Tag: psych

No Mental Illness Stigma?

What would your life be like?

What would you or your family’s life be like if there was no stigma attached to mental illness?

Do you believe your life would alter dramatically?  What changes do you imagine you would observe the most?  What would you desire to say to anyone, anywhere (fantasy world here)?

Discussing my illness, namely, depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation, with newer friends I may meet. (I would hope they could recognize the hardships that mental illness creates and that depression is not my fault nor a character flaw.) Should I get acquainted with them better, I would also like to bring to light the obstacles I have faced and how depression feels – so very black, a feeling of hopelessness, like walking in the mud.

To converse openly with other people and discuss my moods.  Clarify that I’m not a “crazy” person, and the times I have attempted suicide were not attention-getters but the feeling I was at the end of my rope, with no way out. 

Hearing fewer words or phrases such as “I’m having a nervous breakdown,” “looney-bin,” “you take too many medications,” and “psych ward” This is a sample of the countless expressions I have heard over the years.

Unfortunately, the mental illness stigma will never disappear, but it has improved since I began this blog in 2007. Education, well-known celebrities, and influential individuals have come forward to state they have suffered, from depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, etc., and this has lessened stigma to a degree.

Written and copyrighted by Deb McCarthy 2022

PTSD ~ Are you the Black Sheep of your family? I know I sure am

QPTSDSHEEP5-18

That was me, the black sheep in our family of four. There was only my brother and me. He was treated like gold, the golden child, while I….you get the picture. My brother and I were having lunch one day, and these words stung “I don’t know why you have problems with Mom. We must have lived in different houses because I saw none of this”.

On their PsychCentral.com blog, this article, written by Jonice Webb, Ph.D., explains:

I’ve met many Black Sheep. It’s my job.

In a recent post called Black Sheep, I talked about some common myths and how Black Sheep are not what they appear to be. They are simply a product of family dynamics.

But today, Black Sheep, I have three messages just for you:

1. Research Supports You Continue reading PTSD ~ Are you the Black Sheep of your family? I know I sure am

Quote – PTSD – Narcissistic abuse from mom

NARCISSISTIC MATERNAL ABUSE

My mother was uncaring and ignored me for most of my life...and wonders why I ve abandoned her now that she s elderly? cherished79.com blog "Living in Stigma"

I wrote this quote referring to my narcissistic mother. She cannot recall the days of ignoring me, criticizing or showing no empathy, nor caring about me the way a mother should. Her emotional abuse had enormously affected my self-worth, self-confidence, and trust. I was forever feeling guilty or questioning what I had done that she was so displeased with anything I did for her.

After my father passed away, she felt isolated and lonely. She was elderly now and displayed signs of illness, questioning, “Why don’t you ever visit or come over for lunch because it’s lonely every day in this apartment?”. Hmmm, I wonder why? Typical narcissists do not recognize their own personalities.

I finally went NO CONTACT many years ago as I was tired of her never-ending abuse. It was the best decision I ever made. 

I found out she passed away two years ago and thought she could have had a loving daughter to spend time with, but she threw it all away.

re-edited and reposted August 2022

Depression: Why Do We Push Others Away?

Image: Pixabay

I googled this question for myself and thought it must apply to others struggling with depression. I have a few friends who have invited me to meet them for coffee or lunch, but I don’t feel the urge or energy to do so. In fact, I dread the fact of leaving the house and chatting.

This article explains exactly what is going on in my head!

When we have depression, we often withdraw from our loved ones and sometimes, pushing people away. We don’t always know why, and it’s not always a conscious thing either. It’s confusing, painful and unsettling.

It can confuse those around us, too, because if we don’t know why we’re pushing them away, they won’t know why either.

WE HAVE NO ENERGY

Feeling like we lack energy can be tough when we’re alone. We must be careful when managing our little energy, so we don’t completely exhaust ourselves. Having no energy when we’re around others can be even worse. We’re expected to talk. People expect us to smile. We’re expected to join in. Sometimes, we don’t have the energy to be around others. We don’t have the energy to follow conversations or think of things to talk about. We push people away because we don’t have the energy to be around them. We worry we won’t meet their expectations of us.

