Tag Archives: funny

Doggie Day books

This week was National Dog Day, ok, we missed it by a day or two… well, here are three VERY different doggie books that you just HAVE TO READ if you love doggies… and you might just pick up a few for your fellow doggie friends for the holidays (which are going to be here sooner than your dog can chew up a dog bone).

 

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The exciting and funny / hilarious new Chet and Bernie book, Paw and Order, which you’ve all been waiting with doggie breath to come out so you can read it. Now you can.

Harry Truman once said “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.”

Cici and I were very happy to get our paws on the latest (7th in the series) Chet and BernieL book, Paw and Order because we are always up for another hilarious adventure seen thru Chet’s canine eyeballs. The story begins in New Orleans. And Bernie’s Porsche and a trip to a BBQ joint turns into a fiasco with some motorcycle dudes who have big necks.  But no matter, Chet and Bernie are on the case and a team not to be messed with.

The dog-eat-dog world of Washington DC will never be the same after Chet and Bernie’s Little adventure. They could have gone straight home from New Orleans but what fun would that have been? They instead detoured because well, Bernie’s sometime girlfriend Suzie the newspaper reporter is now working at the Washington Post and she is on a BIG story that she cannot talk about. So of course,  Chet sniffs around the capital city and Bernie ends up arrested. An international conspiracy unfolds and Chet encounters a strange new animal, a guinea pig, who holds the fate of the nation in his paws.

Chet and Bernie are always a winning combination. With Chet’s sharp eyes and cool nose and Bernie’s talents, they cannot lose, although it is always suspenseful along the way. Another great read for dog lovers, guinea pig aficionados, and Washington DC insiders and outsiders.

http://www.chetthedog.com/tag/paw-and-order

Off the Leash: A Year at the Dog Park  by Matthew Gilbert

If you have ever visited a dog park and met some strange, weird, quirky, bizarre dog people, then you will relate to this book. It is about an array of dogs and their people who gather at Amory Park, overlooking Boston near Fenway Park.

Matthew Gilbert, a longtime TV critic at The Boston Globe, describes his reluctant trip into the dog park subculture, as the first-time owner of a stubbornly social Yellow Lab puppy named Toby. Like many Americans, he was happily accustomed to the safe distance of TV viewing and cell-phone web surfing, tethered to the digital leash. But the headstrong, play-obsessed Toby pulls him to Amory, and Amory becomes an exhilarating dose of presence for him. The joyous chaos of wrestling dogs and the park’s cast of offbeat dog owners – the “pack of freaks” – gradually draw him into the here and now. At the dog park, the dog owners go off the leash, too.

Meetings at the dog park can be mayhem, chaotic and fun, depending upon  the day. Sort of a daily or weekly canine soap opera. Dogs love/hate one another as do their owners.  When the dogs have disagreements, so do their human companions. And sometimes the human beans are even worse than the dogs when they are off the leash.

This is a very funny, sunny, very right on, portrait of life at the dog park and relationships and encounters between dogs and the dog owners. Dog Parks: Enter at Your Own Risk. Dog parks are not for the faint of heart or skittish. And Gilbert knows right where the fun begins and ends.  His honest and enthusiastic memoir will make you rethink going to the dog park or yearning to find doggie friends and a pack to belong to.

 

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Dogs Rule, Nonchalantly by Mark Ulriksen is just plain silly. EVERYONE who is ANYONE with a DOG that is KNOWS that Dogs Rule. Of course, my Polka Dot Princess agrees with me on that one. She Rules this household. Of course.  Ulriken has been working for a little publication called The New Yorker, where he has been a regular contributor since 1993. He has achieved more than 40 magazine covers to his credit.   This book offers great illustrations of doggies, and funny lines to go with the images. We were offput by one illustration of what seemed to be a bad stereotype of a bully breed dog. We do not like those stereotypes as you know. Other than that, numerous breeds were represented in hilarious detail. And some of the jokes were VERY funny.  If you live or love a dog, you know how amusing they can be. And this book capitalizes upon canines and their goofyness with refreshing charm and a breath of doggie sunshine. Dogs penchant for stinky things. Dogs and their always sunny disposition (until you are leaving the house).  And you know the rest of their quirks.

http://dogsruleproject.com/

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Filed under animal books, animal stars, Best Friends, breeds, dog crazy, dog friendly, dog parks, dog speak, dogs, four paws up, K9 approved, keep pets safe, pet care, pet press, pit bull, shaggy dog story, silly dog, Uncategorized

A Limerick for Cici

Happy Saint Pitties Day…

There once was Cici the mixed Pitty
who lived at the beach, not the city.
She loved to bathe in the sun,
lick farm animal hooves for fun
but don’t ask her to be nice to a kitty!

