- Tornado A is so good at getting under people’s skins that he got my mom to threaten to get rid of the dog.
- Tornado A recognizes empty threats when he hears them and wears them like badges of honor.
- I forgot to get a first day of school picture. I think I failed as a mom.
- I’m still not over my kids showing up on their dad’s days whenever they want.
- The ex is annoyed that the kids decide what house they will be at for dinner on his nights by asking what is for dinner at his house and mine. I said he and I would’ve done the same thing at their ages.
- I’m the English Department’s Big Sister. No one even hides it any more.
- I’ve got to get better at checking off the boxes after I did the habit or chore. The checking off part seems to be a big problem for me.
- Tornado E did the right thing without being nagged or guilted. I must be doing something right.
- Tornado S used his phone to take pictures of his supply lists and assignments and sent them to me. That’s a big step towards organization.
- I think this is going to be a good school year.
Weekly Recap
August 4, 2023 — faemomMortal Kombat with a Teenager
August 3, 2023 — faemomMy kids love their video games. Lately they’re playing Mortal Kombat 11. I casually mentioned that I used to play Mortal Kombat back in the day. And Street Fighter. And Soul Caliber. And Tekken. I just like fighting games.
A couple years ago I took the kids to a retro arcade exhibit. It’s weird to think the arcade games I played at their age are retro. I taught them to play The Simpson Game, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Game, and, of course, Mortal Kombat.
The other day, after I took them to an arcade and pizza place for one last summer event, Tornado E asked if I wanted to play Mortal Kombat 11 with him. I said sure.
I sat with him, and he handed me a remote.
Tornado E: I thought we would start with the tutorial. Um, have you ever held an X-box controller.
Let’s pretend that’s a joke, since I taught him to play all those years ago.
I did the tutorial. Tornado E coaching me through the moves. He even complimented me as well.
Then it was time to play.
He chose his guy. I chose my favorite.
And we battled.
And I won.
Me: It’s just a fluke.
Round 2. And I won. By quite a bit.
Tornado E: Huh. Do you want to play again?
Me: Sure.
The thing is. I shouldn’t have been able to beat him. He plays more than me. If I play Injustice with Tornado A, he beats me. Actually, he says I cheat if I use a move more than twice.
We play again.
Tornado E won the first battle.
I won the second.
Tornado E won the third.
Tornado E: So you liked to play these games, huh?
Me: Yup.
Tornado E: You played them a lot?
Me: Yeah. Didn’t you see what game I played when we were on the arcade on vacation?
Tornado E: No.
Me: Yeah. They had Soul Caliber on free play. That’s what I played while you were all playing.
Tornado E: Huh. Do you want to play again?
What Can Go Wrong… Part 3
August 2, 2023 — faemomThen came the Illness Vacation. I was the only one who got ill. But I’m the adult, the driver, and the funder, so it’s kind of a big deal for me to be sick on a vacation.
It was a weird summer anyways. I had already gotten food poisoning at the beginning of the summer. And I just kept getting sick. I have the immune system of a cockroach.
It all started on our second day. I came down with a yeast infection at Disneyland. I just never had one before, and it was very uncomfortable. I just had to be zen all day. I wasn’t going to leave Disneyland until we were ready. Tickets are really expensive, and rides are very fun. But I did run to the drugstore as soon as we left Disneyland for medicine.
Everything was fine. For a little while.
A few days later I took the boys exploring, looking for a really cool slide that I knew about. My throat was scratchy and getting worse. I was feeling run down and tired. I decided I must be dehydrated, so I picked up water and a soda.
By the time we met friends at Medieval Times, I was starting to go down hill. My throat was feeling worse. I was getting more and more tired. I wasn’t feeling a hundred percent. I asked my friend if she knew where a drugstore was. She gave me a funny look and told me. Later I realized that she remembered that I had worked in this area, so I should have known. I was getting sick.
After dinner, we went to the store. I bought medicine. I bought the boys more snacks. I couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel, put the boys to bed, take my medicine, and get to bed too. I never get sick, so a little NyQuil, and I was sure to be fine the next day.
Even with medicine that night, I woke up feeling hellish. But we were driving home. I could do this. I’ll be sitting all day. How bad could it be?
I had to stop the drive within the hour to rest. I was falling asleep.
