Turning 50

I can deny it no longer folks …..

tomorrow (May 4th 2013) is my 50th Birthday.

There, I’ve said it!

When I turned 30 all those decades ago, I honestly thought my life was ending. I had no more excuses, my youth had faded, it was time to man-up and to embrace some foreign thing called adulthood, whatever that was.

It meant that I had to focus attention on the future, my future. I had to start doing boring stuff like, acting responsibly, and showing a modicum of maturity.  Oh the horror!!! I was becoming one of those strange “adult” people, you know, the types?  The party poopers that always leave a rave before midnight ,  that deliberately watch  news and current-event programs on TV, or willingly drive mini vans loaded down with drooling, screaming kids? The kinds of people I had mocked,  teased, and rebelled against  for the first 29 years of my existence? Sorry about that btw)  In those days, I didn’t “feel” older, and if I ignored the calender for long enough, if  I stayed away from mirrors and bright light, I could still pretend to be a kid. Couldn’t I???

Then came 40….Oh boy I was dragged kicking and screaming into that decade, let me tell you!!!

Anyway, as that big day approached, I fought like a Roman gladiator to remain thirty something. “How old are you?” Friends would ask me.  Yikes! I could never bring myself to say  “I’m almost 40″, oh no, not I! That, was too much like giving up, was tantamount to admitting defeat!. No, Instead, if I couldn’t summon the nerve to say ” mind your own bleeping business”, I would say “I’m thirty nine and a bit” then I was 39 1/2 then 39 5/8, 39 3/4, 39 7/8, but never forty no, not that!! Forty was unthinkable.

So why am I telling you all this?

Hmmm…. why indeed?

Well, tomorrow I turn 50, or to say it another way…  half a century. Imagine that? Do you realize how much has changed in five long decades? Well let me tell you, a whole lot of water has passed under that bridge, Buddy! Heres the kicker though, for some unknown reason, I can say it openly and without cringing (too much). 😛

I don’t know what has changed in me, am I giving up the battle?  Has senility taken me hostage? Has the real Cliff Lewis been  taken hostage by aliens? No I don’t think it’s any of the above. I think I might just be coming to grips with the idea somehow. Time to change teams my friend.

Each morning now, I wake up with a little less gusto than I used to, feel the aches and pains incurred by the previous day’s not-so strenuous activity, and sigh as I catch a glimpse of my steadily thickening waistline.

I groan a bit with the effort of raising my pathetic torso from the bed, and take it all in stride. Even as I glance at my visage in the bathroom mirror,  the wrinkles and furrows and ravages of time that confront me there. The streaks of grey that are starting to out-number the brown on my matted head,at the hairs that protrude like bristles from nose and ears. I’ll leave that delightful image in your minds for a moment, and yet…..

I  can smile inspite of it all. You see, I’m still breathing, still have my health (pretty much) and am surrounded with good people who love me and/or tolerate my existence in their lives. There are probably a great many poor souls born since 1963 that sadly, can’t say the same thing. 😦

I may not be young but I  am alive and for that I am more than grateful! 😀

So, to all my fellow “Nifty Fiftys” and soon-to-be’s out there,

Congratulations on half a century of survival! 

~Cliffy

p.s My good cyber-friend Johnny C. sent me me the following amusing article courtesy of…

go ahead, have a good laugh at my expense! ;D

Turning 50 Jokes

Turning 50 often comes with some good-natured ribbing and humorous observations. If you or someone you know is turning 50, and can appreciate a few jokes about aging less than gracefully, here are some jokes you can share.

Humor is subjective, but perhaps a few of these jokes will give you a chuckle. If they do, pass them on.

For Women

You know you’re 50 when…

• Your face has more wrinkles than an elephant’s backside.
• You can look back on your 40th birthday and wonder what all the drama was about.
• You’re thankful when someone tells you that you have lipstick on your teeth because it means you still have teeth.
• You purchase your moisturizer by the case instead of by the jar.
• Hair dye goes on your shopping list under “essentials” instead of “luxuries.”
• That come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.
• Your once fabulous behind now looks more like a set of mud flaps.
• Your hot flashes result in savings on your heating bill.
• You finally understand that being over the hill beats being planted under it.

For Men

You know you’re 50 when…

• You now have more hair on your knuckles than you do on your head.
• Your idea of getting lucky is being able to find your car in Walmart’s parking lot on the first try.
• You have to use your GPS to locate your feet because you can’t see over your belly.

• Your trick knee goes out more than you do.
• Your idea of a hot time is putting a heating pad on your bad back.
• You want your kids’ to think you’re cool, so you ask them to help set up your own page on MyFace and you can’t understand what they’re giggling about.
• Getting some action means all those prunes your doctor is making you eat are doing their job.
• You and your teeth have decided that a separation is the best thing for your relationship.
• Getting high means it’s time to take your blood pressure medication.

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Cheers,

~Cliffy 😀