An original poem by Oz the Terrier; re-posted with permission, in its entirety, as originally posted on www.oztheterrier.com.

http://www.oztheterrier.com/2013/03/march-ing-out-limericks-cici.html

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Filed under beach, dogs, farm animals, funny, justforlaughs, K9 approved, Uncategorized

Time to shape up poochie mama

despite going on a car ride with her new boyfriend the adorable Harley the other day, Cici has had it with her derelict mama…

a short list of my crimes

well, during the trip to the store, I had the audacity to go shopping/get out of the car without her…she whined while Harley sniffed her butt… apparently for most of the time I was gone…afterwards they had a pee contest

every time she fixes upon me that stare that means she MUST go out for a walk, then follows it up with a low grunty/whiny/growl, and lastly puts her chin on my knee to let me know that she is serious, my demerits pile up  (will I get detention, or have to take a time out?)  I do not get any credit for opening up the door for her many times a day and she either does nothing or goes out, sniffs the air and then comes back inside immediately without doing any business (I am expected to be her personal door opener, comes with the job description so it does not count)

then, of all the nerve, I expect some room on the bed to sleep when she has commanded the entire space for herself to spread her paws out… dang, what does a polka dot princess have to put up with around here?

and whenever roomie/owner leaves the house, without her, and certainly not with her permission, that is my fault, too.

what’s a polka dot princess’ mama to do besides feeding her hot dogs, chicken, and turkey that I cook for her, (instead of feeding her dog food which she does not want to eat the last few days), giving her unlimited belly rubs, petting her head, scratching her butt, praising her, playing with her and attending to her every whim?

that’s why she pays me the big bucks…

and oh by the way, it occurs to me that it is our 5th anniversary of being together, since I rescued her from the meanies…

but I better shape up or she may be in the market for a new mama who will treat her every wish/whim as a command to be followed immediately…

Dog Mama Requirements:
  • Gourmet personal chef
  • Writing/Editing and Computer Skills
  • Big butt for being a comfy pillow
  • Follows the canine handbook/rulebook to a T
  •  Savvy door opener and cookie dispenser
  • Knows every whim, command means ASAP (fluent in canine nuance)
  • Mastered K9 accents, sniffs and dialects
  • Pushover/marshmallow heart
  • Must obey in sickness, health, for richer or poorer
  • Ignores dog hygiene (dogs baths are stupid)
  • Performs magic tricks (such as making treats/cookies fall from the sky)

in the meanwhile… I seriously thought one of her spots came off the other day…so when I saw this, LOL…

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Filed under dogs, funny, pet care, silly dog, spoil your dog rotten, spoiled brat dog

proud history of the pit bull video

watch this beautiful video and pass it on to everyone you know !  send this video to the white house, send it to oprah, ellen degeneres, rachael ray, martha stewart and your local media people, newspapers, magazines, TV media, and let them know you care about pit bulls, send it to your local animal rescue groups, no kill shelters, SPCA, humane societies, and thank them for their hard work on behalf of the dogs…

dog files, Kenn Bell, thank you, the dogs thank you, woof woof !

this is the story of the real pit bulls, loving, sweet, loyal, strong, funny nanny dogs….

http://www.thedogfiles.com/2010/10/11/pit-proud-the-history-of-the-pit-bull/

blog hope code hopefully

i did this about 10 times, put in the code, best I can do, don’t know how to do codes.

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Filed under end dog racism, end dogfighting, Michael Vick dogs, nanny dogs, obama, pit bull, prejudice against dogs

My Dog’s New Year’s Resolutions

Cici was up all night preparing her New Year’s Resolutions. Here they are:

* I will no longer pull my human down the street, exceptions may apply. (exceptions include other dogs, cats, squirrels, rabbits, lizards, and other prey who may go by at a moment’s notice that I just HAVE TO CHASE) .

