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Posts Tagged ‘parody’

The Hangover

Posted in Art & Photography, Humor, Parody, tagged birthday, Dog, dogs, drunk, Grimm, hangover, Humor, parody, Pets, photography, pit bull, the hangover on February 17, 2013| 22 Comments »

Today being Zella’s fifth bithday, I got up early to wish her a happy one and see what she wanted to do today. Apparently, the woofers decided to celebrate her birthday a little bit early. I don’t know what the heck happened last night, but I awoke to find four passed out canines, all in some state of disarray–Grimm was naked, Charley was covered in rope toys, Rufus was buried under Grimm and Zella was missing teeth. When I woke them all up, no one could tell me what had happened. They all had conveniently developed a case of amnesia.

What the heck? Where did your teeth go?

I happened to see my camera lying on the couch, definitely not where I had left it. Maybe some clue to the canine exploits was hidden in its memory. I scrolled through the pictures and…OH MY WORD! I have some very bad dogs. Seeing the pictures, though, helped to trigger the dogs memories of the events leading up to this morning. Be warned…what you are about to see and read is not pretty.

The woofers decided it would be great fun to take a road trip for Zella’s birthday (without me, it seems).

The first of their many crimes involved the attempted theft of my car. They all thought it would be awesome fun to take a road trip for Zella’s birthday. Somehow Rufus decided he was driving while Zella rode in the back like she was Miss Daisy or something. However, being unable to reach the pedals and appropriately work the gear shift, they gave up the road trip idea.

Rufus is clearly drunk in this picture. He can’t even sit straight.

Since the road trip was a bust, they all decided to get drunk instead. Zella had the bright idea of using her favorite retrieving toy as a beer bong, thus making the chugging of the alcohol that much easier. Even though all the dogs are technically minors, they again violated the law and drank until they were completely sloshed.

Zella thought her toy would make an excellent beer bong with just a few modifications. You can tell by her eyes that she is already fairly under the influence already.

After being totally and completely inebriated, Zella wanted to tell all her stuffed toys how much she loved them. She started to get a little paranoid and then worried they would leave her for some other dog. Then she got mad at her toys, saying they never loved her…ever…and that she saw them eyeing the other dogs in the house. How could they treat her this way, when she gave them so much of herself, sacrificed so much for them? She then proceeded to eat the face off her (former) stuffed puppy dog. Grimm had to intervene before it got too ugly and the police were called out for a domestic disturbance.

Zella was feeling a little paranoid that all her stuffed toys were going to leave her.

Grimm, who at this point was also completely inebriated, decided that he would take Zella’s ex-toy under his wing. Since Rufus was passed out on the couch, Grimm didn’t have his wingman anymore, so the little faceless stuffed dog would have to do.

Grimm decided he would befriend Zella's ex-toy.

“It’s okay, little faceless dog. I’ll be your buddy. Girls are stupid anyways. Who needs ’em? **Hiccup** It’s just you and me now. We have each other. Shhh…don’t cry, little stuffed dog. Hey, where did your face go?”

Charley, who I thought had more sense than to be suckered into this cesspool of delinquent canine behavior, paraded around modelling the assorted canine rope toys as a new version of a boa. Apparently, he also started singing show tunes as loud as he could and almost broke a hip trying to dance a drunken Charleston. Eventually, he passed out still wearing all the different ropes–why just wear one when you can wear all three?

Apparently Charley thought the rope toys made better fashion accessories.

I never did find out, though, what happened to Zella’s teeth. I swear they were there yesterday. I haven’t found any yet, no blood and there is no photo evidence to help me solve the mystery. I did, however, figure out why Grimm was naked this morning and not wearing his collar. He apparently decided to give it to his new buddy.

Grimm, in his drunken generosity, gave his collar to his new friend.

What a crazy bunch of dogs I have! They are, however, all very ashamed of their delinquent behavior and promise not to get drunk ever again. Here’s to a happy fifth birthday, Zella. Hope you have a fun day sleeping off your hangover and that you and your wolfpack stay out of any more trouble. Now I know what to get you for Christmas…two front teeth.

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Game of Bones

Posted in Humor, Parody, Play & Recreation, tagged Bone, Dog, dogs, Game of Thrones, Grimm, Humor, parody, pit bull on September 15, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Fall seemed to blast into central Texas today. It was actually cold (only a high of 75 degrees) and raining off and on. I dread taking the dogs out on days like today because of the mud factor. The drought has killed off most of the Augustine grass that used to carpet the front part of my back yard, which means that the sparse native grass doesn’t completely cover the clay that is exposed. With the rain, the clay has turned into the consistency of thick peanut butter, which is awfully fun to clean from dog paws–and by awfully fun, I mean just awful. I figured, if we’re gonna get dirty, might as well go all out. So I let all three of them sniff and explore to their little hearts content in the land surrounding my house.

I live in a neighborhood that was developed over old farm and ranch land, so occasionally I find some interesting things when digging in the dirt or when the rain washes some of it away. Today, Grimm found himself an awesome old bone sticking out of the dirt–the humerus of a cow. He pried it loose from the dirt and mud and proceeded to parade it in front of Zella and Charley. Never mind that the bone was old, brittle and dirty. Grimm had it and they wanted it. So, the game of bones began.

Zella tried brute strength–she tackled Grimm and grabbed the end of the bone sticking out of his mouth. They toiled back and forth, but no matter how hard Zella tried, she could not get a firm enough grip on the condyle portion jutting from Grimm’s mouth. In frustration, she gave up. Grimm taunted her some more–come on, come get this from me…if you dare!

Since brute force wasn’t in her favor, she tried a new tactic more in character with her sex–intimacy. She ran up to Grimm, mounted him and thrust so hard against him that she knocked him down to the ground. Now, I know in dogs this is more about dominance and, in Zella’s case, frustration. Her assault, however, caused Grimm to drop his bone. Grimm jumped up, momentarily forgetting the bone, and proceeded to wrestle with Zella.

While this skirmish was playing out, Charley watched from the fringes. As soon as the bone fell from Grimm’s mouth, Charley watched for the perfect moment to dart in for the steal. As soon as Grimm went chasing after Zella, sans bone, Charley skulked in and started gnawing on the bone. Grimm heard the scrape of tooth on his prize and ran back to liberate his haul. Grimm ran up and wrenched the bone from Charley’s grasp. The bounty was his! The game of bones was won!

Watching them struggle to gain the bone was exactly like the canine version of Game of Thrones. There was deceit, sexual overtures and dirty, grueling battles. The only thing missing was a dwarf–maybe next time we’ll invite the neighbor’s chihuahua to the game. I finally stepped in and took the bone for myself and hosed all the dogs down. I cleaned off the bone and let Grimm have a few moments of kingly glory. After all, winter is coming–the bleak days ahead will not be favorable for playing the game of bones.