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Posts Tagged ‘love’

My Thanksgiving Wish for You!

Posted in love, tagged , , , on November 27, 2008| 7 Comments »

This came in my Go Gratitude email today and I always say why reinvent the wheel, so I’m going to share the wish with you!

May your brilliance be reflected in the eyes of all you meet.
May the blessings of Life be felt in thought, word and deed.

May you drink deeply from Wisdom’s cup.
May you see the gift in every challenge, the sacred in every step.

May laughter roll your belly as you delight in Creation’s mystery.
May you breathe freely, Love deeply, rejoice wildly and create
passionately.

May you be at peace, whether your bowl be empty or full.
May the Light of Love shine brightly upon your soul.

May you listen deeply within, faithfully heeding the guidance of Spirit.
May you wake to dream each day, remembering NOW is all there IS.

May you feel the energy of co-creation flowing through each hand.
May you remember to honor and give thanks for our Motherland!

May you experience the bliss of a well-lived day …
Forgiving ignorance; releasing regret, guilt or shame.

May you be sovereign, and to thine own Self be true.

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Get Your Wings

Posted in love, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2008| 7 Comments »

wings1

It was a great album by AeroSmith and something I’ve been thinking about for several days. I feel a theme coming on it’s about transformation I even created a new page about a transformation I’ve been going through over the past year, actually since I started blogging and during the time I took off from writing on here. I always write, sometimes it’s stories and that is what I have been working on a story of transformation. A lot has occurred to me over these months and some of it is worth posting.

I have scenes that play over and over in my mind, like old movies and these have kept me stuck in the past. I think we all do. 2 such scenes involve interactions I have had with significant men in my life. One day as I was walking down the hallway when I was 10, I looked up and saw my father in his usual seat at the kitchen table, eating. Seems he was always eating, or preparing to eat. A big man. An Old man, and still just a man, he was in the habit of saying whatever he thought without censor. He was also in the habit of extending his pinky whenever he held a cup. He was dark skinned with hairy knuckles and black rimmed glasses. I didn’t like looking at him and liked his manner of speaking even less. Often his tyraids went on for several hours, during which I would zone out. He liked to call me unconscious and felt a strong urge to get my attention by slapping me in the back of the head.

On this particular morning as I walked down the hallway towards the kitchen I averted his glance, said good morning and attempted a bee-line down the front stairs. He barked out, “Your getting so fat you look like the broad side of a barn!” Your mother and I are going to put you on a diet and I will pay you $1.00 a pound for every pound you lose. From then on I was feed pre-specified meals and could not eat what my brother and sisters ate. I lost 30 pounds. Thus began a life time of self recrimination and stupid ass diets.

Fast forward to the second scene that plays over and over in my head. My Ex on the eve of our decision to part ways and a night I spent crying. I wrote a post that highlights the beginning of that evening called, “The Vagabond and The Poacher“, but what happened next is not something I have been able to write about until now. You see when we came home that night he informed me that he had compiled a list of pros and cons to help him decide whether or not we should stay together. When I asked to see his list he said it wouldn’t be a good idea and that showing it to me would be in a word, mean. So I asked him to tell me what his conclusion was and he said that pros and cons were about equal, except for one item, basically a deal breaker. He told me that I had a beautiful face, but that he was disgusted by my body and could not have sex with me. I was, of course, devastated and spent the rest of the night on the couch with a box of kleenex. He spent the night sleeping soundly in our bed. I had already been replaced with a younger, slimmer model, and while I had a strong intuition about this, it took a while to confirm it.

There is a reason I am sharing all this and it is about getting your wings and transforming into someone who can look in the mirror and see themselves as the best thing since sliced bread. It’s about transforming into someone who doesn’t give a shit about what other people think. It’s about transforming into someone who can fly, finally, after years of crawling along in a cocoon of victimhood, self deception and denial. You see while I recognize how awful the men in my life were, I also recognize that they gave me a gift. This may sound odd, but something in me rose up against what they were saying and said, this is more about you than it is about me and if you don’t like me you can leave. But, and when I did it I was blaming them. I was taking it all personally and so I got hurt, even though I knew deeply that it had nothing to do with me at all.

