THE TRANSFORMATION OF SAUL

While we were traveling back in June, we stopped to visit our good friends who live just outside Nashville. Diane took me to her favorite discount book store where I snagged a couple of good reads. For $3.00, I got a copy of Beth Moore's "To Live Is Christ", the companion book to her study on the life of the Apostle Paul. Beth Moore is one of my favorite authors and this book had some great insights!

I have always related more to Peter in terms of the pillars of my Christian faith. He was the one who blurted stuff out without really thinking things through, was impulsive and often times had a knee jerk response to life and its situations. His faith waivered during crucial moments and yet, God was still able to use him in a great way to spread the Gospel (so I know that there's hope for me!) On the other hand, Paul was a "Jew among Jews", educated extensively in the writings of the Old Testament, had a burning obsession to eradicate the followers of this "New Way" and right there on the road to Damascus, life as he knew it, changed 180 degrees! After watching the movie, "Paul, the Apostle" that came out this past Spring and then having read Beth Moore's book, I gained a greater appreciation for this other pillar of the Christian faith.

We know that Paul’s second imprisonment in Rome was vastly different from his first where he was under house arrest. The emperor Nero despised and blamed the Christians for the fire that broke out in 64 AD that burned for nine days and consumed two-thirds of the city. Some scholars believe Nero himself started the fires so that he could rebuild Rome in his own image. History tells us of the horrible persecution of these early Christ followers; some were covered in animal skins, secured and devoured by dogs. Others were nailed to crosses, thrown to the lions or become human torches to light the night. Paul however was a Roman citizen and his execution had to be carried out, by Roman law.

I never quite grasped some of the sacrifices and sufferings Paul endured for his devotion and commitment to Christ. Certainly I remember reading of his beatings, stonings, imprisonment and shipwrecks but Beth Moore gives me a more defined perspective. Paul’s final letter, 2 Timothy, is written to the young pastor; even in the midst of Paul’s own suffering, he writes this beautifully articulate epistle, which I have come to treasure. It’s all that more amazing when you realize the conditions in which he is being held.

“He was bound by heavy chains-the type that bruise and lacerate the skin. He was almost 60 years old and had taken enough beatings to make him quite arthritic. The lack of mobility greatly intensified any ailments or illnesses. He most likely was reduced to skin and bones. The cells where the worst prisoners were chained usually filthy, wet and rodent-infested dungeons. Paul was cold. He wanted his cloak and begged Timothy to do everything he could to come before winter.”

I am constantly amazed at the complete transformation of Paul from a rabid persecutor of Christians to a man who turned his back on his life of privilege and followed Christ, even to the point of martyrdom. I remember this line of dialog from the movie, "Men do not die for things they doubt." Only someone who has encountered the Living Christ, can have that kind of hope and confidence.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

FRESH FRUIT

It's been 3 years since I've blogged on here and that kind of blows my mind!! I wonder if I remember how to do this?

The transition to retirement almost 2 years ago has been pleasant and I have loved being able to spend time with my guy and go on adventures with him! I also have my "Sweet Montana Home" blog, which has been neglected for well over a year but I will get back on there as well and post about our Montana life soon.

We are fortunate in that, the Lord planted us in our church "Fresh Life", before we made our permanent transition. We plugged in immediately and have made some wonderful friendships and really enjoy having a community of Believers to serve and fellowship with! Our church is comprised of mostly 20 & 30 somethings so we are in the minority for sure! Dave and I have felt a special commission to serve and mentor our younger brothers and sisters in Christ and hopefully encourage them forward in their own journey with Christ. I have been deeply humbled to be a first hand witness of their passion to reach the lost and convicted about some of my own attitudes I have had towards this younger generation. But I am thankful for God's grace, mercy and forgiveness and that He continues to entrust us with the task of serving others; with Jesus' example of ultimate servanthood, as our standard.

In July we have had the "Summer Reading Series" where each Sunday, our Pastor has had an author give a message related to their book that they have written. The week Alex Seely was our guest speaker she spoke on our identity in Christ. Her book, "Tailor Made" has been a life-giving and encouraging message, for my ragged spirit. Yesterday Sadie Robertson of "Duck Dynasty" fame, was our guest and she shared from her book "Fearless".

