I have learned a lot about medication in the past couple of weeks.
Mostly, don't take Lunesta along with Advil cold and sinus. You'll sleep for days. In fact, I am getting ready to go back to bed.
Also, the MRI came back clean. So that's good. For me.
I am not sure if that's appropriate. But I made Chickpea Cutlets from Veganomicon this evening. I smoked us out of house and home. We don't currently have a range hood, and I am thinking this will be my project Sunday. They turned out really well.
I am heading to Door County tomorrow to do a girls weekend with some of my boxer rescue girls. It's an annual thing and I can't wait. We typically go to a winery during the day. Come back, veg, eat, swim (after waiting a half hour of course) and hot tub. Then we continue to eat and drink. Sound like the perfect weekend? I hope you are jealous.
I think I am going to take one of the dogs on a ride, get cigarettes, and then go to sleep. I even got laundry done today. How much do I rule?
Not much, I know.
I am sooooo seepy. I am hoping that I can go to bed within the next half and hour. Last night I made the mistake of taking a different pill at 3 am. I looked and felt like a zombie today. I am hoping that I fixed it tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to see a neurologist for my migraines. I have been keeping a kind of diary lately, and of course I haven't had a head ache. Not that I would ever wish for a migraine, but I feel like I should have a recent one to go in with, or something.
I am so tired tonight that I actually skipped practice to sleep. I was really in the mood to hit too, but I neeeed sleep. I seem to like my eeeee's tonight.
I'm thinking this is the dumbest post evah.
My apologies. Actually, I don't give a fuck. I don't need to make sense.
I've heard about this sleep. You get to close your eyes, your body and mind repairs itself, sometimes if you're lucky, you get taken away to dream land. If you are really lucky you have good dreams.
Me...? I know nothing of this sleep. Sleep is something that has been coming to me as a struggle. A fight. I think that between yesterday and today I have slept a total of 5 hours. I feel rather narcoleptic. And actually it was probably a total 7 or so hours, I took a nap after work. I have dreams occasionally, and I wouldn't call them nightmares but they are all fucked up. Like my mom has Cosmo's head and it' all makes sense. Or fucking stupid shit like I am roller skating at work. Which isn't that hard to interpret.
So, about the fight between me and sleep. I've enlisted an assistant. It's name is Ambien. Or the generic version. I am feeling rather sleepy. So I am hoping that it is working.
I'm also up and down and up and down. It sucks so bad. It's like I have no recovery time, and in my current state, this isn't a good thing. I actually think I am going to head to bed.
Night My Little Charmers...
I am pretty sure that I don't belong intermingled with the general public. It's not a good thing. I am not sure what has happened but some where a long the way, manners have become optional. I cannot believe how many people no longer use simple things such as "Please" and "Thank You". I don't know how many times I held the door for someone today and didn't receive acknowledgement. (And I know, I shouldn't be polite for the acknowledgment but a "Thank You" isn't that hard to spit out). No joke, in the grocery store a woman asked if I was planning on getting out of her way anytime soon. I guess she'd rather say that then "Excuse me". Fuck.
The day wasn't a complete wash. I found four pair of jeans at Old Navy. I did break my resolve to not buy new clothes (buying from thrift stores) but now my old jeans will go to Goodwill, so it's not a complete loss.
I also discovered Amy's Toaster Pops. Like Pop-Tarts, but vegan. They are delish. The filling is much more pie-like than I remember Pop-Tarts being. Try them. Or else.
So as my five readers know, I have been in a little bit of a funk lately. I have been dealing with depression for a while now and going through some changes (I got my period!!! lolz). That sounded funny. What I meant is we are adjusting meds and all kind of fun stuff. In light of this, there are a few things that I think people should know.
1. First off, it's more than being "down" or in a bad mood. It's not like being sad. In fact, unless you've been there it is almost impossible to explain.
2. When a person is diagnosed with depression, they can't just snap out of it. The last thing some one who is depressed wants to hear is why they shouldn't be depressed. I know I have a decent job, a decent husband (most of the time), dogs I love, a sport I love, and a cause I love. I know I shouldn't be depressed.
3. It's not fun to be depressed. We aren't doing it to get attention, to be emo, or because it's cool. No one wants to be depressed.
4. Some people talk very openly about their depression (sometimes me) and some people hide it. Don't push it.
5. It's hard to live with/be friends with/work with some on who is depressed. Here is a really great website with some information.
So...there you have it. Word to your moms.
That's the only word I can use to describe myself right now. I seem to be stuck in this fucking mood that I can't seem to shake.
The Alkaline Trio song Mr. Chainsaw has a verse that sums up my general sense of being:
Practice tonight was rough. Holy man am I sore. I am almost as sore as I was the first time I practiced. We were doing a lot of endurance and speed drills tonight. Which is good because I definitely need to work on that. I think I am getting faster but it is hard to tell. Captains don't often get compliments, they give them. I wonder if some one could tape practice so I could see.
