Yes, I am out of order these days. I am out of my physical as well as mental order. I don’t know why. I think it is because I have nothing to think about these days and it is said ,”An empty mind is a house of the devil.”

I have been suffering so much these days. I don’t have a good routine. I wake up whenever I want, I sleep whenever I want – be it the day time or night, I just keep on using Internet, and my most favorite timepass -TV- is also away from me these days. These days are my summer vacations. It has been 1 and a 1/2 months since the new academic session has started and still I have not started with my self studies. I have given my Board Exams one and a half month before and I decided I would relax for sometime and then start again for class 11th with full and fresh energy.

But I failed to regain that energy, that consciousness, that sound-mind, that ready-to-work behaviour. I don’t know why.

All my classmates and friends have already started to prepare for 11th, 12th and other competitive exams.

And I am still there where I was 1 and a 1/2 months before.

I am ambitious. I think about my future. I have pretty well decided and defined what I want to do in future and when. But I fail to execute. How can I start to execute my plans if my mind is not ready. My mind needs something to occupy it- but that occupation should not be of thoughts- that occupation should be the ‘processing’ required to complete various tasks. And then surely I would be ‘in the order’.

But still I wonder HOW?

I know everything about me coz I have analysed things a lot (more than required).

But I am still there, where I was 1 and a 1/2 months before.

In the hope of ‘my’ revival !

-Sheetal