Law

Shooting the breeze

In a first, Delhi has issued a directive under the Environment (Protection) Act, 1986 making the installation and operation of anti-smog guns on specified high-rise buildings across the city mandatory, an initiative taken to counter air pollution in the city. These are mandated to be used throughout the year, except the monsoons when rain keeps atmospheric pollutants in check.

How does this modern technology work? It is a large fan that throws air charged with tiny water droplets into the great void of the atmosphere, in an effort to trap particles of pollutants strutting about in the air and bring them crashing down to earth. A ‘takedown’ or ‘body slam’ anyone with a determined particle of pollution?

And this is what it might look like (image from an India Today article) :

Demonstrating sensitivity to real issues unusual for a leading politician, it has been mandated that the smog guns are to be operated intermittently during peak pollution hours, that is from 6:30 am to 9:30 am, then 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm, and after that 1:30 am to 4:30 am—in short bursts to maximize effectiveness and conserve electricity and water. Overall, the operation must not exceed 1,200 litres per hour or 10,000 litres over an eight-hour day. Further, the equipment should have minimal sound output from blowers.

And since the benefit of people cannot be done any other way, these measures have been announced under the visionary leadership of Prime Minister Narendra Modi and the able guidance of Chief Minister Rekha Gupta. Even staunch critics will be forced to admit that the measure is people-friendly, with its emphasis on consuming needless water and energy, but limited operating hours to conserve electricity and water, and on adding to noise pollution with big blowers but in a reduced way through equipment that may not be in existence.

Human ingenuity needs to be deployed when nature plays spoilsport, and who better than political leaders to take the lead. When vehicles produce emissions, it is nature’s job to consume it so that humans don’t get impacted. Similarly, what are builders to do when construction sites create a health hazard in the form of dust and grime? Factories, especially unauthorized ones, will produce pollutants and leaches and runoffs. Show us an unauthorized factory anywhere in the world that does not. If other nations don’t have unauthorized factories or uncontrolled vehicular emissions or unmanaged construction sites, it is their problem. What can we do? How will they tackle atmospheric pollution if they don’t have it?

By not curbing either vehicles, or construction activity, or factories, especially unauthorized ones, for the first time Delhi has acted with legal clarity to curb pollution at its source, when it has been produced and is about to impact human beings.

Buildings with 7 and 10 storeys are considered optimal for generating effective ground-level mist dispersion. Under the direction of senior leaders, localities such as Vasant Kunj and Sarita Vihar, which only have 3-storey buildings, have been asked to go on a construction spree, and build 7-10 storey buildings so that they create pollution which can be controlled through the anti-smog guns. We owe it to the nation-building manufacturers of these guns to ensure there is enough demand for the otherwise not required equipment which they have committed to the Prime Minister to manufacture under the Make in India scheme, at steep discomfort and profit for themselves.

Alarmed by the rash of fall-related injury cases coming to city hospitals, the Health Ministry launched an investigation and traced the sudden increase to the harmful effect of tiny water droplets hitting the ground and creating conditions for people to skid and injure themselves. Under the Environment (Protection) Act, 1986, it has mandated the placement of moisture and water-droplet absorbing mats in front of the anti-smog guns so that the harmful effect of their droplets hitting the ground and creating conditions for people to skid and injure themselves can be controlled as soon as it is shot from the gun. This has been announced under the visionary leadership of Prime Minister Narendra Modi and the able guidance of Chief Minister Rekha Gupta. Another set of nation-builders, or are they the same, have put their hand up, to make these mats at steep discomfort and profit for themselves.

Meanwhile, alarmed by the shortage of drinking water in the city. The Water Ministry launched an investigation and traced the unforeseen shortage to certain new uses of water, one of them being the 10,000 litres per day consumed by each anti-smog gun. The Water Ministry has issued a directive under the Environment (Protection) Act, 1986, making it illegal to use potable water for any purpose other than human consumption and crop irrigation. Only water unfit for human consumption is to be used for these guns. This has been announced under the visionary leadership of Prime Minister Narendra Modi and the able guidance of Chief Minister Rekha Gupta. Nation builders have put up their hand to convert potable water to filthy water unfit for human consumption that could be used for the anti-smog guns. This is expected to be a mega-project requiring fundamental research as there is no record of this having been done anywhere else in the world on an industrial scale. Till these dreams of the nation become a reality, Yamuna water, unfit for any purpose known, or likely to be known, to mankind, is to be used.

Alarmed by a rise in cases of skin rashes, the Health Ministry launched an investigation again and traced the sudden increase to the polluted water being used in the anti-smog guns. The Home Ministry also got involved on account of the complaints of foul smell everywhere in the city. Under the Environment (Protection) Act, 1986, the two ministries have mandated a work-from-home policy for occupants of all buildings where anti-smog guns have been deployed for their protection from atmospheric pollution. This has been announced under the visionary leadership of Prime Minister Narendra Modi and the able guidance of Chief Minister Rekha Gupta. Another set of nation-builders are believed to be exploring options of how to contribute to the city and nation in their time of need when office-goers work from home while anti-smog guns, and moisture absorbent mats, keep them safe from atmospheric pollution in buildings they are not in.

Meanwhile, in order to ensure the availability of power to the nation-builders who have put up plants to manufacture the essential for mankind anti-smog guns, and moisture-absorbing mats, the Power Ministry, under the Environment (Protection) Act, 1986, has put a ban on the use of power for other non-essential industrial purposes such as the operation of anti-smog guns. This has been announced under the visionary leadership of Prime Minister Narendra Modi and the able guidance of Chief Minister Rekha Gupta.

Having stayed abreast of developments, as any smart government should, Delhi has issued an addendum to the original directive under the Environment (Protection) Act, 1986 making the operation of anti-smog guns mandatory during the monsoons when pollutants are at their lowest levels. The addendum has also prohibited the use of these guns during the rest of the year.

Experts agree that this is only a localised solution and does not inhibit the generation of pollutants. This, they also agree, demonstrates the seriousness of the government in tackling the issue.

Spoilsport

All 17,284 of them?

Absolutely. All 17,284. Why would we leave out anyone?

The face of the company’s Admin Manager (AM) fell. It was he who would have to get the task executed and it was sounding more and more herculean.

