My heart aches..
It beats with subdued hope..
Screaming out to me..
The screams so loud and yet so quiet..
Throbbing so deeply it weighs down my entire body..
The agony so hefty my heart developed pricks..
Puncturing my chest, my heart wounds me..
As I try to breath in and out, my heart breaks..
Shattering and spraying across my chest..
As I breath in and out I feel the pricks piercing my soul..
I feel dizzy, lightheaded..
My vision becomes blurry, my ears start ringing..
The agony persists..
My heart carries a burden..
So heavy it feels like I carry a dead dragon
Dragging me down its as if I’m pulling a wagon
I woke up with a profound sadness..
Edged deep into my bones..
I couldn’t shake it no matter what I did..
No matter how hard I tried it wouldn’t leave me..
I tried to replace it, to forget it with my favourite things..
I frolicked with friends..
I took long walks in nature..
I smelled the flowers and wrapped them around my head..
I read a beloved book underneath the canopy trees..
I danced in the rain in my favourite dress..
And yet the sadness wont leave me..
The sadness digs her claws deeper..
Grabbing hold onto my heart..
Wrapping her long limbs around my heart tightly..
So tight I can barely breathe, barely see in front of me..
Whispering in my soul harshly..
“We are one now”..
Sometimes reminiscing
brings nothing but pain
And yet still at times foresight
Brings even more sorrow
Since nobody will choose me..
I choose myself..
Since I am always a second thought..
I will be my first priority..
Since I have always been a second option..
I will be my first option..
Since I cant express my hurts..
I will write them down instead..
Even though they are all around me..
I live a lonely existence..
In darkness I lay
Soul snatched by the devil in disguise
searching for the light I lament
Even in the darkest of day..
Even in the gloomiest of nights..
Even in the shoddiest of seasons..
Your smile is all I need..
To light up my soul..
I thought we were friends
I thought I could trust you
I thought you understood me
I thought you knew me
I thought you heard me
I thought you saw me for me
And then you touched me
Then you kissed me
Then you held me close
Then you lay in my arms
Lay in between my legs
Then you told me I was sexy
Then you told me I could be yours..
If only for a moment in time..
And then you had me..
Tasted me.. Devoured me..
Going so deep I didn’t know where you ended or where I began..
And once you had all of me..
You said nothing would change..
And then you disappeared..
My heart hurts..
My head lays heavy..
My chest feels empty..
My hands shake..
My lungs cant draw breath..
My eyes stay wet..
Is this what heart break is..
They say a mother’s love is all encompassing
A mother’s love is power
A mother’s love gives sustenance
A mother’s love heals wounds
A mother’s love embraces the heart and soul
She birthed me
She raised me
She fed me
She loved me
But never as much as she did my kin
She birthed her before me
She put her on a pedestal
She nourished her
Mind body and soul
She adored her
More than she ever did me
They say a mother’s love is all encompassing
But my mother’s love is fickle and conditional
A mother’s love gives power
But my mother’s love makes me weak and frail
A mother’s love gives sustenance
But my mother’s love leaves me yearning and famished
A mother’s love heals all wounds
But my mother’s love breaks me and creates deep gashes
A mother’s love embraces your heart and soul
But my mother’s love shatters my heart and cracks open my soul
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