dunnthat

I swear on my life I’m not making this next one up.  You can go to the link and see for yourself.

I’m offering up to you, my dear readers, the great and grand opportunity to help your breasts reach their fullest potential.

That’s right.  You heard me.

Oh, but wait…it gets better.

You can achieve this noble task with the aid of…

A POWERFUL WICCAN WITCH

Oh, that’s right…you heard me again.

Amelia the Wiccan Witch will cast a spell for enhanced breasts for the low, low price of $8.95.  But if you hanker for a greater handful, you can have your spell double or triple cast! 

Merely by increasing the quantity when you purchase.

Here is her pitch, straight from ebay:

This spell gives you a  fuller, firmer, more beautiful
bust line and breast enlargement.

 Are you tired of your small A sized breasts? 

Do you want to look beautiful by obtaining big glamorous breasts?

If so, this spell can make your breasts look bigger

without having to opt for surgery!

 For years, many women of all ages have suffered embarrassment

from having small, sagging or underdeveloped breasts,

which often leads to low self esteem.

This has proven to be a very successful spell. 

I have used this many times with stunning results!

Well, if she’s used it many times with stunning results…then THERE YOU HAVE IT.

Oh, there’s more.  Here’s her bio for your consideration:

Greetings Earthlings… [okay, so I added that part]! My name is Amelia.  I have been a spellcaster for 20 + years.  All spells are cast by me, sometimes with the assistance of my Coven.  My spells are strong and very effective.  Upon purchase of a spell I will set up an alter solely for your spell to be cast.  Be assured your desired outcome will receive my undivided attention.   This will include the use of candles, herbs, oils, gemstones, tools and some other items that may be required to bring results.  Your spell will be complete within 24 – 48 hours of purchase depending on the complexity of your spell.  I will send you a confirmation upon completion via ebay message.  You can expect to feel positive energy immediately that will increase in strength daily.  Some of my clients say they experience a tingly sensation while I cast the spell. 

A…tingly…sensation…

Oh but WAIT!!!  THERE’S MORE!!

The most amazing factoid about this entire story is this:  This Wiccan Witch has 99.8% POSITIVE feedback from 2791 reviews.

Astounding.

Start saving up my peeps!

I really don’t know how to say this other than to just get it out there.

I have been cheating on you.

I totally suck at the blogging thing lately, and, as had been said before, I’ve been very busy.

But no one, NO ONE, is THAT busy.

The truth is…I’ve been spending my internet time elsewhere.

It just feels good to get it off my chest. 

It’s like a huge burden has been lifted.  AH…

If I’m going to be honest, which it looks kind of like I am, I have to tell you where I’ve been spending my time.  It’s shameless.  And I know you’ll likely be disappointed in me.

But let me try to EXPLAIN.

I have become an internet shopping junkie.  My gateway site to glorious internet deals is…

Slickdeals.net

I can’t stop.  I can’t look away.  I HAVE to see all the deals.  Because…what if I MISS something??

The horror…

And…YES.  I did buy.  Do buy.  Still buy.

Let me just ‘splain a second about what slickdeals is…slickdeals is a website with everyday people contributing notifications of deals they’ve discovered.  They “post” those deals and then we all y’all take advantage of the deals posted.

So in my defense, listen to some of my slickdeals discoveries of late:

