It is strange. How on the New Year’s day, all you think of amidst every other thing that you have going in your life, is that one person. It is a mystery to me always, how I fall in love with someone and sometimes can’t even say to myself whether it is love, or just infatuation, or a strong liking, or an obsession, or a habit, or attachment, or just a craving for an unfulfilled wish. Having so many things going on in your life, when you are finally working towards your dreams, finally building new habits, finally being positive about things, neglecting the negativities, spending more time with family and friends, and feeling actually happy after all this time, feeling balanced, feeling that you are finally getting back your centre, your focus, again! Inspite of all these things, you just end up thinking about that one person. When you start missing them in your good as well as bad times. The thought that you just wanna message them, the thought that you just wanna let them know that you’ve been thinking of them. Yet, you can’t. Because you have to let go!

Why can’t you get rid of this feeling? Why can’t you stop adoring the person for all the good things that they have? Why can’t you forget how genuine they have been? Why can’t you forget how respectful they have been towards almost every person they come across? Why can’t you unsee their humility when they try to learn from people and give heed to opinions of people who are younger than them? Why can’t you dismiss the fact that they never try to show that they are a know-it-all, even when they are intellectually more mature than most of the people in the room? Why can’t you be oblivious to the fact that inspite of them outgrowing people in their social circle, they still hang out with them, giving everyone due respect? How can someone be such a good person? And why can’t I be with them? How can they be special, yet enjoy even the most basic things of life with utmost pleasure and still not expect everything to be over the top! How can someone be so ‘not objective’, who doesn’t see people for what they bring to their life, but accept them just as they are!

I know I know, people shouldn’t be put up on a pedestal. Nobody is perfect! Each one of us have our own insecurities, bad behaviours, etc etc. I know you have stopped expressing these days. You don’t speak it out loud.

Trust me, I have seen the subtle actions that shout to me that you too reciprocate. But I just discard all those signs thinking that they might just be a sign of my overthinking. Prove me wrong na!