People often believe that transformation is something that should just happen, you know you wake up one day and you are better, but I’m here to tell you that this is the furthest thing from the truth. Transformation is a harsh, ugly, painful experience that once gotten through will leave you feeling refreshed and alive. Yes, do think of the butterfly who must knaw it’s way out of it’s shell, or the baby chick, or reptile. They fight for it and if you are looking at it via time lapse photography it might even seem quick, but we don’t know what’s going on inside that shell, nor do we have any concept of what time feels like for that being.

Getting your wings is all about acknowledging those distractions that keep you in the cocoon. Is it food? Is it alcohol? Is it drugs? Is it Coffee? Is it sex? Is it television? What the fuck is it? We all know what it is we just don’t like to admit it, but it’s back there scratching away at the shell whispering. It says if you stop doing this you will fly!

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Let’s Talk About Sex . . . and The Single Girl

Posted in codependent, dating, divorce, internet dating, love, marriage, relationships, tagged , , , , , , , on November 20, 2008| 6 Comments »

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Okay, okay, okay! Let’s start this out by asking a good question about sex and the urge to have it as an impetus when we are gearing up to date again.

As you may or may not know I have been putting off dating in order to give myself a chance to determine what I like, I’ve been dating myself first, and I have come to a determination of what characteristics I want in a man, what I value the most and also what type of person I would be compatible with. To my mind this could be a tall order to fill, since I’m pretty far off from the traditional “gurl” and can be quirky, odd, free-willed and independent to a fault. Plus I tend to be a loner and have difficulty believing that I could find someone who I would want to see every single morning, bad breath and bed head and all. And I have decided to put myself out there and see who I meet. The venue you ask? Well, what else but the internet for me? I’m basically a recluse in a town where your choices of available men are 2, the Rednecks and the Jocks, well there is some odd bred in between the 2, but they are hard to find, usually married or just plain weird. You do have your geeks, but they are off somewhere at computer conventions, I think.

But I digress. The thing is when you’ve been single for a long time something starts to happen biologically, maybe it’s the biological imperative, I think I’m too old for that. Maybe it’s a monthly hormonal imbalance. Maybe it’s just plain human to want to get your groove on with the opposite sex. Whatever it may be, I’ve been having a lot of it lately, and this gives me cause for concern, since there ain’t no way I’m jumping into bed with some normally un-dateable dude just because I have an itch I need to scratch.

I know there are women out there who are going to think I am not into the feminine movement because of what I’m about to say, but frankly Maude, I don’t give a shit!

The way I see it, no matter what you try to tell me or convince me of, men and women are biologically different, and equipped differently as well. I thought I would point that out in case you hadn’t noticed. It’s this difference in equipment that makes the sex act a completely opposite experience for each partner, duh. Let me splain, you see when women have sex they are taking in the man’s energy, when men have sex they are expending energy. Now, I don’t know about you, but I want any energy I take in to be fully qualified to enter. This goes for the people I surround myself with too, but it is most important when I’m deciding who to couple with. Nuff said!

So even if your hormones are calling, don’t date that dude unless he is well qualified, because you’re the one who has to deal with the repercussions later, and a hot bath won’t get it done.

As a result of all this thinking and reminiscing about errors in judgment I have made in the past I’ve decided to make a list to help you decide if you’re just too horny to date safely.

· You’re a 46 year-old woman who thinks about sex as much as a high school boy

· Your mind begins to wander whenever you see something long and cylindrical

· You’ve cycled through 12 sets of C batteries and 9 sets of doubles AA’s and you and the guy at the porn store are on a first name basis

· Formerly un-dateable dudes seem oddly alluring?

