The will always want something.Are you free from your will? When is you mind done wanting, done thinking, done troubling, done doubting?You will doubt no more once you have taken action on that thought. Though after your action you might start to show remorse or reminisce about the what now lies in your past. Or analyse it in the perception you have gained in hindsight.As long as you have time and or energy you may let your mind be occupied, for example with analysing. You may do this to a point you may call overthinking.There is always something to think about. what will you gain from it? when will you be done? when you have made a decision? does that mean it is final? or when something more urgent pops up? when something more important comes along? none of the above will bring an end to the thinking. Life is a process. There is always something to do. There is always something to thinks about. Will distraction then, keep us from a troubling mind? Structural escapism in the form of entertainment. In the form of pleasure. Will it keep us from an active mind? It appears that way. Or does it exist parallel to the thinking but overshadows it? That might lie closer to the truth. Escapism only lasts until reality has caught up. Escapism keeps us from an active mind as long as it fills us enough. Distraction, entertainment and pleasure are forms of escapism. The pitfall of these elements of escapism is comparable to that of an obsession, of an addiction. You will need more to reach the same result. The will need a higher intensity in a growing intensity to reach the same result. The result being a temporary escape.The mainstream culture in the western societies abuse this pitfall and convince us we need different forms of escapism. There is always the next hot thing. The next show we must watch, the next piece of technology we must gain, the next hype to pursue. If we think we have something the world already presents the next. If the next is acquired the world creates something new that we can chase. You might criticise this line of thought with the argument that it also drives innovation. Indeed it does, but I am talking about the effect on the individual. On you. Do you think you grow as a person, as a ambassador of humanity is you continue to pursue such things, such fleeting experiences in shallow entertainment? Or do you just follow your will?Do you do what do want or do you do what you think you want? What is the will? The will always want something. Formulated by greater minds than my own called it the monkeymind. By an even more astonishing thinker it has been defined as the ego, the superego, and the Id.Imagine two people. One of them is clearly more energetic, seemingly more convincing, sounding more interesting. That one is obviously trying to get as much attention as is possible. The other is silent, content, so unnoticeable that one might be overlooked.To whom do you dedicate your time and energy? There is no wrong answer. There is no definitive answer. Though, we should be aware that is our choice to whom we listen. To whom we listen is the one we become. We may choose to switch sides because we are swayed. We may choose to for other reasons.There is one pitfall. We may forget the comfort of the silence, of the silent one, the one who is content. We may forget the joy of the turbulence, of the unrestful one, the one who moves. In truth, I think there should be a balance. That there should be a deliberate search for when to be whom. The one, the other, and the one who imagine represent the ego, superego and the Id.We should make a distinction between being physically silent and having a silent mind. Those who are silent or those who try to hide themselves, those who emit they do not want to disturb other may have an overactive or troubled mind. Those who are loud or those who want to present themselves, those who emit they are fearless may have an overactive or troubled mind.The two people I told you to imagine exist only within, they are representations. You cannot always see clearly from the outside who someone tries to listen to within. In contemporary terms: whether someone is extrovert or introvert does not show whether they are balanced within.The monkeymind may take over someone and have them in its control. As any other person, that person will benefit from learning how to listen to the silence within.Luckily there are many tools and guides to support you it this process. This process called life. Your life your way. As with all, awareness is the first step. That is the way of the self.
Tag: positivity
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The way is the way
A phrase often heard in philosophical thoughts is; “the way will show itself”. How is that true for me and for you?
A guided mediation or other helpful methods for tranquillity seem to overlook something. They will say the way is obvious, that it will show itself. What does that actually mean? I will describe two different versions of the same wisdom. Choose for yourself with which one you identify most.
From all particles in the universe there are some which were in the same proximity. Those particle were so reactive and attracted towards each other that it was possible to connect, by chance, by fate, by opportunity, maybe by choice. In the womb of your mother all these particles were gathered. They were moulded, the particles of the world, the energy of the universe all moulded into a living being. This living being though it could exist on its own, sometimes forgetting that one is but a part of the whole. The one needs to find its place in the whole, to feel useful, to feel needed. Because you are needed.
