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Archive for February, 2008

I’m Imagining a Beach Vacation

Posted in blogging, tagged , , on February 29, 2008| 7 Comments »

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Winter is seeming very long and cold this year and I can’t stop thinking about going to the ocean for some R & R, but I would like to go to a nice place, a new place. I would like to sit under the sun and look at blue water. I would like to hear the sound of the waves and smell the salt air, and perhaps drink something exotic like a pina colada. I would like to do this for about a month, but who has that kind of free time? So I have been investigating ocean get-aways. My wandering has led me to places I know I will not go or places that are known to be the “worst beach destinations”.

Unless I want to swim with sharks I think I will avoid Africa and Australia where they seem to be abundant:

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Just look at the size of his mouth, I think he could swallow that guy whole! I have always been fascinated with sharks, but have never wanted to swim with them. This photo was taken of a shark in South Africa.

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If I decide to vacation in Japan I could be swimming with the species known as the frilled shark, well I wouldn’t exactly be swimming with him, but he would be down there in deep, deep water hiding. He really looks like something prehistoric, doesn’t he? I could see him up close at Japan’s Awashima Marine Aquarium. He’s kind of freaky!

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I would not want to be caught alone with this fellow who looks like he could eat a lot. So I am figuring I will NOT go where there are sharks!

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I also think at this point I will avoid dirty beaches like this one in Virginia or this one in New York

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But most of all I think I will avoid China where it seems the idea of sunning yourself has been shunned in favor of Mcdonalds Umbrella advertising

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Where is the pleasure in that? Whoa!

So my search continues!

And I can still fantasize:

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There’s No Bout a Doubt it ~ You Can Absolutely Catch a Cheating Spouse!

Posted in codependent, dating, divorce, internet dating, lost love, love, marriage, obsessive love, relationships, tagged , , on February 28, 2008| 10 Comments »

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Before you say anything, before you act irrationally make sure you are correct. If your gut is telling you that your spouse or significant other is cheating you can catch them. All you need is a little money and a little ingenuity and the ~pardon the expression~ the balls to get the job done. Oh yes, now anyone can become their own private detective. You can even use the same equipment a PI would use and once you have it you can always feel secure knowing you have made an investment in cheating detection!

I was reading a news article today and it cautioned, “Texters Beware” the writer reported on a new device that can copy anyone’s sim card and deliver the results of their texts on your computer. The device is small enough to hide in the palm of your hand and looks like a USB drive.

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It’s called a cell phone spy data extractor and can be found on the Brickhouse Security Website. So I went to the website myself and found some other dandy devices that I believe are invaluable for detecting infidelity. First there are many, many different types of GPS units that can track your mates driving activities. They are easy to install and easy to track, although some come with monthly plans to do up to the minute tracking. There are also reviews by users of the devices that tout their reliability.

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The most interesting item I found at the website was something called a “sex test”

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With CheckMate, you can experiment with you loved one’s underpants to see if they have semen stains inside. The website even provides a silent youtube video to watch how the test is performed. They say that if left unwashed under garments can be tested for years!

I’m wondering how many people would use this homemade spy stuff to catch a cheater or if you ever have. What is your opinion on using it. Please do tell.

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Spiders on Drugs

Posted in love, tagged , , , , on February 27, 2008| 1 Comment »

 This is a cute video about the affect that drugs can have on spiders and their web-building abilities! Enjoy!

 

Vodpod videos no longer available. from www.youtube.com posted with vodpod

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Have a Happy Period . . .

Posted in humor, tagged , on February 26, 2008| 6 Comments »

I don’t know about you, but as I get older that time of the month feels like I’m anticipating impending doom. I can’t sleep. I cry for no reason at all, my head aches and well it feels like I have a basketball in my uterus. Also my thinking process isn’t very clear and I knew something was totally wrong when last night as I lay awake crying and flipping through the channels these words popped into my head with the associated visual:

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And I thought what the fuck, isn’t a “happy period” an oxymoron? And then another thought popped in and was directed at Proctor and Gamble:

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Then this morning as I was pathologically, hormonally unable to process the tiniest idea, much less write about anything I realized it had already been written for me by Wendi Aarons. If you haven’t already read this open letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager of Proctor and Gamble I hope you enjoy it, if you have may you enjoy it again!

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” or “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

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Can You Sum Up Your Life in Six Words?

Posted in blogging, life story, memoir, personal stories, writing, tagged on February 25, 2008| 2 Comments »

I don’t usually do Memes, but I was at Book Babie’s Blog and she had this really great idea, so I decided to participate and below is the full copy and paste of her post. I will still break the rules here, (as I usually do) and tell you if you want to do this please join in and link to me or her or yourself. I have to say this was really hard, and it was especially hard because I had a lot of them, but most sounded like instructions or advice rather than a six word memoir and some of the ideas came from quotes I had read so at the end of this you will find the one I settled on with a picture as well. This was fun and even if you don’t want to post yours try it and see what happens!

