Archive
The Five Stages of Falling in Love
¶
Status Update: RT’s mom is doing fairly well as she continues to struggle with lung disease. Living in a nursing home is always difficult, but his mom has more or a less adjusted to the challenges. During his most recent visit with her, she told him, “Write another book!”
RT is of course struggling with his own issues as the drama of his mother’s health plays out. Recently, he was looking over the Wikipedia entry on the five stages of grief and was struck by how much they resemble the emotions we experience as we fall in love. RT has been vouchsafed few moments of insight over the last several months, so he felt he should share his flash in the pan:
*
The Five Stages of Falling in Love
Denial: “Are you kidding me? I’m not in love with them! I don’t know their name. We’ve never met. They’re not even a blip on the radar.”
Anger: “Who are you? How can you tell me we’re in love? I don’t like anything about you. In fact, I can’t stand the way you look, the way you smell, your personal habits. Go away! Get out!”
Bargaining: “I know we shouldn’t have kissed. It’s my fault. I smiled and made small talk and then, well, we got romantic for a moment. Look, the whole thing is a mistake, so let’s forget about it. We’ll wipe the slate clean and start over as friends.”
Depression: “Oh my god, we just slept together. We’re really in love. We can’t get out of it. We’re stuck!”
Acceptance: “OK, so we’re in love. Now what do we do?”
¶
Love is like gravity; it is universal and its action continuous. People are always falling in love. There’s no way to stop it. When I recently shared my insight with a friend, they suggested that it applies only to inappropriate relationships. But all love relationships are inappropriate at some level. Nobody is ever really prepared for love or its consequences. At the same time, love is the force that makes us get out of bed in the morning. But now RT is waxing philosophical…
•
Photo: Tala Birell-Edmund Lowe in Let’s Fall in Love. Publicity still, 1933. WikiCmns; Dr. Macro. Public Domain.
*
,
death and mourning
As difficult as it is, each of us has to confront the reality of death in the most painful way: the loss of a family member, confidante, or other intimate friend. They are gone, suddenly or not, and we confront a gaping hole in our life. A year was the typical period of mourning dictated in more traditional times, and the process can take longer, depending on the strength of the bond with the person who has died.
Recently, one of RT’s friends lost her mother. To encourage the healing process for her and her family, RT made bold to write the following poem; he hopes it helps them in their grieving:
*
The dead like gods
watch us, concerned,
listen to our pain,
confer, render judgment.
*
Visit our dreams, we ask,
with your warnings and memories.
*
Earth and heaven are one,
they reply, the path to
the shining souls rooted
in the sun’s deep night cradle.
The steps are sapphire, they say:
climb with us, like angels–
*
*
******************************side-by-side
******************************soar and glide
******************************in the lapis and gold Heavens;
******************************climb down and
******************************wake in the
******************************day star’s
******************************light,
*
their words humming and
*****singing in the dead
*****************dust–
*
*****dust of seed and
******************************flower scattered far in
******************************inthe privilege of winds.
*
Photo: Angel of Grief (1894); William Wetmore Story, sculptor. Protestant Cemetary in Rome. WikiCmns; Public Domain.
*
Mourning Broach
♠
Mourning seems to be a much less public process than it once was; RT can’t remember anyone wearing a declaration of grief as public as this…maybe sharing the experience a bit more often would help the bereft heal?
♦
Photograph: Mourning Broach (jet, 19th century). Author: Detlef Thomas. WikCmns; Public Domain.
*
9/11–Twelfth Anniversary
*
•
To the memory of the dead… RT
*
*
Image: Peace dove; user: Gryffindor. WikiCmns; Public Domain.
*
Neil Armstrong, 1930-2012
•
Mr. Armstrong dared death many times. He knew the truth: the only way to get there is by going. Best wishes to him on his latest voyage! RT
•
Photo: Neil Armstrong After his First Moonwalk; WikiCmns; NASA/JPL; Public Domain w/ attribution.
Tree & Hill
RT’s Best Hits of 2011
RT’s Best Hits of 2012
Take a Look Around
Mood Indigo
The Rag Tree 