* I will not fart, burp, or make other weird and disgusting noises in my human’s face nor breathe on her especially not while she is sleeping.

* I will not slurp my food nor slobber it all over the bowl and floor.

 

* Even though the toilet water is delicious, I will drink the water out of my bowl without whining.

 

* I will wait patiently by the door until my human decides it is time to take me out. And when she takes me out to the yard, I will not bark, nor whine, nor make other strange noises to indicate my misery.

* I will not eat large bones in a hurry until I choke on them, make my human worry about taking me to the vet and end up puking the bones all up.

* I will not eat poop under any circumstance, even if it’s a yummy taste sensation, cat litter snack and not even if it’s outside, in the neighbor’s yard, nor at a dog park.

* I will not growl at NOTHING in the dark, in the yard, nor chase after invisible NOTHINGS in the dark in the yard.

* I will not smile at my human with innocent looking eyes, indicating that I may have done something wrong but am covering it up by looking adorable and irresistibly cute.

* I will not be good while my human is in the house and then sneak into the garbage for a snack while she is away.

* I will not chew on dirty underwear, dirty socks or other tempting human clothing to appease my taste for my human’s scent.

* I will not stare pleadingly into her eyes until she does whatever I want her to do (feed me, walk me, play with me, rub my belly).

* I will no longer hog the bed, leaving my human hanging from the edge, nor sleep on my human’s head or butt, nor snore into my human’s face while she is sleeping.

* Barking at the treats will not make them pop into my mouth.

* When the doorbell rings, I will remember that it is not necessarily for me and let the humans answer the door. And when someone comes in the door, I will not jump on and slobber all over them.

* Mail sometimes comes for my human, large packages are not always for me, so I will not assume they are and poke my nosy cold wet nose into every package.

* I will not lick my butt and then lick my human or any human in the house in the face.

* When it is raining outside, I will go and do my doggie business quickly, despite not wanting to get my puppy paws wet. And I will not complain nor whine nor bark and then proceed to pounce into the mud and roll around in it.

* I will take my baths in stride, without a whimper, nor putting my puppy tail behind my bottom, looking sad and scared, all to make my human feel guilty for wanting me to be fresh, clean and smelling good.

* My first instinct to jump into and roll around in the horse poop, waste pile, manure, stinky dead animal or other obnoxious odors will lead to another bath I don’t want.

* When I shake myself off after my bath, I will do it out of range of my human. Flying water and fur is not on my human’s list of favorite things.

* The oven and stove are hot and if i stick my puppy paws or nose anywhere near the heat, I will be kicked out of the kitchen for good.

* When I am chasing my tail and scratching my butt, I will fall down and if I do, my human will be laughing her head off.

* I will no longer chase cats, nor sniff them in the air, or look all around the house for them after I hear cat noises on the TV screen, the big box with the moving pictures on it.

* Birds are my friends. They are not to be eaten or played with.

* I will not wag my tail at the speed of light and give my human and other humans tail lash and break all local tail wagging ordinances.

* I will not lick the baby in the mouth, nor knock over any children in order to give them a big swipe of my large tongue.

* Dog cookies and human cookies are not necessarily the same.

* I will try to not do lick-by’s even when tempted with naked human legs and feet as they walk by.

* Yes, the neighbor’s dog Lola is outside all of the time yapping. I do not have to yap or bark back at her every time I go outside in the yard.

* I do not need to bark whenever I am tied up outside of a store, certain that I am being left outside for good, or else one of these days, this might come true.

* When the humans are on the Internet, I will not sit so close that I knock them off the bed where they are sitting.

* If my human tells me to move away from her legs because they hurt, I will not sit on her legs to make them all better.

* When my human is typing at the computer, she does not need me to sit at her feet and keep them warm.

* Computer and TV wires and cables are not to be played with EVER.

* I am written about on a blog in her computer, so I will be happy, satisfied and grateful for my fame and fortune and all the perks that come with being a polka dot princess.

* I will sit patiently for my human to take lovely photos of me that she can post on said blog and let the world know what a lovely polka dot princess I am.

* I will not hamper my human from typing on the keyboard when my human is writing about me and other important xitpbeuxmeuemeictthhggg6453ncm.