Then when I get home late like this, I am still all wired from practice and hungry. Makes it hard to sleep.
That was a little whiny and woe is me like. I don't want to be woe is me.
I also think that it is important you know that I hate Activia commercials. Seriously, eat enough veggies and fiber and you'll poop. And what exactly does irregular mean? Are we talking frequency? Shape? Amount? I think it is just a stupid way to say constipated. Eat. Veggies.
I am not even sure where my train of thought is right now. I don't think that it has even pulled into the station . Good night my little lambs.
...going on here. I am a little bitter because my tattoo was infected. Not bad or anything, but it will require some touch up work now. Word of advice for anyone thinking about getting any ink done, never assume how an area will heal. Always ask. I thought his location (inside upper forearm) would be a breeze to heal. Little did I know that every single time I bent my elbow, the tattoo would open, bleed, and just generally not heal. I should have asked. Otherwise it is cool as hell. D says that aside from my Spot tattoo, this one is his fave.
It has been bitterly cold here. I am pretty much done with winter, and it's not even February yet (okay tomorrow is, but technically it's not yet).
Cosmo is doing fantastic. He is still taking aspirin, but other than that, he's as normal as he will ever be.
Over and out.
I get asked this question all the time. Like veganism is a disease. I believe Alabaster Mom was once asked "Why are you like that?" to her being a vegetarian. Same thing really.
I have taken to answering like this. I wouldn't eat my dog, or your dog, or your cat. I wouldn't take their young, steal their milk, and leave them in concrete gestation crates. Therefore, I think it is pretty logical that I wouldn't treat any other animal that way.
And it does get old really. I was at a team dinner and the question came up a lot. I don't ask anyone why they choose to eat meat or cheese or any other item.* For the record, it's things like this that make vegans snap.
I know that dealing with new people will potentially cause this to arise any time I eat with them, and I think my answer above covers it.
*I know that I'm being asked this because it is different than the norm. I get it. It's still annoying.
I meant to post something really prolific and thought provoking today.
I've got nothing.
2008 was a pretty piss poor year. I am glad it is over. I don't really do resolutions, but I did put together a 2009 reading list for myself. Maybe then I will be thought provoking.
I doubt it.
Has come and gone. I haven't had a cigarette in that long. Wow. Holy fuck.
So, do I feel better? Not really. I guess my endurance has kind of increased and stuff but not so much that I am noticing a huge difference. Maybe it will be different when we actually start normal practices.
I've been skating at least three times a week and going to Fight Club! at least once, usually twice a week. Fight club is awesome! It's held at the local grappling club, so not only does it smell like sweaty, shirtless men - the sweaty, shirtless men are there! The eye candy while working out is fantastic. Fight club is essentially circuit training. It's fun. If your idea of fun is sweating and stinking and hurting.
This is a dumb blog entry. I'll try and be better at this.
Margin Walker.
Thank you Miss L for teaching me the ways of the blog.
Losers are (in case you were wondering) asshats who leave comments on my blog such as "You're a fucking idiot" and don't leave names. FOAD KTHXBYE.
Could some one please tell me how to make it smaller? I don't know what I am doing wrong and I think I messed something up on my template. I don't even like posting because I think my blog looks poopy. I don't like poopy blogs.
Or something like that.
It's been four weeks today. I won't call it a month until I hit the actual date, but things are going very well. I went out the other night and had a couple of beers. Did okay with that. Again, I feel like the "I still haven't smoked" posts are getting boring.
The farmer's markets have started, which makes me vair happy. I got some spinach and tomatoes today.
I live the life of a rock star, I know.
Yeah. I am a horribly boring person. I haven't smoked for 21 days, which is cool. But, like I have said in the past, I feel dumb announcing every single milestone that I hit now. What is fantastic is that a very good friend of mine has her quit date set for tomorrow. So, I am very happy that I will be able to provide a little guidance and support.
I am still having horrible insomnia. It has to be from the lack of nicotine, because I have been off the Chantix now for over a week. I have even stopped drinking soda after 6 pm. (I may have a slight diet coke problem).
Our last bout is coming up this weekend. I am glad to have some time to rest, since there are sore muscles that won't get better with out time off. I am also a little sad. I am not sure yet if I am going to try out for the traveling team (An all league team that travels nationwide to compete). Part of it is I am not sure I am good enough yet. Another thing is the cost. I am not sure how much the league covers and how much is my expense. I know I am going to continue to practice over the summer, I definitely don't want to have to retrain. I also want to work on my endurance since my lungs should get clearer and clearer week by week.