· You believe you could make millions by developing a perfume named, “Odoor-D- Sex”

· Paying for sex makes logical sense

· You actually know “why the caged bird sings”

· You have developed a deep empathy with cats-in-heat

· You would give your eye teeth to catch a ride on the back of a motorcycle

· You and your stationary bike have developed a personal relationship

· You haven’t had a “headache” for years

· You keep checking your calendar to see when your next Brazilian is, the last one was so erotic

· The cashier at the grocery store keeps asking you why you buy so many cucumbers

· Chocolate has lost it’s appeal

· You have amassed a large collection of Thongs, but don’t remember buying them

· Anything that vibrates is gold

· People keep asking you why you are so jittery

· You buy men’s cologne to spray on and then keep smelling yourself

· You go to home stores and strike up conversations with random male employees

· Tight jeans feel good

Word to the wise or soon to be wiser, if you can answer yes to 5 or more of these statements you may want to reconsider dating until the urge passes, and it will pass, especially if you start cruising some photos on one or more of the dating sites, this is enough to make a sane woman stone cold sober. This should be a very interesting experience for me . . .

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Serenity Sunday

Posted in love, tagged , , , , , on August 3, 2008| 7 Comments »

Sometimes words just aren’t as impressive a photographs. And for today let’s share some beautiful visual stimulus. I’m posting some pictures of the Bejing Olympic Gardens, because a garden is a nice place to go when you want to relax, stop thinking for a while, stop talking for a while and maybe even stop reading for a while. You can go to any garden, anytime and find some peace, you can describe it if you want to and even take pictures of it if you want to, but it will pale in comparison to actually being there. Since I doubt many of us will be able to actually visit the Bejing Olympic Gardens here’s a little peek into what the look like and a glimpse at the creative imagination of the creators. The Gardens are impressive. Here’s to finding a garden where we all can go for some solace!

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Don’t Be Afraid!

Posted in love, tagged , , , , , , , on July 30, 2008| 2 Comments »

“In order to learn the important lessons in life one must, each day surmount a fear.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many times when we talk about being afraid we jump right to being afraid of the big things like disasters or mugging or murder, stuff in horror movies or even what’s on the news, which I like to avoid at all costs. And in some ways we live in a society governed by fear and sometimes it feels like we are always on guard looking around us and being paranoid, but I think the big fears cause us to lose sight of the little fears, the underlying fears that are with us all the time! In fact sometimes we are afraid of things that we aren’t even consciously aware of. Fear of what’s going to happen in the future, fear of rising gas prices, fear of losing our jobs, fear of never finding a partner, fear of gaining a few pounds, fear, fear, fear. Most of the time our fears are irrational, or unsupported by truth and contribute to an almost constant state of anxiety that feels normal.

I was thinking about this the other day while I was getting a root canal, while I was literally having a panic attack in the chair and the endodontist and his nurse were telling me to breathe I had to ask myself what exactly I was afraid of? What’s worse is that I was stressing the procedure all day and had all I could do not to cancel it out of fear. I had to push myself through the fear of the procedure, an irrational fear, in order to get the work done. And within the fear of the procedure were included like a hundred mini fears, including paying out the money and how that would effect my already huge payment load, and it just went on and on until I was in a little mini frenzy. See I do stress the small stuff, while logically, what experience has shown me is that I always come out alright. I always come out on the other side, fine and dandy and usually if I am lucky I learn something from the experience, even if it takes a while for that learning to kick in.

Often when we think about surmounting our fears we think of fear of flying, or jumping out of an airplane and we go to seek out thrills that will help us over come it, but what I am going to do rather than run out and do the bungee cord thing is to search my mind for the little daily fears that I may not be aware of and then surmount them by telling myself that it ain’t no big thang and when the fear creeps in I’ll address it and then one fear at a time I will eventually become fearless. Some really smart person cornered the market on conquering fear when they said, “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself!” And if you really think about it you will realize that in most situations where you are afraid it’s the fear that rules you. Fear has it’s place but let’s face it, fear should be used with caution and in circumstances where it is healthy and justified, not in everyday living where it is defined as stress. So figure out what fears you and let it go! I believe fearlessness is the key to freedom of self and self mastery. Imagine how you would feel if you weren’t afraid of anything . . .

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Serenity Sunday

Posted in codependent, dating, divorce, love, marriage, relationships, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2008| 5 Comments »

Pamper Yourself ~

What have you done for you lately?