WE STRUGGLE WITH CONCENTRATION

It takes a surprising amount of concentration to follow conversations. When we’re low on energy and have the concentration span of a flea, following conversations can be impossible. This is stressful because we worry about looking silly or rude or losing track of what’s going on. The fear that we won’t be able to keep up can make us freeze. It feels easier to push people away than worry about having to do things we don’t feel able to do. We just don’t want to let anyone down.

This article continues here @ blurtitout.org

Living in Stigma August 2022

Trauma Therapy ~ 4 Important Things to Look For

To heal from trauma means finally dealing with the source of the trauma, whether it’s childhood abuse, sexual abuse, or physical abuse. This could include combat experiences, a natural disaster, or a violent assault. How can this be done when trauma provokes such negative and overwhelming feelings that most try hard to keep safely buried?

Therapy can be a vital step, helping the person feel safe enough to revisit their trauma without being re-traumatized. Getting the right support is key, however. Not only is it important to connect with a therapist well-versed in effective therapeutic approaches, it’s also vital to seek a person with whom you feel a personal connection.

Multiple studies confirm that a person who feels good about their relationship with their therapist is more likely to have a positive outcome. A recent study from Bowling Green State University researchers takes the concept a step further, noting that a deep connection between a therapist and patient can lead to “sacred moments” that increase well-being on both sides.

With that in mind, here are four things to look for to make your therapeutic experience most effective:

Knowledge. Your therapist should, of course, be up to date on treatment options–techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, which teaches new ways of thinking about old experiences; neurofeedback, which can help rewire the brain to overcome trauma-induced changes; equine therapy, which can be a helpful supplement for those who find it hard to trust human connections; and EMDR, which can help with moving beyond the past.

Continue reading Trauma Therapy ~ 4 Important Things to Look For

PTSD – Why Are We Keeping Secrets?

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I’ve written many posts about my PTSD (childhood sexual abuse), a ‘dirty little secret.’ Have you ever held on to secrets for years and years?

Also, who are we protecting? The abuser? Our parents or caretakers who were supposed to be caring for us? Why were we supposed to be the ones to “keep the secret”? We did nothing wrong. It seems so unfair and convoluted, doesn’t it?

As I recollect my past, at around five or six years old, as my friends and I freely played in our front yard, the evil predator would either sit next door on his veranda, relaxing, puffing on his cigar, or in the driveway repairing whatever was under the hood of his old car.

I felt panicked for both my friends and me, wanting so badly to warn them of this sexual deviant and express to them of the sexual abuse at the hands of this man, yet felt compelled to “keep the secret.” I had a secret; an ugly little secret to something that I didn’t cause–or did I?

There was the distressing apology forced by my parents to blurt out and recite with sincerity to this predator for abusing me. While apologizing to this revolting man, it bewildered me, wondering how I had wronged him. All kinds of feelings swished around: hate, helplessness, and frankly, it humiliated me. My parents warned me never to tell anyone about this.

Continue reading PTSD – Why Are We Keeping Secrets?

Why is it so difficult to accept Compliments?

Make Someones Day!! PLEASE TAKE A COMPLIMENT Cos you or whoever you are giving to, deserves to be HAPPY! :D | By Lollybug Studio:

I’m notorious for receiving a compliment yet responding with something negative because I feel embarrassed receiving the compliment.

Example: I seldom run into my co-workers since I went on disability many years ago, and weight loss is noticeable. Several that I have chatted with have complimented me for losing weight and looking terrific, yet my response is, “yes, but I have to lose so much more.” Everyone reacts with “Why?”.  Then I panic!

This article was in psychologytoday.com:

When given compliments, many of us tend to deflect them, brushing them off like we might a crumb or a pesky fly. Perhaps we are communicating that there was really no ground for the other person’s gratitude in the first place.

 

Vulnerability appears to play a big part when it comes to the challenge of receiving compliments well. We are often afraid of showing our true colors, everything that makes us human, imperfections and all. Many of us are afraid to have the spotlight shine on ourselves solely for that reason. Additionally, if we open ourselves up to love and gratitude, we also risk opening ourselves up to everything else that can go with it, like pain and loss.