Imagine that one, you, walking a path. Most of us have little honest guidance so the only way is to move forward. As we move forward one or more paths become obvious to us. Sometimes we can see obstacles ahead, sometimes we see a clear path, sometimes we cannot see at all. The path would slowly enfold as we set each step. Along the road there are numerous distractions, or are they signs? Are the distractions welcome or unwanted? Are certain companions dragging you or strengthening you? What do you need, what is best for you in the view of your complete path? When looking forward your path may appear. When standing still you might or might not have stable footing, so we try to stay in motion. When looking back we can see the path we have walked. Did you choose or did you follow a path?
Imagine you are in nature, in the middle of untouched nature. There are no paths, no humans to guide you, no knowledge of right and wrong. Yet you have set certain expectations for your journey, your path. But how will you know which way to go? There is no clear path, in every direction you look there lies as much comfort as obstacles but different in intensity. There are some obvious routes to take but there is no path. For example taking the route by walking in the valley, in the shadow of the mountain, but you will never know what lies beyond the mountain. Maybe that route will eventually force you to climb a steeper part of the mountain. The only thing you can do is create a path that is logical to you, that you can feel in your gut is right for you. There is no clear path but there are endless directions, plenty of options. When walking on your path you might encounter a river. You can see this river as an obstacle and avoid it. You may see it as an obstacle but overcome it, by being creative, fell a tree for an improvised bridge, or use rocks as stepping stones. You may even see the river as an opportunity to learn how to swim. Not knowing if you will ever swim again, so would it be a waste of time? Will you follow the stars in the ever changing sky? Will you follow the sunset? Will you follow a nice smell or warm breeze? Will you choose which way to go? When looking forward you might see the first few obstacles in this general direction, but it is not a path yet. When standing still you have the time to become conscious that you can change your direction rigorously because from when you are standing now your perspective on the environment has changed. When looking back you realise you have created a path?
I believe we can only choose and create based on what we know. And we know we know little. In the last example it might seem an impossible idea to swim, but you will only know in hindsight. In my life I have encountered obstacles I could overcome. Other obstacles took me an extensive amount of changing to overcome. Even some obstacles still exist. And I am sure that more will come. An obstacle is not truly an obstacle if you already know to overcome it. By encountering comparable obstacles you will become better at overcoming them. When we live risk averse and obstacle-avoiding, do we really live? When you encounter too many obstacles to bear, you might be forced to stand still. This occasionally standing still creates the opportunity to look, to see. To look ahead, to look around, to see how you have created your path thus far. The answer is that you are the one who must choose, to follow or to create. You have to do. I must do.
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The role of conflict, peace and being stuck in the journey of becoming.
There has been a point in my life when in stood still for a long time. At the time I thought it was too long. In hindsight, it is hard to say what would have happened to me if I started to move forward again, I can say something about what did happen to me.
I have always been an energetic person. An ambitious, social, curious person. Ambitious because I wanted to be someone, and I thought I needed formal merit to show for it. I knew as well that I needed the personal merit. I mean; you need a personality that is strong, wise, mature. I was courageous, I knew that in order to fly I needed to jump and fail and jump and fail. I was always trying so hard. Though, still I was becoming the person I wanted to be. Not in my career but as a person I was. But my self-image was formed mainly by how I could show for it, by formal merit. But I was stuck in my career and was I forced by internal and external forces to stay where I was. It felt like I was stuck in life. All I ever knew was to move forward, to strive, and even though I had my share of failure there always came new opportunities.
At that point in life, I was stuck. I needed to complete that chapter in my life to jump onto new opportunities. I had no other choice to finish what I had started. My sole purpose was to focus and overcome the hurdle that was equally external as internal. Distractions would not let me escape from my purpose. I tormented myself with poisonous thoughts for a long time, making the obstacle harder to overcome. I was stuck too long already, I was asking myself; how, when and can I still make it out? I never lost hope, but I lost trust. I lost. It felt I lost every day.
Still, I knew the tormenting was partly internal. Therefore I knew I had to unlearn to torture myself. I had to learn to enjoy life while slowly becoming unstuck. Becoming unstock and finishing that chapter in my life would still take months to a year and it was ongoing for longer. The personal trait that always pushed me forward, that never made me give up was now a burden. It would take time to push forward, I would need time to stand up again before taking the next attempt to fly.
