Ahem. Calling a good young Black golfer “the next Tiger Woods” because he’s a good young Black golfer doesn’t make it any less stereotypical when you put those words in a Black character’s mouth. Has anyone called Henry Barajas “the next Gabriel Vargas“? Didn’t think so.
How far back does Gil’s memory go? Is he thinking of the Tiger Woods who dominated professional golf for the entirety of the 2000s, the one who was the youngest to win the Grand Slam? Or of the Tiger Woods who was hobbled by injuries in the 2010s, the one who can’t be trusted behind the wheel of a car? Either way, Lucas would have to be much better at golf to be mentioned in the same breath, not some poor kid who decided to try golf instead of playing baseball this year. What’s with calling him a “poor kid,” anyway? He beat Gerads’ ass, spent some time in juvie for it, then transferred to Milford basically so that Gil could use him to intimidate Gerads? Not enough backstory to jump to that conclusion.
Lucas Martin’s future as a golfer may be uncertain, but if he can continue to pull off that disappearing/reappearing dreads trick, he might have a future as a magician.
I know you think you’re the Queen of the golfing grounds
You can
Send me dead rodents every morning
Send me dead rodents by the mail
Send me dead rodents at Beth’s wedding
And I’ll never forget to put roses on your gravvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee
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O Gang O Gang, what better opportunity to expess my love for my Rolling Stones than with a selection off of their blockbuster album, “Sticky Fingers”???? The song “Dead Flowers” is a fave among many Louisvillians due to its reference to the Kentucky Derby. Hey, when it slays the Gil, all the more reason to raid the vaults and bear it proudly for public domain. More fun than pursuing the Holy Grail.
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Gram Parsons was an excellent Rock musician who made tracks with groups such as the Rock heavyweight Flying Burrito Brothers.
But Parsons bored easily. He wanted in the worst way to crack the Nashville scene, given his love of Country music. But love could only travel so far. You didn’t just walk off the street and plop on stage at the Grand Ole Opry. Then there was the issue with his hair. You have a lot of long-haired male Country stars now(David Allan Coe comes to mind plus that perm artistry by Conway Twitty as well) but in the 60’s and early ‘70’s, the Nashville contingent were hellbent on not allowing any hippie Communist gracing the stage with the likes of Tom T. Hall or George Jones. This was unfair because Parsons was not trying to send any messages other than that he loved Country music.
Boy, when Emmylou Harris found out about how Nashville was mistreating Parsons, she went ballistic. And because she was well on her way to winning fourteen Grammys, Nashville listened. Her contention was, dammit, the man loves Country and wants to play it at fever pitch. Who cares what his hair looks like???? Do we blackball George Jones because he drank his way into a bitter divorce(which was true)???? Nashville backed down.
”Return of the Grievous Angel” is to die for. The duet of Parsons and Harris just sends me. Check it out.
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
”Milford Musicians Association Still Protests Gil And Mimi Crooning ‘Return Of The Grievous Mudlark’ At Milford Outdoor Amphitheater!!!!!!!!”
sub headline
”Doesn’t she tee off that day????”
REX ALERT!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!
Remember the movie called Masada???? It was about a small contingent of around 900 Jews who found themselves in a no-win situation with the Roman army around 73-74 A.D. They were trapped on this mountainous fortress mainly built by Herod the Great when he ruled c.37-4 B.C. The fortress is in the southeast part of present-day Israel, located in the desert overlooking the Dead Sea.
This small group of Jews had no chance against the powerful Roman army. It was a valiant effort but it looked like these Jews would have to surrender and be enslaved by the Roman government.
Then something unusual happened. These Jews poisoned themselves, all 960 of them, and snatched victory away from the Romans. What could the Roman army do now? To round this out, Masada is a UN World Heritage Site today, commemorating this noble gesture.
