Back on March 27, we were told “this year’s golf program is going to get very interesting!” When exactly did that happen?
On April 14, there were enough kids standing around the first tee to fill a short bus. How come we only ever saw two of them play?
Both Lucas and Dorothy learned from the best. They learned to keep their golf gloves on when shaking hands. Meanwhile Gil stays identical from P1 to P2 less getting his left arm amputated and a slightly different handshake grip.
Whichever member of the Gil Thorp brain trust is responsible for lettering should run Death Valleys ’til they puke for adding the superfluous comma in Dot’s last word balloon in P2. Instead of telling Gil not to call her Shirley, she’s calling Gil Shirley and telling him not to call her, period. Surely Leslie Nielsen is rolling over somewhere.
Monday being Memorial Day, expect an awkward holiday strip with even more awkward artwork. Whigham’s “Gil Thorp, Flying Leatherneck” is becoming a distant memory.
Tuesday? Peanut’s latest social justice crusade: battling the climate change in the Valley that turned Farmyard Golf Course from green to brown to the barren desert it is today.
At this stage complaining about the art is like beating a dead horse, especially since neither the art nor the horse get better.
It has occurred to me more than once that, by making Emily increasingly fatter, squatter and generally repulsive with each successive drawing, Merrill is trying to create some visual shorthand for Barajas’ writing Emily as increasingly bitter, spiteful and generally unsympathetic. That doesn’t explain why Merrill can’t draw the character – or damn near any character – consistently. It also doesn’t explain Merrill’s latest fascination with drawing everyone with little tiny shrew eyes. I mean, I get it, Emily’s a shrew, but is everyone else?
Today we continue down that path as, under the guise of sportsmanship, Gil asks Emily if she’s coming to his and Beth’s wedding. Em’s response lacks emphasis but implies that she’s coming solo. Gil asking why Ericka can’t come seems innocent enough, as he probably has no idea there’s any trouble in Lesbian Golfer Paradise. Not to Emily, who immediately decides she needs to twist the knife and insult Gil’s golf, or golf coaching, or golf-adjacent something-or-other. Good thing she doesn’t have eyes in the back of her head to catch Gil’s little limp-wristed backatcha pose.
Taken as a whole, this little encounter just serves to reinforce the ongoing narrative that Gil has moved on and is happier with his post-divorce life than the one who initiated the divorce. Now if the strip could just move on and not make Emily and her obsession with her ex-husband one of the main plot devices. Leaving her in the Arizona desert, with occasional glimpses into her career and relationships, would’ve been more believable than bringing her back to the Valley, having her take over in the same role as her ex at her ex’s most bitter rival, and becoming obsessed with defeating him at every turn. Before you say “well, she just wanted to stay close to her kids,” remind yourself how she doesn’t do jack with them and basically blames Gil for anything that goes wrong in their lives.
I know you think you’re the Queen of the golfing grounds
You can
Send me dead rodents every morning
Send me dead rodents by the mail
Send me dead rodents at Beth’s wedding
And I’ll never forget to put roses on your gravvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee
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O Gang O Gang, what better opportunity to expess my love for my Rolling Stones than with a selection off of their blockbuster album, “Sticky Fingers”???? The song “Dead Flowers” is a fave among many Louisvillians due to its reference to the Kentucky Derby. Hey, when it slays the Gil, all the more reason to raid the vaults and bear it proudly for public domain. More fun than pursuing the Holy Grail.
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Gram Parsons was an excellent Rock musician who made tracks with groups such as the Rock heavyweight Flying Burrito Brothers.
But Parsons bored easily. He wanted in the worst way to crack the Nashville scene, given his love of Country music. But love could only travel so far. You didn’t just walk off the street and plop on stage at the Grand Ole Opry. Then there was the issue with his hair. You have a lot of long-haired male Country stars now(David Allan Coe comes to mind plus that perm artistry by Conway Twitty as well) but in the 60’s and early ‘70’s, the Nashville contingent were hellbent on not allowing any hippie Communist gracing the stage with the likes of Tom T. Hall or George Jones. This was unfair because Parsons was not trying to send any messages other than that he loved Country music.
