."

"I'm sorry my dears, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not to return. You see, we're very exclusive here..."

Ha ha.

Instructions for Worship Leaders

No, really. I am gonna help you folks out quite a bit today.

First new rule: Stop talking about "God." Tell me which god you're referring to, and maybe do a little teaching on why and how we worship that god as opposed to some of the other gods, such as the cosmic Santa Claus most nominal Christians believe in. If you're not capable of that, please resign. Right now.

Here's a neat little story from Tom Wright that illustrates the point nicely:

It is important to begin by clarifying the question. When people ask “Was Jesus God?” they usually think they know what the word “God” means, and are asking whether we can fit Jesus into that. I regard this as deeply misleading. I can perhaps make my point clear by a personal illustration.

For seven years I was College Chaplain and Worcester College, Oxford. Each year I used to see the first year undergraduates individually for a few minutes, to welcome them to the college and make a first acquaintance. Most were happy to meet me; but many commented, often with slight embarrassment, “You won’t be seeing much of me; you see, I don’t believe in god.”

I developed stock response: “Oh, that’s interesting; which god is it you don’t believe in?” This used to surprise them; they mostly regarded the word “God” as a univocal, always meaning the same thing. So they would stumble out a few phrases about the god they said they did not believe in: a being who lived up the in the sky, looking down disapprovingly at the world, occasionally “intervening” to do miracles, sending bad people to hell while allowing good people to share his heaven. Again, I had a stock response for this very common statement of “spy-in-the-sky” theology: “Well, I’m not surprised you don’t believe in that god. I don’t believe in that god either.”

At this point the undergraduate would look startled. Then, perhaps, a faint look of recognition; it was sometimes rumored that half the college chaplains at Oxford were atheists. “No,” I would say; “I believe in the god I see revealed in Jesus of Nazareth.” What most people mean by “god” in late-modern western culture simply is not the mainstream Christian meaning.

- From "Jesus and the Identity of God," and re-told in various places.

Some of you might lead worship in churches that don't actually, literally dance in the presence of God, or actually, literally kneel. I particularly find the latter omission to be deeply problematic, but even so, - and this is the second new rule - please stop singing songs about how you are dancing or kneeling in the Lord's presence. If you're not really doing it, it's a bloody lie, and such base prevarication is beneath baptized people.

"No, son, it's our fault. We forgot to teach you shame."
- Hank Hill

The last time I was in an evangelical megachurch, I remember thinking at the lyric "We just wanna kneel in your presence, Lord," (or some such) thinking, "Oh, no. If I don't find a way to actually kneel in the eight inches of space between my chair and the one in front of me, the fruitcake on stage will have made a liar out of me!"

It's not pleasant.

Remember the difference between a liturgist and a terrorist: terrorists negotiate.

The helpful illustration is from Dave Walker at CartoonChurch.