• Amazon.com offers free prime membership for twelve months to students with a valid .edu address, of which my family has two, since there are two college students in my household.  That was primarily to explain why I, a non-student, got prime.  Don’t judge.  I buy all my kids textbooks through amazon.  Prime allows for free shipping on eligible items (usually one has to spend at least $25 to get free shipping) AND two-day shipping.  This…is…AWESOME!  And feeds my need for more purchases through Amazon (another happy place).  $79 value.
• Free Perricone, MD Concentrated Restorative Treatment, (1 oz.), which is a night cream worth, they say, $75.
• A free Creative Labs 1G Zen mp3 player from Napster.  I think it’s worth $15.
• I bought a new XBOX game called Blur for $10 at Best Buy.  It sells for $60.  My boys love it.  Missionary loved it.  I miss Missionary…
• Balance Bars for $5 for a box of 15.
• Four great quality hats from Lids (one Nitro Circus, one Hurley, and two U of U) for $5 each.
• Two 16 oz POMx Antioxidant Recovery juice for free. (This is for muscle recovery after workouts).
• Five free 8×10 enlargements from Ritzpix.com (with 2.99 shipping and handling).
• A multitude (too many) of Abercrombie and Fitch sweatshirts for $15 to $20 (these sell for $80).
• Crocs leather flip flops for $14 shipped.
• An ipod nano silicone protector for $1.59.
• A Casio F91W-1 Classic Black Digital Mens Watch for $9 delivered for Missionary for his mission.  And, I found out after my purchase that this particular watch receives five stars from terrorists.  Huh.
• Star magazine for $5 per YEAR (that’s 52 weeks…for FIVE DOLLARS).  Now, it’s kind of a lame magazine, but weirdly, I am THOROUGHLY enjoying it. Huh.
• Sports Illustrated 56 issues for $20, plus a free 49ers windbreaker.
• Three years of Shape magazine for $9.00. 
• When notified by slickdeals that overstock.com was having a 15% sitewide discount for the day, I headed on over and was surprised to find that overstock sells men’s suits.  I bought both of Missionary’s suits on overstock.com and I’m proud of it.  You would be, too.  First suit:  1) Calvin Klein Men’s 2-button Slim Fit Black Stripe 100% Wool Suit for $161.50 and 2) DKNY Men’s Navy Tonal Pinstrip 100% Wool suit for $153.00.  Both suits are GORGEOUS and Number Three said he would never wear either suit on a mission because they looked too nice.  Of course he served in Brazil and Missionary is in Canada.  SO.  And, because Missionary is long and lanky and these suits are slim fits, all we needed to do to alter them was hem the pants and pull up the sleeves a tad.  We could have taken in the body, but since Missionary is going to be in the FREAKING FREEZING cold, we left the space for all his thermal layers.  This is probably one of my favorite buys.  Both suits had the price tag $595 on the sleeves.  Aren’t they pretty?

NOW.  I KNOW.  It’s kind of a sickness.

Okay.  It’s REALLY a sickness.  And husband thinks I need a 12-step program. 

But COME ON…those are SLICK DEALS.

Oh.  And there are more.  Yes there are.  So so many more.  I’ve embarrassed myself enough already.

With these slick deals come some really dumb ones:

• Seven pair of “high end” sunglasses for $25 shipped.  A $240 value.  Hmmm.  I don’t even NEED sunglasses.  I cancelled this order.
• Any number of penny purchases from a web site called meritline.com.  Some purchases are AWESOME, like bent nose tweezers for .39 delivered.  Or five key chain led lights for $1.50 delivered.  Or any number of car charger items (car charger for usb corded items, such as ipods, etc.) for around .59 delivered.  But some of them are just crap.  Cheap crap, but crap nonetheless. In case you’re looking, the penny deals usually have coupon codes attached.

And through slick deals, I’ve found a couple of other sites that thrill me to pieces: 

• Groupon.com –  a fantastic local coupon site that has given me a $35 one hour massage, $49 for three photo sittings, with one sitting including 15 high-resolution images (perfect for the Missionary shoot), something from Yogurt Stop, which I forgot, and more.  Yesterday’s groupon was a $50 Gap certificate for $25.  I didn’t buy it (shocker) because no one in my family shops at Gap.  But what if they DID!
•  Woot.com, which actually has really funny copy on their site.  The guys who work there must be bored.  But at woot I bought two boxes of 12 WD40 sticks.  Pretty great idea, but TWO BOXES??  OF TWELVE??  I must have been delirious or something when I did that.  But, cool, huh?  Woot offers a new sale a day.  Just one item.  One day.
• 1saleaday.com, in which I found bug patches for cheap.  Bug patches adhere on clothes.  Cool, right?  1saleaday has, well, one sale a day.  But they have several categories of one day deals.

So.  That’s it.  That’s my story.  I’m ashamed and I’m, just, well, sorry.

So very very sorry that I cheated on you.