Standard Poodles, the Beatles, and Elvis
Have you ever met someone you admired from afar for years? Maybe a favorite musician or movie star?
I’ve always wondered how I’d react. I imagined I’d be dignified somehow, saying something clever and memorable, something the person might repeat on their talk-show circuit.
That fantasy went to hell in a handbasket the other night when I had the pleasure of meeting the author who can make me laugh no matter what: David Sedaris.
He came to a small, cool bookstore in town to launch his new book, The Land and Its People, which I’m certain will bring me great joy, until I remember this encounter.
There I was, sitting maybe four feet away from the man who had made me laugh with his antics for decades. The man who had me laughing uncontrollably while performing my civic duty: jury duty. The man who isn’t afraid to write about things that are undeniably funny yet well outside the confines of political correctness.
What happened?
I started sweating profusely.
Was it panic? Was my body reacting like one of those teenage girls fainting at the sight of the Beatles or Elvis? Or was it a heart attack?
Naturally, a heart attack was my leading diagnosis. But when a mint and a sip of water cured it, I revised my diagnosis.
I listened and laughed my way through the event.
Then, as I filed into line to get my book signed, I noticed my copy looked exactly how I felt.
The book has been in my possession for no more than 2 hours, and it somehow had a coffee stain on page three and a sticky cover with a slight tear.
If anxiety were a book, it would be this one.
I was calm as a cucumber in line, watching the interactions of all the patrons before me, no doubt having some witty, meaningful exchange with David.
This is when my inner coach was giving me the hype talk I needed. “You got this.” “David is going to love you.” “This is your moment.”
I approached the table. David said my name.
For a nanosecond, I thought he knew me!
Until I saw the post-it with LISA written with a black sharpie.
What came out of my mouth?
I have no idea.
Some sort of verbal recipe about standard poodles, the Beatles & Elvis.
Then, just as I was about to walk away, I asked what I thought was a decent question: “How did you choose the photograph on the cover?”
David looked up, we met eyes, and he thoroughly explained how it came to be with his trademark sarcastic wit.
In the end, you could say I got my dignified moment with the author I love and admire.
Unfortunately, it came after introducing myself as a malfunctioning garden hose, spewing random nonsense about standard poodles, the Beatles, and Elvis all over the room.
Enjoy the Ride!
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Crumpet the Elf Lives On
Please enjoy this little piece of Christmas merriment compliments of David Sedaris and NPR. It’s sure to put a smile on your face this morning.
Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris
Merry Christmas!
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Tag Your It!
MissFourEyes tagged me in this wonderfully fun project. Of course, as a new blogger, I am honored to be chosen to play along and get to know some of you a little better.
Here are the RULES:
- You must post the rules.
- Post eleven fun facts about yourself.
- Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
- Tag eleven people and link them on your post.
- Let them know you’ve tagged them.
FUN FACTS ABOUT YOURS TRULY:
1. I love watching Austin Powers movies…yeah baby.
2. Singing like a rock star in my car makes me very happy. (I don’t care who sees me).
3. My dog Chester is a wonderful listener; he can say “shut the F up” with his eyes; and then I become a good listener.
4. Being near a body of water brings me peace..preferably an Ocean or Lake.
5. Little kids make me laugh with their raw honesty. If a (3) year old says “your fat” chances are…….
6. David Sedaris is my favorite author. I laughed so much reading Naked during jury duty selection I was dismissed.
7. I don’t tolerate injustices of any kind.
8. I love watching people give powerful passionate speeches.
9. I love a really good pizza.
10. I love all genres of music, with the exception of twangy country songs.
11. I have a quick wit..appropriate and inappropriate.
QUESTIONS: Asked by the very delightful….Miss Four Eyes.
1. What do you really think about George Washington’s pants?
Let’s just say if I were Martha, I would insist that he wear black pants. Getting the white bright without bleach had to be a bitch.
2. If I gave you a penny, what would you do with it?
I would make a wish and add it to my change jar. My wish would be that it could breed with the other coins and multiply.
3. What is your toilet paper preference?
Anything that is actually on the dispenser (soft is the first choice). Replacing the empty seems to be an issue around these parts.
4. Would you live in a house made of candy?
Considering I have the willpower of a gnat and my mouth is already a dental Disneyland…NO.
5. What do you think is the best feeling ever?
When I am moved to my feet via the passion of someone’s speech or a song. Best feeling EVAH!
6. What determines a hot butt?
A butt with some substance…nothing flat.
7. If I gave you $100, would you eat a worm?
Well, if it was sautéed in butter and garlic yes, if it was just a worm..NO.
8. Would you work in a circus?
Absolutely Positively YES!
9. Do you really like high-fiving people?
No, frankly I don’t even care to watch others do it. Not my thang!
10. If you had a catch phrase what would it be?
Enjoy the ride!
11. What do you think about peeing on a fire hydrant?
I think it serves it’s purpose for dogs, however I don’t understand the attraction.
Questions …Questions…Questions: Take Your Time And Answer Carefully
1. Have you ever had a healthy obsession?
2. What is your favorite song and why?
3. What T.V. character best describes you?
4. What is your biggest pet peeve?
5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
6. What is the most interesting place you ever visited?
7. If you had a magic wand, and it actually worked, what is the first thing you would change to make the world a better place?
8. What do you like the best about your life? Least?
9. What is your definition of sexy?
10. What is your favorite quote?
11. Would you stand up against a wrong in a room filled with silence?
TAG …The Following Bloggers are IT!
“You Know You’re Borderline When…”
Life With The Top Down 
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