It's been a helluva year.
A good friend and barnmate lost her horse in January after a bizarre string of heartbreaking, demoralizing, emotional and unpredictable events. The horse was a frequent adventure buddy and friend of Hampton's.
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| Hampton and his late friend. |
The BFF just lost a horse of a lifetime, a gift of schoolmaster, to an eerily similar sequence of events. This horse went from healthy to dead in less than 24 hours. Small intestine torsions are no joke and if a vet tries to give you good odds for survival, I would seriously question them.
Grief is an interesting thing. It is fascinating to me to observe the ways people process it, and also try to navigate a friend going through grief.
I am not going to spew platitudes like "He is in a better place." "I know how you feel." "Keep fighting." I think people mean well when they say these things, but it just ... isn't helpful. Others send gifts, and others back away - unsure of what to say or how to navigate the situation. There are a handful who start giving unsolicited advice, judgement or one-upping your grief and situation. Even worse, others hit you with the "You should have ... " or "What didn't you do this ..." crap that is utterly unhelpful.
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| A pretty photo of Porkchop lol |
We all know losing a horse is not just losing a horse. You lose your best friend, you lose the dreams, goals, hard work, and the parts of your identity tied to the horse. Not to mention the money.
Grief - especially the raw days and weeks following such a traumatic event - can get very messy. It becomes ... muddy. Some people's puddles are bigger than others. Sometimes it is very uncomfortable to be around someone who is in the midst of raw grief. But everyone needs someone to sit in the mud with them. You might get dirty as well. It might be uncomfortable. But just sit there. In the mud. No agenda.
Not everyone will do it. Not everyone can handle sitting in the mud. You don't have to understand, you just have to be there. Presence.
Encourage forward movement, but if the puddle is still too muddy to crawl out of, just sit there.