* Any critter that has it this good should be willing to work for their snacks not demand them. I was not brought up in a barn and I should have table manners by now.

* I will not stalk lizards when I won’t do anything about the ants we sometimes get in the house.

* I will not eat tripe and garbage and then refuse to eat my veggies.

* A warm pepperoni pizza does not have my name on it.  The pizza delivery box is not always for me.

* My human’s breakfast, lunch or dinner is not always good for me.

* I will no longer bark at other dogs when I am on leash and scare everyone to pretend I am a tough girl when really I am a softie at heart and have my breed to be a good ambassador for.

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Filed under dog speak, dog treats, dogs, funny, silly dog

twitter anyone?

you can meet fun people on the Internet, twitter, facebook, blogging…  networking…

and other pet bloggers are a very interesting bunch… some are authors, trainers, groomers, communicators, animal rescuers, pet product company spokespeople or just plain old dog owners. some have one dog, like me, others, a bunch of canines.

Edie Jarolim, is one such lady who I follow on Twitter. Her tweets are always fun, interesting and sometimes downright howlarious… so one day I clicked on over to her blog,

A guilt-free zone for good dog owners

http://willmydoghateme.com/,  and found out she has written a book called Am I Boring My Dog? and 99 Other Things Every Dog Wishes You Knew…

after reading her posts, I wanted more, so I got a copy of the book.

indeed, it’s a wow-ser!

didn’t really know what to expect, except I hoped it would be fun like her blog and imagine, IT IS !

maybe you have a dog, or have dreamed of getting one, for sure you know other people in those categories, so get this book!  it answers basic questions such as should I get a mixed breed or a purebred, what should I call my dog, why should I get a dog rather than a cat, how do I know my child is ready for a dog, and outrageous others such as is there such a thing as a dog travel agent, a doggie shrink, and will my dog hate me if I dress her (YES!)…and do all dogs get grumpy when they get old?

and the best part is it is easy to read in small bits of time, because it is organized into bite-sized pieces, so if you are hurrying around for the howlidays and don’t have a spare second, no worries. This book provides practical info while making you chuckle, all in a short amount of time, no small feat.

cici and I especially enjoyed the section on  Fun and Games on the Road.

love the dog you’re with, and treat the dog owners in your life with this Erma Bombeck meets Victoria Stillwell read.

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Filed under all you need is a dog, comedy, dog travel, dogs

do your feet stink?

Do your feet stink… 

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MEDICAL TEST 

 

 

STARE INTO THE CAT’S EYES   FOR 10 SECONDS

 

 

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NOW STARE IN THE PUPPY’S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS

 

 

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Thank you…Your CAT SCANand LAB TESTS

are now complete

 

 

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Now, I just want to party! 

 

 

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….have a GREAT Day!!!

 

 

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Filed under all you need is a dog, animal planet, animal stars, animals, cats, comedy, dogs, funny, gag, laughter is the best medicine, mutts, puppies

is my dog contagious?

 Thanks so much to Pet Rescue Central for linking to my funraising article… 

http://petrescuercentral.blogspot.com/2008/03/fundraising.htmll

My dear sweet Cici writer has some serious afflictions and various harmful conditions… and I thought i would share them with you all to see if you know what to do to cure her… some, if not all of these, are believed to be in the K9 handbook… email me for a copy.

first of all, she is a true bruceaholic… she has a very serious bruce addiction…  bruce almighty… our friend and landlord bruce is her best friend and she just cannot get enough of him… as evidenced by her constant nagging, wailing, barking, growling and waiting at the stairs to get her fix of him 400 times a day… the following afflictions that she causes are numerous including but not limited to: 

Whackto Intolerance… whenever she gets all crazy girl whacko, at some point, you reach the brink and cannot tolerate her wild flights running up and down the stairs, jumping madly up on the couch, or barking in the mirror one minute longer… at this point, either you take a drink to calm your nerves or throw the dog outta the house and into the yard, lawn furniture be warned ! 