I took a cat nap and traveled on. For another 45 minutes. Then I had to stop again. We made it 30 minutes before we had to stop again for me to quickly nap. The boys thought it was weird, but they had movies and snacks.
Then every 20 minutes I was stopping to rest. By this time, it was getting later in the day; we were moving out into the desert. I didn’t want to sleep with a car running, but I couldn’t turn off the car and leave the windows down because it was so damn hot.
I realized that I couldn’t keep us moving. I couldn’t keep the boys safe. I was so worried, scared, sick, and tired. We had to stop. I had to rest. Maybe for a few hours. Maybe for the rest of the day.
I pulled over and called my parents, who were on vacation in another state. My dad agreed with me over where I was going to stop for the night. I called the ex to let him know I had to extend the vacation and why. He was fine with it.
I made it to the state border town and pulled off at the first exit with a hotel that I saw.
I walked in and asked if there was any vacancies.
Yes.
Can I do early check-in?
The woman gave me a once over and looked over at the boys. Absolutely. Let’s get you in now.
It was noon.
Thankfully it was a nice little hotel. Because we were in the middle of the desert in the middle of the summer on a weekend, the hotel wasn’t expensive.
I dragged up the snacks and DVD player up to the room. The boys brought in their toys. I hooked up the DVD player and put on movies. I showed the boys the snacks and drinks and told them to eat what they wanted. We had plenty of healthy snacks like fruit, nuts, chex mix, and fruit leathers.
I slept all afternoon.
When I woke, I checked our supplies and noted what we needed for an extra night. I took us out to a place I knew had soup. The boys were ecstatic because the restaurant had a salad bar. At dinner I looked for an urgent care of some sort, but because we were in a small town, they didn’t have one. The nearest one was in Phoenix, so I booked an appointment for the next day.
I took the boys to a box store to pick up a few extra clothes, another DVD, and some more snacks. I sent everyone to bed early because we need to be up early so I could make my emergency appointment.
Luckily the hotel served breakfast, so that we were able to get something to eat before we got on the road.
At my appointment, I learned I had strep. The 2nd time in my life. The nurse told me the antibiotics they gave me for my root canal earlier that month just destroyed my system. She gave me different antibiotics and other medicines. We had lunch while we waited for the prescription to be filled.
We made it home two hours later, and with the medicine, I was feeling much better.
I should end every single on of these posts in one way: my boys believe we have never had anything go wrong on our trips.
Nothing ever goes wrong on our trips.
What Can Go Wrong… Part 2
July 27, 2023 — faemomI cannot overstate how important the portable DVD player has been for our road trips. I got one when Tornado E was a toddler. My parents complained that it wasn’t ok for a toddler to spend so many hours watching TV. Ok, Mom, Dad, what did you do with toddlers when your traveled?
That’s right. You put down the backseat of the truck, making a flat area for us kids to play.
My brothers and I didn’t wear seatbelts on vacation until we were in our preteens.
Stupid things older generations did to endanger population growth.
I couldn’t and wouldn’t want my toddler climbing around. Let’s face the cute little steering wheel busy toy won’t last an hour, much less eight. So portable DVD player!
Back when everyone was building them into the headrests. I insisted on getting something I could take out.
So imagine if you will, the first vacation that was an eight-hour drive, and we were going home, so I had three tired children, ready to irritate each other to no end.
We got an hour or so down the road when the DVD player stopped. I pulled over. Examined it. I couldn’t find anything wrong.
Fine. Kids can entertain themselves. Boredom is good for you.
Within twenty minutes I was looking for a Target sign of the freeway.
I bought a portable DVD player.
I plugged it in and got the movie started. Things were fine for a while. We had stretched our legs, used the facilities, and bought a few snacks as well.
We got about two hours down the road when the DVD player stopped.
Well, that can’t be right. I just bought the thing.
But Google exists, and it suggest we blew a fuse. I found the fuses, and sure enough, we had blown a fuse. Which makes me suspect that’s what happen to the first portable DVD player.
Fuses are easy to buy. When you’re not in the middle of nowhere.
So next town, we pull in. I locate an auto parts store and buy a set of fuses. It never hurts to have a few more. I fix the problem, and off we went.
Until the next fuse blew.
This feels like a weird coincidence. But I fix it. Off we go.