Read the remainder of this article psychologytoday.com

Living In Stigma July 2022

Narcissistic Parenting – From the ‘roots’ up

A Narcissistic Parent will drench fresh water on their golden child s plant daily yet merely permitting the scapegoat child s plant to receive tiny sprinkles of water on the odd day forever shadowed by the sun Deb McCarthy

I learned this bit of wisdom from my therapist during one of our many sessions discussing my Narcissistic mother.  She explained very clearly how a parent has children (plants); she waters some and helps them grow and flourish, yet the others who aren’t so lucky receive less attention and are ignored.  I now understood how my mother cared for and treated my brother (the Golden Child vs. myself (the Black Sheep).   Do any of you feel this way?

edited and reposted July 2022

Maternal Narcissism ~ Mom, only wishing you could have said these words to me…

QPTSD5-28

Recalling my childhood, my mother seldom had any positive or encouraging words for me, mainly heartless or cruel remarks, only criticizing me for one thing or another spewed from her mouth. She was continually displeased, and only now recognizing that it would be impossible to accomplish ever pleasing this woman.

I was thinking the other day, what words would myself and perhaps others wish their narcissistic moms compassionately said to them?

Mom, if only you could have said:

~I know you don’t lie. I believe you

~Always come to me when you’re upset or angry. I love you

~I’ll always believe in you, whatever your dreams are

~Let’s just have a girl’s day out once in a while, your choice, whatever you want

~You look so cute in those clothes

~Don’t focus on body image, it’s what’s inside

~You’re more important to me than anything

~I’m so damn proud of you.

~I love reading your stories/artwork/playing games

~You smell so nice and clean

~Don’t always spend time in your bedroom, we should spend more time together

~Your feelings matter and you have a right to your opinion. I’m not always right and remember, we all make mistakes

~You look like something is bothering you. Want to talk about it?

~Let me take care of you when you’re so sick. How about hot tea? Or I’ll sit beside you, or we’ll lie in bed together.

~Sure, have your friends over anytime. They are always welcome

~You’re so precious to me. Having a daughter is a blessing

~Anything you want to ask me, go right ahead

~I love the way you laugh

~I’m sorry, it’s my fault, not yours/my mistake. Sorry I made you feel bad.

~You are worthy. Don’t let anyone make you feel you aren’t.

~Someone will be a lucky man to have you as his wife

~I want to just hug you, and keep hugging you, big bear hugs

~I’ve got the best daughter a mother could have

Written and copyrighted by Deb McCarthy/2022

(edited and reposted)

The “Everything Happens for a Reason” statement is Crap

Opinion

I think about this statement often, and when someone utters these words, it makes my skin crawl. 

What precisely does it mean, and why do people say it? Are they so narrow-minded, wrapped up in religion, or in another world?

Does it mean when there is a world disaster, a plane crash because of a mechanical issue, multiple school shootings, childhood sexual abuse, people diagnosed with an illness, cancer, kidnapping, serial murderers and rapists, riots, war veterans killed, or any other horrible occurrence, it happened for a reason? Please explain.

For me, it goes way back to my very ill years of struggling with major depression and my mother regularly commenting on the ever so “everything happens for a reason” words.

Really, mom? You mean the sexual abuse, which led to therapy, which led to depression, which led to hospitals, a myriad of meds, which led to suicide attempts, countless ECTs, which led to losing my career, almost foreclosure on my house, hubby losing his job, losing friends and let’s include the horrible migraine headaches, etc. What exactly do you mean?

I don’t believe people recognize how much these words can sting. It’s almost a “whatever”, said in a flippant moment. IMO, just support that person who is hurting, and show comfort, empathy, and compassion.  So, to everyone else, keep your trap shut.

Edited and reposted

Written and copyright by Deb McCarthy 2022

How Does Drinking CBD Coffee Make You Feel?

Image Source: cbdnutritionalonline.com via Twitter

An interesting article from Alexandria Brooks of First For Women https://www.firstforwomen.com/posts/author/abrooks

Attention: Java coffee lovers, this is a different cup of your usual coffee!

We are introducing Cannabidiol (CBD) infused coffee – should you want to try the old coffee jitters. The taste is what you may be accustomed to, less the bothersome side effects.

