funformind

Why?!

Have you ever failed a class? Did you feel terrible about it? There’s always a time where you realize that everything you’re doing doesn’t make any sense at all. That is me with my major I don’t understand if it is really what I want I want to do or if it is just something to fill in my time. I honestly don’t understand what I am doing. I don’t know, I need direction in my life honestly.

There is a huge possibility that I might fail my first class. I am very upset but I am not stressing over it,  I am sad that I didn’t get my shit together in time. I tried I mean I really tried, I talked to my professor  I told himb my struggle and he said I could pass. Now I’m here at the end of the semester and I swear I am drowning, I am drowning and I cant get out. I don’t want to fail I have never failed a class and now I am going to fail a class, I mean I took 60+ college hours and I never failed anything. I’m so upset yet I am not. I deserve what I ever I get. I AM NOT STUPID I GET WHAT IS GOING BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE TEST I PASS OUT A LITTLE BIT EVERY SECOND! Maybe just maybe if I pass the final I can pass the class, I’m not sure though. I would really want some extra help but even when I study again when it comes to the test I pass out. I honestly want to pass. Okay let me just tell you I believe that if I do not pass cal now next semester I will not be able to take the classes I need and I will pass out. I mean I could always focus on taking classes for my minors. I have no idea what I will do. I’m just going to take it a day at a time. Right now I just need to focusing on passing my classes. I have 2 A’s a C (she’s going to curve it so it will be a B I hope) and a bad bad grade on cal. Well fuck me up and send me to jupiter. If I pass the final maybe maybe I don’t know I have a problem.

thanks for reading this.

-M-

funformind

Story Time Fun

My first day on the dance team

The Tryouts:

This dance team is for a soccer team, both teams are new and tryouts for the dance team weren’t really publicized as much as they should have. They had two house auditions and also they gave you the option to send in a video which would then be judged by the teams management, I sent in the video that my color guard choreographer helped me with. Honestly it was the worst video ever made. I did so many takes which made my back hurt and at the end it looked so bad. I sent in the video on a Thursday and for the whole weekend I waited and waited the whole weekend by Saturday I knew I wouldn’t make it I was okay with it but I was bummed out. My friend that was already on the team told me don’t worry about it wait until Monday that’s when we have practice. Monday came around, It was 4 and I still didn’t get anything. My mom’s friend was taking care of us, she took us to a pizza place to eat, my mom’s friend is also my best friends mom; we were eating having a conversation about life when I checked my phone and I got the text of a life time. It said that they were proud to say that I was a member of the 2016 dance team along with that it said that I had practice that day at 6! I was so nervous I wasn’t prepared! All types of anxiety ran through me!

My First Day:

Like I said I had turned into walking talking living ANXIETY! I texted my mom that she needed to pick me up asap! She was confused at first until I explained why then she got happy. When she picked me up we went to get my workout clothes and running shoes. The drive there felt too short I didn’t want to get off. The weird thing was the gym where practices are held is a 21 min drive from my house and it felt like 5 minutes. Finally after almost crying from the amount of anxiety I had I got off, the first hour of practice is when we work out with a trainer, she isn’t part of the team she just works for the gym that sponsors the dance team, she had no idea who I was luckily one of the captains, Amber, passed by when I passed by them. She knew who I was, my guess she was part of the decision making team. She told the trainer I was new and she out me straight to working out. Let me tell you I absolutely died! I HADN’T WORKED OUT SINCE MAYBE 3 MONTHS BEFORE THAT. After my friend was happy to see me we walked into the dance room and the director came up to me and shook my hand. She told me were just getting ready for a game right now just sit down and try to get acquainted with things, my friend couldn’t go to that weeks game so she was on the side with me teaching me some of the dances. Then she would take a break to explain what they were doing and stuff like that. There were two other girl on the side with us but those two weren’t doing anything. The main captain, Gigi, got annoyed and moved all of us literally the first day and she got mad at me. I was scared but you know I got over it. By the end of it I felt better I still felt like an outsider I don’t think that feeling ever went away maybe on the last two games.

There was plenty of times where I wanted to quit but luckily I didn’t. It ended up being one of the best experiences of my life and also the worst. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, all I knew was that on the soccer team there was attractive European pro soccer player. Let me tell you I met probably the love of my life just kidding the story with the soccer player was probably one of the most embarrassing thing to happen to me there are so many stories with that boy that he probably doesn’t even know of. IT’S ACTUALLY HILARIOUS !

If you’d like to hear about these stories or of any other stories surrounding anything in my life i am not only a dancer but I also enjoy history and computer science among many other things please give me a like, comment, or a share. Thank you so much for reading through this… I appreciate even the smallest things. Shout out to the people that have read my stuff you are a true blessing. Hope you’re having a wonderful day. 🙂

-M-

 

funformind

the beginning.

Hello!!

Here lies the truths within my mind. All that is right and all that is wrong. Here I will be able to let go of all my anger all my happiness and everything I want you to know.

So who am I??

I’m your ordinary college student, confused about life and scared for change. Let’s see I’m a first year student straight out of high school but with enough hours to be a junior. My major is computer science and I have two minors dance and history. I know a total mix of everything. I graduated distinguished I don’t know how though I procrastinated everything. My main focus during high school was to get first at state for winter guard which I did. For those of you who don’t know what it is here’s a link :

http://www.wgi.org/contents/What-is-WGI.html

Okay here’s the thing, I DIDN’T LEAVE HOME FOR SCHOOL. I HAD PLENTY OF OPTIONS OF SCHOOLS AWAY FOR AWAY FROM HOME BUT I STAYED! It’s the best and worst decision I have ever made in my life. At first I had decided that I would go to a school 11 hrs away but still in my state then I thought about it a little more and realized that the location of the school was not the city for me. I then wanted to go to a school only four hours away from home but when I stressed my self out and freaked out last minute and decided to stay here and go to the uni here. It’s a lot cheaper to live here and plus I tried out for a professional dance team and made it !! Quite a journey that was but I’m glad the season is over and I am patiently waiting for it to begin again! I’m not the best dancer but I will try very hard to get on the team again.

That just a little preview of who I am but there is a lot more I have to say and I’m happy to share it here!

-M-