But why in such a hurry? We can get it done over a few months, can we not?

Look, we live and work in a democratic, free, fair country that, led by seasoned, experienced politicians, assures a level playing field to all its citizens. Would you agree?

Yes.

Then does it not become our duty to support the objective, fair, and progressive promulgations of our multi-level government, before they are trashed and replaced by other objective, fair, and progressive promulgations?

What promulgation are you talking about?

It seemed to be a day made for falling faces, as it was the CEO’s that fell now.

Don’t you know that all shops in the state that sell food are required to prominently display the name of their owner, as well as employees? And do you know why it needs to be done? He pulled out the latest edition of The Quint on his mobile and read, “To ensure that the kanwariyas are not confused while buying provisions, especially food items, which would violate the rules of their holy conduct stipulated for the Kanwar Yatra. One of the main elements of this sacred conduct is keeping away from ‘non-vegetarian’ food. They say that there is nothing wrong in respecting the right of the kanwariyas to maintain a vegetarian diet (indeed, nothing wrong, it’s their choice), which in their view is synonymous with Satwik Aahar.”

And since you display such ignorance, I must inform you that kanwariyas are religious pilgrims who travel on foot to collect holy water from an identified source, generally the river Ganga, and carry it back to an abode of Shiv that they identify with and offer it there. This is undertaken during the holy month of Shravan on the Hindu calendar, which usually coincides with July or August on the Gregorian calendar.

Bbb…ut, can the kanwariyas not ask before buying if the food is vegetarian or not?

Who do you think the kanwariyas are? Why should they ask another human? No sir, the answer has to be prominently displayed before the question is asked. And what if someone provides an incorrect answer when asked? Who will be responsible for defiling them and their faith?

Bbb…ut, can the name signs not be put up incorrectly? What if someone displays a wrong name as the name of the owner?

Though never demonstrated or proven, it is a scientific fact well known to the Chief Ministers of Uttar Pradesh and Uttarakhand, the states where these orders have been issued, that once the government issues an order for food sellers to prominently display the name of their owners and employees, lying, deceit and other forms of mischief become impossible leading to kanwariyas making the right food choices, and promoting amity and communal harmony.

Why don’t they just prominently display the names of the food items available and how they have been prepared? Would that not suffice?

You are asking too many questions. Like I said earlier, though never demonstrated or proven, it is a scientific fact well known to the Chief Ministers of Uttar Pradesh and Uttarakhand, that once the government issues an order for food sellers to prominently display the name of their owners and employees, lying, deceit and other forms of mischief become impossible leading to amity and communal harmony. Being our revered, knowledgeable leaders, we should assume that since it has never been demonstrated or proven, the knowledgeable, scientifically-inclined Chief Ministers of Uttar Pradesh and Uttarakhand do not believe that prominently displaying the names of the food items available and how they have been prepared will lead to kanwariyas making the right food choices and promoting amity and communal harmony. How difficult is that to understand?

What if someone does not comply?

Nothing will happen. We are a free, democratic society, are we not? Compliance is voluntary. Even the state police is out in force armed with batons and guns to ensure that compliance stays voluntary.

But we are not selling food. We build custom software for clients.

Maybe they want the code to be written by a vegetarian. Have we ever asked a client? I am sorry to say but the answer is a No. And we call ourselves customer-friendly? Have we ever asked if they want the Team Leader to follow a strict Jain diet, at least while managing his/ her team? Who knows if they prefer to deal only with salespeople who eat pizza every night and speak in Bangla at home? And since we don’t, we must provide for all possibilities, in advance, before it ever has a chance to become an issue, for maintaining peace and harmony. By putting up the names of our owners and employees, because by looking at a name one can make out everything.

But most of our business is export business. Most of our clients are from overseas. Do you think they will bother about food habits, religion, language, or caste?

That makes the need even more urgent. Since we don’t know them as well, we need to make greater efforts to ensure transparency and full disclosure so that they are not misled while making a choice. We cannot be guided by narrow concerns. We have to think big and ensure universal coverage. Did you know that J D Vance is married to a woman of Indian origin? Did you know that Kamala Harris has roots in India? Do you know that former UK PM Rishi Sunak and his Indian wife paid a visit to the Akshardham Temple in Delhi during an official visit to India last year? The world is small. And getting smaller. One never knows who will raise what concern at what time? Or who will have an Indian spouse?

The AM nodded and got up to go and get it done. He had understood the need to prominently display the names of all 17,284 employees of the company.

No wait. Today we have to prominently display the names of our products and services to guide our clients. The CEO was looking at the news app on his mobile which had beeped the headline “SC puts kanwar nameplate order on hold amid uproar.”

Spoilsports!

Lion King

Our neighbours are distraught.

They are unable to permit their pet dog, lovingly named Gabbar, to consummate his relationship with a female dog of the same species, also a pet in our housing society, belonging to another resident.

The problem?

Gabbar’s love interest is known as Basanti.

Need I say more?

For people not familiar with Hindi movies, Gabbar was the villainous dacoit played by Amjad Khan and Basanti the female lead played by Hema Malini in Sholay, one of the most popular Hindi movies ever made. It is certainly my favourite.

The interest shown by the two pets in each other over the last few days had not gone unnoticed. As can be expected in a sane, logical world, it hurt the sentiments of Bollywood lovers, a community with a vast membership.

“Basanti and Gabbar? How is it possible?”

“Gabbar? Basanti? How can they even think of it? Don’t they have any shame?”

Such was the tenor of hushed conversations in the corridors of our housing society. The protest march winding around the society corridors was well attended. It is clear Bollywood and logical thinking go together.

When last heard, our neighbours were considering changing the name of their pet to Veeru.

Veeru?

Yes, Veeru.

Can anything be more logical? Who doesn’t remember Veeru of Sholay, played by Dharmendra, and his love for Basanti?

And, of course, as is to be expected, today’s Gabbar and tomorrow’s Veeru is deeply concerned about the developments in sentiment in the human world.

People will get into a huff for anything. Misplaced priorities. That is what it is. No surprise that the common man is the common man.