Until the next fuse blew.
Now I have several more fuses, but these will takes us another hour or two of driving if I have to change the fuses so often. Maybe there was something wrong with the wiring. Or something wrong with the DVD player…
I looked. The boys had the DVD player on charging the battery instead of using the car battery. And that is what was blowing the fuses.
I hit the switch and returned to driving.
It could’ve been worse…
What Can Go Wrong…
July 26, 2023 — faemomLet’s talk about things going wrong on vacations.
(So I worked on this earlier today, and it turns out that putting all the different things that happened on summer vacations can get really long, like really long, so I’m cutting them up, spacing them out. {On another note, I wonder if I can keep this up during the school year; let’s try.} Then I got a call from my kids, and it’s a lot harder to blog without nap time. So let’s make the bad funny.)
The first vacation out of state was a 5 day trip to San Diego.
Yes, we went to Sea World. And I know there are issues. I know. But I love dolphins so much, and I didn’t have the money to do a dolphin watch trip. And Tornado E got to go to Sea World for a school trip, but the other kids didn’t. And I got a great deal because I was a teacher.
The first day there my BFF joined us, and we did Sea World. I had amazing lunch of pasta and shrimp. We had a melt down because Tornado A was too little to go on a ride with Wally. And my trip with Tornado E and his class was still better because I GOT TO PET A DOLPHIN!
We bought cool souvenirs. I still have the large beach towel, and Wally found us an amazing burger place for dinner.
The next day I took the kids to look at the mission and then the beach. On the way to the beach, I realized we didn’t have any beach toys, so we stopped and bought some at Target. Stopping at Target will be a ritual to be repeated in all our vacations. Then it was getting lunch time, so we stopped for lunch.
We pull up to the state beach, and I pay a large amount for parking. I park the car and turn around … to find all three kids sleeping. All three. Dead asleep. I was really disappointed because I wasn’t dumb enough to wake sleeping children. Now we were at the beach, and they were going to miss it because they were sleeping.
But then I remembered I was at the beach. We could stay here until it closed. I also had a book. I had a soda. I had a beautiful view of the ocean.
So I rolled down the windows, cracked a soda, and opened my book. I had an hour of enjoying sea breezes and reading until the kids woke and were excited to do the beach.
That night I woke up at 2am to the sound of water flowing. I was confused, but I had young children sleeping and decided it was something for the next morning.
A few hours later I wake up to find that our ceiling had sprung a leak. It was raining in the hotel room! Between the bathroom area and the rest of the room was a curtain of water. Luckily none of our stuff was near the leak or on the floor. The floor was a mess.
We were first floor next to the office, so I ran to the front office to tell them. They came said there wasn’t much they could do because it was a Saturday. Excuse me? I explained that I had 3 children, and I needed a shower. They offered me a recently vacated room to clean up in. But that’s it. And that room was gross because it wasn’t clean. The hotel was booked solid for the weekend and couldn’t give me my money back because it was the weekend.
Fine. Great. I packed up the kids and all our stuff and left.
I wasn’t going to let this set us back or ruin our vacation. We went on with our plans, which was the zoo. During our picnic lunch, I called around and found a new hotel near by who even gave me a discount when I told them what had happened.
The next day we drove up to Long Beach to go to my BFF’s church, where she was a youth minister. I dressed the boys for church, and we hit the road for a 45 minute drive. That’s when we learned Tornado A gets car sick.
Tornado A threw up 3 times on himself. No more church clothes. But I had a spare outfit. No more spare outfit. Now emergency clothes that I keep in the car. The last sickness happened when we were 5 minutes from the church. Tornado A went to church wearing mismatched t-shirt and soccer shorts; while, the rest of us had on nice clothes.
The kids loved the service. How could they not? Wally was running it.
Wally insisted I go out with her to visit her family, so I could do laundry. She even called her mom and put her on speaker so I could hear her mom insist I came over. Really, it was on the way back home. And it was Wally’s nephew’s birthday, and he would love playing with some boys.
I’ve known Wally since college. I’m friends with her little sister. I gave her little sister all my baby stuff after Tornado A grew out of them. My boys taught the boy his first word. Mama. Only they taught him I was Mama. I still feel bad about that. So going over wasn’t as weird as it seems.
