dunnthat

Just doin’ a little holiday shopping.  Found a great buy I thought y’all might be interested in:

GoldenWave 2-person
Corner Ultra Luxury
Canadian Red Cedar Sauna

7 Nano Carbon Infrared Heaters, Floor Reflexology Therapy System, Blaupunkt AM/FM/CD w/MP3 Hook Up

Only $2,499.99 Shipping & Handling included at Costco.com.

Eggcellent.

A puzzlement:  Floor Reflexology Therapy System? 

And

Is this the very best place to install it in your home?  Apparently a great conversation piece.

P.S.  I want to look like HER.  Will the Sauna do that for me?  Thanks in advance.

Okay, so I’m getting a little ahead of the game.  I realize this.  As my therapist-friend says, I am very “self-aware.”

(What she means by that is that I am very quick to own that I’m kind of weird.  Just sayin’.)

I love babies.  Aren’t they cute?  I just want to hold them.  And smell them.  And bury my face in their necks.  So precious…

Probably one of the greatest days in my life was about a year ago when I was holding a friend’s newborn and just loving the heck out of that infant, when my friend said, “That looks good on you!  You should have another one!”

Okay.  I am officially in love with this girl.  I said, “Oh sweetheart.  First of all, I am way too old.  Plus…I don’t have a uterus.  But thanks for the best day EVER.”

So, pretty much my baby love through ownership has to come to me in the form of grandkids.  For years I have been working on my “grandma” name.  My kids had a grandma and a nana.  And it was awesome.  Because we always knew who they were talking about.

I want that.

But I can’t be Nana.  That is my mother-in-law.  Love her, but I’m not her. 

I am stuck.  I don’t have a grandma name yet. 

But this is not my point. 

My point is that I have been thinking about being a grandma for a really long time.  I had number one so very young that I always thought I’d be a young, cool grandma. 

Too late.  Now I’m just going to be an old grandma like everyone else.

Sigh.

But the weird thing is this:  I keep seeing stuff I want to buy for my unborn grandkids.  Oh my gosh!  Aren’t there so many AWESOME products out there now for kids??  We did not have this cool of stuff back in the dark ages.

I remember I had some kind of table-top chair – I can’t even think of what it was called – but it was a seat moms could put the munchkins in while she, I don’t know, folded laundry or something.

The thing was pretty useless.  It actually had a vinyl belt that didn’t click or snap – it just kind of slid through a tiny silver buckle.  Just across the waist.  No other security.  The belt didn’t hold or anything – I honestly don’t even know what it was for except for decoration or something.

But it wasn’t a very pretty decoration.

Truly, this chair had no purpose.  But I had that chair.  Yes I did.  And one day, I was in a hurry when I needed to go to the store or something.  And I put that chair in the front passenger seat, and I looped the seatbelt over the chair, and off I went.

Looped.  Over the chair.  No hooks.  No binding.  Just…a loop.

On the way to the store I had to stop.  Fast.

And number one went flying up under the dash in his chair.

Honestly.  I don’t know how my kids lived through me.

ANYWAY.  Buying stuff.  Mostly I abstain.  But I have to admit….this week I made a purchase.

A Fisher Price Nativity Set.  That can be touched and played with.

Come on!!  How cute is that??  As my first daughter-in-law states, “You are at least five years away from that.”

I know.  I know that!  And really girls – no pressure.  I’m being serious for all of you who think I’m just saying that.  NO PRESSURE!

But seriously.  CUTE, right??

I love it when I vote and I get a sticker for my efforts.  A sticker that says “I voted” for all to see that yes, indeed, I did my civic duty.  I care enough about the issues of the world that I got in my car and drove myself down to the Baptist church, and I made my voice heard.

Thank you for the sticker.  To show everyone that I am responsible.  Because, why do great things unless you can show people how great you are?

So, yeah, I put the sticker on my shirt.  Yes I did.  Even though it clashed with what I was wearing.  I wanted people to know, I’M RESPONSIBLE.

I voted early in the morning, and by early I mean 9:30 or so, but still, first thing, right?  Anyway, I voted.  Then I went to Target to buy Toy Story 3.  Then I went to work.  And I worked.  Then I went to Target again because I forgot I wanted to buy the new Sound of Music on bluray.  I couldn’t find it so I asked some lady in a red shirt with a tag for some help.  Only she didn’t work at Target.  She worked at an auto parts store.

Now why in the world would you go to Target wearing a red polo shirt with a tag for any reason??  Don’t you know that someone will think you work there?  I even looked for a tag before I asked.  Yeesh.

Obviously she couldn’t help me.  So I found someone else.  Who helped me.  Find it.

Then I thought, “What in the world are you thinking??  You don’t need another copy of The Sound of Music.”  Then I went to the credit union.  Then I got in my car.

All day long.  Proudly wearing my sticker.

Slight problem…any time I put any kind of sticker on my pec, you know, like those “Hello My Name Is…” stickers, I always have errant hairs that find the one spot of my sticker that has pulled away from my clothing.

And it pulls my hair.  Not a great big rope of hair pull, mind you, but those one or two hairs that end up yanking out of my head whenever I turn to the right.  GAH!

SO…ANNOYING!

This went on all day.  While I traveled the globe.

But yesterday, the most unusual thing happened.  And I can’t explain it, other than to say it must have been…

MAGIC.

Tangent:  When I was young, and by young I mean junior high and even high school, I occasionally used to wake up in the morning not only diagonally situated on my double bed, but upside down on my bed.

What…the…???

And I distinctly remember thinking, when I die, I can’t wait to see the movie of my life to see how in the world I ended up so twisted up in my bed.

I’m not lying.  Apparently I didn’t have a lot of real concerns or drama in my life then.

Yesterday caused me to revisit my secret desire to die in order to observe how in the world something weird happens.

Back to the story…After I left the credit union, mind you after I’ve seen the entire world, I realized that my “I voted” sticker had adhered itself, and by adhered itself I mean CEMENTED itself, to my neck just above my collarbone.

Not some potato chippy, barely hanging on adherence.  This sticker was STUCK.  As in, it hurt to peel it off.

“I voted.”  On my neck.  Upside down no less.  For who knows how long.

I called the teller at the credit union.  “Did I have an ‘I voted’ sticker on my neck when I came in?”

Laughing, “Yes.”  “Why didn’t you tell me??”  “I just thought you did it on purpose.  Like it was some kind of weird fashion statement.  And I didn’t want to judge.”

And for the life of me…HOW??  Did it catch on my hair one of those times and travel the road less traveled to my neck?

I can think of only one explanation:

Magic.