**I want to start this post by apologizing to any of my readers who have children. This post does not refer to you as you would never say any of this to me. I like your kids, I love my step-kid, this is just a random rant that I need to get off my chest. **
I hear this all the time, ending with all sorts of comments. "Must be nice to sleep past 6am on a weekend". "Must be nice to be able to go to [insert destination here]". "Must be nice to be able to buy [insert item here]". These comments are usually followed by: "The kids would never let me sleep that late" or "Sally has soccer this year, so we're saving for that".
I just have something to point out here. No where is there a law that says you have to have children. It's not a requirement, there are no "childless police", and and those of us who don't want kids aren't weirdo's. I have mad a conscious decision not to have kids. This was something DH and I talked about at length prior to getting engaged. I really never wanted them and he didn't want another one. (Also, I am sure that if at some point I would have changed my mind, he would not have denied me that experience. I have yet to have an urge that lasts more than a couple seconds.)
Lots of people ask me why I don't want kids. Honestly, I'm not sure. I like to sleep in. I am extraordinarily selfish. I like toys. I like vacations. Until about 5 years ago, I thought a dog would tie me down too much. I'm very lazy. I dislike suburbia. I would be a horrible example and I don't know, I guess I just knew I never wanted them.
Before some one comes in and tells me everything I am missing, or that I will never be fulfilled unless I reproduce, let me say something. Don't. I've heard it all. I think I lead a pretty fulfilling life and I don't think anyone else has the right to tell me what should make my life complete.
The other thing is at this stage in the game, I don't think we could afford a kid. Oddly, this isn't a consideration most people have prior to pumping one out, but I do. Sometimes I feel like it's hard enough to take care of myself. This is why I have a hard time getting excited when people tell me they are pregnant on "accident". WTF does that mean anyway?
The other argument that drives me completely insane is the "we wanted to try for a boy/girl" crap. This shouldn't come as a surprise to any one since I believe gender is a sham, but could you be more selfish? "I really just wanted some one with whom I could play catch." Um...am I the only one who has a problem with this statement. Even better is "Every one needs a daughter so they can see them get married".
The people I feel the worst for in this situation are my own parents, especially my mother. She really wanted to be a grandma. Sometimes I think that's the only reason that she had kids. We weren't easy and quite frankly I can't believe she had another one after me. Thankfully, there are a lot of people near her that keep having babies, so she has an endless supply of surrogate grandkids. And I think she finally understands that I stand firm in my decision.
Karl is a friend of mines (Alabaster Mom) big, black, fluffy dog. She adopted him from the Humane Society and he's funny. I was asked to blog about his toes.
Karl has toes. His toes have black nails. Black nails are hard to cut because you can't see the quick and you could make his nails bleed. Regardless of this, Karl will not let you anywhere near his feet, much less his toes to cut his toe nails. Karl makes a funny noise and runs away and kind of growls when you try and touch his feet. Karl has to go to the vet every once in a while. (Twice a year folks!) He hyperventilates when he sees the building and when he gets his nails trimmed he has been known to poop, pee, and express his anal glands. This probably stinks a lot. Karl also still has dew-claws which sometimes get stuck on the afghan. That would be a bitch.
This is all I know about Karl's toes. The end.
That's how I feel. Annoying. Okay not entirely true. I walk a fine line between annoying and perpetually annoyed.
I picked up Spot's ashes today and I am now trying to find a picture to fit in the urn. There's a fun way to spend a Wednesday. I feel like I have been blogging non-stop about him, so I am going to move on to other topics.
If any one feels the urge (shameless plug ahead) I am participating in the annual Big Brothers and Sisters of Northeastern WI Bowl for Kids on Saturday. I am looking for donations. A donation of $10 or more and I will blog about what ever you like. You can make donations here: DONATIONS!!! I love bowling, but I suck at it. No big woop.
So yeah, that's all I seem to have for today. If you would like to read a truly good blog, check out Alabaster Mom. Her entry for today was hilarious!
I made the decision and I committed. I should maybe be committed, but that's for another post.
I am going to join the women's roller derby league in Appleton, WI. http://www.foxcityzfoxz.com/
I have been looking for a from of exercise that I would actually enjoy doing. I don't like to move a whole lot. But I loved skating when I was younger. I am going to give this a try.
I think it suits me. The website says this: So if you are or know of any bad ass bitches, undercover bitches or girls
who wish they were and want to learn how to be bad ass bitches "The Fox Cityz
Foxz" is for you. We can teach you to skate but we can't give you the attitude,
you'll have to bring that with you.
I think I have attitude. :) DH thinks that I am going to get my ass kicked. I am not sure he's wrong, but I do think that it is worth a shot. And we get to pick out fun names like "Britnee Smears". Any thoughts on a name for me, leave them in the comments section!
I'll let you know how Thursday goes.