It was unbearable to be subjected to constant self-torment. The option of taking the source of torment away lied in the future, therefore the option of changing how was handling the situation was the only one. I was forced to stand still, I had no idea what to do when you are standing still. Life, for me, until the forced standstill, was moving forward. Then, I could not move forward.
At first, I was objecting. Objecting made me angry. The anger made me a bitter person. The bitterness made me sad. The sadness made me numb. The numbness revived the rebel in me. The rebel in me made me object once more. That cycle continued. I relived the circle before I realized objecting only brought forth my own downfall, but that realization was not enough to change me deeply enough. I relived the circle more times. I came to realize that I needed something to break the circle.
My perception was that objecting was the true way to show myself. By objecting I thought I was showing strength to myself and my environment. I thought that by stopping to object I would subject… and to subject, in my eyes, was loosing myself, loathing myself. This remains a difficult and painful inner conflict of perception until this day. It was a dilemma; in one option I would stay stuck and therefore lose in life and being forced to take a turn in life, but I would not loose myself. The other option was to adopt a loss, loosing myself but being able to revive in the future. The way I describe this took years to form and formulate in my head and emotions. I have had many ways to perceive this dilemma. That is a part of why I was stuck.
I was not ready to make a decision yet. Being ripe counts only for your life and your circumstances, you can not compare yourself to others, even if you perceive them to be your peers. In life, only you can be ready for your life. I was not ripe enough to rigorously change as person once more. I had to change my ways in other factors of my life to be able to move forward before. It means to really let get of a part of yourself. To let go of your identity. In a certain perception, I had to become less.
Therefore, being stuck was a much-needed in my process called life. And time alone was not enough to ripen this being. The described cycle of objection had to be broken. In my numbness I had to find new ways to feel, to express, to be. I was in need of learning to enjoy standing still. I always considered myself a reflective person, I still think I was, it already was one of my strengths. Yet, I did not understand how I could enjoy standing still, I perceived it as being stuck. I was standing still in my career, in my social skills, in my exposure to challenges of life. But my biggest challenge was to manage myself when standing still. In chaos, I thrive. In structure, I manage. In peace, I object. In stillness, I act. But I learned; in stillness, be still.
In stillness, be still. Feel stillness, become stillness, become needless. Let go of being useful, let go of using, let go of your perceived needs.
For long it felt like life was putting me in place. Putting me in line. Wanting to reign over me. Like a wild horse I did not want to be tamed. But it is not like that. A horse will eventually submit to a rider, it will eventually be controlled. Controlled by an external force. I was right not to be controlled by life, or my environment or my community. But those are not the metaphorical rider. In this metaphor, I am the horse ánd the rider. Only me would let me control me. Only me can control me.
Only me can control me. Only me would let me control me. And the only way to do that is to submit to the me when I am completely still. I first had to experience stillness to become stillness. I had to make peace with myself. Achievements, compliments, or anything that can be measured will not bring you to peace with yourself. You are already enough to be in peace with yourself. Let go of yourself in order to control your emotions and thought coming from the external. Thus, let go of yourself to control yourself, that is how you can manage yourself. That is how you become a mighty mounted knight in your own story.
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How do you measure how happy you are?
When have you found what everything is looking for, namely happiness? How can it be found? where can it be found? Or can it be achieved? Or can it be earned? Then, who does it give, when is it delivered?
There is a place where you can and cannot find happiness. There is a time when you can and cannot find happiness. That place is everywhere, that time is anytime. I have to be so abstract in the answers, I have no other choice to answer these questions without sounding cliché.
Firstly, the place where someone thinks one will be happy is a wish, a projection. It does not mean one will actually be happy in that place. The truth is that you can be happy everywhere, I shall not preach that it is not easier in some places than in others.
Secondly, the place where you are is only one aspect of your life, it is only one factor that influences you as a person. A place is connected to a local culture. A culture brings forth norms and values which are almost certainly to become your framework, reference, worldview and perception. The norms and values will be about social interaction, food, ambitions, spending leisure time etcetera. In short, your culture influences how you see life and how you will live. All places, and therefore cultures, have advantages and disadvantages.
