dunnthat

I’m way behind on my newspaper reading.  Like a week and two days.  But there has been some old stuff I’ve hung on to that is totally noteworthy.

Two in one day.  You can even use the same link.  Aren’t I thoughtful?

First word of caution:  Do not golf in South Carolina.  A man in his 70s leaned over to pick up his ball, and an alligator bit it off! 

I can’t help but try to relive the scene in my head.  Old guy is golfing with buddies.  Reaches for ball near pond.  Alligator comes from nowhere, drags him into the pond and yoinks his arm off.

Friends freak out.  Wrestle alligator in the pond.  Are able to free their friend.

Seriously – try to picture this…a bunch of old guys wrestling an alligator. 

In a pond.

Victorious.

Wildlife guys kill the alligator and retrieve the arm.  Hoping to reattach it.

No word yet on reattachment success or lack of it

Next story, right below this one:  Another example that there should be a test before anyone is allowed to procreate.

Sheboygan, Wisconsin. (What a fantastic name.  It had to be said.)  A woman shoplifts beef jerky and a lighter. (??)

Okay, then the article says police went to her home.  I find that part of the story weird as well.

How did they know she’d stolen beef jerky and a lighter?  How did they know who she was?  Where she was?

And seriously, do the Sheboygan police really have nothing better to do than to track down a woman who stole beef jerky and a lighter?

Nevertheless.

Police go to her home.  She strips to her underwear in front of her children and tells the police they can’t arrest her because she’d be naked.

A scuffle ensues.  She exposes herself.

All in front of her children.

Just…picture it.

Nice.

All for beef jerky and a lighter.

Proof here.

You are welcome for these mental images.