It is a relief knowing that not everyone is as irresponsible, and that there are organisations that will not be sidetracked by trivial issues. Like the Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) that stepped up when the hour came and took up cudgels, on behalf of whom is not yet established, when they found that a lion named Akbar and a lioness named Sita had been placed in the same enclosure in the Safari Park in Siliguri in the state of Bengal. Further, they objected to the depiction of the lioness awaiting a mate in certain sections of the media which, according to them, was lewd, further hurting the sentiments of certain Hindu individuals. The VHP approached the court to address what it said was “blasphemy” and “a direct assault on the religious beliefs of all Hindus”.

Sita, incidentally, is the wife of Bhagwan (God) Ram in the Hindu epic Ramayan, and consequently a Goddess herself. She is a virtuous, non-complaining, suffering along with her husband woman, a role model for many, with thousands, if not millions, of girls given her name, apart from tigresses and lionesses and others in the animal kingdom.

It was clear that sentiments were hurt because the lioness was named Sita and not because of her proximity to Akbar, named after a prominent Mughal emperor answering to the Muslim faith, since there have been only over 10 instances of lionesses and tigresses being named Sita or Seeta or Seetha by one or another zoo in Mumbai or Karnataka or Delhi or Andhra Pradesh or Maharashtra or Assam or Punjab or Bihar or Rajasthan or Odisha since 1974, according to a recent Indian Express report, none of which had apparently led to hurt sentiments. The report also noted instances of zoo animals being named after other deities and popular figures such as Ram (here we will refer to him as the husband of Sita) and Tendulkar. For precisely this reason, in their wisdom, the judges hearing the case have wondered at the lack of application of thought in naming a lioness after a goddess. “Did they not know that there were no controversies due to similar names in the past? Yet they named her Sita. How irresponsible.”

The court has recommended changing the names to “uncontroversial” ones and that one “should not name any animals after those who are revered and respected by citizens.” They have also firmly stated that in case an uncontroversial name of today becomes controversial tomorrow, they will not hesitate to pass another judgment castigating the thought processes of the person or group that chose the once-uncontroversial but later-controversial name and wonder afresh why a controversy had been created by giving such names.

Were it not for this active and alert organisation, hurt sentiments may not have been heeded. It is even possible that sentiments may have gone unhurt.

Retribution has been quick. The Tripura Zoo, from where the two had been moved to Siliguri, and where apparently the names had been given, has sacked chief wildlife warden IFS officer Pravin L. Agrawal for not knowing that over 10 lionesses and tigresses had been named Sita or Seeta or Seetha in the past around the country and that names should not have been given based on religious figures or freedom fighters which was never a requirement till date. Guilty as hell!

The judicial mandarins have promised to get to the bottom of the issue. They have asked for character certificates for the millions of girls who are named Sita. Any indication of any un-Sita-like (as generally defined by male minders and influencers) behaviour could mean trouble for them and the naming parents.

More hurting of sentiments is believed to be brewing.

One section’s sentiments have been hurt on realizing that some animals like Sita eat meat, which, in the case of animals in zoos and other protected spaces, is fed to them. Peace-loving vegetarians’ sentiments have been hurt by this practice. A meal plan of toor daal with rice for lunch and aloo gobhi with chapatis for dinner has been ordered by the court for lions in all state-managed zoos and parks.

Meanwhile, an out-of-turn census of the animal kingdom has been initiated. The new database includes a section for identifying the faith of the individual animal.

Enough is not enough

One cannot change the past.

But you did not need me to tell you that.

The decisions we take today will influence our future.

That neither.

A lone gunman killed six people last week in northern Mississippi, including his ex-wife and stepfather.

What could the authorities have done?

Could any decision taken by any of the authorities after this incident have made any difference to the shooting at Michigan State University in East Lansing on the 13th of February in which four people died, including the shooter?

What could the authorities have done?

Could any decision taken by them after this incident have made any difference to the seven people who died when a man opened fire at two farms in Half Moon Bay, California on the 13th of January?

Obviously, no. Each successive event happened in the past.

On 8th July, 2003, a man opened fire at his workplace in Meridien, Mississippi, killing six and wounding eight before committing suicide.

What could the authorities have done?

Should someone have taken a decision then that would have prevented a 23-year-old student from killing thirty-two students and teachers at Virginia Tech, and wounding seventeen others on 16th April, 2007?

What could the authorities have done?

Should someone have taken a decision after this event that would have made it difficult for a 20-year old to kill his mother before shooting and killing twenty children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, before committing suicide on 14th December, 2012?

Should someone have taken a decision after this tragedy that would have prevented the East Lansing tragedy on the 13th of February, 2023, or the norther Mississippi incident on 16th February, 2023?

Who can say? We cannot see the future, can we? We can only take decisions for the future.

But decisions have been taken. People can carry arms.

And we can give homilies.

“Enough,” said the President of the United States.

Presumably someone else, probably many, would have said ‘Enough” on 8th July, 2003 in Meridien, Mississippi, and on 16th April, 2007 at Virginia Tech and on 14th December, 2012 at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut.

What other decision could have been taken?

Make it mandatory for children and adults to move around in full armour as they are not safe at home, or at school, or in a public place?

Guns and assault rifles are failing to protect people, so should we upgrade the personal armament to Sherman tanks and F-22s?

Take away guns?

Who knows what is the right thing to do. Maybe a different decision taken a hundred years ago would have led to worse outcomes.

Meanwhile, halfway around the world, in early February 2023, the body of a young woman suspected to have been strangled by her boyfriend is found in a fridge in a restaurant owned by the boyfriend’s family, apparently to clear the way for his marriage to another woman.

What could the authorities, or anyone, have done?

Could any action taken by anyone have prevented, in late 2022, a woman from being strangled to death by her live-in partner, body sawed into 35 pieces, stored in a fridge (where else!) before the pieces were dumped in a jungle over several days?

What could the authorities, or anyone, have done? Obviously, nothing, apart from possibly trying refrigerators as accomplices in crimes against women. The second incident happened before the first one.

The brutal rape and murder of a young woman in 2012 in Delhi, commonly known as the Nirbhaya case, shook a population inured to crimes against women.  

Should someone have taken a decision then that would have prevented another gruesome incident from happening in Mumbai in August 2013?

Who can say? We cannot see the future, can we? We can only take decisions for the future.