Boy, when Emmylou Harris found out about how Nashville was mistreating Parsons, she went ballistic. And because she was well on her way to winning fourteen Grammys, Nashville listened. Her contention was, dammit, the man loves Country and wants to play it at fever pitch. Who cares what his hair looks like???? Do we blackball George Jones because he drank his way into a bitter divorce(which was true)???? Nashville backed down.
”Return of the Grievous Angel” is to die for. The duet of Parsons and Harris just sends me. Check it out.
Today’s Headline in the Milford Enquirer
”Milford Musicians Association Still Protests Gil And Mimi Crooning ‘Return Of The Grievous Mudlark’ At Milford Outdoor Amphitheater!!!!!!!!”
sub headline
”Doesn’t she tee off that day????”
REX ALERT!!!!!! REX ALERT!!!!!!
Remember the movie called Masada???? It was about a small contingent of around 900 Jews who found themselves in a no-win situation with the Roman army around 73-74 A.D. They were trapped on this mountainous fortress mainly built by Herod the Great when he ruled c.37-4 B.C. The fortress is in the southeast part of present-day Israel, located in the desert overlooking the Dead Sea.
This small group of Jews had no chance against the powerful Roman army. It was a valiant effort but it looked like these Jews would have to surrender and be enslaved by the Roman government.
Then something unusual happened. These Jews poisoned themselves, all 960 of them, and snatched victory away from the Romans. What could the Roman army do now? To round this out, Masada is a UN World Heritage Site today, commemorating this noble gesture.
But isn’t that what Fatty Butt is doing???? Pulling a Masada on Sharp Dressed Oreck Man???? As she mentioned, if Snake-for-Ethics finally put two and two together and came up with the Bertha Butt Boogie, don’t you think other people will eventually sing the same damn tune????
C’mon, Snaky Ethics, if Candy is laying in the grass as if she had a severe case of diarrhea and you see a plate of brownies, a bowl of red onions, two cans of Alpo Chicken ‘n’ Grits, a London broil in Reynolds Wrap, and some Gala apples all splayed out on a picnic blanket, do you honestly think she contracted the poops digesting red onions???? That she OD’d on collared greens???? And how would a dog know how to use a can opener to indulge in Alpo or for that matter rip up the bag of Kibbles and Bits???? Use your head, Snake-for-Ethics. That’s what deductive reasoning is for. Candy ate the brownies which caused the pseudo-DOA in the same way that Grandma Moses, given her similar ability to figure that a fatass duck that walks like a duck and smokes Tarytons like a duck and pigs out on pepperoni slices like a duck, will finally conclude that by gum, it’s a fatass duck who will sing a duet in the near future with ol’ Mud on “Them Muddy Boots.” You can take that to the bank. Oops, perhaps the wrong way to put it, given the situation, but you know what I mean. You should have left this with Friday and Gannon and split it three ways. You could have still quit your day job.
As it stands, you can’t even finance a toothpick they keep in a little container by the cash register. Way to blow this golden opportunity, Mr. Snake-for-Ethics.
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This is absurd. I’m not even about to do Reductio ad Absurdum, a method of proving an argument correct by reasoning through the process of its opposite. Proving that nobody but nobody broaches Vegas odds in relation to high school sports???? We prove otherwise by coaxing Coach Dale to throw his paycheck away at the Hickory craps table in front of Jimmy Chitwood???? Have Roger and J.P. send their allowance to a bookie and the Angels in the Outfield go bankrupt with George Knox flashing a bull whip on their behinds to teach them to never raid the piggy bank when the Angels are projected 1,000,000 to 1 that the Angels will win their Division????
I do believe some idiotic notions speak volumes for themselves without my having to loan Coach Dale a Grant.
And I’m with Teenchy. I have fewer rays of hope and less confidence that we are going to escape from Plotline Hell if many rodents dominate much of the landscape. More or less.
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Well, we don’t think Ben or Willard will raid the Valley Conference Golf Tournament. I heard they sprayed #5 Dog Leg Left with several cubic feet of Janitor in a Drum. The putting should roll the same.
