So, I had been delaying this 100th post for quite a while. There were a lot of things that happened which I wanted to write about in my blog, but I didn’t want my 100th post to be anything close to negative. So, finally, I feel I have got something good to shoot this 100th post.

Honestly, just thinking of the words ‘100th post’ feels quite different. When I reflect back on my journey in this blog, I am amazed at how much I have grown as a person, and what a roller-coaster phase it has been from when I started this blog when I had just completed my 10th boards, to now, when I am at a phase where so many things are breaking around me, and I find a ‘new me’ time and again. I wish I would have accounted more days of my life in this blog, but, it’s fine, whatever there’s already here.

So, what made me finally go for it today? It is the ‘ending of things’.

I feel quite good that, that so many chapters of my life are closing. And with not so much of pain. I am content with them closing. Of course, it felt a bit bad at that particular moment, but I somehow imagine a bigger picture that these ‘endings’ contribute to. I feel, God is closing the chapters in my life that are not meant for my further journey. And this thought makes me look to the future with even sparkling eyes, with hope, with passion. I feel, I am losing the sight of the side distractions, although the distractions themselves have been removed from my path. But it’s fine. I am a little mad at myself that I couldn’t myself clear off those distractions to focus my goal. But honestly, I didn’t want to let them go.

But now they have naturally just faded away or closed down, and I feel content. And it’s happening rapidly, continuously, one after the other.

Well, I am talking about these endings in a totally positive way. But I feel it is unfair to not acknowledge the negative feelings these endings gave me. So, I will just let them all out.

Whenever I feel, that everything will get right, and I will get what I want, mostly my want is a particular feeling, it just ends in the most unexpected way. And I am left in shock. I start wondering why does the same thing happen to me over and over again. That I am ready to commit myself, give it my all, but I am left seeming as if I am desperate for that and the other just, rejects for some reason. Anyways, they have their own valid reasons, but my problem is, why do I feel so strongly each time. I feel that, yes, happiness is just coming round the corner, and boom, everything just collapses.

Anyways, I still see the positive side of it, that I will be clear of so many confusing things in my life.

So, I will tell about the recent changes that are happening in my life.

Firstly, I resigned from the D&C HC position. It was a big step, but I had no second thoughts on it, only once, when I felt it would get less complicated if I still continued and that too for only a partial moment. I really needed to be off this post. I need to focus on the upcoming placements. And on the career ahead. There a lot of things to do. Plus, I wanted some fresh approaches to handle the domain. But what didn’t feel good was the fact that someone else left the club. We had worked together a lot, lot and lot from the 1st year itself. Anyways, I was content with this decision. Then suddenly, I had a call with S, and we weren’t even intending to talk on a serious topic.But he somehow ended up giving me a lot of advice on how I should not let myself get ‘devoted’ to anybody, even him. If someone isn’t reciprocating, you should just leave for your own good. And that was although a very good conversation we had that day, but I had almost made up my mind that day during the call itself, that I am gonna end all of this very soon. I even said that to him, that I think I will end things soon. We had a chat after that call once, it was really nice. And then suddenly after that conversation, we just weren’t talking anymore. It has been almost a week that we had a proper conversation. And although I do think of him quite often, hell I even dreamt of him once, but I don’t wanna message him anymore. I am just not feeling it anymore. And I feel it’s best not to message because that would start things up again, which ended with a difficulty, I couldn’t have done it myself. It just happened. So I wanted to use this thing in my favour, to let things be ended.

I was already thinking of taking things forward with someone else and conversations after this incident with that person, intensified and my feelings intensified too. I was daydreaming. But then, today, that also came to an end. I got clear indications, that there isn’t going to be anything between us. Things ended just after getting escalated to a completely different unexpected fun level.

Anyways, I am happy that I won’t be actually day dreaming and hoping things with him anymore. But I had really wished and hoped things would go beautiful and long-term. Now, I know for sure, that there’s no future of this. So, yes this also cleared off from my way.

I recently saw this movie, What Will People Say, and I realised, I so badly wanted to create things and put them on screen. I got into that movie so much that I realised my own urge to present my stories to the world through screen. And then I just gota new direction in life. The urge intensified. and I started this new blog of mine to post reviews of films/web series.

So yeah, some things ended, some new things started and I am fucking excited about this journey now!

So, doing something to feel different, I am gonna write 100 things that I wanna tell/remind myself.

100 things that I wanna say to myself !

1. You are born to make those people proud who always believed in you, wished for your success, and hoped for your success for some real valid reasons. Your family (you know why), your teachers, your relatives who thought of you as a lotus. I hope you get what I mean.
2. But your success should be defined in your way. In terms of what you really want and not subsiding to trends among the peers.
3. Never leave dance. It is food for your soul.
4. Never leave music. It is ointment to your wounds. Keep exploring as many genres as you can.
5. Don’t try to change your sensitive nature. That’s what makes you unique. And that’s how you can add value to your life, by using this trait to give back to the community, to the world where you came from.
6. Never forget how important it is to listen to the other side. At least once, try to know the real feeling of the other person and not assume. And just listen, in general. You gain knowledge, understand the complex human emotions, understand the various situations of life, when you listen and listen more. The number of people who listen is reducing in this modern world, you keep being the person people confide to when they don’t have anyone to share their deepest emotions.
7. Live each moment. Life is short. And I feel it is shorter for you. It is my gut feeling. So, live each moment, don’t think much about what will people think about you.
8. Serve your parents. Period. This should have been in the top 5 I guess.
9. Serve your family.
10. Know, acknowledge and reciprocate the value of friends who stayed with you during thick and thin, even when you stayed aloof of them. You are lucky to have them. Be grateful.
11. Be grateful to God for many things have come easy to you.
12. Do not! I repeat Do Not take things for granted that have come easy to you. Otherwise God would regret giving them to you.
13. Do not try to please anybody and do not expect closures always.
14. Spend time with your friends. Friendships are what keep us truly alive and not just survive.
15. Do not hesitate to apologise or speak to people if any misunderstanding occurs.
16. You are beautiful, you are talented, you deserve all the happiness, but you are not the most beautiful, not the most talented, not that you won’t get sadness, but despite all this, believe in yourself coz you have done a lot of good things and are capable to do many more good things.
17. Work hard, work hard, work hard,dream as big as you need to, and believe that the small bricks would definitely build up your grand castle.
18. Don’t forget that you have to do something for the children with learning disabilities.
19. And for God’s sake, please learn the household chores. You’re fucking 21 years old, girl!
20. Genuine love is what you deserve, don’t settle for something that disregards you.

Damn!!!! 100 things are so difficult to write. So I am gonna just keep it 20 now.

But, if anything comes up in future that I wanna say to myself, I will keep on adding below.

Bye Bye !!!! It’s 4.09 am! Haha …damnnnn

Gotta do some stuff and then sleep. Good night peeps! ❤