But, who says decisions were not taken? The government painted autos pink and launched a women-only bank. Private companies introduced a women-only washing powder and a financial advisory service only for women.

And we gave homilies.

Mostly saying “women are precious.” Like things.

What other decision could have been taken?

Like addressing parochial attitudes?

Like addressing parental differentiation between a girl and a boy during upbringing?

Who knows what is the right thing to do. Maybe a different decision taken a hundred years ago would have led to worse outcomes.

But it is certainly not a good advertisement for the society we have created.

Off With His Head

It appears they have filed for copyright protection of ‘statue destruction as a method of protest’ and asked destroyers to pay them royalty. “We gave this to the world,” the filing says, and draws attention to the two Buddha statues of sixth century vintage, in Bamiyan in Afghanistan, then the highest standing statues of Buddha in the world, that they reduced to rubble in 2001, against entreaties from around the world. “And you said we were off our rocker then.” So, does the Taliban get the last laugh?

Could they have taken their cue from developments in the land of the free where pulling down statues is rapidly gaining favour as the means of righting wrongs? Or is it the other way round? Difficult to say. Easier to say that traditional forms of protest have been found to be ineffective.

“Merely saying sorry is not enough,” as Bill Maher, the American TV host, so eloquently said in a recent talk. “Statues have to be pulled down,” as he equally eloquently did not say.

“Sorry” does not quite have the same impact, as India realised when it asked Theresa May, then Prime Minister (PM) of UK, to apologise in 2019 for the Jallianwala Bagh massacre in Amritsar in 1919. A year later, who remembers the apology, or expression of regret as it was called? For that matter, who remembers May? It would have been a lot simpler to build a statue of May, who was not even a gleam in her parents’ eyes in 1919, and then pull it down. The good thing with this form of protest is, it can still be done. And again. And then once more.

Full marks to the UK for having retained its basic political identity during the hundred year period so that they could be held liable. Makes one wonder what would have happened if, say, an apology was expected from Yugoslavia? Would we ask Bosnia and Herzegovina, or Croatia, or Macedonia, or Montenegro, or Serbia, or Slovenia, to do the honours?

“Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come.” Victor Hugo may not have realised the significance of this declaration, his own, but the modern human certainly does.

As demonstrated by the expression of regret by the then PM of UK, descendants can now be held accountable for crimes perpetrated by a person. Not merely the immediately following generation, but coming at any point of time in the future. Not merely direct descendants, but anyone either remotely connected in any way or not remotely connected in any way. In short, anyone can be held responsible for anything.

Talk about beauty, apart from lying in the beholder’s eye, being in simplicity. This law, presently in the early stages of conceptualisation, would be hard to better for its simplicity.

As can be forebears. Not merely the immediately preceding generation but having existed at any point of time in the past. As pulling down of statues demonstrates.

In these charged times, Christopher Columbus has emerged as an unlikely favourite. Indigenous people of America are pulling down his statues as they blame him for discovering America which led to their displacement and marginalisation. Minority groups are pulling down his statues for discovering America that led to centuries of colonisation and segregation. And, believe it or not, Indian officials are preparing to erect statues of Columbus so that they can be pulled down. Why? For setting out to find India, but discovering America instead. “How dare he? Because of him losing his way, India lost the opportunity of becoming America. He has much to answer for. We all know what happened after that. Babur showed up in a few years with his hordes from Central Asia and the rest, which would have been history regardless, is history.” Descendants of Columbus are trying to come to an agreement on whose statue to erect for destruction. “Why was India not where he went? He had to discover America instead, where he is now a reviled figure. India needs to answer for that.” 

There is urgency and palpable excitement everywhere. The Orissa government has commissioned a statue of Emperor Ashok for waging the bloody Kalinga war in the fourth century BC, so that it can be taken down. Statues of Kauravs, from the epic Mahabharat, are sprouting up around the country like weeds during the monsoon, to be pulled down for their criminal acts against the noble Pandavs. The PM designate in the newly formed government in Sri Lanka, Mahinda Rajapaksa, has vowed to create statues of Ram, Laxman, Hanuman, and all major characters in the epic Ramayan. You guessed it…so that they can be pulled down, for showing Lanka and Lankans in poor light.

In a far-sighted move, and recognising the problem being faced by people in having to erect statues that need to be pulled down, the Indian government has decreed that every individual sculpt a bust of themselves and deposit it at the newly constituted Bust Bank (not to be confused with any Nationalised Bank, though both might mean the same thing) so that many years hence, when it is realised that the twenty first century human indulged in despicable practices like binge-watching Netflix, endlessly swiping mobile screens with one finger, running behind a bouncing round object on a football pitch, or even trying to meet with other people face to face, and the need arises to pull down their statues, they are readily available. The PM is expected to bless the initiative by giving it a name which, after a few days, he will explain the real meaning of.

Even as the present day rulers erect statues of invaders who repeatedly, well, invaded (is there a better suited word?) Indian territory for several centuries starting about 800 AD, to pull down in protest for being the cause of the misery faced by its people in the twenty first century that they are unable to solve, the common man in India, has, finally, started to ask for identification of the self-serving rulers who failed in their primary duty of protecting their people and real estate from invaders, and capitulated, repeatedly, for several centuries starting about 800 AD. To erect their statues and then pull them down.

On account of his less than kosher behaviour, as viewed in today’s context, Maher had the temerity to suggest rehab and sensitivity training for God, his God, to the point of saying “God is cancelled.” Should we open up other Gods for a twenty first century performance evaluation? Or, let sleeping Gods lie?

Truth Will Out

It seems that people who make Hindi movies, do so successfully, i.e. make movies that make money for the makers, have been doing so for many years, with actors vying for getting roles in their movies, do not value talent. They routinely ignore talent, ignore suitability of actors for roles in their movies, and instead cram their movies with untalented actors, typically younger relatives of people already working in the film industry. Their main objective is to make movies that will fail.

Not only do they not value talent, they also have no ability to judge the ability of actors. It is actually the common man, or other actors who do not get roles in these movies, who are the best judges of an actor’s ability and suitability for a role in any movie.

