it was dark out; still not certain what that meant.

head-in-the-clouds optimistic
but also
eyes-in-clouds blurry,
often wondering;
is any of this real?

wondering how others could just,
be in the world.

i was always
clumsy & distracted by
my nervous shoulders, my clenched stomach,
my foggy head.

i was always
stuck with me circling calenders on the dates —
whispering words that sound more like wishes
even as soon as they’re said.

i grow older but, even still,
my mind can never keep up with the time.

i change my hair color & try to convince myself
that things are different, now.