Here is an example that should be recognised across countries and cultures. Differences between rural culture and city culture about social interaction. In rural culture it is very likely that a there is an established social order. Social interaction and behaviour are acceptable within the range of that social order. The social order is not as complex as one in city culture because you know most people in one way or another. In a rural area most aspects of life and subcultures overlap. People and places are connected, therefore there is an overall established social order. You are accepted as much as you behave within the acceptable range of behaviour. In a city culture it is vastly more complex. Subcultures might never interact and therefore there is a smaller overlapping social culture. Behaviour that is expected in some subcultures might be frowned upon in another. There is a smaller common denominator in how to behave. An evident social order in a rural area might give you direction but it might not be a pure way, or your way. A complex social order in the city area might give you more ways and more choices but you might stray from a pure way, or your way.
Thirdly, the moment, the time someone will be happy is wish, a projection. It does not mean one will actually be happy in that moment or from that moment onward. The truth is that you can be happy anytime, I shall not preach that it is not easier in some moments than in others.
Fourthly, the moment or period when you are is only one aspect of your life, it is only one factor that influences you as a person. Time can be presented in many ways. In all era’s there has been happiness and misery. I want to think about your time, my time, our time. The moments, the chapters in our lives. In all chapters of our lives, we have experienced happiness and felt misery. Or was it joy and pain? Or was it pleasure and suffering? I cannot give you those answers, but I can say that we are able to be or become happy regardless of the chapter we live. Your age or chapter in life depicts how much responsibilities you have and how much is cared for you and so much more. Of course, that differs greatly for every person. But all lives have opportunities and risks. Have advantages and disadvantages, though I will not argue that the intensity and difficulty differ greatly.
However, here is an example that should be recognised across times, places and lives. The chapters of your life differ in responsibilities and caring. I take three different chapters of life in this example. When you are young, when you are self-sufficient and when you become a caretaker. When you are young, hard to say when that ends. Let us say it ends when you have finished school, or left the house, or started a job. When you are young, you are cared and have less responsibility. You are cared for in the sense that you get a form of attention, and, that you will be provided food and housing. In return you have little responsibility. You can be unhappy with the amount of caring you receive but your life is simpler than following chapters. Most however, receive more caring than they give to themselves. Caring and being cared for is a human need for we are social creatures. In this phase, your responsibilities are relatively small and your role in most social atmospheres is clear.
When we become self-sufficient, when you have finished school, or left the house, or started a job. You are less cared for; you receive less attention and whether food or housing is provided for might be decided by yourself. You decide how much caring you accept; you experience how much caring you receive from the rest of the world, but mostly and most importantly, from yourself. You have more responsibilities than in your youth, some will fill some of your human needs, because you are able to achieve, to build, to overcome. You also experience that caring for yourself and responsibilities take time and effort. You receive (care) less and do more (responsibilities), but how does this influence your happiness?
At a certain point in life, we become a caretakes, this might be because of you work or private circumstances. You might receive a child; you might be responsible for the health of your parents or sibling. Living with one you love means you take care of each other, in some dimensions you will be the leading caretaker, in other dimensions your love will be. When you become a caretaker, you are the one who provides, you are the one who cares for other. It seems that you receive even less care from other than when you were self-sufficient and that you have even more responsibilities. Even if that is true, you will still experience happiness. When you care for other you receive a lot. They will thank you in a thousand ways, but the one cared for will also be unthankful in a thousand ways, forgive them for being ignorant. You will see their smiles, their achievements with your support. But we must never forget to take care of ourselves, especially when you become a caretaker. You bear the responsibilities of yourself, others and maybe those of an entire community. All I can say is, manage them well. And, since you are helpful and caring you should know no common responsibility is solely yours, it should be shared as well. Your life will be fuller, maybe more tied up, but how does it influence your happiness?
At last, in all chapters you experience happiness. Though it is happiness in different ways, happiness coming from different sources. From freedom or carelessness in your youth. From growth and selfcare in your self-sufficient phase. From being needed and the knowledge that you are able you can carry burdens and responsibilities, the knowledge you have become strong in your caretaker chapter. Self-love and self-care are just as important as receiving is from others, and that is just as important as giving it to others. We humans need to be a part of a social context and our role within that context changes.