But isn’t that what Fatty Butt is doing???? Pulling a Masada on Sharp Dressed Oreck Man???? As she mentioned, if Snake-for-Ethics finally put two and two together and came up with the Bertha Butt Boogie, don’t you think other people will eventually sing the same damn tune????
C’mon, Snaky Ethics, if Candy is laying in the grass as if she had a severe case of diarrhea and you see a plate of brownies, a bowl of red onions, two cans of Alpo Chicken ‘n’ Grits, a London broil in Reynolds Wrap, and some Gala apples all splayed out on a picnic blanket, do you honestly think she contracted the poops digesting red onions???? That she OD’d on collared greens???? And how would a dog know how to use a can opener to indulge in Alpo or for that matter rip up the bag of Kibbles and Bits???? Use your head, Snake-for-Ethics. That’s what deductive reasoning is for. Candy ate the brownies which caused the pseudo-DOA in the same way that Grandma Moses, given her similar ability to figure that a fatass duck that walks like a duck and smokes Tarytons like a duck and pigs out on pepperoni slices like a duck, will finally conclude that by gum, it’s a fatass duck who will sing a duet in the near future with ol’ Mud on “Them Muddy Boots.” You can take that to the bank. Oops, perhaps the wrong way to put it, given the situation, but you know what I mean. You should have left this with Friday and Gannon and split it three ways. You could have still quit your day job.
As it stands, you can’t even finance a toothpick they keep in a little container by the cash register. Way to blow this golden opportunity, Mr. Snake-for-Ethics.
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This is absurd. I’m not even about to do Reductio ad Absurdum, a method of proving an argument correct by reasoning through the process of its opposite. Proving that nobody but nobody broaches Vegas odds in relation to high school sports???? We prove otherwise by coaxing Coach Dale to throw his paycheck away at the Hickory craps table in front of Jimmy Chitwood???? Have Roger and J.P. send their allowance to a bookie and the Angels in the Outfield go bankrupt with George Knox flashing a bull whip on their behinds to teach them to never raid the piggy bank when the Angels are projected 1,000,000 to 1 that the Angels will win their Division????
I do believe some idiotic notions speak volumes for themselves without my having to loan Coach Dale a Grant.
And I’m with Teenchy. I have fewer rays of hope and less confidence that we are going to escape from Plotline Hell if many rodents dominate much of the landscape. More or less.
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Well, we don’t think Ben or Willard will raid the Valley Conference Golf Tournament. I heard they sprayed #5 Dog Leg Left with several cubic feet of Janitor in a Drum. The putting should roll the same.
God bless you, Gang.
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Ericka and you sitting back
In your trash-filled Cadillac
Making bets on Kentucky Derby days
I’ll be in my office room
With old-fashioneds and a spoon
And some Delaware T’s to melt my pain away
Take me down, Little Mimi, take me dooooowwwwwwwnnnnnn…
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Afternoon Edition to the Milford Enquirer
”Keith Richards Denied Rumors Of Nuptials With Heehaw!!!!!!!!!”
sub headline
”They tol’ me that Heehaw nidded ta wayke up so me ‘n’ th’ band wawlked into th’ rume ‘n’ stawrted awn sum Dead Flowers. We even gayve hawr tikkets ta tha Kintuhky Dawrby cuz she lukked like she nidded ta get out uv tha casket Mimi’.”
Whats the lesser of 2 evils – not having to read more total BS about a sport I love and have played for decades, or going back to another day at school with the golf match over, and the opponent unnamed, and the result unknown? Looks like we have the latter.
