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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

The Unexplainable!

Posted in love, tagged , , on June 27, 2008| 3 Comments »

What are your thoughts?

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What’s in a Name?

Posted in love, tagged , , on June 26, 2008| 6 Comments »

I have had so much to do this week that I feel like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet! I wish I could say it’s from all the sex I’ve been having, but no! Just working like crazy running around like a mad woman and this morning when I woke up I didn’t have the energy it would take to chew a stick of care free gum, so I’m resorting to posting some pictures that were sent to me and it’s all about names. I hope it distracts you for a minute and makes you smile!

Clever, right? Definitely gets the point across. I would use this service just because of the name!

I want to see Big Dick and ask him a couple of questions!

Brilliant!

Guess you can tell what’s on my mind today!

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The Internet Doesn’t Make You Stupid . . .

Posted in love, tagged , , on June 24, 2008| 4 Comments »

. . . Being Stupid Makes You Stupid! Case in Point!

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George Carlin Died!

Posted in love, tagged , , , , on June 23, 2008| 2 Comments »

I don’t go out much in the morning and I never, ever read the news. I suppose that makes me an uniformed American, but I really don’t give a fuck about being informed. I don’t believe half of what is reported and I am not in the mood to read about what is reported because most of it is bullshit anyway, or fluff and it pisses me off! I don’t want to watch news that pisses me off and puts me in a less than desirable state of mind, so I avoid it most of the time.

So this morning when I went out to go to the post office I turned on the radio and heard that George Carlin died. I guess I always knew he would die, he was looking more and more frail and one of the last times I saw him he seemed REALLY PISSED OFF. When he got pissed off he turned it into humor and I love that about him! In fact I think I learned more about life and truth by watching and listening to him than I ever did by watching the news and I laughed a lot more, which is what I like to do. I like to walk away laughing and I prefer my humor to be based in truth just another reason why I loved George Carlin. He was no bullshit, straight-up and to the point and he was never, ever afraid to say what was on his mind. I didn’t always agree with what he said, but I respected who he was and the way he delivered a message.

I am sad that he won’t be around to entertain me any longer and I’m upset that another extraordinary person has existed the planet I didn’t expect it so soon. I’m glad I can call up his videos on YouTube whenever I want to, it’s a nice alternative to the news!

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8 Reasons You Should NOT Take Your Children to the Zoo

Posted in love, tagged , , , on June 19, 2008| 4 Comments »

There is no reason you shouldn’t take yourself though! Watching monkey, elephant, rabbit, kangaroo sex is a fun pastime or an alternative to porn and you might just learn something! Explaining it to your children, not so much!

Thank you word press for somehow fixing my photo loader without informing me! I am pleased to note that I have been able to add images all week!

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They Caught E.T.!!!!

Posted in love, tagged , , on June 17, 2008| 3 Comments »

He was apparently cooking Meth in Arkansas!

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Do Married People Really Write This Stuff?

Posted in love, tagged , , , on June 10, 2008| 6 Comments »

Due to technical difficulties I cannot post what I had originally intended so here’s some filler about your choices in life. Do married people really think this stuff up?

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
“Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
“Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .

A little boy asked his father,
“Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

A young son asked,
“Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.”

Then there was a woman who said,
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.”

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

A Woman’s Prayer:
“Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him,
and for Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death”

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
“Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”
The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.”

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Serenity Sunday

Posted in love, tagged , , on June 8, 2008| 4 Comments »

Sometimes making fun of life seems like the better thing to do and it’s probably the best thing to do when your bogged down with meaningless thoughts about how bad your life is. Everyone knows that ruminating about what isn’t right only magnifies it, so why not make light of it instead. I found some Strange Thoughts to get you through a crisis and wanted to share, authors are all unknown. If you really want to laugh your ass off click over to Bound & Gags who wrote, 100 Sure-Fire Ways to Beat Stress! (Note: I did try to link over to his blog, but my linking device is broke after the first time I used it), he’s in my blogroll so it won’t be hard to find the post!

  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
  • Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
  • No one is listening until you fart.
  • I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • You shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
  • You can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
  • If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
  • Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
  • Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
  • No matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
  • Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, your body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “Woo hoo! What a ride!”
  • The trouble with life is you’re halfway through it before you realize it’s a “do it yourself” thing.
  • Always put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

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Here’s a Legal Question for You . . .

Posted in love, tagged , , , , , on May 22, 2008| 5 Comments »

Do You Consider this Statutory Rape?

In other news today, it seems as if a teen has developed a solution that could diagnose and possibly cure the flu. You can read the full but short story at The National Post, just click on the blue line.

In the Good News today there was a story at Mercury News about a millionaire who decided to share his birthday with the homeless. He and his brother sold their company to Yahoo for 300 million and after they received their money they had a short list of how they wanted to spend it, of the 3 items, the last was “to do something nice for people who need help!” He also has plans to put his millions to good use. I love to read about someone who is really rich who gives it away to those who aren’t rolling in the dough. So the story put a smile on my face! Even if you don’t have a lot of money there are many ways to give to others. I have heard that it is better to give than to receive, in my experience that is very true.

In Amazingly smart animal news today we have a lovely parrot who was able to tell a veterinarian his owners name and address so they he could go home. The story comes from CNN. Now that’s a smart fellow. But I wonder if he like our friend the moose would mount a statue? And if he did would it be called statutory rape?

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When Grandma Goes to Court!

Posted in love, tagged on April 28, 2008| 2 Comments »

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.

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