You know those moments when you just HAVE to write no matter how embarrassing or disjointed or scattered?
This isn’t one of those times.
Last time I spoke to the X for the first time in years… five years to be exact and I’m really impressed by the fact that it didn’t turn into a screaming match. The thing is I’ve always been quicker to be vicious than I have to be kind.
Naturally.
But I found myself saying to him that I’m sorry that he’s going through such trying time… mind you, I added the caveat that he’s the one who got himself into those situations… but I’m sorry he got himself there.
We were talking b/c he wanted a form from me saying that I won’t take away his rights to talk to the kids… in return for the permission that he granted me to change the kids last names.
Frank and honest I’m not going to be forced into signing anything. He’s spoken to B/BB once in 5 years and he has no right to make demands of me. Period.
I’m not upset or anything, more bemused. This is typical of his behavior. So is his attempts to garner sympathy from me. He asked for my help with getting the kids to accept his meager overtures and I said no. He sinks or swims on his own.
Because I’ve had to answer for him ENOUGH in this life. I’m not going to volunteer to do it more. I’m no fool.
He also told me I could call when ever I wanted to…I told him that I wouldn’t, but I’ll tell the kids that they’re free to call when they’d like. He seemed kinda out of sorts about that. He doesn’t seem to realize that I just don’t like him. I pointed out that he did me dirty and that as far as I’m concerned he’s a ‘bad man’ and that I’d rather not have my kids associate with him b/c I don’t know who he’s become in these years.
And I don’t want to know what sort of man he’s become. I will keep a close eye on his involvement with the kids, of course, and I’ll pull the plug when/if I think that he’s a bad influence but I think I’ll have to trust B/BB to be able to at least know that after ALL THE TALKING that we’ve done that their father isn’t the best role model.
Here’s to hoping.
a Clockwork Rabbit 