opinion

Depression – Have you ever felt handcuffed to your house?

In our darkest moments, we can still, see some light. cherished79 com 'Living in Stigma'

Yes, it felt as if I was handcuffed to my house.

It sounds dramatic, but I was at the time.

For countless years, and even today, depression with its dark, unforgiving black clouds still hovers over me. Eventually, I recovered from those darkest days.

Recalling the arduous years of major depression, I was housebound and felt isolated from the world. Blackness overpowered my life; dark and muddy, depression was unrelenting, and the massive hands took hold of me, demanding each full minute of my day.

Days were devoted to gazing out my living room window and enduring life in the house, rarely venturing further than the end of the driveway.

Appointments with my family doctor or psychiatrist developed into an enormous production; questioning what to wear, panicky about riding the bus or mixing up route times, and what to review with my doctors.

Continue reading Depression – Have you ever felt handcuffed to your house?

The “Everything Happens for a Reason” statement is Crap

I think about this statement often, and when someone utters these words, it makes my skin crawl.

What precisely does it mean, and why do people say it? Are they so narrow-minded, wrapped up in religion, or in another world?

Does it mean when there is a world disaster, a plane crash because of a mechanical issue, multiple school shootings, childhood sexual abuse, people diagnosed with an illness, cancer, kidnapping, serial murderers and rapists, riots, war veterans killed, or any other horrible occurrence, it happened for a reason? Please explain.

For me, it goes way back to my very ill years of struggling with major depression and my mother regularly commenting on the ever so “everything happens for a reason” words.

Really, mom? You mean the sexual abuse, which led to therapy, which led to depression, which led to hospitals, a myriad of meds, which led to suicide attempts, countless ECTs, which led to losing my career, almost foreclosure on my house, hubby losing his job, losing friends and let’s include the horrible migraine headaches, etc. What exactly do you mean?

I don’t believe people recognize how much these words can sting. It’s almost a “whatever”, said in a flippant moment. IMO, just support that person who is hurting, and show comfort, empathy, and compassion. So, to everyone else, keep your trap shut.

Edited and reposted

Written and copyright by Deb McCarthy 2022

What about the Funeral? ~ When Your Abuser or Estranged Relative Dies

100

Yes, what about the funeral, what about when your abuser dies? Are you expected to attend, expected to pay or share the costs, feel guilty or make excuses for not attending? It’s a crappy time for everyone. Do I pretend or fake I’m sad? Why should I pay for years of misery and abuse?

My narcissistic mother passed away a few years ago (we cut ties in 2013). My brother, whom I was also not in contact with, unexpectedly texted that she passed. I have no idea if there was a funeral, nor did I want to know.

Searching high and low for a detailed answer, I came across this well-written article:

One of the biggest dilemmas faced by escapees from abusive families is what to do when their abuser or estranged relative dies. Should we appear at the wake and funeral, or not? Should we go to the burial? Should we send flowers? Should we offer our condolences- and if so, to whom?

To the very people who took our abuser’s side against us or shunned us from their family, what kind of performance will we have to put on if people offer condolences? How will we be able to pretend that the death of our abuser was a great loss when we can’t even come up with one nice thing to say about him/her?

See the rest of this article at:
My blog is NOT a “religious” blog and I frown upon people who express their spiritual opinions, but (https://luke173ministries.org/) site offers oodles of mental health information.

(reposted with editing July 2022)

What about the Funeral? ~ When Your Abuser or Estranged Relative Dies

Yes, what about the funeral. Are you expected to attend, expected to pay for costs, feel guilty and makes excuses for not attending? It’s a crappy time for everyone.

My narcissistic mother is not in the picture anymore, however, if she passed away how would the funeral be handled? (I’ve already answered that, but will keep my answer private).

Searching high and low for a detailed answer, I came across this well-written article:

One of the biggest dilemmas faced by escapees from abusive families is what to do when our abuser or estranged relative dies. Should we make an appearance at the wake and funeral, or not? Should we go to the burial? Should we send flowers? Should we offer our condolences- and if so, to whom?

To the very people who took our abuser’s side against us or shunned us from their family? What kind of an act will we have to put on if people offer condolences to US? How will we be able to pretend that the death of our abuser was a great loss, when we can’t even come up with one nice thing to say about him?

See the remainder of this article at:
http://www.luke173ministries.org/655609

(reposted with editing)

When Your Abuser or Estranged Relative Dies ~ The Whole Funeral Thing

My toxic mother is not in the picture anymore, but the question still remains, what about the funeral? The response would be ~ NO for my abuser if he were still alive.

Searching high and low for a detailed answer, I came across this well written post. My intention is not to shove religion down your throats believe me, as this article was written by a minister on a religious site, however, it answered my questions and more.

Continue reading When Your Abuser or Estranged Relative Dies ~ The Whole Funeral Thing

SUICIDE: THE TABOO WORD

Suicide: definition…is an act of willfully ending one’s life.

Males die much more often than females by suicide, while females attempt suicide more often. U.S. Caucasians commit suicide more often than African Americans do.
People commit suicide more often during spring and summer.

Suicidal ideation produces the perilous side of mental illness, acting as both a friend and seducer. Even though thoughts of dying encapsulate our mind on one hand, we yearn to remain living on the other. We desire just to feel better.

Continue reading SUICIDE: THE TABOO WORD

How being unemployed changes your personality

Add another stressor to the financial burden of losing your job. Being unemployed can change the nature of your personality, making you significantly less agreeable and changing your level of conscientious and openness, according to a new study in the Journal of Applied Psychology.

The study, conducted by a team of researchers from the U.K., asked more than 6,000 Germans to self-evaluate five of their core personality traits—agreeableness, conscientiousness, extraversion, neuroticism and openness—over a period of several years. Everyone in the sample began the study with a job, but part of the group lost their jobs and remained unemployed for the duration of the study. Others lost their job and found new employment.

Continue reading How being unemployed changes your personality