So here’s her original post:

As I read yet another book review of a memoir this weekend, my husband told me that I should write one. I said that my story would be much too short and rather boring so when I ran across the following book I decided it was just my speed. A six word memoir! Written by Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Famous and Obscure is a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. His words were- For Sale: baby shoes, never worn. There’s a video on Amazon with examples from the book, it sounds like a fun read! I’d like to start a six word memoir meme and here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir

2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like

3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere

4 .Tag five more blogs with links

5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Here is my 6 Word Memoir:

I’m A Stranger to These Parts

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Serenity Sunday

Posted in codependent, dating, divorce, internet dating, lost love, love, marriage, obsessive love, relationships, wisdom on February 24, 2008| 1 Comment »

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I think people may have mixed feelings about Andy Rooney. I don’t know much about him myself, but someone sent me an email with some quotes of his and I liked them so I thought I would post them today, since they make sense to me and I have also learned these things over the years!

I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. 

I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows. 

I’ve learned…. That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day. 

I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. 

I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right. 

I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child. 

I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way. 

I’ve learned…. That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 

I’ve learned…. That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. 

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. 

I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for. 

I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class. 

I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. 

I’ve learned…. That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. 

I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. 

I’ve learned…. That love, not time, heals all wounds. 

I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. 

I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. 

I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. 

I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. 

I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. 

I’ve learned…. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. 

I’ve learned…. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life. 

I’ve learned…. That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it. 

I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

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Mutant Freaks and More

Posted in blogging, tagged , , , on February 22, 2008| 5 Comments »

Okay, so I will admit it. I watch the National Geographic Chanel, sometimes, and last night a show caught my attention it was called, Extreme Genes, here is the show description:

“Rabbits that glow in the dark, custom-grown human livers and mice that regenerate: the creations of modern genetics are far from ordinary. Follow along as Extreme Genes takes you inside an amazing world of engineering, biotechnology, robotics and regenerative medicines. Here, scientists test the limits of nature every day as they work to genetically engineer plants and animals that will improve our world.”

Here’s a picture of a chicken created in a laboratory:

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He’s pretty cute, huh? They rationalize creating such a bird by saying,

“Featherless chickens could be the future of mass poultry farming in warmer countries, says an Israeli geneticist who has created a bare-skinned “prototype”. The new chicken would be lower in calories, faster-growing, environmentally friendly, and more likely to survive in warmer conditions, claims Avigdor Cahaner of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. He created his red-skinned chicken by selectively crossing a breed with a naturally bare neck with a regular broiler chicken.”

I guess as long as it’s lower in calories the US will jump on board. Oh, and how do you make a chicken environmentally friendly? The other benefits would be found in mass production, because it would save on plucking, which uses a lot of water and because broilers are bred so big now they generate a lot of heat which creates the need for air conditioning to cool them down, their lack of feathers saves on electricity! Chicken farmers think that feathers are a waste! It was also mentioned that these chickens would be great for developing countries because they can be still be gigantic without over heating in the sun. But they say that featherless chickens suffer more than their non-mutant counter parts, they get sunburn, the males can’t mate because the can’t flap their wings and they are more susceptible to parasites and mosquito bites.

I agree with this statement:

“The chicken is “disgusting”, says Joyce D’Silva of Compassion in World Farming. “It’s a prime example of sick science and the suggestion that it would be an improvement for developing countries is obscene. Factory farming is such an inappropriate technology for developing countries because it uses scarce resources like water, electricity and grain that could be used for human consumption, to produce meat that only the middle classes can afford.”

The whole premise makes me glad I don’t eat meat. I am not sure these scientists have even considered what happens when humans ingest genetically altered meat of any kind. Chickens are not the only animals being altered, they have created giant cows that weigh up to one ton, giant salmon and they have actually altered the way some pigs shit. Yeah, it seems pig manure produces a by product that is so bad for the environment that when it leeches into the water supply it becomes a hazard, so they have developed pigs who no longer excrete the by product, but instead digest it.

So you tell me, if they can do all these things with animals will humans be next? Using stem cells they can grow livers and skin and even new bone. I am not sure how I feel about that, but I know the mutant animal thing icks me a lot. They are also experimenting with human genes in animals, like cows who they milk for blood to create human antibodies for disease. It’s all fucking fascinating in a science fiction sort of way, but it doesn’t feel right to me. Plus I think if science can do this and show it on TV then what aren’t they showing us? Inquiring minds want to know . . .

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Famous New Words!