One example she shared, was from the book of Daniel, chapter 6. We know that Daniel was a Godly man, consistent in his faith to the Living God, yet found himself thrown into the Lion's Den, all because others were jealous of his prominence and favor with King Darius. One thing I had never given thought to that Sadie Robertson pointed out, was that Daniel was thrown into a pit and then

"a stone was brought and placed over the mouth of the den..." (verse 17),

it would have been completely dark, no light whatsoever. Sadie talked about the power of fear being like that; of being completely in the dark, knowing that something is out there waiting to pounce, you can hear its breathing, it's nearness. I thought to myself that, her example was one I could comprehend and unfortunately, relate to all too well.

Fast forward in the story to King Darius, who has been up all night, rushing to the lion's den to see if Daniel has been rescued by "the Living God whom you serve continually"? Daniel replies to the king,

"My God sent His angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions."

In that moment I had such a sweet revelation from the Holy Spirit: I knew that Daniel had not been sitting there all night long, in utter pitch black darkness. God Himself was present during his ordeal, He had sent His angel to preserve him.

We know that, "God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all." 1 John 1:5

Sometimes I can lose sight of God's goodness, faithfulness and provision and I need reminders like this to get back to the basics in the faith. I'm so glad we are planted in a House of God that encourages our next generation, supporting and encouraging them as they grow into our future leaders in the faith. Too many churches only want to present polished, perfectly matured Christians from their platforms, as if those actually exist! My prayer is that God keeps me humble and teachable, knowing that my sanctification is not yet complete and won't be so until I see my Savior face to face.

REPENTANCE

I belong to a sweet fellowship of sisters in Christ where we love, pray and encourage one another. I have the "Blog Prompt" for July and I chose the theme of REPENTANCE.

I've been thinking on repentance more than usual, given the Supreme Court's ruling last week legalizing gay marriage. Between that and the recent massacre in a South Carolina church of Christians, it's painfully obvious that this is a nation greatly divided. I think anyone, Believer in Christ or non-believer, would be in denial if they didn't see the widening gulf that has emerged between love and hate.

I have also been thinking that the Body of Christ must accept some responsibility for the sad state we find ourselves in. Some will probably disagree with me but the fact of the matter is that the church has been sleeping. We've watched events unfold and whether it's due to laziness or naivete, we have been largely silent. We are quick to pat ourselves on the back over all the good done in Jesus name but far too few of us, myself included have been willing to sacrifice our comfort. We look around and shake our heads and wonder how we ended up where we are today...

As a child and in raising my own children, the concept of "being sorry" begins at an early age. We are told to apologize to the offended party for being mean and unkind, not sharing a toy, hitting someone out of frustration or anger. It's an acquired trait, it's not something that comes naturally to us in our fallen state. Many times my children would comply for no other reason than to avoid the consequences that awaited them if they disobeyed. Some times we're not truly sorry over our behavior, we're sorry that we have been caught.

Sorry, penitent and repentant are not the same thing. Being sorry is the least level of emotional investment. It's polite regret at its best, it's the expected response one makes when they hear of something that causes discomfort or distress in someone else. We mumble the words and proceed on our course as if nothing has really transpired at all.

Webster's defines Penitent as a "deep sadness that a person feels for his or her sins or faults" Being penitent is a good start, but God is seeking repentance in the Believer's heart; what God desires for us is to TURN away from the path we've been traveling, for our hearts to turn around and go in a new direction, towards Christ. I think the reason repentance is so difficult is because it requires humility.

I struggle with pride and I know that I am not the only one. I don't like admitting that I have done something that has hurt another person. With people I can say "I'm sorry for what I've done" and move on. A Holy, Omniscient God sees right through me and the sincerity of my words; I know that He is seeking for me to make a course correction and most times, I don't want to change. Humility is hard stuff, in my opinion pride is the key to every sin and fault in mankind. We think that we are deserving of something, no matter how it affects others.

