Category: Women

Happy Birthday to me.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

Nothing.

(I don’t say this to my mother, because she’s my mother and she wants to buy me a birthday present, which is lovely.)

“Um… earrings, I guess. I can always use more earrings.”

Which is true because I have an earring addiction. And I’m okay with that. I no longer justify it or try to explain to people why I love big dangly earrings. Yes, they often get caught in my giant mass of hair. Yes, They even hit my shoulders sometimes because I’m a short type of person, so my neck is the opposite of swan-like. But I like them, and I will always enjoy getting more.

Not justifying why I like things is only part of the reason I love being 36 today.

YES, I just told you how old I am. I’m not vaguely in my thirties or having my twenty-ninth birthday for the seventh time. (haha) I’m 36, and I’m doing pretty well. I need to lose some weight. (Partly because I’m a writer who sits on my butt all day, and partly because I love good food. And wine.) I have little wrinkles around my eyes and my mouth, which the girl who does my facials calls “expression lines.” (That’s good. I like having expressions.) And I still have stretch marks from carrying that gorgeous child who makes me laugh.

I’m 36 today, and that makes me smile. Because for thirty-six years, I have lived on this planet, in a family that loves me, having adventures and learning new things. Traveling and exploring. Making new friends and cherishing old ones.

Don’t ask me to give away any of those years.

They’re thirty-six years of triumphs and challenges. Heartache and love. Each year and milestone brought me a little closer to the person I am now, and each contributes to the ongoing work in progress that I am.

I’m not finished yet, but I know who I am. I’m a daughter and a mom. A writer and a publisher. I like big earrings and nice handbags. Walking in beautiful gardens that I don’t have to tend and swimming laps because it is so, so quiet. I like writing about love and mystery and fantasy. I like creating worlds for people to fall into and forget themselves, but hopefully find themselves, too.

What do I want for my birthday?

Nothing.

Not because I don’t want to celebrate my birthday (trust me, celebrating is going to happen), but because I am at a place in my life where I am very content. My son gave me a card this morning. He picked it out himself, probably because it has birds on it and a lot of my art features birds in flight, and there was a quote inside:

“No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings.”—William Blake

Ah, that wise little boy. I’m soaring on my own wings now, so I’m just going to keep flapping and see where I end up at when I’m 37. And 38. And all those numbers after that the world tells us we should be scared of.

I am not scared. I’m excited.

What do I want for my birthday?

Nothing except new adventures and the occasional pair of big earrings.

And maybe a new tattoo.

(Okay, definitely a new tattoo.)

A part in “The Conversation”

I hold that it is none of my business what people think of me. 

-Ashley Judd

(Many thanks to the lovely Shea MacLeod for her post “The Conversation” this morning, which led to the inspiration for this blog post.)

This is the old avi I used when I first started blogging. I like this picture of myself. I don’t know why. I’m not wearing any fancy clothes. I don’t think I even have any makeup on. It was taken by the camera on my laptop one night when I finally decided to put a face to my online presence. I snapped the pic, tweaked it so you didn’t notice my messy kitchen so much, then put it up for the world.

Looking at that picture now, I think I like it because it captures a lot of my personality. I’m not a stunning classical beauty; I never have been, and I never will be. I could list all the physical attributes I don’t like, but that seems needlessly narcissistic. Why on earth should you be interested in that? I could also list a lot of the things that I like about my appearance, but that would be just as pointless. To tell the truth, the cultivation of my outer beauty has never been a personal quest for me. People can have their own opinions about that. I’m opting out.

That said, The Conversation about women’s bodies and appearance, the hypersexualization of all aspects of our personhood, and the relentless focus on our outer appearance as an indicator of our worth is something that must be talked about. It must be talked about because I heard a ten-year-old girl I love talk about dieting so she wasn’t so fat. It must be talked about because my sisters have to sift through reams of overly mature clothing for my lovely and vibrant young nieces. It must be talked about, because I am a woman and a mother, and I don’t want my son to grow up in a world where it is acceptable to measure women (or anyone, really) by one standard of impossible, synthetic, media-ascribed beauty.

