this is me now

Seriously, I Love them. Show me any crazy, looping, 100-ft dropping, twisting, turning Rollercoaster….and I’ll hit it up. And enjoy every second.

But this rollercoaster I’m on right now? Not a fan. At all.

The ride started in August, when I decided to jolt a 3 year Relationship at the same time I was moving to a new state and starting off the 10-month-unpaid-internship Life. Let’s add unparalleled levels of stress (so far….), adjusting to life on a Budget and trying to salvage the long-distance relationship into the mix. Sure, that sounds rational.

Between work, homework, training, traveling, adjusting, and trying to stay within the budget while still enjoying city-life…..I think I lost a few things. Like, um, my sanity. Honestly. Some days I feel like a completely insane version of myself.

Then, somewhere in the middle of all of that, I realized I love this field (good thing too; a Useful Degree is a happy degree).  I really love living in a city.  I love that there are Ridiculous amounts of Penn Staters around here, and I’m excited at the possiblities of New things (i.e….a job, apartment, happy hours….).

I miss having my best friends (i.e. my Roomies) around. When I do get to spend time with them, I dread going back to my new Reality. There are people around here I like too, but, I just want to feel “settled” somewhere.

I miss being 100% Sure (100% of the time) that the choice We, and then I, made was the right one. This comes and goes, in large waves. Sometimes they’re manageable, and sometimes I have no idea how to handle it. There are days when the whole being “single” concept is exciting and a little refreshing, and some days when I miss that happiness more than I know how to deal with. I guess three years of memories, friendship, and fun random adventures together will do that. And I guess being even a little bit patient with the whole situation would help immensely. I’m working on that.

On the up-side, I’m completely in love with working in downtown DC right now. We walked about a mile yesterday during lunch and were greeted with the White House and strings of blooming Cherry Blossoms. Then we walked half a mile in the opposite direction after work and met up with some people for Happy Hour in Dupont Circle. Ooooh city life. I heart you.

Oddly enough, the day is ending on a little high. It certainly didn’t start that way, but thats the excitement of a rollercoaster. You go up and down and never know when the turns are coming, but eventually you get to the end….and think ‘Ah, what a riiide.’