God bless you, Gang.
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Ericka and you sitting back
In your trash-filled Cadillac
Making bets on Kentucky Derby days
I’ll be in my office room
With old-fashioneds and a spoon
And some Delaware T’s to melt my pain away
Take me down, Little Mimi, take me dooooowwwwwwwnnnnnn…
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Afternoon Edition to the Milford Enquirer
”Keith Richards Denied Rumors Of Nuptials With Heehaw!!!!!!!!!”
sub headline
”They tol’ me that Heehaw nidded ta wayke up so me ‘n’ th’ band wawlked into th’ rume ‘n’ stawrted awn sum Dead Flowers. We even gayve hawr tikkets ta tha Kintuhky Dawrby cuz she lukked like she nidded ta get out uv tha casket Mimi’.”
Whats the lesser of 2 evils – not having to read more total BS about a sport I love and have played for decades, or going back to another day at school with the golf match over, and the opponent unnamed, and the result unknown? Looks like we have the latter.
I actually wanted to see how much farther Barajas could get from the truth about golf. Because he was farther away then the astronauts were from the earth. How he thinks anyone could just try golf instead of baseball to make a high school level team, and without any prior practice, even look competitive on one shot. Not to mention a coach patting him on the back after that one shot, which would barely represent 1.5 percent of his total shots for a 9-hole day given his zero experience. Not to mention the clapping from some unknown fans watching this match that takes place over a mile of acreage and has a busload of players from 1 team and god know how many others from the other team, if there even is one. And good old Lucas gets a “Good work” after a single shot that lands somewhere in the fairway. Is anyone else getting this attention? Unless this is completely an intermural sport that is instructional only, none of this action would ever take place. Even then, why would Lucas not want to play baseball, just so he can hack around for 2 hours a week and lose a year of eligibility at a sport he actually knows how to play? He can “try golf” after the baseball seasons over taking lessons from a real pro. Instead of this nonsense.
So today we have Keri who tried out for the golf team, and Inma, who didnt, (apparently) plus Isis, back at school. Well, didnt they just see Isis recently bringing food to her house? March 25 as a matter of fact. Kinda odd that they act like its been ages since theyve seen each other. Then Isis lets out a winner – Come to the restaurant if you get hungry…… Uh,…. werent the other girls just bringing food to HER HOUSE?? As I said before, the nonsense meter in this strip never takes long to ring again.
As they try to put the heartbreaking loss to Valley Tech behind them, Keri and Inma carry groceries across an open field to an enormous house. Today’s strip cries out for the MopMan treatment:
Now for the actual strip:
So we know Isis and the Pillar family got a visit from ICE recently, and it wasn’t to help them get through TSAPreCheck. Whatever happened didn’t get them sent to Alligator Alcatraz or South Sudan or keep Isis out of the next game. It did rattle Isis enough to have a bad game against VT. Unlike her mother, who looks none the worse for wear, Isis still looks like she’s afaird to stick her head outside.
That, of course, may have less to do with her immigration status than it does with Keri Thorp, Sexual Omnivore, who checked their neck at the door and now swoops in for the attack. Isis is giving off serious Edward V in the Tower of London vibes here.
The whole situation as presented raises two major questions:
What exactly happened between the Pillars and ICE that has forced the former to stay at home, except for their daughter who still seems to be able to go to school and shoot hoops?
What exactly is in those grocery bags? From here the contents look to include two baguettes, a feather duster, a pitcher of beer from Barney’s Pub, a head of collards, a large green butterfly, a human heart, and some sentient oranges. (The daughter of one of teenchy’s neighbors is currently attending Syracuse; home on winter break, she referred to her school’s mascot as “a sentient orange.”)
Gil’s reference to “here” and “here” makes me guess they’re all supposed to be looking at something like a clipboard or tablet. There’s none to be seen and all eyes are on Gil’s face. Meanwhile he’s talking about a player who’s not even in the huddle. Where, then is Inma? Wrong answers only, and keep it clean.