Learn about the potential benefits of (CBD) from Dr. Robert Kaufmann, MD, Director of Medical Research at CBD American Shaman, of this unique alternative to regular coffee. 

Continue reading the entire article here: Alexandria Brooks of First For Women

Living In Stigma – July 2022

PTSD – The Trauma Tree

I thought this was an excellent infographic explaining all forms of PTSD and displaying the horrific impact it has on a person in the future. 

Trauma Tree - this is a good graphic of how symptoms can grow from trauma and ignoring the issues. With good therapy, coping skills and support these symptoms can be more controllable:

Source: http://eyemovementdesensitizationandreprocessing.com/emdr-side-effects/

Quote – PTSD – Narcissistic abuse from mom

NARCISSISTIC MATERNAL ABUSE

My mother was uncaring and ignored me for most of my life...and wonders why I ve abandoned her now that she s elderly? cherished79.com blog "Living in Stigma"

I wrote this quote referring to my narcissistic mother. She fails to recall the days of ignoring me, criticizing or showing no empathy, nor caring about me the way a mother should. Her emotional abuse has had an enormous impact on my life, and I remain in psychotherapy to this day.

Now she is elderly, feels isolated and displays signs of illness questioning “Why don’t you ever visit or come over for lunch because it’s lonely every day in this apartment?”. Hmmm, I wonder why?  Typical narcissist, not recognizing their own personality.

I finally went NO CONTACT three years ago as I was tired of her never-ending abuse.  Best decision I ever made.

Little Girl

LITTLE GIRL

Hey, little girl, I saw you with that man

what were you doing, letting him have his way

didn’t you know it was wrong, why didn’t you stop it?

you could have said no, but you still let it happen

what’s wrong with you? how could you not know?

~~~~

I tried to say no, he was bigger than me

yet he made me feel wanted and special for once

I was his “princess” and he said I “danced like an angel”

and I was invisible to everyone else

even though it hurt, it was worth the warm feelings

that I craved so much, and he granted me so lovingly

but then came anguish and pain

~~~~

Finally, I did try to tell, but no one would listen

the words came out, yet no words were heard

no one will really know

that my mind and my heart

died back then

I was little and

I didn’t know how to say no

_______________________________________________________

Written & copyright Deb McCarthy/2017

*I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and it feels so much better to be able to say ‘survivor’ rather than ‘victim’ now.

Mother, Do you deserve a Card? PTSD – Survivors of Abuse

As an unloved daughter of a narcissistic mother, the cards or flowers I handed to her with ‘love’ throughout the years were given with the expectations and desires that one day she would hug me with love.  Giving her a card each year was presented or mailed with a fake smile or strained “Love you always mom.”

She by no means ever deserved a card, lunch or dinner out, and especially a visit when I was an adult.  When I moved across the country, there was one year I ‘neglected’ to send a card or call.  This resulted in a ‘hissy fit,’ possibly threw one of her notorious tantrums including tears, resulting in my father phoning me, blasting “how could you treat your mother like this?”  I can’t recall my reply, but more than likely, I said I was sorry.

A few days passed, and what do I receive in the mail, a multi-page letter from my mother ranting how self-centred I am, this is the way I treat her after everything she’s done for me throughout my life, took care of me, and will sever our relationship now.  This was due to not sending a card?

To be honest, I feel jealous of others who have/had a wonderful mother.

So to all of those who are survivors of narcissistic emotional abuse, or never received the motherly care, empathy, encouragement, and love; I dedicate this post to you. You are all Warriors!

Hugs,
Deb

Could I have an Eating Disorder? Women Over 50

I originally posted this on my Niume.com blog (now edited) and received the most readers of any of my posts (4.4K).  Eating disorders may occur at any age, and it’s awfully difficult to accept when you are middle-aged and over 50+.

Two years ago, I was 58 years old and struggled with an eating disorder called anorexia.  That was extremely outrageous to me recalling a time when I had ballooned to a whopping 285 lbs.

During the late 1990’s I had been hospitalized too many times for major depression and on a cocktail of too many medications.  Countless meds with their side effects increased my weight, and the heaviness remained that way for many years.  But, before the gallbladder illness in November 2012, I had slimmed down to 185 lbs.