These people, the people who make Hindi movies successfully, are not running businesses or business organisations. They are actually running charities whose job it is to continuously scan the market for everyone just got off the train from Patna or Hyderabad or Ambala or Chittorgarh or Dhanbad, at Dadar or Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus (CST), with stars in their eyes, dreaming of making it big in the film industry, enable them to realise their dreams by casting them in their movies over other actors who may be more suitable for the role, especially if these other actors happen to be younger relatives of people already in the industry. All million of them who are estimated to arrive in Mumbai every year to make it as big as Amitabh Bachchan or Shahrukh Khan.

Adults, the million who come to Mumbai every year to be a part of the world of movies, come armed with a right, somewhat equivalent to the right of first refusal, for movie roles, especially in movies made by repeatedly successful producers and production houses who make movies that make money and who have no value for talent. This right makes it a duty of producers to give roles to people from outside the industry who have come there forsaking family and other opportunities, before they even begin to consider actors who have been associated with the industry far longer or are younger relatives of people in the industry, and do so repeatedly, till they are as successful as imagined by them before embarking on the journey.

It is unfortunate that these lessons have been learnt in the immediate aftermath of the death of Sushant Singh Rajput, a popular young actor in Hindi films, who apparently committed suicide over a month back. He may not have been in the top rung of stars, but he would certainly be considered an aspirant for the top rung. Wildly successful. What would one call a guy who just showed up from wherever he was and in about ten years played several lead roles in Hindi movies, yes Hindi movies, including that of India’s cricket captain, in a movie on his life. Who apparently had 15 crores (about USD 2 million) in his bank account that was seemingly transferred out. 15 crores sitting in the account? More than what 99% of Indians will earn in a lifetime. Remember ten years back he was perhaps one of the million who arrived at Dadar or CST. Unusually academically bright. He dropped out of the undergraduate engineering programme he was enrolled in at one of the top engineering colleges in India to make a life in the movies. As most will understand, a necessary precondition for dropping out of an academic programme is to have secured admission to it first. Through perhaps one of the most challenging academic entry paths in the world.

Likely candidate for a suicide?

Shakespeare would be proud. Unlike the ghost of Hamlet’s father who kept appearing only to his son Hamlet, Rajput’s ghost seems to be appearing to several near and dear ones.

To his girlfriend, exhorting her to write to the Union Home Minister, to seek help in understanding what led him to take the extreme step.

To his father, exhorting him to file a First Information Report (FIR) with the police authorities of Bihar, where he lives, a thousand miles away where, and not Mumbai, where he chose to reside and make a life, against his girlfriend, contending, among other things, that she had befriended Rajput to further her own career.

To the Enforcement Directorate (ED), the feared central agency, whose cases hold suspects guilty till proved innocent, and not the other way round as in the case of normal criminal proceedings, exhorting them to initiate proceedings under the Prevention of Money Laundering Act (PMLA).

To the Chief Minister of Bihar, exhorting him to offer help in requesting the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), the other feared central investigating agency, to take over the case if the family requests, even while the earlier request for CBI’s involvement, apparently made by the girlfriend, seems to have fallen on deaf ears.

To his sister, exhorting her to write to the Prime Minister requesting his intervention in ensuring justice is done.

And leading to more lessons for the common man.

It is a part of the Home Minister’s job to help people understand the reason for a near and dear one taking the extreme step. One can involve the Home Minister and Prime Minister in solving wrongdoing by any authority in the country by posting messages on Twitter with hashtags like #VandeMataram and #SatyamevJayate. Much like Indians in distress overseas could post to the Twitter handle of the then Foreign Minister who would, in a blaze of media glory, rescue the people in distress. The nation does not need any other process to make justice available to the common man and let him sleep in peace. Except a few Twitter handles.

ED is a vigilant organisation. If there is a possibility of misappropriation of 15 crore Rupees (USD 2 million) in a case of death seen as a suicide, they will jump in. Wrongdoers, be warned! People with suicidal tendencies, don’t take the final step unless you have 15 crore Rupees in your bank account.

Adults can be befriended by members of the opposite sex at will, to advance their own career, and they will have no say in the matter. Adults who have probably been considered responsible and mature and allowed to lead an independent life.

Really?

Aishwarya, here I come. To use you for furthering my career in Hindi movies. You have no choice in the matter. Or should I target Alia Bhatt? There is a much greater age difference between me and her. Will look more natural in the movies.

And, most significantly, any event can be used for settling political scores, especially where different political parties are involved, like the BJP led Union government, Shiv Sena led Maharashtra government and JDU led Bihar government in this case. There is value in multilateralism.

Don’t get me wrong. It is tragic. Any unnatural loss of life, any loss of life in its prime, is tragic. As is Rajput’s. While one can understand heightened emotions of near and dear ones, one expects governments and government bodies to behave in a judicious and equitable manner which is what eventually allows the common man to feel safe. Of the more than hundred thousand suicides in India every year, I wonder how many get investigated by the ED and CBI.

Hopefully, as Shakespeare says through Lancelot in The Merchant of Venice, the ‘truth will out.’

Sign Language

“But then, when will I cut them?”

I had forgotten it was my responsibility to ensure he was able to. Cut them. Blame it on old age.

The question had been asked by the young man sitting next to me and, in all likelihood, triggered by my saying, “this is not the place to be cutting your nails,” after my initial “perhaps you should be doing this at home,” had apparently gone unheard.

The trigger for my statements, in turn, had been the act of this young man casually taking out a shiny nail-cutter, spreading a newspaper on his lap, and starting to carefully chip away at his nails, taking care, as a responsible adult, to not leave any vestige of the activity in the surrounding area. Inside a train on the Delhi metro network, that I now take every day to get to my place of work. And back.

And, after the second statement, since there could not have been any doubt who I was speaking to, as there was nobody else cutting his nails in that coach, or in any other coach is my guess, he had left the nail on the middle finger, perhaps as a fitting hint, half-cut, and looked at me and asked the question. Crossly if my interpretation of his look is reliable.

Then he had looked away, perhaps not noticing my discomfiture as I did not have an answer to his question, and allowing me the luxury of a sigh of relief. But then he had looked right back at me and asked, “Where does it say?”

“Where does it say what” I asked right back, now composed.

“That I cannot cut my nails here?” He had not wasted time. When he had looked away from me, he had quickly scanned the coach to check if I had any basis for my unreasonable demand. Of requesting him to not cut his nails.