I actually wanted to see how much farther Barajas could get from the truth about golf. Because he was farther away then the astronauts were from the earth. How he thinks anyone could just try golf instead of baseball to make a high school level team, and without any prior practice, even look competitive on one shot. Not to mention a coach patting him on the back after that one shot, which would barely represent 1.5 percent of his total shots for a 9-hole day given his zero experience. Not to mention the clapping from some unknown fans watching this match that takes place over a mile of acreage and has a busload of players from 1 team and god know how many others from the other team, if there even is one. And good old Lucas gets a “Good work” after a single shot that lands somewhere in the fairway. Is anyone else getting this attention? Unless this is completely an intermural sport that is instructional only, none of this action would ever take place. Even then, why would Lucas not want to play baseball, just so he can hack around for 2 hours a week and lose a year of eligibility at a sport he actually knows how to play? He can “try golf” after the baseball seasons over taking lessons from a real pro. Instead of this nonsense.
So today we have Keri who tried out for the golf team, and Inma, who didnt, (apparently) plus Isis, back at school. Well, didnt they just see Isis recently bringing food to her house? March 25 as a matter of fact. Kinda odd that they act like its been ages since theyve seen each other. Then Isis lets out a winner – Come to the restaurant if you get hungry…… Uh,…. werent the other girls just bringing food to HER HOUSE?? As I said before, the nonsense meter in this strip never takes long to ring again.
Before I dive in today, again I want to thank all of you gentle readers and bloggers who answered my call to fill us in on the history of the “Gil Thorp is bad at golf” trope. I especially want to thank Rob for biting the bullet and subscribing to GoComics to do the heavy lifting to find the original strip. There was a time when a membership wasn’t necessary to do that deep dive; that’s how I was able to piece together the Tobias née Tabatha Gordon backstory. That time is gone.
You gotta imagine Barajas has access to the entire run of Gil Thorp from day one in 1958, so when he makes reference to something that comes off as canonical the challenge is on us to figure out if he’s retconned something out of his ass or if it actually is canon. Especially if it’s 20th-century canon. For now the best we can do is look at what’s been published in the 21st. I’m kinda thinking tdrew and I need to chip in for Rob’s GoComics account, but I’m open to other suggestions as to how I – I mean we – don’t call BS on something that actually has precedent.
I was gonna suggest that those who cared consider dropping a tip in the TWIM tip jar to aid in this effort but this is the message I got when I attempted to do so:
Makes me wonder how we’re keeping the lights on. Hey Jason, if you ever look at this page, let us know if we can kick in, okay?
Enough of that; let’s snark on what we’re seeing today.
Lucky for Henry coed golf is now a thing; no need to try to keep multiple balls in the air and give more than lip service to those pesky girls-only and boys-only sports. This way a single sport has the attention of both writer and artist, and accuracy and attention to detail should improve as a result. Right? Right?
Doesn’t take us long to throw that out the window, though. We’ve shone enough light on Gil’s relationship with golf; now how about Tays’? What has he done to earn the right to do nothing but criticize Gil’s game and stand around with his arms crossed looking pissy? How is he not a “stranger to the green” and how did he end up a member of the MCC? It’s certainly easy enough to know how Marty isn’t. He’s done enough public harm to Mudlark sports, the coaches Thorp, numerous MHS students and himself to keep him at best a second-class citizen in Milford.
So wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, Moon, and get to convincing us that there’s a market for coed high school golf on the radio beyond the golfers’ parents.
Joined GoComics so I could research Gil being bad at golf. Found what I was looking for – July 27, 2001 Gil shot 145 in a practice round after deciding to enter the local club tournament. You shoot 145 youre badder then bad. But wait – Mimi works with him at home and after breaking his neighbors window with an errant shot (thats why you dont practice full swings in your yard) he gets 2 straight pars on August 3. Then in his first round in the tourney he shoots 28 over, or 100, playing with his wife. The leader shot 75. Then Gil shoots 90 in his 2nd round, so 190 total after 2 days, putting him about 40 shots behind. Then in round number 3 playing with Rein DeJong, (Martys dad) he improves 10 more strokes to 80, putting him somehow in the top 25. Then on August 23, 29 days after shooting 145, he scores a 71, birdieing the last hole to beat out the leader Gus Johnson who shot 82. Somehow all the other guys in front of him fell behind him even though by my count at least 18 players shot from 74-86 for 3 days.