Yes, the gallbladder fiasco. Long story short, surgeons operated twice to finally remove this painfully unusable organ, and throughout this time,  my diet was:  “No fried food and no rich desserts or you will irritate your gallbladder.”

Continue reading Could I have an Eating Disorder? Women Over 50

Dark Clouds and Shattered Sanity

Dark clouds, isolated

Lack of faith

Laughter faded, only tears

~~~

I hate my mind, I hate my brain

I hate my heart for it breaks every day

~~~

I will perish this way I know

I’ve run away from life

I don’t fit outside

I don’t fit inside

I drown in my disgrace

~~~

Black circles beneath my eyes

Hands grip my head

I’m all alone

My life isn’t cherished

Why should I pretend it to be?

I’m not living for me

I’m living for you

~~~

Shattered sanity

Worthless, pointless, hopeless

Tears flow from my eyes

Depression has taken over

Written and copyrighted by Deb McCarthy/2017

Originally posted on Niume.com

What’s the difference between Sadness and Depression?

 

The difference between sadness and depression?  and why so many people get it wrong….. This article below appeared in www.psychologytoday.com written by Guy Winch Ph. D

Sadness is a normal human emotion. We’ve all experienced it and we all will again. Sadness is usually triggered by a difficult, hurtful, challenging, or disappointing event, experience, or situation. In other words, we tend to feel sad about something. This also means that when that something changes when our emotional hurt fades when we’ve adjusted or gotten over the loss or disappointment, our sadness remits.

Depression is an abnormal emotional state, a mental illness that affects our thinking, emotions, perceptions, and behaviors in pervasive and chronic ways. When we’re depressed we feel sad about everything. Depression does not necessarily require a difficult event or situation, a loss, or a change of circumstance as a trigger. In fact, it often occurs in the absence of any such triggers. People’s lives on paper might be totally fine—they would even admit this is true—and yet they still feel horrible.

Continue reading What’s the difference between Sadness and Depression?

Do I want Group Therapy? Yikes!

funny

Most of my therapy has been individual, and I shied away from group therapy due to the fact that I was uncomfortable sharing my problems relating to depression and sexual abuse with a bunch of strangers.  To be honest, my biggest fear was losing it and looking like an idiot if I started bawling my eyes out!   However, I had no choice at the eating disorder program, it was 90% group and about 10% individual therapy.

I loathed it initially, others speaking out about themselves, revealing deep dark secrets that they had been holding onto, and slowly I became to trust them and I opened up.  In short, it was very helpful in my recovery, yet I have to say honestly, I still prefer one-on-one.  Give it a try though, it may suit you.

This article appeared in PsychCentral.com

Individual psychotherapy will always be the staple. It establishes the bond. It explores the ups and downs of that bond and probes the depths of the psychodynamic patterns of that bond and other bonds. It is the primary mode of understanding. It exists of and for itself and is not dependent on anything else. Group therapy is an adjunct to individual therapy.

Continue reading Do I want Group Therapy? Yikes!

What happened next when you told someone about your sexual abuse?

There has been a secret you’ve been concealing, that’s most likely eating you up inside, however, you now have mustered enough courage to tell someone you trust. It’s rough, and you’re just a kid.

Protection and trust have already been shattered by your abuser; you just couldn’t take it anymore, now it’s time to receive compassion, tenderness and told you were so courageous for coming forward and that person will be punished.

It may perhaps have been very positive for you, you were believed, acknowledged, obtained love, affection, sorrow and apologies for this ever happening; possibly counseling. You went on to recover with perhaps some difficulty, but you received support.

OR

Instead, it was the most regretful day of my life.

Continue reading What happened next when you told someone about your sexual abuse?

Finally, a clearer understanding of Narcissism & how it relates to CPTSD

If you are a survivor of PTSD, CPTSD or raised by a Narcissist this video is a must.  Don’t worry about emotions, I was tearful throughout the entire video. This gentleman showed empathy and shared his experiences.

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!  This may be upsetting for some people.

He has a series of excellent and informative videos on YouTube explaining various Narcissism and Complex PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) traits. Source: (https://youtu.be/L6l59nEn2ZY)