It is not acceptable.

My new book, which comes out in May, has a lot to say about beauty, because it is set in the art world. I find it fascinating to look at beauty from an artist’s perspective. It’s often very different than what the mass media portrays. Here’s a quote from one of the characters in the novel:

“I have no interest in taking a picture of the same nose sculpted by the same surgeon on five different actresses.   It’s boring and more than a little insulting, if you think about it.   Like they know better than we do what beauty is.”

Do they know better? The Conversation needs to occur so that real beauty, in all its variations and intricacies, can be celebrated. Beauty matters. But beauty—real beauty—is far more complex than a picture. It is has far more depth, and breadth, and longevity than morning talk shows or magazines would have you believe.

So take a look at the op-ed by actress, Ashley Judd, that started The Conversation for me:

“The Conversation about women’s bodies exists largely outside of us, while it is also directed at (and marketed to) us, and used to define and control us. The Conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted.”

Read the rest HERE. Then, as Shea said in her post, if you think that this conversation is worth having, spread the message yourself.

Thanks for reading,

Elizabeth

Alpha Characters and the Power Dynamic

When you write in romance, particularly paranormal romance with it’s endless possibilities for the supernatural, you hear a lot about the “alpha” hero. The alpha hero can be defined in a lot of ways, but at the heart of all definitions is power. Alpha is, of course, the first letter of the Greek alphabet. Alpha. First. The heart of the “alpha” is that character’s needs/wants/desires come first.

I’m not making judgement calls about whether this is good or bad. I’m not offering social commentary. I’m approaching this as a writer. Alphas are popular. They’re fun to write. They’re very dynamic characters. They make for interesting plot development, and they’re undeniably attractive to the majority of readers.

That said, how do you create an interesting and sympathetic alpha hero without that character devolving into a stereotype or, quite simply, an asshole? Sadly, many times writers don’t. I’ve read too many books that leave the heroine swooning and me scratching my head. But here are three power dynamics (and make no mistake, ALL relationships have power dynamics) that are interesting, intelligent, and respectful of both parties.

Male Alpha/Female Alpha

Oh hi, red-hot, passionate break-up/make-up couple! Yes, having two alphas in a relationship leads to conflict, but at the same time, there is also a level of mutual respect and understanding. This is what makes this relationship work. Is it dynamic? Oh yes. Is there drama? Oh yes. Can it get tiring if the couple never comes to some kind of middle ground? Oh. Yes. Be careful trying to write this kind of relationship. Just like in real life, it’s tricky and can be messy. Expect this couple to fight a lot, but also have a pretty passionate connection. All the drama and the growth tends to be right out there for the reader and the other characters to react to. Fun? Yes, but don’t take it too far. It’s easy to fall into stereotype-land with this couple.

Fictional example: Cat and Bones, Night Huntress series by Jeanine Frost

Male Alpha/Female…other?

I hesitate to give this dynamic a name because while it involves a clear alpha male, the female character is usually an alpha in her own right, but in an entirely different discipline. This dynamic is common in romance and fantasy when you have a warrior of some kind and a female character who is a seer or scholar. It involves complementary strengths instead of competing strengths and can be more difficult to write because power perception can be so subjective. (Is physical or mental strength more valued within the setting? Does this shift? Is there a public/private dynamic to the relationship?) This dynamic can also be misunderstood by other characters within the story, which makes it a great source of internal and external drama. Drama within the relationship usually involves some sort of struggle for the characters to accept that they are stronger/more complete with each other than without, after which, the relationship is usually very stable.

Fictional example: Harry/Hermione/Ron, Harry Potter series by JK Rowling (What? This applies to a lot more than just romantic relationships.)