And Johnson shot 74-75-76-82 for a total of 307 based on the leaderboards shown. Gils total was 341. Folks, we have a fabrication. You cant make this stuff up. I’m demanding Gil give up his trophy after 25 years.
If it wasnt enough nonsense that Gil improved by 74 strokes over a months time, we even have the scores to prove it. So there. Gil is bad at golf. Throw in the 145 and Gils average round is 97.2. The only trophy he would carry is his wifes.
On to todays strip – Gil and Tays are on the putting green doing drills- without the players in sight. Uh, isnt this supposed to be the players time to do this stuff? Gil looks like he’s leaning a bit as well. Hard to putt when you’re leaning backwards. And why does Tays say Gil is starting to get better when the point is TO MAKE THE PLAYERS BETTER BY COACHING THEM??
I saw comments on the ‘mudgeon recently to the effect that Barajas commented on GoComics that he has all the coaches calling each other “coach” out of respect. Funny, I still don’t see any of those comments. Maybe they’re now only visible to paid subscribers? For that matter, I can’t find those comments on the ‘mudgeon now, either. Maybe I’m imagining all this.
I also might be imagining that yesterday’s and today’s strips are just a big “sike!” to the legions who are ready for the syndicate to stick a fork in Gil Thorp. What, and put an end to this lather, rinse, repeat cycle of Milford v. Goshen v. Valley Tech in which all three schools have one person head coaching all the teams and the head coaches of the latter two live only to defeat the coach of the former? That not exciting enough for you? How ’bout if we sprinkle in a dose of ripped-from-the-headlines drama that never gets resolved? Add a token transgender teen ’cause Milford’s now seen as a haven for them.
Wait, we can’t leave out Peanut, who will turn out to be a natural talent on the links despite no training from either coach or parent and whose impact on the team will be blunted by missing matches due to some form of juvenile delinquency that would get any other student not named Thorp shipped off to juvie or Valley Modified. Am I leaving anything out? Lemme know in the comments. Time to sit back and let the wacky hijinks ensue!
I really wasn’t surprised that the Ziegfeld Follies actually turned out to be an April Fools dud. Not even Foghorn Leghorn squirted out, “That’s a joke, Son.” The Stanley Kubrick scriptwriting was a dead giveaway for me that we were due for Pearl Harbor, only it bombed without any noise.
Who the Hell in all honesty thinks Gil is going to walk away???? Who would replace him???? Coach Kleats???? Mr. Green Jeans???? Mr. Burns from The Simpsons???? A Kanamit leading the Girls Basketball team????
Speaking of Kubrick, George C. Scott always took his acting seriously; therefore, he reluctantly accepted a part in Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove as General Turgidson, a figure heavily involved in the maneuvering of The Bomb. Scott would accept the role if Kubrick agreed to eliminate many silly takes during the shooting of Scott’s character.
Ay, there’s the rub. One thing that always worked for and against Kubrick was his impulsiveness. One huge example was in the movie Full Metal Jacket. I can’t remember the original actor who played the drill sergeant but R. Lee Ermey, an actor and former drill instructor, served as technical advisor for the movie. When Kubrick was unsatisfied with the original actor’s interpretation of the role, he had Ermey to step in to show how it was done.
And wow.
Everything you saw Ermey do when he was ringing out the newbies on the first day of basic, including Leonard Lawrence, the doughboy who couldn’t do one pull-up, was all improvised and completed in one take. Kubrick’s impetuous instincts paid off.
But Scott was enraged when Kubrick let his boyish impulses take over to allow the silly takes infiltrate the overall landscape. Scott wanted to be Patton and wound up portraying General Halftrack. Scott vowed never to work for Kubrick again and kept his vow until the day he died.
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
”Coach Emily Vows To Never Work For Dr. Pearl Again!!!!!!”
sub headline
”Claims Dr. Pearl broke the silence on her activities in the bathtub with Ericka including Mr. Bubble fights.”