I've seen a LOT of hatefulness on both sides of the gay marriage issue in the last several days. From vile and disgusting taunts and self-righteous indignation.; but I've also seen people who call themselves Christians act very un-Christlike! For myself personally, I oppose it on Biblical grounds. As a Christian, a Christ follower who believes that salvation is found in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ alone and that the Bible is the inspired word of God, I believe that He has defined and ordained marriage as being between a man and a woman. It is recorded in Genesis and confirmed by Jesus Christ Himself within the Gospels. Without even bringing specific scriptures into play regarding judgment...I ask how sinful mankind can usurp the authority of God?

My own sins are no more heinous and no less heinous, to a just and holy God, than those of others. That's where the mercy and grace that flowed free for us through Christ, levels the field. We are all sinners and we are all in need of a Savior. Even when the woman, who was caught in the very act of adultery was brought to Jesus, He asked who among the accusers was w/o sin? When they had all turned away He asked her, "Woman where are your accusers?" He extended grace and forgiveness, no condemnation. Too many people forget or overlook what else He said to her, "Go and sin no more". He didn't say she wasn't a sinner b/c He didn't want to hurt her feelings or say that it was no big deal because sin is a big deal...He had freed her from the bondage that sin has over us. He has shown us a better way to live...

I have friends who are atheists and they will continue to shake their fist at God until the bitter end. It's sad and I know it breaks God's heart but He can not change His character. This Sovereign God who stands outside time and space has always offered free will, even before Adam and Eve, Lucifer and the others were given a free will. He never imposes Himself upon us but prefers, that we worship Him (or not worship Him) out of our own free will. It's funny how people are okay with that but when tragedy strikes or man's inhumanity rears its ugly head, they expect God to intervene. This same God whom they don't want imposing upon them is now expected to impose on others as if He were a genie in a bottle.

Certainly God has answered prayers and HAS intervened. Why does He do it for some and not for everyone? I honestly don't know. I could say that He sees the bigger picture and knows the future, which He does but when we are hurting, that's NOT what we want to hear. All I know is that God has proven His trustworthiness to me over and over, time and time again. I can entrust my future to Him because He cares and only has my best interest in heart.

Regardless of man's laws, God's laws prevail. We are called to Love God, serve God and point those who are lost to a Savior who took their place and bore our punishment. I find myself reflecting on whether I have been faithful to our mission statement or have I been smug and looked at my fellow sinners as if I am somehow better? In my own eyes, I've viewed their sins as worse than my own. The truth of the matter is found in Romans 3:23, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". Sometimes, a little self reflection is just what the Doctor ordered!

BLANK

The blank page...writer's block...boring life...tongue tied...all excuses for putting off my writing. I think sometimes I am in love with the IDEA of writing more than the discipline itself. Sort of like crafting...I'm enraptured with organizing my supplies and doing research for layouts on my scrapbooks than I am in actually taking the time to do them! I have done some blogging on my other page, the one chronicling our journey as Montana Homeowners so I haven't been a complete recluse! My need for creative expression has been met with all of the research projects I have done for the Montana homestead. PINTEREST, also known as "electronic hoarding" is a great tool, I have daydreamed my days away thinking of all the wonderful desserts and artistic gifts I will be making and giving to those lucky few within my inner circle. Once I have glutted that market, I can move on to my next circle and so forth until people will begin to lower their heads and turn around and go in the opposite direction, as soon as they see me! Although, that may not be the ONLY reason why they avoid me!

SANCTUARY

It's hard to believe that we have had our Mountainview Hideaway over eighteen months already! Sometimes I have to pinch myself because it hardly seems real that God blessed us so tremendously with this property! We are looking forward to the day when we can open our home up to others and they can enjoy the beauty that is Northwest Montana. For me, this place has already embodied the meaning of sanctuary. The dictionary defines sanctuary as a holy or sacred place and that sort of fits, in a non-blasphemous sort of way! For me though, when I think of sanctuary, I think of a refuge; a place where the outside world can't touch you.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.[c] There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields[d] with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."