I was sitting at my good friend’s hair salon yesterday, for hair day, and being the “watcher” that I am I was noticing how much all of the patrons were enjoying the services they were receiving, be it a color, cut or shampoo and then it dawned on me that this appointment, usually scheduled every 4 to 6 weeks, might be the only me time they got. Hmmm? It was probably a little slice in the time slot of their weekly schedules that they had all to themselves, away from responsibilities of home and family, work and stress and I wondered if they even noticed how much they were loving it? We all need me time, alone time, time to be pampered and looked after. And sometimes simply adding something like a monthly massage or pedicure or manicure can be the key to helping us enjoy life a whole lot more. We often do it and aren’t aware of it, or we don’t do it and feel like something is missing from our lives.

I’m the self indulgent type, so I usually treat myself to little gifts, massages, waxing, (doesn’t seem like a treat), facials, pedicures and once for 6 months in a row I had flowers delivered to my door, (monthly). I even wrote myself a note telling myself how marvelous and incredible I was. In essence I sent myself love during a time when I was feeling slightly unloved. We can fulfill our own needs and often the best way to achieve this is by identifying them. Are you feeling like you never get touched? Schedule a massage! Come on, you know you can afford it if you save up weekly, it will give you something to look forward to! Are you feeling like you can never be alone add something stupid like an hour walk for yourself, you don’t even have to take the dog, just tell everyone that’s what you are going to do and then do it, people around you can adjust to your needs as long as you communicate it them properly. Are you feeling like you need a change? Go to a hair salon and do it, get a haircut, and color, and guys can do this too and they can get massages, pedicures and take walks. The best place for me to walk is by the water. Most states have a register of hiking trails, albeit they can be difficult to find, but then it becomes and adventure. Walking by large lakes, rivers and of course the ocean are all places I can lose myself. Pampering yourself doesn’t have to be about money indulgence it can just be about finding something to do that is outside of your normal routine, something that you have always wanted to do and that you never seem to find the time for. If it feels like work you aren’t pampering yourself, if it feels like fun, if it feels like something you can lose yourself in especially if you forget about time when you are doing it you know you’ve found the one thing you’ve been longing for, that one thing to complete you and when you do it you improve your relationship with yourself. You complete you! Contrary to popular opinion, self indulgence when done in the light of self care is a good thing and we all, everyone of us is in need of it, whether we admit it to ourselves or not. Figure out what you need, what is missing and then fill the void. You’ll feel a lot better and you will have more to give back to the world!

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Are You Dating Him or His Representative?

Posted in love, tagged , , , , , , on July 24, 2008| 9 Comments »

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”

~Oscar Wilde

A wise friend once told me, that for the first year of every relationship you are not dating the person, you are dating their representative! Pretty funny, right? I believe this is fundamentally true. I think in love relationships as in life we all wear masks. Not to say that this is a bad thing. I mean we, most of us, would act differently around out mothers than we would around our closest friends and even our bosses and co-workers. This is how we navigate in society and while our primary M.O. is usually constant we are adaptable and able to change when circumstances require it. So it goes without saying that when we are dating we do what we can to make the best impression on a potential partner. Some people are better at this than others and it may take a lot longer to get to know those people than it does to get know people who are not so good at it.

I was told over and over again by my X and by my daughter in particular that I should try to be more like the former. I am too right out there with what I am thinking. I have often been told that I am TOO honest, if that’s even possible, and that I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. In essence in “love” relationships, especially in the beginning less is more. But what the fuck is up with that? I am not good at coy disguises and I believe that being up front with someone is the most important quality a person can have, but you know, when you hear it from more than one person you start to question yourself and your primary beliefs and worse yet you start to question the true motivation of others. Am I dating him or his representative? Is it real or is it Memorex? Since I am up front and out there with everything almost right from the beginning, I unconsciously believe that everyone else is too! That for the most part people are as honest with me as I am with them and that simply is not true. Alternatively people who are secret keepers and who are less honest also believe that everyone else is like them and that must truly suck! In some ways dating is like a really long job interview and I was never too good at those either, telling more than was necessary of the truth and failing miserably as well. I think that is why I work for myself. I can’t stand bullshit artists and I simply don’t bullshit well, unless I have too, then I am a fabulous liar, but never in my personal life and I hate the idea that I have to alter my personality to be coy and mysterious when I’m not and eventually I will be found out, I mean eventually when you live with someone everything comes out doesn’t it? And wouldn’t you like to know everything sooner rather than later? I certainly would! Probably not on the first date or even the second or third, but definitely before I crawl into bed with you.