REX ALERT!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!
The excitement is still on parade; Lorna Blubberbutt has expanded her role as Diner Consortium Consultant. Now, she not only deftly serves black-eyed peas with a genuine sleight-of-hand, but when Nick’s Diner is not raking in the customers, it’s Miss Blubberbutt to the rescue to serve as technical advisor to address this shortfall in Nick’s Diner Meat Loaf consumption. I’m glad somebody is there to spell out the down and dirty as to why a scanty few are raiding the salad bar. I’m glad Miss Blubberbutt did her research.
Therefore, I’m disappointed that Mud Mountain Murphy is there to get practically kissy-faced with Miss Blubberbutt but Mud, much as we’re grateful that you have turned over a new leaf, Miss Blubberbutt does have a job to do. Waiting on tables to serve Nick’s Diner London Broil w/Au Gratin Potatoes, French Dictionary extra is a full time position; when you factor in her consulting duties on the feasibility of maintaining the juke box even during Taco Tuesday and it’s clear that she needs her space. Let her get out the calculator without any further harassment. Performing mode, median, and mean is hard enough but when she has to scratch your back to remove the pimples and fleas, it’s difficult to figure standard deviation on the number of times Seger’s “Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man” is being played by the juke box when she has to wipe off your ketchup spills.
Let us hope Lorna remembered to change the batteries in the calculator.
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Gang, enough is enough. This knee-slapping humor isn’t good for my heart. Somebody go ask Blubberbutt for a Tums.
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Slim Pickens loved working for Kubrick. He was in several Westerns and was on great terms with John Wayne.
But Pickens wanted something different. Kubrick knew it. Pickens played the pilot who was to drop The Bomb; in fact, Pickens, proficient in the rodeo growing up, rode that Bomb in the movie all the way to his death and loved every minute of it.
He said everyone addressed him as Slim instead of “hey you” after he appeared in this flick.
At Milford Comedy Caravan
”…and I asked him ‘Would you help me fix this flat?’ and he answered ‘What do I look like, Slim and Ericka massaging the H-Bomb until it nukes Valley Tech????’”
Im jumping ahead to P3 with my post title – so Coach Tays is infering that the golf pro at the local country club is gonna have time with everything else he has to do at the club, to coach the golf team at Milford. Yep. And the moon is gonna fall out of the sky next week. (I dont mean THAT one.)
I just cant get over how little Barajas and the artist know about any sport they attempt to cover. Now we will have all the golfers in the universe guffawing over the myriad of errors made in a 3-panel comic strip about golf. And its not only the lack of basic knowledge about the game, its about the logistics of how a high school goes about the business of running their sports programs.
Long before a season begins, a school hires a coach for said sport, who is also a teacher at the school, so said coach can devote proper time and energy to all the elements of coaching the team, as well as prepare for the upcoming season. The time to decide all this is not while 2 coaches for another sport are out on the course, one swinging a club and the other just standing there with some green glove on, wondering if the club swinger is fit for the job, just because he is swinging a club right now. Nobody that plays golf does what these 2 are doing. If Gil were to take his backswing he’d clunk Tays right under the chin.
Doesnt Gil have a baseball team to coach these days? Yeah I know, Tays is saying dont quit your day job. But what kind of capable golf coach (OR ANY GOLFER FOR THAT MATTER) holds a club like Gil is holding it in P1 and 2? Where the hell are the rest of the clubs? The bags? Again we have Gil addressing a familiar person to him by their formal title. The KIDS call him Coach Tays. Not Gil! More basic shit Barajas is fumbling. Who cares about Mimi at this point? I know the setup is so Gil can try to beat Mimi at another sport since she just kicked his ass in hoops. But lets get the easy stuff right first, then worry about repeating a tired storyline. The freakin golf pro doesnt have time to coach a high school team. You hear me Barajas?
This Week in Milford 