It was also Father’s Day. So I stopped at a store on the way there to pick up a gift for the nephew and Wally’s dad. The boys swam and played. I did laundry. Wally’s family insisted we stay for dinner.
Wally found an excellent deal at nice hotel for the night. She felt bad that we had such a bad experience with our first hotel. This would mean I would be well rested for the drive. Tornado A’s stomach would settle. Sure, technically we didn’t have to be back until 5pm the next day. So we stayed.
And the hotel was nice.
The Book of Lists
July 25, 2023 — faemom2020 broke my brain.
Like most people’s brains.
The combination of generational and international trauma on top of depression, anxiety, and a hint of nihilism just put my brain in a weird space that made me cynical, frustrated, and forgetful. Once I noticed it, I hated it.
The Summer of 2021 gave me 2 goals. Goal one: lose the cynicism and jaded out look. Goal two, figure out how to reboot my brain. Why was I forgetting to do things that I never forgot before? Why was my brain zoning out? I might as well have a little wheel spinning in front of face, repeating the words loading … loading… loading… Thanks. I hate this.
So I remembered what I always did when I needed to get things done. Write a list.
I wrote lists on chores. Wrote lists on goals. Wrote lists on plans. Broke plans into lists. Write lists for what the boys needed to do. Lists of what needed to be bought.
We had two trips that year. So I wrote packing lists. I wrote lists of where to go. Lists of what to do. Lists of where to to eat. All inside a notebook that I titled “The Book of Lists.”
But then I did something so very nerdy.
On the way back from our first trip, as we ate, I asked the boys what they enjoyed. I wrote that in The Book of Lists. I asked the boys what they didn’t like. I wrote that in The Book of Lists. I asked the boys what they would change or what can be improved upon. I wrote those answers down in The Book of Lists.
I used those answers to change things for our next trip. It worked beautifully.
Then I did it again. I asked the boys at the end of the trip what they enjoyed, what they didn’t like, what they would do different.
The year after I found The Book of Lists and made a vacation plan based on that. Last year’s vacation was so crazy and great.
Then I did it, writing down the boys’ opinions.
It is the nerdiest thing. It feels like work. But it has made the last trips more enjoyable.
My advice. Do a debriefing at the end of a trip. Also write lists. They’re amazing.
The Rebellion
July 24, 2023 — faemomI raised my kids to question authority. Respectfully. One day I’ll write how this drives my parents crazy.
I also raised them knowing one day they would rebel against me.
My mom had a philosophy of if you give your child something to rebel against, they would. My grandparents were strict on their oldest two children, my aunt and my mother. So the teenage girls wore modest clothing out of the house and dressed in more teen-appropriate attire at school. The dressed back into the modest clothing at home before their parents came home from work. They put on make up at school and washed it off at home before their parents returned. They bummed cigarettes from their parents because with two smokers, no one was keeping track. Every time they asked to go out, it was a no. Sometimes a maybe.
So when my mom raised her own teens, she did things different. If we asked to go out, as long as my parents had the info, the answer was usually yes. I could wear makeup. But the clothing was an issue in my family; my parents’ threats felt like promises. So I never dyed my hair or got that belly-button ring. My brother got more freedom and pushed that envelope to the edge. (I stand by what I said.)
So now I’m raising my own teens, and the rebellion has started. It’s late. It’s not too heated or dumb. My children and I tend to be on the same side against a couple of others in our lives, so they aren’t pushing me that hard. Common enemies help.
But rebellion has come, nonetheless.
***
Me: Are you going out running?
Tornado E: (in his regular clothes heading for the door) Yeah.
Me: It’s 1pm and 108 degrees.
Tornado E: So?
Me: No. Running.
Tornado E: You can’t stop me. (goes out the door)
Me: You better have sunscreen on!
Me: (When he returns from his run) Drink water!
Tornado E: But Mooooooom!
Me: We live in a desert. It is summer. You were outside. Running. Drink. Water. Now.
Tornado E: Fine!
***
Me: Did you shave your legs?
Tornado S: Yes.
Me: Um. Curious. Um. Why?
Tornado S: I like how it feels. And society can’t tell me what to do.
Me: Do you need me to buy you razors and show you how to do it?
Tornado S: Yes, please.