I was talking to another close friend about a surgery I am scheduled to have and before I chose a surgeon I interviewed 5 doctors and still I was afraid I had chosen the wrong one. I said, “What if my bad choice in men bleeds over into the way I choose surgeons?” Being the highly intelligent creature she is, (My friends are so smart), she said, “But you’ve done your homework, you’ve done the research, it’s sad, but true, that most people never do any research about their love interests or the people they date, they simply jump headlong into the relationship without finding out who they are with or what their track record is!” I found that answer to be a little bit of genius and I promised myself I would never get into another relationship with someone without doing my homework! It makes too much sense not to!

How do you know if you are dating him or his representative?

Well, pay attention. I’ll say it again pay attention. Peek behind the mask. Watch how he acts around friends, his mother, his children and if he isn’t willing to let you into that world where you can observe him, don’t let him into your pants! That is the mistake I have always made in the past, only to find out later that he treated his mother like shit and his home looked like an atom bomb went off inside spewing debris everywhere or I’ve seen the alternative where his home was so meticulous that he alphabetized his canned goods, it should have been a warning to me, but that warning came too late because I had already gotten too intimate too soon. For me and probably for most women, (not all), having sex equates to feeling really connected to someone and then the blinders go up because we want more and then it’s too late to nip it in the bud. So find out if you are dating him or his representative before you let the relationship get physical. It’s only good common sense, unless you just want to get laid and then it doesn’t really matter does it?

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Do You Have a Big Brain or Are You Attracted to People Who Do?

Posted in love, tagged , , , , , on July 22, 2008| 6 Comments »

I am usually, always, attracted to friends and lovers who have a BIG brain. I’m not sure if this is actually a good thing because my brain is pea-sized. That’s right, I’m not book smart and I can’t play trivia. I simply don’t retain much information. Memorization is not my strong point and so I have to learn by doing, by repetition, hence my inability to spell most complex words or remember rules for proper grammar when writing, but almost everyone I know is stupid-smart, pardon the oxymoron! I think I hang around with smart people so I can absorb some of their genius or maybe it’s because I think other people will think I’m smart when I’m with them, but I usually just shut-up and listen. I think I was smarter when I was younger and a couple of times I took and online IQ test and it said mine was 135. Thank God they didn’t ask trivia questions or I would have scored something like 25.

For some reason or another I always date or in some cases marry really smart men, men who know all the answers to trivia questions and who are attracted to suduko (who knows how to spell that?) or intense word games or video gaming or all things computer related. It can be very intimidating and I often wonder why I do it. What am I attracted to brainiacs? Is it so I can walk around feeling inferior. Or is it because I am a creative type who could care less about answering inane questions about 1970’s television series and who was in them. I know that none of it ever really matter to me, so today when I found a strange 7 question test I thought I might post it here. I, of course, didn’t even bother trying to figure out the answers and just scrolled down. You can scroll down too, or if you really like to test yourself see if you can get these all correct.

Strange 7 Question Test:

1. A lady read a book, turned the light out and went to sleep. In the morning, when she saw in the newspaper that a ship had sunk drowning all on board, she committed suicide. Why?

2. A young man entered a bar and asked for a glass of water. The person behind the bar produced a gun and pointed it at the man. He replied, “Thank you,” and walked off. Why?

3. Imagine you are driving a Mercedes at 100 mph. The steering locks. The doors lock. The brakes fail. You can’t get out! You’re heading for a 1,000 foot cliff! What do you do?

4. 2 + 2 + 5 = 247. Add one small line to make the sum correct.

5. Luke had it before. Paul had it behind. Ladies have it at the beginning, but only once. Abraham Lincoln had it twice. Boys cannot have it at all. Doctor Lowell had it before and behind. He actually had it twice as bad behind as he had it in front. What is it?

