I spent Friday through Sunday up in the mountain’s with absolutely zero cell service at a camp ground/music festival. I haven’t gone camping or attended a music festival since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. In fact the only music performances I have managed to attend were local shows at small dive bars and I could barely manage to stand through the single set of whichever band I was there to see perform. I don’t think I would have agreed to this trip at any point in the past since I’ve got my diagnosis, I wouldn’t have thought it was possible. This time though, my anti-depressants are working well, I had muscle relaxers to knock me out if I just couldn’t manage and I suspected that even if I couldn’t enjoy the music up close I could lay in my tent and still enjoy it. My plan was to rest as much as possible. I went up with my husband and one of his friends, both strong young men, and I left all the hard work to them. I offered my logic, organization and planning skills but did my best to leave the physical work to them. I was going to preserve all of my energy for the one performer I really wanted to see.

Before we left our car broke down almost exactly a week before we were supposed to leave. We had zero money to fix it. However, we called my husband’s boss who said he would get it fixed since he couldn’t afford to have my husband immobile. The car broke down on a Thursday and the mechanic didn’t come out until Sunday; he figured out what was wrong and gave my husband a quote. He was supposed to contact us that night with prices for a part he needed but we never heard from him. Meanwhile our friend needed to know whether he can buy the tickets to the event so we had to convince my dad to let us borrow his car in case ours wasn’t fixed in time. My dad’s an ass and apparently missed the lesson on sharing in kindergarten so this wasn’t an easy task but I did it. I think we finally heard from the mechanic on Tuesday; it turns out he had to take his girlfriend to the ER. He got the price of the part for us and agreed to be out Wednesday afternoon to do the work. My husband’s boss was suppose to come by and leave money with my husband on Wednesday for the mechanic and they were also suppose to swing by to pick up a payment for the company that we had hoped we would get some cut of since my husband had helped to make the sale. By this point we were eating old pasta with olive oil and some spices because it was literally the only food we had left and even that was almost gone. In the afternoon on Wednesday we called my husband’s boss after not hearing from him when we expected and he told my husband that his plans had changed and he wasn’t coming at all. Ummm…thanks for calling and the fuck how do we pay the mechanic? So my husband called the mechanic to let him know the payments late and when he finally gets a hold of him he says he can’t fix the car because the part need’s a bolt that comes straight from the car manufacturer which he didn’t know ahead of time, so he has to get that first. He’s suppose to come by early Thursday, the day before we have to leave. Since we got stood up twice Wednesday we use the time to pack for our trip. The mechanic called Thursday morning to let us know he will be about two hours late because he has to bring his girlfriend to work. He got here and started working on the car finally. My husband’s boss showed up and picked up my husband to get the payment. My husband has to leave the mechanic alone to work on the car. The mechanic finished the car before my husband returned. My husband came back and I found out the boss didn’t give him any money since he paid for the car. Yeah, I wouldn’t have chosen car over food boss man, thanks for not telling us it was an either or situation.

Anyway, we had a working car so we started trying to prepare for the trip the next morning. We knew we have no money, one past due bill and two due while we were away so we talked to my dad about borrowing (more) money for bills and food. He agreed and we were on our way to put some food in our stomach’s. While we drove we called our friend to let him know our car was fixed and to double check that he had gas covered like he had said since we had no extra. He didn’t answer. Then the phone rang and it was the mechanic, the first words out of his mouth on speaker phone as we were driving were “hey, are you driving right now?”. Not a good sign. Apparently, the mechanic, who told us how simple this job was, managed to get distracted and forget to tighten two bolts. He suggested we stop driving on it immediately. So before even getting the food we had left for we had to drive back home and wait for the mechanic again. At that point I was raging mad. I was at the peak of PMS, I had been stood up twice the day before, not gotten money I was expecting, the car was still out of commission the night before our trip, I hadn’t eaten a single thing that day and I am horrified of cars, you do not tell me a car is safe to drive when it is not, especially when I am paying you. When the mechanic returned my husband told him he wouldn’t want to cross my path in the future because there was a good chance he would end up shanked by a kitchen knife. At that point, it was a pretty accurate statement. I was also pissed at my husband’s boss for not paying him considering everything that had happened with my husbands job. I had snapped, I was talking about killing the bosses new wife and baby because I knew I couldn’t take him in a fight. Oh, hormones and legitimate rage, what a combination. Now I am calmed about the boss, but the mechanic would probably still get at least a good tongue lashing. He’s supposed to be a professional, called the job easy, and sent us off on a road trip when he hadn’t finished the job, so I still have some issues with the man. But finally the car was actually fixed. We were entirely packed and we were off to finally put some food in my belly. After grabbing food we swung by our friends house because we still hadn’t heard from him. He wasn’t there. We still couldn’t check to see if he had gas covered. We didn’t here back from him until I think around 9pm . . . and he didn’t have gas covered. At that point I figure we were completely fucked, we either have food or gas, so our friend is out over two hundred dollars in tickets. We were all flipping out a bit. My husband reminded me that my dad seemed to be offering more money for gas if we needed it but I reminded him that we now owe my dad 600 dollars. I was convinced the trip was fucked because even if we could make it I was in this foul mood that I have never been able to conquer in the past. As a last ditch effort my husband called his grandmother to tell her how broke we are, and that literally anything will help. She gave us enough to manage the trip but I still had no idea what I was going to do about my mood. I figured I could hide in the tent the whole time so I didn’t ruin the trip for everyone else. It looked like it was actually happening.