But the way he’s talking? This is actually legit chalk talk. A hard hedge happens when a defender who is being screened steps forward to try and stop the ball handler’s momentum. Here are some examples, which might illustrate it better than I can describe it.
I am so impressed by this that I will overlook Merrill’s cut/paste of the last two panels.
Less sloppy artwork the past couple of days (well, Mimi excepted) and some actual sports lingo that’s appropriate to the situation. Do you reckon B&M had a come to Jesus meeting with the syndicate? Do they anticipate Death to Pachuco: The Paperback not being a big seller? And whatever happened to Gil Thorp: The Graphic Novel? Talk amongst yourselves. teenchy out.
[I mean, Pearl’s not gonna kill ’em So like, if I give ’em a quick short, sharp, shock They won’t do it again Dig it? I mean they got off lightly ‘Cause their dad’s the biggest man in Milford I did the same thing too! It was only a difference of caught and not, innit? But really, who tries this stunt a bright yellow car at night, eh?]
They and we It means much more than plot continuity Her and she Things won’t go back to the way things used to be
What can I say? it’s just Henry’s way Bigger fish to fry Just paying the bills ’til Pachuco sells This strip will die
Now we move on to the fallout from Keri’s grounding and suspension. Was she suspended from school or just from the basketball team? Reply hazy, try again. Now we see true Gil Thorp “coaching” in action. When the team is at full strength, he’s on the sidelines; when the stars are suspended, he leaves Ochoa to clean up the mess. Good thing she has experience with jayvee super subs, having been one herself.
Too bad the artwork doesn’t support the dialogue. Easy enough to call this another Strother Martin moment, but this isn’t failure to communicate on Henry’s part. The dialogue in P1 matches up better to the artwork in P2, where a New ThaYER player appears to be driving to the basket. (Nice to see a Valley team other than Milford, VT and Goshen for once, even if their name’s screwed up on their jerseys.) In her drive to the basket, Lopez appears to knocked the Milford girl’s face clean off.
In yesterday’s comments, faithful TWIMer hitorque mused that, in the old Thorpiverse, this suspension would get the full Marty Moon treatment. Wishful thinking now that Marty’s been turned into an emasculated recovering alcoholic (whatever happened to his daughter, BTW?) who drinks with Gil’s rivals. Jackie Carter, however, may have created an opportunity for exactly that as she spills the tea on the air. How much of this would’ve been public knowledge and how much of it would have had to been spilled by the Milford sports information department? Also, who is the severe-looking blonde with the headset sitting next to Jackie? Fox News covering Valley hoops now? Talk amongst yourselves. teenchy out.
This Week in Milford 
Hard to dribble with a facehugger clamped onto your head
Now we move on to the fallout from Keri’s grounding and suspension. Was she suspended from school or just from the basketball team? Reply hazy, try again. Now we see true Gil Thorp “coaching” in action. When the team is at full strength, he’s on the sidelines; when the stars are suspended, he leaves Ochoa to clean up the mess. Good thing she has experience with jayvee super subs, having been one herself.
Too bad the artwork doesn’t support the dialogue. Easy enough to call this another Strother Martin moment, but this isn’t failure to communicate on Henry’s part. The dialogue in P1 matches up better to the artwork in P2, where a
New ThaYER player appears to be driving to the basket. (Nice to see a Valley team other than Milford, VT and Goshen for once, even if their name’s screwed up on their jerseys.) In her drive to the basket, Lopez appears to knocked the Milford girl’s face clean off.In yesterday’s comments, faithful TWIMer hitorque mused that, in the old Thorpiverse, this suspension would get the full Marty Moon treatment. Wishful thinking now that Marty’s been turned into an emasculated recovering alcoholic (whatever happened to his daughter, BTW?) who drinks with Gil’s rivals. Jackie Carter, however, may have created an opportunity for exactly that as she spills the tea on the air. How much of this would’ve been public knowledge and how much of it would have had to been spilled by the Milford sports information department? Also, who is the severe-looking blonde with the headset sitting next to Jackie? Fox News covering Valley hoops now? Talk amongst yourselves. teenchy out.