6. A man once broke all of the Ten Commandments. He lied, stole (the value of the article is irrelevant), lusted—which the Bible says is “to commit adultery in his heart,” failed to love God above all else, failed to honor his parents, as well as to keep the Sabbath holy. He hated (which God sees as murder), failed to honor God’s name, and he also “coveted,” which means to want other people’s things. How could God, who is perfect and holy (and therefore by His very nature must punish transgression of His Law), forgive him freely, and yet justice still be done? How can the man avoid Hell and go to Heaven?

7. A man on horseback went on a two day trip. He left on Tuesday and arrived home on Tuesday. How could this be?

Answers:

1. She was a lighthouse keeper.

2. He had the hiccups.

3. You stop “imagining.”

4. Put a line on the first “+,” from the top left, making it into a “4.” 2 4 2 + 5 = 247

5. It is the letter “L.”

6. The only way the man could avoid being found guilty on Judgment Day when all humanity gives “an account of every idle word,” is to repent (turn from his sins) and put his faith in Jesus Christ. He will not do this if he doesn’t see his danger. If he is deceived into thinking that God doesn’t see his thought-life, or that God won’t punish sin (meaning He has less sense of justice than humanity), then he will carry on in his sins. More than likely this will happen because he is ignorant of the fact that the Bible says the only way to enter Heaven is to have “clean hands and a pure heart.” But if he is honest and listens to his conscience, he will see he has broken the Commandments, and when all the evidence comes out on Judgment Day, he will be found guilty and end up in Hell. He needs God’s mercy. When Jesus died on the cross, He took the punishment for our sins, satisfying eternal justice and at the same time demonstrating God’s incredible love for sinful humanity. The moment the man repents and puts his faith in the Savior, God will forgive his sins and give him the gift of everlasting life. He then should read the Bible daily and obey what he reads, showing himself to be genuine in his faith. (He could also write to us for a free Gospel of John).

7. The name of the horse was “Tuesday.”

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Serenity Sunday

Posted in love, tagged , , , , on July 20, 2008| 1 Comment »

“What do I mean by loving ourselves properly? I mean first of all desiring to live, accepting life as a very great gift and a great good, not because of what it gives us, but because of what it enables us to give to others.”

~Thomas Merton


“The Joy that you give others is the Joy that comes back to you.”

~Author Unknown

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

~Albert Pine

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The Town Without Trash ~ Kamikatsu Japan

Posted in love, tagged , , , , , on July 18, 2008| 3 Comments »

Here’s a little filler for you and some info on “green” living, from Gimundo. I hate all the new age lingo, but it doesn’t make doing the thing any less important! I have cut and pasted the entire article to save you a click, but within it is a guide on how to recycle what and that does require a click if you’re interested!

“Cities like San Francisco may have placed a ban on plastic bags in grocery stores and boast of bike-friendly roads, but if you really want to discover the world’s greenest spot, you’ll have to head overseas, to the small town of Kamikatsu, Japan.

In Kamikatsu, there’s no such thing as trash. You won’t find a single garbage bin in any of the town’s homes, and there’s not a dump anywhere within driving distance. Instead, the resourceful residents must compost all waste from their food, and sort other trash into 34 separate categories, with sections for plastic bottles, razor blades, Styrofoam, and various other paraphernalia.

The crazy part? Most locals actually seem to like the extreme recycling process. Kikue Nii, one resident, claims that the town’s no-waste policy makes her more mindful of what she’s using, and helps her to take advantage of every last scrap. “I think I produce less waste because I have to compost it,” she told BBC News


“When I can’t use the whole vegetable or meat, I try to cook it again with wine and so on. It makes a very good soup. Everyone should have a composter if they can.”

While most of us may not be as ecologically-enlightened as the residents of Kamikatsu, the idea that people on the other side of the world are separating their scraps into 34 categories may at least help you get motivated to recycle your cans and bottles, as a minimum. And if you feel like taking their example, check out Lime’s Guide to Recycling to learn how to responsibly ditch all your trash without heading towards the dump.”

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