Later that week, Tornado S is cussing and yelling from the shower as he shaves his legs. I am dying with laughter.
My dad: Is he … shaving his legs?
Me: Yeah.
My dad: Why?
Me: Because he likes it and society can’t tell him what to do.
My dad: Huh.
Me: Listen, I have 14 year olds with huge tattoos in my class. Like take up most of the arm tattoos. I’ve got students with crazy piercings and hair styles. If this is how Tornado S wants to rebel, I’m getting off easy.
Tornado S: (from the shower) WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BLOOD?
My dad and I start laughing.
My dad: He may live to regret this.
Tornado S: IT’S SO MUCH BLOOD!
Me: I’m so glad he doesn’t get periods. He would lose it.
***
Tornado A: I’m not going.
Me: You’re going.
Tornado A: I’m not going.
Me: You’re going.
Tornado A: I don’t want to.
Me: I didn’t ask. You’re going.
Tornado A: I’m not going.
Tornado E: Shut up and get in the car before she makes you. It’s just a hike.
Tornado A: I don’t want to.
Tornado S: She’s just going to make you. Just deal with it.
Me: Get in the car.
Ah, teenagers….
Traveling with Teenagers
July 19, 2023 — faemomI want to expand on my last post.
My mom insists that my brothers and I stopped wanting to go on family vacations, so we stopped. She uses this as a reason I should stop taking my own children on vacations. Tornado E is 18. Tornado S is 16. Tornado A is 13.
But I remember my 18th birthday. I asked to go to Disneyland, so that I could go to Disneyland for the 18th time on my 18th birthday. I was told no because we had to travel so much for my college prep. I think we went to Vegas for a few days because I quit my job to go. Don’t worry. It was a crappy job because it was at a daycare where the workers also brought their children. And those children were the worst. One tried to steal my jewelry, and another hit me. Any ways. I don’t remember ever saying I didn’t want to go.
Yet this conversation happened several more times, and I explained my denial. Finally I realized there were other witnesses to call to the stand.
Me texting: Hey, dude, mom says we stopped wanting to go on vacation. I don’t remember that.
My little brother: LIES!
Me texting: Hey, dude, mom says we stopped wanting to go on vacation. I don’t remember that.
My baby brother. Well, someone is misremembering. I think they got tired of all our fighting. They were broke.
Me: Hey, Dad. Mom says we didn’t want to go on vacation with you and mom when we became teenagers. The boys and I don’t remember that.
My dad: Well, remember the biggest car we had at the time was the Bronco. (That didn’t have air conditioning and would die after 20 minutes.) And you were all getting jobs and starting your own lives. You kids didn’t want to hang out together that much.
Me: (remembering the younger brother and I were no longer in a to-the-death-battle-for-sibling-supremecy but we weren’t really friendly either) Yeah, that makes more sense.
Traveling with teenagers has it’s own challenges. But teenagers are just like big toddlers. So I treat them like that. Make sure they have plenty of snacks, drinks, and naps.
- Involve them in planning. Ask where they want to go, what they want to do, where they want to eat, what they want to eat. They need to learn how to plan and compromise. My teens often answer I don’t know. So I give them options to choose from. While on vacation, I give them options as well. This year we didn’t go to the beach but somehow found ourselves at a random mall in LA and later at Universal City Walk.
- Give them responsibilities. Teach them how to pack. Don’t let them get to adulthood without this skill. I have mine help me pack the car. Front-seat passenger navigates. We split up tasks. It’s great.
- (Something I forgot to mention last post) Portable DVD player. I’ve been using one on long rides forever. I like them because I don’t have to worry about downloading or WiFi. And most places I can plug it into the hotel TV. Everyone gets to choose 3 movies. But most years, I make them choose a cartoon series. They may never agree on a movie, but they will always agree on Simpsons, Batman: The Animated Series, and The Last Airbender.
- Snacks and Drinks. Have them prepare their snacks. Go shopping with you. Make the snacks. I get trail mix supplies, and the kids make their own trail mix specific to their own tastes. Since I can now trust them not to eat all their snacks in the first hour, I do pack little snack baskets with snacks, a drink, a toy, and a treat. Yes, teenagers are toddlers. Give them a random little toy or their favorite candy, and they are so happy.