Repetitive Lick Syndrome, this ensues at the closeness of anyone’s feet, hands or face, beware…  symptoms include slobbered on wet toes, arms, eyeballs and/or cheeks…Tail Lashing, quite deceptive so be forewarned, the onset is quick, sudden, and caused by sheer excitement…you may think that she is happy to see you and think it’s cute but if you get too close, you may feel like your knees are being flogged with a whip… try putting a pillow over said tail, this should cause symptoms to abate… otherwise, tackle the K9 down to the floor on their back and administer belly rubs… 

Chewtonia, aka chew the one you’re with, this dangerous condition must be prevented due to possible loss of fingers or toes, while the K9’s mouth is still open, insert a large plastic object such as a chew toy or bone, get your digits out of the mutt’s mouth as quickly as you can and run for the hills! Smotherization, aka dog butt on your head while you sleep, and/or doggie breath swarms into your face while you doze, a deadly combination, if synthesized with RLS (Repetitive Lick Syndrome outlined above) suffocation can occur at all altitudes… 

OneEarUp complex, it is believed that this signals an incoming message from the Pack Leader in the Sky. These messages are inaudible to human ears, and audible only to K9’s. Letting your dog listen to these alerts can lead to bouts of incessant barking at invisible objects and frenzied running around in circles, leaping into your lap or hiding underneath the bed. It is also possible that the reason dogs drink out of the toilet bowl is to receive messages, since toilet bowls are conducive and another deceptive method of incoming calls. The only antidote is doggie ear muffs, to be applied at random moments to keep the K9 off guard as to your intentions. Also, close the bathroom door and keep your mutt out.

Sniffitup, another grave complex, that is evidenced by dog sniffing the grass, your shoes, everything in its path and can lead to meandering off any given path, standing still with nose quivering, followed by swfit outbursts of taking gross, disgusting and/or repulsive items into one’s mouth such as dead birds, rats or feces. No known cure.

Growlybearitis, one of the most lethal conditions that is the equivalent of Jewish mother guilt inducement… your beloved dog sticks their head underneath the bed and growls whenever they are displeased with your behavior. Someone unknown passing by might be inclined to believe their sad doggie story. They also could be tempted to call the ASPCA because clearly you have been neglecting your precious pet, deprived them or otherwise mistreated them. What a poor innocent dog. Now, give me one hundred Hail Mary’s and one hundred sit-ups. You are bad, to blame and there is no redemption for a pet parent who does not pay attention to their dog 24/7 and give them whatever it is they want 24/7.  Obviously, you are the meanest pet parent on the face of the earth and deserve to be banished forever to the hinterlands, Timbuktu or Antartica, whichever is worst.. that is until dinnertime, when the said K9 has to go out, or you are reprieved by giving them a new chew toy,  bone or belly rub. Better shape up ! 

Feetwarming, a nice fuzzy deceptive trick to keep dog owners from kicking said K9 outta the bed and house no matter the day or night…. may be contagious… highly addictive… 

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Filed under all you need is a dog, chew toy, dogs, four paws up, funny, justforlaughs, K9 approved, K9 handbook, mutts, shaggy dog story, silly dog, smile

dog weddings in England… German dogs wear shoes…

I sent the doggie wedding links and videos to a friend in England who replied, Only in America… then I was did a search about dog weddings around the world, and what do you know, I found all of these about dog weddings in Harrod’s in London, a gay dog wedding, dogs at ay wedding ceremonies and so on… hah, I told him… hah… England swings… so if you ever go to England, bring your dog !

the thing with English people is that they have this stiff upper lip image but can be quite funny… humor makes the world go round…

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1992535.html

http://www.wedaholic.com/archives/harrods_wedding_service_for_dogs.php

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30200-1233704,00.html

http://ahpoh.blogspot.com/2007/05/dog-wedding-complete-tale.html

http://www.reuters.com/article/gc08/idUSL0856721120070308

A drag queen bridesmaid, a “page dog”, and a gay men’s choir have helped to mark a wedding on the first anniversary of civil partnerships becoming law.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/6202067.stm

and a shaggy wedding story

http://www.wedlok.com/lasvegaswedding/wedding_news/a_shaggy_wedding_story_dog_walks_bride_down_aisle-110233.html

and then we have these German dogs wearing shoes…

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/dog_shoes

capt7c0081c4a30763d9902554b88143afed.jpeg 

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Filed under dog kisses, dog weddings, dogs, dogs around the world, funny, justforlaughs, travel, travel with dog, travelwriting

Who is that puppy in the mirror?

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Filed under animals, birds in sky, dogs, funny, puppy vs mirror, smile