Psalm 46

I think of how many times I have sought refuge from the Lord God Almighty and how He has never failed me. In my darkest times He has been only a breath away as I have cried out to Him. I think of how His majesty is displayed in everything our eyes, ears and sense of touch takes in. When the day arrives and He is revealed in all of His glory and splendour, His name exalted; the earth and all within her will quake. And yet...He will gather those of us who are washed in the blood of the Lamb, to His breast and declare,

"This one is mine, their name is recorded in the Book of Life!"

WHERE YOU BEEN?

Yes, I have been away for a VERY long time but in all honesty, I have been busy and quite honestly felt that I had nothing to write about. I hope to change all that by picking up blogging once again.

I feel like the last four years of my life have been radically different, almost unrecognizable in fact. Cancer has unfortunately become this "entity" that floats around, hovering near and often times preoccupying my thoughts. My Mom's diagnosis nearly four years ago, Dave's diagnosis three years ago, losing my Mom three years ago, Dave's cancer surgery right after my Mom died and then having him undergo radiation last summer because it had returned, has been a lot to deal with. Dave and I have a saying that we have used a lot in the last three years: When asked how do you eat an elephant, we reply, "One bite at a time!"

At times when I've attempted to look at the big picture all at once, it's made me want to curl up in a corner somewhere and just stay put! I am realizing that you can only deal with manageable portions when life assaults you from all directions since so many factors are out of ones control. I simply can not imagine how I could have retained my sanity had God not been my center. He has been the one thing that has been constant throughout it all, the one thing that I have been able to remain grounded in when I have been overwhelmed!

In the three years since losing my Mom, I have grown a lot. In the three years since Dave's cancer diagnosis I have grown a lot. I have grown and been stretched in ways I never knew were possible. On those days when I was stretched so ridiculously thin that I felt the elastic of my nerves fray, God would put His hand on me; He would calm and soothe my fears and anxieties and my feet would once again touch firm below me. Other days I would just simply try to put one foot in front of the other and move forward through my day. Responsibilities and life in general, don't stop just because I am having a hard day. I've been uplifted by so many people and their prayers have made such a difference in my life! At times though, I have felt very alone, in spite of the loving outreach I have received. That's just life. I've realized that it's okay to visit that place once in a while but God never intends for me to establish residency there!

Our lives are a journey and we all have a destination. Life, be it good or bad, touches us all leaving us winded and wounded as well as joyful and exuberant. Where we visit or reside is up to us...I am learning to live my life more intentionally.

Dave and I at Iceberg Lake, Glacier National Park, Montana. Summer 2012

SEASONS

I am enjoying the season of life that I am in. It's a season where I don't have the demands and the responsibilities that go hand in hand with raising a young family. I remember well the long days of running our home, playing referee, disciplining, nurturing little hearts, as well as looking for those teachable moments where the seeds of God's truths are planted. I also remember that the nights weren't nearly long enough; falling into bed, worn out from the day's demands and just wanting an uninterrupted night's sleep. I think "more sleep" and "endurance" were listed as number one and two on my "Wish List" back then!

Life has a way of propelling you forward and somehow you finish each day; most times, running on adrenaline alone. One day runs into another and the next thing you know, you find yourself looking back and wondering where did the time go? Even in the midst of that hectic season of our lives, I knew I needed to savor the moment and remind myself to not take it for granted. I find that I have warmth and tenderness when I recall those days; the hard work of it all having diminished in much the same way that the pains of childbirth don't seem so bad when you look at the end result!

Four years from now, Lord willing, Dave and I will be orchestrating our move to Montana and the next season of our life: retirement. If the past is any indicator, the time will fly by. These days, my time and energy seems to be filled with the remodeling and upgrading of the house in Montana. It has been so much fun, planning, dreaming and working towards that goal. I am eager for my next trip to the house to see the results of our latest projects and to do some more work. I am enjoying the painting and cleaning but I am also looking forward to the day when I get to go up there and just play.

Recently, with the uncertainty of Dave's health, I was reminded of the need to once again, savor the moment. I need to focus on the day at hand and not live in the future. We are told to plan and occupy until the day that God calls us home. We are called to live like we have all the time in the world and at the same time, live like it's our last day on earth. I am seeing more and more how God's word for me in 2013, "FINISH STRONG" is applying more and more to everyday life!