“And I ordered my war cold, too!”

July 25, 2014 by funnyphilosopher

Russia takes aim at McDonald’s burgers as U.S. ties worsen

By Maria Kiselyova and Olga Sichkar; Reuters; July 25, 2014

MOSCOW (Reuters) – “McDonald’s burgers and shakes may become the latest victims of worsening ties between Moscow and Washington after a Russian consumer watchdog agency accused the U.S. chain of sanitary violations…”

Why must people vent to restaurant workers about things beyond their control?

“Plants are people, too!”

May 7, 2014 by funnyphilosopher

A woman’s will provides funds for trusty houseplant upon her death

The Wall Street Journal By James R. Hagerty 5.6.14

“…last year she put a provision in her will granting $5,000 for a friend to use in caring for the plant…”

In a press conference, the plant directed some comments to people like this:

“Ha ha ha!”

Drug Education Needed

April 25, 2014 by funnyphilosopher

Smartie sniffing hits York County

4th To 6th grades: Shallow Brook Intermediate sees rash of students using Smarties treats inappropriately.

By NIKELLE SNADER– yorkdispatch.com–4.25.2014

“…But in the past several weeks a ‘rash’ of students have been grinding the candy into a powder and ‘sniffing or smoking’ it, according to an email Walker sent to parents. Some students have also been sniffing crushed Cheerios, according to the letter…”

Kids, kids, kids: snorting a candy called “Smarties” does not make you smarter (although it will protect your teeth from the evils of sugar.) You’re supposed to snort your older siblings’ Adderall for that,

I Cannot Twist This to Make it Funn(y)(ier)

April 21, 2014 by funnyphilosopher

Food poisoning investigated food safety summit in Baltimore

Four people reported illness during April event at convention center

April 19, 2014|By Pamela Wood, The Baltimore Sun

“Health officials are investigating a possible outbreak of food poisoning during a conference on food safety at the Baltimore Convention Center…”

“Life sucks, y’all”

April 18, 2014 by funnyphilosopher

Zynga’s FarmVille 2: Country Escape Arrives on iOS, Android

By Angela Moscaritolo PCMag; April 17, 2014

Zynga's Farmville 2: Country Escape

In this version, you face poverty; competition from agribusiness; environmental regulations; Monsanto; contempt from your kids; climate change; backbreaking work; natural disasters; pesticides; and you’re pretty sure the words “Zynga” and “Android” have something to do with the Antichrist.

Thigh or Breast Man?

April 15, 2014 by funnyphilosopher

KFC Chicken Corsage Being Sold Just in Time for Prom Season