- Bring things to do. This year I bought a half a dozen fidget toys for each kid. Tornado A is antagonizing the crap out of his brothers, and I figured I would keep his hands busy. This also keeps the older two from trying to hit him. It worked great. We also do trivia games. When all else fails, I pull out my phone, and I give them riddles.
- Make them rest. Teen brains need lots of sleep. So make them go to bed early the night before you need to be up early. Let them sleep in when you can. Have rest days at beaches. And parks. I took my kids to a park this year, and they really enjoyed it. Who would have guessed?!
- FEED THEM. Teens get so grumpy and stupid when they are hungry. Don’t push back meal times. I suggest eat earlier due to all the walking and moving you’re doing. Plan to know where you want to eat. Plan alternatives. Our hotel is near a smoothie place; so when the kids sleep in too late for breakfast, they grab a breakfast cookie and get a smoothie. The random mall was because no one could decide on a restaurant, so I found us a food court.
- Bring charging cords and adapters. More than you need.
- Do something unique. We visit the same area every year. We have to do the some of the same things every year. But I insist on at least 2 different things. This year I found outdoor art installations. Tornado A tried Mediterranean food. We did a sushi bar. I took them to a zoo and park we hadn’t been to since before Tornado A’s birth. Great times.
- Be patient. Stay the course. Teen brains are immature. Teens act weird. Last year Tornado A complained about EvErYtHiNg. He complained when I planned it, complained when we were going to do it, and complained while we were doing it. Then he would say it wasn’t that bad and thanked me for making him do it. Then the cycle would repeat. I kept my cool and made him go. This year Tornado E nearly threw a temper tantrum in the middle of Disneyland because he wanted alone time. We compromised. He got 30 minutes and met us for dinner. That day he also refused to say what he wanted for a meal, so I just ordered him something small. He reluctantly ate it and then mention that he was now hungry, could he please get some food.
In Nurture Shock: New Thinking about Children by Ashley Merryman and Po Bronson, the writers talked about the importance of making good memories as a family and how important that was for the sibling bond. So don’t give up on your teenagers. Just picture them as darling little toddlers and take a deep breath. It’s going to be great.
An Excuse
July 17, 2023 — faemomIt was a masterful plan. Pick up the boys from their dad’s house around bedtime. Get them ready for bed and to bed. Then I would finish the last minute packing and write a few blog posts to send out for a few days. And be in bed early enough not to worry about falling asleep at the wheel.
Brilliant.
But around dinner time, the boys gone to their dad’s and my parents out dancing, my baby brother showed up to try a bit of Baked Alaska that Tornado E had asked for to celebrate his birthday. We were celebrating it on the 4th since we would be traveling on his birthday. His friends had stayed most of the afternoon, putting the packing behind. But I fixed it.
B.B.: I was hoping this would cheer me up.
Me: What happened, dude?
B.B.: Teddy died last night.
Teddy is one of three dogs my brother owns. He has had Teddy and his brother since they were weaned 12 years ago.
Me: I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
So my baby brother talked about how it happened, how the last 24 hours had gone, and how he was feeling. I listened.
In this time, Tornado E stormed into the house, slamming the door, stomping around.
Me: What’s up?
Tornado E: My dad didn’t plan anything for my birthday. He’s just celebrating the 4th, so I left.
Me: Oh, wow. Is there anything I can do? *pause* Where are your brothers?
Tornado E: No. They’re at the house. They wanted to stay.
Me: Ok. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.
B.B.: Hey, Tornado E. Happy birthday! I brought you your gift. I wanted to make sure you got it before you left on vacation. (hands Tornado E money)
Tornado E: Thanks, Uncle -.
Tornado E stomped into the living room, where I couldn’t see him, but I know what he did. He flopped onto his favorite couch in his favorite position and got on his phone. Moments later Tornado E came back in the room.
Tornado E: Hey, my friend (who I knew) invited me over to watch fireworks, can I go?
Me: (noticing the better attitude) Yeah. Make sure your packed. Be home around 10. The earlier we leave tomorrow the better. I want to stop a see dinosaurs.
Tornado E: Ok, Mama.
B.B: Dinosaurs?
Me: Mom and Dad never let us stop at road side attractions. It’s kind of fun. Ever seen the Thing?