I was the deer in the headlights now. I sheepishly looked around, desperately searching for some sign of a sign behind which I might have hidden. I need not have. The young man had done his homework. There was a sign prohibiting sitting on the floor. There was a sign prohibiting smoking in the coach. There was a sign prohibiting eating and drinking. But nothing prohibiting the innocuous act of cutting nails. One’s own.

But he was a reasonable young man. He saw my discomfort and offered me a lifeline. “Has the Prime Minister asked the people to stop cutting nails inside coaches of the Delhi metro in any of his ‘Mann ki Baat’ episodes?”

The nation knows that the Prime Minister had asked countrymen to maintain cleanliness and hygiene. How else could we have known that we ought to maintain cleanliness and hygiene. I recalled, with some guilt, that even from the ramparts of the Red Fort, from where the Independence Day address is delivered, the Prime Minister had so far made no mention of not cutting nails inside coaches of the Delhi metro. How could anyone be expected to know that cutting nails is not be done in the coach of a train on the Delhi metro rail network.

As soon as the train stopped at the next station, I got off, though my destination had not arrived. I was unable to face the young man.

I should have known better. Walking down the platform I was reminded of my interaction, just two days back, with another youngster. This youngster eating in the coach. Did I already say there were signs prohibiting eating and drinking inside the coach? This young lady was eating right under the sign when I pointed this out to her, earning the response, along with a ‘puppy dog eyes,’ expression to go with it, “So when will I have breakfast?” I had looked away, shame-faced, at not thinking about such obvious issues. I may not have been her parent, and she might have been physically a full-grown, independent adult, but clearly I had not thought about when she would have breakfast.

And had continued eating her aloo parathas and pickle which the entire coach knew was of mango, seasoned in mustard oil.

The entire coach now also knew of this old chap who was poking his nose in other people’s affairs. “Can’t you get a mobile phone for yourself?” was the unsaid chorus. “Then you can join us and be brave and nationalistic and patriotic and send out forwards here and there on your mobile, when a criminal incident, usually a murder or rape, catches everyone’s attention and gets reported in the media. But following simple to understand, day-to-day rules in public life? Where do you think you are? Canada? Singapore? In fact, if we discourage breaking simple to understand, day-to-day rules in public life, it might well stifle out more serious crimes that have the potential of catching attention and allowing us the opportunity to be brave and nationalistic and patriotic and sending out forwards here and there on our mobiles. Whose side are you on?”

And that had not been an isolated incident either. A day earlier, I had pointed out the sign to another young man seated next to me and about to bite into his carefully packed sandwiches, to which he had, again with a ‘puppy dog eyes’ expression to match, had pleaded, “I am feeling very hungry.” But, this young man had packed his breakfast and kept it back in his bag. He must be a loser.

I had walked up the stairs and reached the ground level of the station. My mind was made up. I was going to see the station in-charge and request him to put up fresh signs inside train coaches so that decorum is maintained. ‘Do not shave in this coach,’ ‘Do not wash clothes inside this coach,’ ‘All cooking activity inside this coach is prohibited,’ in addition to ‘Do not cut nails inside this coach’ were some I had on my mind. And, of course, ‘Do not rape inside this coach,’ and ‘Murder is not permitted in any part of this coach.’ That would teach them, I hoped.

And that is not all. I would also request him to take away the existing signs like ‘Eating and drinking is not permitted inside this coach,’ since they are not followed in any case.

More pleasant rides on the Delhi metro await us.

You Can

“A horse a horse, my kingdom for a horse,” spake King Richard in Shakespeare’s Richard III.

In a slight twist to the Shakespearean phrase, we say “A can a can. A can for my car. A Swachh can for my Hyundai Accent car.”

Hyundai Motors, a leading car maker in India, has boldly gone where no car has gone before. It has done the unthinkable. It has introduced a Swachh can inside its cars.

Not a bag. Not an envelope. A can.

I am sure my erudite readers understand what a can is. But a Swachh can?

My erudite readers, a Swachh can is also a can. In this particular case it is the size of a Venti Latte takeaway coffee cup of Starbucks. Or an ice-cream cone with a slightly upsized mound of ice-cream.

And Swachh? Swachh means clean. Swachh Bharat, or Clean India, is the call given by the present PM to keep the country clean, which is why our countrymen did not keep the country clean before the call. They were waiting for the call I believe. Now they are waiting for something else. We will find out as soon as that call gets given.

They, Hyundai Motors, have splashed advertisements in all prominent media to ensure no person is denied this pleasure. And roped in Shahrukh Khan, the leading star of Hindi movies for almost two decades, and their brand ambassador for perhaps as long. Of having a Swachh can in his car.

swachh can

But if Hyundai wants to place a can in its cars, why should we care? It is a free country after all. They are free to place a can, a flower-pot, or a steering wheel, in their cars. They have to figure out the commercial model of their decision and ensure it is legal.

We care because we are sensitive and caring human beings. We care because we believe Hyundai’s hand has been forced. By the draconian Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) law. The company has admitted that it is using its Corporate Social responsibility (CSR) funds for this initiative.

The CSR law, as some might already know, mandates for-profit corporations of a certain size, to spend 2% of the average net profits of the last three years, on CSR activities.

In order that the law is transparent and fair, the government has sharply identified what qualifies as a CSR activity by only recommending particular areas of need, including eradicating hunger and poverty, maternal and child health, HIV, TB and malaria, promoting gender equality and environmental sustainability. Companies can develop their own investment strategies and decide where to invest as long as it is approved by their Board which has one independent director who is paid by the company. To make the law even more clear, it also does not define an enforcement mechanism or penalties for non-compliance.

The Swachh can ticks off all boxes.

The CSR law, apparently, has been brought in because it is believed that for-profit corporations are best suited to carry out CSR activities since welfare of society is neither their primary, or secondary, or tertiary objectives or any part of their reasons for existence.

And since one of the primary responsibilities of a government is understood to be to determine high-priority needs of society and target public expenditure in these areas, what better way to discharge it than to abdicate the responsibility to for-profit organisations. After all, since corporations exist, why should the government do any work beyond making vague and misleading laws? We all know how difficult that itself is, don’t we?