Our role changes in time. Our role changes with the place we are at. It is us that grow into and assume certain roles. It is us in the place, in the moment. Happiness is influenced by others, by the place, by the time, but it exists in one form or another. That leads us to say that we can be happy for various reasons, ultimately it is us who recognise and accept it. Therefore, I must repeat: ‘That place is everywhere, that time is anytime.’
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What aspects of myself do I associate myself with? When do we start to reflect?
A person has strength and weaknesses. Strength and weaknesses bring forth threats and opportunities. Under the right circumstances people are able to grow, sometimes circumstances force a person to grow. When we are learning or in hindsight what do we focus on? There should be a balance of focus on the positive and the negative. Most people tend to lean on way or the other. In the greater perspective when certain people lean to the positive and other lean to the negative there is balance among humanity. But people as a distinct entity should be balanced as well. In that way we are adaptable and resilient. When balanced we can be happy.
How you are influenced by negative or positive stimulations depends on how coloured your own perspective is. When someone is overly optimistic, do we follow in that perspective or do we tend to get more critical. In the end, one of the two person is going to be more critical than the other.
I want to be balanced my reactions to outer stimulants. I am able to rationally see the positive and negative consequences of inner or outer actions. Still my feelings tend to lean one way. Not too long ago, my overall state of mind was negative. Therefore, my emotional reaction to action and movement was dominated by negative thinking. In some aspects of life more than in other aspects, I thought in limitations, I thought of the disadvantages. This was all part of the cycle of negativity, I am still trying to turn the cycle the other way around. I am certain I can, at some point, as long as I actively try.
We, and I, tend to start reflecting when things are not going as well as you would like. We then tend to focus on what parts of our behaviour or strategy we have to improve. As I wrote about in a previous blog: in my environment, I was only told the things that should be improved. That way of interacting strengthened thinking critically. It supported focussing on the negative aspects. I was never satisfied of myself towards myself because I was conscious of the growth I still had to go through. Therefore, when I was looking backwards, I felt like I could have done better. When looking forwards, I raised the bar and strained myself to improve. Unfortunately, there was little emphasis on looking towards the present.
Thus, when I, and my environment with me, had moments of reflection there was little to no attention for the positive. There was an extensive amount of energy spent on the negative. There was no balance. I learned to associate myself with the negative. The learned to associate with all things negative in life. I am trying to change that.
I am capable of thinking balanced. Capable of thinking about the positive and negative. My emotion still leans towards the negative. Therefore, I am deliberately and actively focussing on the positive. This feels incredibly weird, it feels uncomfortable and unnatural. By being predominantly negative I forgot how to embrace positivity, love, and light.
There are many ways to teach you how to be positive. Most approaches in self-help books or positive psychology are too different from my current way of thinking. The approaches feel too rigorous and too forced. I believe slow and consistent change will be much more durable, with less pitfalls. I have always been inspired by great thinkers, mostly by philosophers and psychologists. One of the fathers of philosophy, Aristotle, laid the basis for reflection. All current methods can in ultimately be defined by the method upheld by Aristotle. To Aristotle happiness is the highest human good.
With his students he sat, preferably every evening to reflect. A day is short, though a lot can change in a day. The amount of time and energy you spent on reflecting can be influenced by how much has happened or how much time has passed in between. You are even able to have a brief moment of reflection every day, have one longer every week and even longer one every month. As I, you should first learn to reflect balanced before you use it set too remarkable changes. Reflection is a skill that must be honed.
With his students Aristoteles sat. Asking them three question which were open for discussion, every question was equally important and deserved full commitment in thought, time, energy and emotion. The last is gives hope, energy, thankfulness and pride. The first question is: What went well? The second is: what went badly. The third: what could be improved. I am not here to explain the method in full. I just wanted to share this method and with that a basis for reflection and introspection. I wanted to show that there should be a balance, a balance we aspire.
I do advocate that we should make reflection a normal part of our routine. We should do it on blissful, neutral and depressive days. It should be something to look forward to. A skill that you are improving. It is a way to bring your feelings more in line with your rationale and the other way around. Reflection is a way to balance your life. Therefore, it is crucial to embrace happiness.
The way of self 