Posted in codependent, dating, divorce, internet dating, lost love, love, marriage, obsessive love, relationships, tagged on February 21, 2008| 5 Comments »

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If you had asked me two years ago what I thought about being single a string of expletives would have been my response, that and a lot of complaining about how hard it was to date and the impossible standards for women in the dating world and how men have it a lot easier and blah, blah, blah. I don’t know if it’s the full moon or the fact that all my married friends seem to be so unsatisfied, (at my age I only have one female friend who isn’t married), and maybe the full moon is affecting them differently, but all they do is complain. Many of them say if they ever divorced they would never marry again. Some say that having a husband is like having another child. I used to think and sometimes say, well at least you have somebody. You don’t have to worry about growing old alone. You have someone to talk to at the end of the day and someone to wake up to every morning. They just laugh and give me that look. They say they don’t talk about much anymore unless it has to do with the kids or scheduling or their talking has turned into arguing and I think, I remember that and it sucked hard. Even the people I know who were so in love in the beginning sound different when I hear their conversations and I wonder if their relationships will last. I also wonder why they stay, but I know the answer to that. Sometimes it’s easier to stay than it is to leave. The familiar is comfortable the unknown not so much.

Somehow I have been subscribed to all the emails about men and dating, these I used to read with a fervor. They describe in detail how to handle men and what to do in situations with men and what men want etc. I don’t even read them anymore. I think it’s because in all truth I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t care about what men want or how to act in relationships, it’s just that I don’t have that urgent need to please anyone except myself right now. I am so glad I didn’t just jump into another relationship after my divorce. Well that’s not true, I did start a relationship with someone and it was fulfilling to some extent, but I saw myself doing what I have always done. I have always gone from one relationship to the next with no space between and it has not served me or the other person for that matter. It may seem like 2 years of being single is a long time, but it has passed very quickly and I believe I am better off for having done it, because it is just now that I am seeing the benefits of having pushed myself to be with myself. And I know I am still not ready to be “hitched”, it isn’t time yet, there is so much more I want to accomplish for myself before I will be ready to decide who I want to share my life with. This knowledge makes me excessively happy.  I hope anyone who thinks a relationship will be the answer to all their problems will decide to push past that discomfort and just wait to see what happens. You might just start waking up with a smile on your face everyday!

I think I am in good company when I say that these actresses who could honestly have pretty much any man they wanted have decided to stay single and are loving it!

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Kate Hudson

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Gabrielle Union

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Renee Zellweger

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Believing is the First Step, Receiving Follows

Posted in codependent, dating, divorce, internet dating, lost love, love, marriage, obsessive love, relationships, wisdom on February 20, 2008| 3 Comments »

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Your perception is your reality!

Remember when you were a child, before you had a ton of heartbreaks? You went into relationships without judgment and then slowly over the years you got your heart broken. With each heartbreak you put up a wall and then another until you found yourself walking around thinking that maybe relationships were not so fulfilling, not so rewarding, not what you had hoped. Maybe you experienced heartbreak in friendships as well. People did not live up to your expectations and you felt betrayed.

This doesn’t happen to you alone, so it must be universal. I read somewhere that the only constant in life is change. I think change keeps life interesting, but sometimes we change so much we lose touch with who we really are inside. We lose belief in ourselves and in others, rather than seeing our lives as a journey we cloak ourselves in despair, (well some of us do), and then we find it very difficult to find love. But love is out there, its just that the more you work on yourself the more you see yourself clearly, the more you know what you want, you begin to narrow down who you want in a partner and it seems like you will never find the one for you.

I say, look at it the other way! Believe that person is out there and you just haven’t met them yet. During this time that you are single you can take a rest from worrying about it and know that it will happen and it will. In the meantime have fun do what you love and the perfect person will show up!

I leave you with this quote, author unknown:

We share this world.
Through creativity we open our eyes and we are free.
It’s all about letting go.
Taking risks.
Opening your heart.

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Order Up a Man to Your Liking AKA Niche Dating

Posted in dating, divorce, internet dating, love, marriage, relationships, tagged on February 19, 2008| 4 Comments »

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Dating just go a whole lot easier! If you are into computer dating, that is. It looks like a need is out there because according to an ABC news story, “Brad Armstrong runs 130 such sites and there are hundreds more.”

Are you looking for another pet lover? Well you can find one at DateMyPet.com. Looking for a wine enthusiast do a web search and you are sure to find one.

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Looking for that tattooed man of your dreams, well look no further you can find him at tatooedsingles, but be careful on this site because it also boasts an ad that says, “fuck a local girl tonight”, oh yeah you must be 18 or older to enter!

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And if you want to ride bikes with your lover you can click over to cycling singles, who knows maybe your man will serenade you!

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My favorite site of all is for farmers only. If you want to date or marry a man who rides a tractor and knows his way around a cow this is the place to go. It’s not for girls who don’t know how to milk or harvest though. So you might want to brush up on your planting skills before applying. They take this stuff very seriously!

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