We had to get up around 5am. We got less then five hours sleep after the fiasco from the preceding days. We got there later than we intended and there was no place left to camp in the shade. I had already been stung or bit by something that burned intensely before we’d even finished setting up the tents. It was insanely hot and within an hour I felt like I was going to pass out every time I stood. That night our friend accidentally dropped a hot dab nail on my back. (If you don’t know what dabbing is: you heat a metal or quartz surface with a blow torch and press a cannabis concentrate to the nail which is secured within a bong; the metal or quartz piece you heat is called the nail.) The family at the campsite next to us became very inebriated and there ended up being a domestic violence issue. The following day our friend partied a little too hard and we ended up having to play nurse after he passed out repeatedly. On top of all that, people spent the entire trip shitting all over the port-a-potty’s.

Despite all of that, this ended up being the best camping trip I have ever been on if not one of the most incredible experiences of my life. The location was absolutely beautiful. At night time you would see groups of people staring at the stars. I have never seen so many stars in the sky. The music was awesome. I expected all the music to be very similar, it wasn’t, there were actually many different styles of music. When the live music wasn’t playing there was almost always a campsite playing something else awesome. We left all of our things unattended, constantly, our phones, our money, our clothes, our camping gear, and every bit of it came home with us. Every one was looking out for each other. When our friend passed out someone brought us water and stood with us until they were sure that our friend was okay. Everyone wanted to share everything, if you didn’t have food, water, or anything else someone was willing to help you. People were sharing there drinks and drugs more than I had ever seen before. The couple that got into it next to us were actually nice to us before things got out of control, they told us about a shady spot no one had camped in yet. Yeah we ended up right next to their drama the first night but it was a great spot and they got asked to leave the second day. The first day I was stiff and sore before I even left. I tried to work through it without a muscle relaxer. There was a woman selling chair massages for a dollar a minute and she was probably one of the best massage therapists I have come across. She lives near me and I got her number. However, by the evening I could actually watch my muscles spasming and I knew I wasn’t over reacting, that it was time to take the muscle relaxer. The second morning when I woke up my pain scale was going from 8 to 9 based on movement, but I took a really slow gentle stroll just after the sun came up, did some yoga and the mountain floor and was in better shape than when I left for the mountain. I felt good most of the second day but I started getting a little tight at night, a few hours before the performer I really wanted to see. I took one muscle relaxer and then another about an hour before the show. Before the trip I contemplated taking a few shrooms but was unsure about it with my paxil. When I remembered I was going to be taking flexeril too I decided it was definitely a bad idea. Then my husband tried some and they were super mellow. I took just a pinch of dust shortly after the second muscle relaxer and my pain was gone for the first 3/4 of the show I wanted to see. I got to dance…a lot. It was incredible. Towards the end of the show I got about as sore as I would standing completely still with no medication or drugs. It was so so worth it to be able to dance and enjoy music that much even for just a single set. The rest of the trip I was about as sore as I was when I got there but I didn’t care since I made it through the show. The friend we went with was friends with one of the bands so the second and third day we spent a lot of time at their campsite. They had some nice folding chairs, tons of shade and awesome goodies. It was just awesome people in an awesome environment with awesome music. I am super proud of myself for pacing myself with both my activities and my medications. I think I did absolutely amazing. I don’t think I have ever handled my fibro so well and this was such a risky environment for me. I really took care of myself but I also got to have fun doing something I didn’t think I would ever get to do again. I must admit there were times when I had to rest that I felt a bit left out, but then I just focused on what I was getting to experience and everything was magical again.

One of the most amazing parts was my mood and my anxiety. Being in new places doing new things by myself normally sends my anxiety soaring. I felt safe enough to wander around and go where I needed to go and do what I needed to do without having to ask my husband to go with me. I didn’t even need to set specific meeting spots when we separated; it was like “I’ll be in this area”, “Okay, I’ll find you” instead of “I’ll meet you exactly at this table right here.” When the guys were still sleeping and I was awake I wandered off to the camp fire and had conversations with strangers. I had conversations with strangers and I wasn’t squirming to get away. I was enjoying myself. I was happy. It seems like the people that attend this event are regulars and they start to become family. I can’t imagine how incredible it could be next year knowing what to expect and having already made some friends around the camp. I hope we can go every year. This weekend might have changed my life. I feel like I see the world differently now. I am so grateful for this experience.

Shot of the stage at the event.

I have a bunch of posts to read and catch up on and actually some other posts to write but this has worn me out. I can’t wait to finish catching up with you guys.