Instead of managing a billion people many of whom are poor and expect the government to actually work for improving their lot, why not just manage a few thousand business corporations who will make the process of governance easier by contributing handsomely to politicians and political parties for these rights and laws.

Governments and politicians are happy because they will have even lesser work to do and can make good use of their time by making baseless accusations at other politicians for questioning this law.

Corporations are happy because what was required as an essential part of the success of their business and anyway being done, now can be quantified in Rupee terms and showcased as their selfless contribution to society.

A billion people are happy because they believe a huge amount is being spent on them and not on for-profit corporations making money for themselves, and their gradual decline into greater misery is either not visible or on account of their own incapability, and not for lack of government and for-profit corporation support.

Armed with the CSR law, for-profit corporations are boldly going where they been many times before.

Like a hydrocarbon extraction company who has decided to use the CSR funds for training displaced independent, proud farmers to handle jobs as drivers, security guards and pantry boys in their offices.  Which they were doing even before the CSR law was introduced.

Like a soft drink manufacturer who is using its CSR resources to recharge ground water supplies in the areas they produce their drinks. Which they were doing even before the CSR law was introduced.

Like Hyundai Motors putting Swachh cans inside cars.

No wonder cars were not clean. No wonder roads were not clean. There was no Swachh can inside the car.

Now, as soon as there is trash inside the car, what will you do? You will open the lid of the Swachh can and poof. The offending trash will vanish inside the can. And, as soon as the can is full, what will you do? You will open the lid of the can and poof. The offending trash will vanish on the road.

It was the absence of the can that kept our roads dirty. Not the absence of a mindset that allows us to respect others and the space of others.

Pressed for answers on the genesis of this CSR initiative, Hyundai Motors says they have done it because in a survey 98% of respondents have said that they deeply care about cleanliness of outside infrastructure such as streets and roads. Respondents were given two choices, as below:

Q. Cleanliness of outside infrastructure such as streets and roads is a big issue in India. Which of the following statements describes you best?

  • ˆI care about it
  • ˆI don’t care about it

And 95% of respondents said they favoured a portable covered bin inside the car in which waste items could be conveniently disposed off. Again, respondents were given two choices, as below:

Q. For conveniently disposing off trash inside the car, would you

  • ˆPut the trash in a portable covered bin inside the car
  • ˆThrow the trash outside the window

Since people told us, we have invented from scratch and given you the Swachh can.

And a plastic one too, by the looks of it.

Boyed by the resounding success of the CSR initiative as it seems to have changed nothing, and since 30% of their profits paid by for-profit corporations to the government as taxes cannot be used for governance since there are other important uses for that money, the government is considering enactment of laws to get for-profit corporations to spend 2% of their average annual net profit over the last three years to ensure that crimes against women are eliminated, and penalise them if they are not.

Why did we not think of this before? Everything the government could not do now seems possible.

Big Brother

Unbeknownst to many, a primary school teacher recently filed a petition for “one nation, one education board” to, apparently, end disparity in knowledge dissemination during the formative years of a child. According to the senior advocates representing her, “the current education system under multiple boards did not provide equal opportunity to all, as enshrined under Article 21A of the Constitution. Otherwise, the chasm between rich and poor, reign of terror, events of looting and crimes against women that have taken the form of open threats will continue.”

By drawing a lucid, coherent, logical denouement in the form of the last sentence above, which, as is clear to everyone reading this, arises because of  multiple education boards, these senior advocates have presented an open and shut case to the judiciary.

In 2011, a bench of the Supreme Court had apparently ruled that a common syllabus between the ages of 6 and 14 would help achieve a code of common culture. “Code of common culture”, a transparent and lucid phrase that everyone knows the meaning of. Separate education facilities and syllabi, it is to be understood, are the root cause of inequality in the world.

This petition has galvanised the moribund fight for equality being waged by a few crusaders in a world where people are making choices. Even, horror of horrors, choosing schools and education boards.

Supporters of the petition have encouraged the petitioner to expand its scope and include the provision of equal marks in all subjects for all children. It is a matter of shame that more than seventy years after independence, children continue to get marked on the basis of performance. “Is this the equality that our founding fathers lived and died for?”, has been the rallying cry for supporters of equality.

When a good thing gets rolling, under the weight of its goodness it acquires a momentum that becomes impossible to stop. Committed people, often unsung, will not stop till the job is fully done.  Another group of educators has petitioned that in order that there is no discrimination after passing out from school, all children will get direct entry into college, whether they want it or not.

Different colleges, different courses, different universities, different professors, different teaching and marking styles. Is this equal opportunity? “Is this the equality that our founding fathers lived and died for?”, more people have asked. A petition has been moved to abolish the University Grants Commission (UGC), the apex body responsible for governing institutions of higher learning. All universities will become one university and one college teaching one course in order to eliminate discrimination between students studying in different colleges and universities and promote equal opportunity. Who gave universities and colleges the right to decide their curriculum and agenda? Is it equality? Such antiquated notions. Embarrassing to even read about them now.

And that is not all. Only one teacher will be appointed for teaching. Different teachers could vitiate the environment of equality by giving their students learning based on their own capability and knowledge and commitment. And, of course, everyone will get the same score on every subject they have taken, which, of course, will be the same for everyone.

Of course, no pun intended, the other issue of quality of education will automatically get resolved. With the desirable goal of equality for all, with a single course in a single institution taught by a single teacher, it will obviously be the best programme with none other coming even close. Or even existing. Educational nirvana! It will cease to matter what course they are studying. Or whether they are studying anything as long as everyone is studying nothing in the same way at the same school by the same teacher.

But life does not end with education and learning. Our petitioners know that. They have expeienced life. That is how they have become petitioners. Some may even say that life begins after education.

In order that we abide by the principles of equality for all, it has been petitioned that all bright students who have completed their college education with great results (which means all students) will be employed by the same organisation for the same job. All companies will have the same name and same business and will be allowed to make or lose the same amount of money. No longer will graduates need to strive for better jobs and more money. No longer will some go without jobs. No longer the tyranny of soul-searching to identify their passion and interest for them. Should I become a doctor or an engineer? Should I join the Navy or the Air Force? Should I pursue my passion in music or painting? Over. Finito!