Vanity example: Gio/Beatrice in my books, The Elemental Mysteries

Female Alpha/Male Beta

What? You thought all great romantic heroes were alphas? Pfft. I’ve read a couple of novels lately where the writer turned this common trope on its head very successfully. The trick within this power dynamic is for the heroine and hero to retain respect for each other while battling a world that too often equates female power with aggression and male support as weakness. There is usually a clear public/private dynamic to this relationship that helps the couple retain intimacy and respect in a hostile setting. There is also usually a very healthy humor and acknowledgement of the reversal of traditional roles. I’ve never written this dynamic, but I’m kicking around a few ideas because I’d love the challenge.

Fictional example: Yasmeen/Archimedes, Iron Seas #2, Heart of Steel by Meljean Brook (if you haven’t read this steampunk series, you’re missing out)

Bonus example: Zoe and Wash, Firefly universe (no joke, one of my favorite fictional relationships ever)

Are there endless variations on these three power dynamics? Yes, of course there are. Relationships, fictional or otherwise, are as unique as the individuals involved. These are only three of the most common that I’ve read or written. They all have strength and weaknesses, and they all create their own challenges for the writer and the reader.

So tell me, what’s your favorite dynamic to read? To write? Do you give one of these dynamics more respect than another? Why?

Thanks for reading,

Elizabeth

Reading/Watching/Listening: Smart Chick’s Edition

Young Woman Reading by Mary Cassatt

I’m sick of the dumb-as-dirt women I’m seeing on television lately.  I don’t know these women.  Most of my friends, even if they’re not Rhodes Scholars, are pretty savvy about their own lives.  And I rarely see the grown women I know acting like high school drama queens. So I give you, R/W/L Smart Chick’s Edition.  Enjoy.

 Reading: Kissed by Darkness (Sunwalker Saga) by Shéa McLeod

I love opening a book and feeling like I’ve fallen into a really well-developed universe, and Kissed by Darkness is looking like a great read so far.  Add in a kick-ass heroine with a quick wit, a great sense of humor, and a pair of nice boots?  I’m sold. Plus, it’s set on the West Coast. Go Portland!

I’m only a few chapters in, but I’m already enjoying Morgan’s distinctive voice, the well-developed cast of supporting characters, and the intriguing premise.  This is the first of the Sunwalker Saga, and if the first book is any indication, I’m going to enjoy digging into the second one, as well.

Kissed by Darkness is well-written and moves at a fast clip without seeming rushed.  It’s adult paranormal fiction with a smart feel, a lot of humor, and a very appealing protagonist.  Check it out!

Watching: Sons of Anarchy

Pet peeve? Giving a female protagonist in a series a smart, professional career, and then writing her like she was a bubble-headed teenager. (Ally McBeal? I’m looking at you.) Thing I love with hearts and flowers?  Finding female characters in supposedly misogynistic environments that are smart, savvy, and fully developed.

Which is why I can recommend watching Sons of Anarchy, whose fourth season just premiered here in the U.S.  Given the premise of the show, a drama surrounding a motorcycle club in Northern California, viewers might expect the show’s female characters to be window dressing, but they would be dead wrong.  Katey Sagal won a Golden Globe last year for her portrayal of Gemma, the matriarch of the club, and why she didn’t win every other award out there, I don’t know.

These women are powerful, intelligent, diverse characters; and the writers on the show have a lot of respect for them.  The male/female interaction is genuine and uncontrived.  The relationships feel real.  I cannot recommend it highly enough.  It’s Shakespeare on Harleys, people.  Check it out.

Listening: Loreena McKennitt—The Book of Secrets

This listening pick has a lot to do with what I’m writing right now, which is the third Elementals book, and has some very East meets West themes.  So I’m listening to a lot of this particular album while I write.

But, if you’ve never checked out Loreena McKennitt’s music, please get thee to iTunes or your local music store soon!  This is folk/Celtic/world music that not only sounds great, but has a lot of depth.  If you’ve ever read McKennitt’s liner notes, you know that she not only writes and performs, but she does a lot of research into the culture, folklore, and geography of the genres that inspire her.  Your ears will thank you, as will your brain.

Check out “The Mummer’s Dance” from The Book of Secrets. And don’t forget, smart chicks rule.