Everyone leaves to their own parties. I went and picked up the younger boys around bedtime.
As we drove home, I mentioned that their uncle was sad and we should cheer him up.
Tornado A: Why, Mother?
Me: Son, Teddy passed away last night.
Beat.
Tornado A: Are you serious?
Tornado S: Why would you tell us that like that?
What is going on here?
Me: I’m sorry.
Tornado A: (clearly distressed) I loved that dog!
Tornado S: Me too!
What is going on here?
Tornado A: I’ve known him all my life.
Me: I know you were a pack with both the dogs when you were little.
Tornado A started crying. Tornado S started crying.
Brilliant.
Me: I’m so sorry you are so upset. It’s going to be ok. Teddy is in a better place.
Wailing continues.
Brilliant.
Me: I know. I know.
They cried all the way home. They cried when we got home.
More wailing.
Tornado A: Teddy is dead!
My dad: Stop crying. Your mom is doing her best. Go get ready for bed!
More wailing. Brilliant.
Me: Um, Dad. They’re not crying because I made them come over. They’re not crying over video games. I told them Teddy died.
My dad: Oh, I heard “I missed my dad.”
Me: Yeah, no. I did not expect this.
My dad: Boys, dying is a part of life.
Me: Not helping.
My dad: He’s just a dog.
Wailing intensifying. Tornado A ran into his bed room. Brilliant.
Me: Not helping at all.
I went into my room to finish packing. Tornado A joined me.
Tornado A: Why did you tell me like that? I love that dog.
Me: I don’t know. I messed up. I’m so sorry.
Tornado A cried and cried. My mom tried to give him the lecture that Teddy was suffering and now he wasn’t and all dogs go to heaven and Teddy is in a better place and we’ll see him one day.
In Tornado A’s own words: That’s not helpful.
And it wasn’t because grief is hard. So I let Tornado A crying as I held him. Tornado S went to the comfort of texting his friends. After 45 minutes, Tornado A was worn out enough to sleep. I sent Tornado S to bed as well. Tornado E came home.
Now I was behind on everything and tired. So I had to cut out blogging and writing to get it everything prepared for the trip.
Brilliant.
The Dean Conversation
July 3, 2023 — faemomWe don’t do things in the usual order in this family. And by this family, I mean my tornadoes and me. I finished the FASFA months before Tornado E even applied to his one school. It took months to apply only because Tornado E thought he had to make a decision that could not be unmade and set a course for his life that he must follow for the rest of his days.
At his age, I had an anxiety attack at the thought that as I neared 18, life would continue at a break neck pace until, before I knew it, I would be 80, staring down death with nothing to show for it.
“Hey, Fae, don’t you think your over-reacting by just a little. We still have two months of school and a play to put on.”
“If anything, I’m under-reacting. I could be dead of old age soon!”
“Or dead tomorrow. Then I can get that codpiece for my costume that I want.”
*Snort* “You know what. Go to hell.* I stood up and marched off the stage.
Really, it runs in the family.
So today we toured the campus with all the other potential high schoolers who still had several months to decide to put in applications. My knowledge of the campus only extends to the library, a few lecture halls, and the stadiums. Tornado E is obviously going to need more information.
As we stood listening to why students would need to talk to the Dean of Students, I whispered to Tornado E.
Me: You’re only called in to the Dean of Students if you do something wrong. Like say get caught dying a water fountain.
Tornado E: But you wouldn’t know that.
Me: Ours tried to be very intimidating. Father S begged for forgiveness and blamed it on stupidity. I just took the punishment. Your Dean is very nice. She talked at the parent orientation last week.
Tornado E: Huh.
Me: Word of advice, be kind to secretaries, front office staff, and janitors. They are helpful. The Dean’s secretary was nice. When I turned in my apology letter and cleaning fee, I asked her how long this would be on our record as both Father S and I wanted to go to grad school. “Honey, he wants these files to last forever, but in four years, no one will ever know what you did.”
Tornado E: Stay out of the dean’s office. Check.
Me: Don’t dye this fountain. It’s much older than the one I did. And Father S and I were on the Dean’s List for our high grades.
Guide: So twice a week they bring in dogs for students to play with. Once the Dean brought in miniature ponies and capybaras.
Tornado E: Capybaras!
Me: That’s my boy!
Faemom 