And they will get exactly the same pay. For doing exactly the same thing. Or exactly the same nothing. And they will all wake up at the same time. And dress in the same way. And go to work in the same manner. And eat the same food. And get the same entertainment. And the same vacation. And the same bed and mattress to sleep on. And the same kind of dwelling. And the same transportation machinery.

In order that different genes don’t start acting up and interfering with equal opportunity, a petition has been moved to ban the natural cycles of procreation. In order to promote equality, one set of parents will procreate for the entire population. Again and again and again. Children will then be distributed to all. However, as differences in upbringing could vitiate the environment of equality, these children will not be given but brought up in a common facility.

And since so many children will need people to manage them, and since each person managing them might have a personality that could rub off on the children, they will be replaced by robots. 

Equal marks to all, a common university with identical programmes and one single teacher for everyone, providing the same job with equal pay for all, procreating for all; who can do all this?

Who else but Big Brother?

We cannot trust parents to bring up their children. We cannot trust teachers to teach. We cannot trust education boards to provide education. We cannot trust businesses to provide employment. We cannot trust ourselves to take decisions for ourselves. Who can we trust?

Who else but Big Brother?  

In fact, as we have seen done in the past in some societies, the word “choice”, and its many variants like “want”, “desire”, etc., which have been found responsible for many of the ills plaguing society, will be removed from the vocabulary of all languages known in the country. Nip the problem in the bud for a just and fair, and equal, society, they say. Long live this tribe of petitioners.

Unfortunately, a 3-judge bench of the Supreme Court, led by Chief Justice Dipak Misra, has rained on the petitioner parade and dismissed the petition and nipped in the bud the move towards equality.

 

 

Thank You For The Music

Dear Mr. Khattar,

(For the uninitiated, Mr. Manohar Lal Khattar is the Chief Minister of Haryana, the state where Gurgaon, where I live, lies)

Thank you for the music on the night of Friday, 18th August, extending into the wee hours of Saturday, 19th August. Yes last night.

Music that I neither asked for nor wanted.

Music that I understand is supposed to stop at 10 PM.

I realise the pains you have to go through to provide these little pleasures to your residents. Pleasures that residents of few leading cities in the world get to savour. Of free, unasked for music at unearthly hours. Not for nothing is Gurgaon known as the millennium city. After the destruction of overground vegetation and underground water reservoirs, this is perhaps a logical way forward for a modern, progressive city.

My last faint memory of the night is of purple lights blinking inside my head to the thumping of loud, remixed music. This must have been around 12.50 PM at night. But I could be mistaken. The only certain marker of time I have from last night is of the last call I received from the Sector 29 Police Station informing me that they will arrange for a Police Control Room (PCR) van to go to the establishment spreading the joy and ask them to switch off the music. That was around 12.40 AM.

My wife had initially called to complain (silly woman – complaining about a civic nuisance!) at about 11.25 PM. She had called the Sector 40 Police Station under whose jurisdiction our housing society falls.

Of course, till 12.30 AM nothing had been done. In fact, the music had grown louder and was belting out some foot-tapping scores.

Reluctantly I called the same Police Station again. After failing to connect with the PCR on “100”. The person answering the call expressed surprise that the music had not stopped despite him having done nothing about it. I offered that the music might be coming from across the road, from the eatery attached to the shiny new liquor vend that has come up near our building.

Though he might have expected the music to have stopped on its own, on hearing this he immediately said that that area is under the jurisdiction of the Sector 29 Police Station. The Doklam standoff between China and India may have nothing on this border dispute between the Police Stations of Sector 29 and Sector 40.

Notwithstanding the border dispute, he was kind enough to give me another number for reaching the PCR which, unfortunately, connected. The PCR might have conveyed the message to the Sector 29 Police Station which is perhaps why they called me.

I must stop here and apologise for my rudeness to the person who called. I asked him if they at the Police Station could not hear the music and why did they have to wait for a complaint. I also had the temerity to ask him about the punitive action that would be taken against the establishment. What was I thinking? If he gave a response I did not hear it. If you get a chance, please convey my sincere apologies to the person for asking inappropriate questions.

I am also extremely sorry I was not able to participate in the festivities longer than 12.50 AM. I have made a mental note to sleep through the day tomorrow so that I can enjoy the late night festivities you and your administration have arranged for unsuspecting and ungrateful residents like me.

I will also try to communicate the same to children who need to get up early for school and seniors living in our building to ensure that they also sleep through the day so that we can all enjoy this unexpected treat from the authorities together. It will hopefully bring us all together cutting across lines of age, gender, religion, occupation, etc. We cannot thank you enough.

Of course I understand. If we cannot stop rapes, molestations and murders in the city, what right do we have to expect such trifles to be prevented? How can the police be expected to know that an establishment in their vicinity is playing loud music beyond permitted hours and censure them? They can only know if a resident complains. Isn’t it?

On another note, I also thank you for the early practice, as the silly season begins in October when the weather turns for the better and outdoor merriment starts. It is good to get one’s ear accustomed to unauthorised late night music as HUDA Gymkhana Club and Kingdom of Dreams, both within a stone’s throw of our building, who have been the bellwethers of unauthorised late night music in our neck of the woods till last year, begin their respective acts.

Equally, it is wonderful to see that the administration, as behoves an administration in a market economy, is leaving no stone unturned to introduce greater competition in this area as well. After all, why should HUDA Gymkhana Club and Kingdom of Dreams have a free run on late night unauthorised music?

Would it be possible to publish a playlist for the night’s unauthorised music playing so that residents can be better prepared with the right accompaniments for the music being dished out? If not, can we introduce a system through which “requests” can be sent to the erring establishment so that the unauthorised music could be to the liking of the forced audience?

Even if the above requests cannot be entertained, please don’t fret. You are keeping us entertained, albeit against our wishes. Your good deeds will stand you well. Remind me again when the next elections are due.

If I sound distracted in writing this thank you note, I apologise. I am writing this at 2.30 AM, after waking from a fitful sleep with those purple lights still flashing inside my head. It seems the music has restarted. Thanks again. Apologies if my complaint caused the music to be shut down for a few minutes, or was it seconds. I realise that one should not look a gift horse in the mouth. Who knows, we may be condemned to live in a city with rule of law.

Sincerely,

An ungrateful resident.