Tag Archives: getting stuck

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i’m a vessel stuck between two places i’ve never been.

relinquish is
such a pretty term for giving up;
prettier than getting stuck
& slipping
between notches of seconds on the clock.

sometimes

it feels i am forever
writing the same poems over
with just slightly different words.

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the back & forth.

there’s two of them, inside my head, but that’s great — before i only thought there was one. but i can see clearly — the only way hypomania will let me, of course — that there’s two.

the louder one is the worst. even when it whispers it’s as if it’s standing thisclose to the microphone; so it’s all i hear. and i know it lies, it’s wrong all the time & it’s always full of excuses (just like me). this is the one that comes alive most often, the one i’ve been sharing an apartment with for the last year & a half. Continue reading →

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a life less lived.

i fell in love with a boy i thought was my whole world
but i was wrong;

he was my whole universe.

***

you had the ability
to make the time stand still,
but i’m a little stumbly so

i got stuck in between the lines:

so swallowed by regret
everything reminds me of what could’ve been.
i’m collecting stories of
things i never did,
buying bookshelves to display pictures of places
i’ve never been,
& ones i don’t remember.

the girl in the photos is a stranger,
but she kinda looks like me.

feel like i’m missing
something once forgot
but i fear
it’s already gone,
so instead i block it out;

the girl in the mirror i’ve never seen,

but she used to look like me.

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dear wordpress, i have a question:

why do you always ask
or suggest
i tag my poetry with travel
& vacation?

i never do but you never listen.

if you were really reading you’d know
i never take any advice, no matter how well-intended
even if it would raise my hitcount.

and if you were really reading you’d know
my poems are never about going anywhere
if anything
they’re about being stuck
& never
ever
leaving
this place.

but if you are merely making suggestions
of ways to get out of here
take a trip or go see some sights
i’ll warn you it doesn’t work
because while i can leave

my mind can’t;

the scenery can change but
never can myself.

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i’ve found a way to make time stand still — but somehow, only the bad parts.

it happened again:
i was tricked into thinking i had a second chance
a hundred and fifty seven times i’ve happened
to get my hopes up;
the optimist’s curse.

a brief glimpse —
just enough to make a shaky plan or to
imagine a world that doesn’t exist.

suddenly feeling silly to feel so hopeless,
i felt
new beginnings so tactile i almost truly believed
i could touch them;
so went to sleep
excited for the tomorrow that never comes —

instead when i awake
time has continued on & left me

still stuck

in yesterday.