A Flood of Seascapes

Rain Passes, Sea Glitters, acrylic on panel, 30 x 30 cm, 2021

Or whatever the collective noun for seascapes is. Anyway, after having lived by the sea for quite a few years but never painted it, I’m now painting it obsessively, even though I live further from the sea than I’ve ever done. Perverse! Or perhaps it’s a bit easier to process now I’m not faced with the vast sublime spectacle of it every day.

Rain Clouds Passing, Early Evening, acrylic on panel, 35 x 40 cm, 2021

I guess it’s true of other things, that it’s easier to digest them and figure out what they mean to us some time after we were immediately confronted with them. Sometimes a thing is just too big, or too complex for us to get our heads round it, or it brings up difficult feelings that we’re just not ready to process at the time, or maybe we take it for granted and we don’t realise how special it is until it’s gone.

Storm Fading into the Twilight, Shingle Glimmering at my Feet, acrylic on panel, 50 x 60 cm, 2021

When I lived by the sea I never once took it for granted. Every single time I set eyes on it I thought ‘wow’, it never once lost it’s power to impress and delight me. And it is so big, so unfathomable, so alien, that it can act as a great receptacle for all our thoughts, feelings, ideas and all the other ‘stuff’ that goes on in our heads that we want to chuck at it. It can mean anything we want it to mean; it can be benevolent, healing, terrifying, vengeful, playful, sexy. We talk about it and treat it with the kind of reverence and mysticism that we talk about our gods.

Rain Clearing, Dusk Falling, acrylic on card, 20 x 30 cm, 2021

I was less than a minute’s walk from the beach when I lived in Ibiza and the same in Whitstable. At the end of each day I used to wander down and stand on the shore looking out at the dark surface of the water, sometimes glittering with the reflected light of a full moon, sometimes noisy with restless waves stirred by the wind and at other times utterly black and still and silent. I’d say my prayers to it, for want of a better term. I’m not a Christian, nor do I follow any other particular spiritual path, but I felt compelled to fling out a fragment of my self into the water, like a little pebble that went plop. I never knew if anything else heard or acknowledged my words; if it did, great, and if there is no God and we’re just an accident of freak chemical reactions, well, I’d feel compelled to do it anyway.

West Beach After Heavy Rain, acrylic on panel, 20 x 30 cm, 2021

Elhampark Woods

October – Elhampark Woods, acrylic on canvas board, 30 x 60 cm, 2021

Last autumn I was staying with friends in the UK just as the second lockdown was introduced. The weather was lovely so we decided to have a day out before the new restrictions started.

Our first port of call was Elhampark Woods. In the low, slanting light of late autumn the trees were glowing and the leaves aflame; it was a quite unremarkable stretch of woodland but everything was looking magical in that sunlight. It was very still, and the sky reflected in the water of a woodland pool looked like a mirror; endless and bottomless, like Cocteau’s mirror-portal to the underworld in Orpheus.

The landscape in winter can be great to draw and paint; bare branches and stems create all kinds of interesting shapes and patterns – but I am ready for the froth of spring again and everything becoming softer.

‘As Kingfishers Catch Fire’

Just a photo of my big ‘ol face today, I’m looking forward to when we can finally take our masks off and walk around showing our faces again. I get the masks, we need to wear them, but it’ll be so lovely to see people properly once more.

The title of this post is from one of my favourite Gerard Manley Hopkins poems, As Kingfishers Catch Fire. I love this poem, not only for its dazzling first line, but for these spellbinding words at the end of the first stanza:

…’What I do is me; for that I came.’

Whilst i’ve not suffered during the pandemic like many people have, the last year has certainly affected my mood and how I feel in myself. Sometimes I’ve felt more relaxed, without the pressures that existed pre-Covid, but sometimes I’ve felt anxious, adrift and fearful of the future. This line from the poem is like an anchor that helps me keep my feet on the ground – I just have to be me, that’s why i’m here, that’s what i’ve got to contribute.

It’s been useful to refer to during this time of crisis, but I wish I’d read this poem when I was a young teenager as well. There were times then when I felt unsure, lacked confidence, lacked a clear sense of self. These words would have provided a useful steer through the sometimes choppy waters of adolescence.

Gerard Manley Hopkins was a Jesuit priest as well as a poet. His poems often celebrate the richness and diversity in nature, richness and diversity that are God’s creation, a reflection of his greatness, and, therefore, something to be praised. Every individual living thing has a place in the world of this poetry, everything has value. It’s an approach to life that is full of humanity, and one that is much needed right now, when so many have been buffeted by the various storms that have passed over everyone in recent months.

Here’s an example; the wonderful Pied Beauty, a poem that celebrates all that is unusual and different, and a lovely counterpoint to the increasingly mean-spirited, suspicious and judgemental atmosphere that appears to be growing in the UK at the moment –

! hope things return to the gentler ways of being that I think were more widespread some time ago. I might be seeing the past though rose-tinted specs but I remember my home country as being more at ease with itself a while back. A bit more pied beauty please!

Winter’s last gasp

Jan photographed through a sheet of ice, Saturday 20th March, 2021

Winter was still hanging on last night, but it feels as thin and brittle as this sliver of frozen water we found on our walk yesterday. It will melt away at the slightest bit of warmth from the sun, or from Jan’s breath and not return for many, many months. I’m glad, i’m so ready for spring, but I do love the painterly effect the ice produced when I photographed things through it yesterday.

Here in Berlin, Spring comes late compared to the UK, and often quite suddenly. I prefer the softer, gentler Spring in Britain. In this part of Germany everything dies back so completely in the winter, by March the landscape looks dead and blackened. Then Spring arrives, and within a week you can almost see the plants and seeds growing, and almost hear them say ‘right, we’d better get cracking, come on!’, and everything shoots up. I think this will come next week as the temperatures rise up the high teens, it’ll be all systems go. The first signs are there already, in amongst the leaf litter.

Violets growing in the Naturpark Südgelände, Berlin, yesterday

Each morning I usually read a poem over breakfast. I have a lovely book called A Nature Poem for Every Day of the Year, edited by Jane McMorland Hunter and published by Batsford. Not surprisingly, all the poems at the moment are about spring. There are many different responses to the new season in the poems, and I can tell that my reading of them is so coloured by my experience of the Covid crisis over past year. There were some lovely comments on the blog yesterday (much appreciated, thank you!) , from people who had experienced similar feelings during the pandemic and the Covid restrictions. It’s like we’re seeing everything through the filter of a sheet of emotional ice. But perhaps this filter will melt away if things become more positive over the coming months.

Today’s poem is a few lines taken from Shelley’s Queen Mab and it expresses some hopefulness and optimism that is very welcome against the backdrop of the news broadcasts that remain quite gloomy still –

From Queen Mab, canto IX, lines 165-170, by Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822)

Though storms may break the primrose on its stalk, Though frosts may blight the freshness of its bloom, Yet Spring’s awakening breath will woo the earth, To feel with kindliest dews its favourite flower, That blooms in mossy banks and darksome glens, Lighting the greenwood with its sunny smile.

Spring Equinox

Early Spring by the Copse, mixed media, 12 x 16 cm

I’ve heard quite a few people say, over the last year, that they’ve lost track with what day it is. Without the office or workplace to go into during the week, without the kids going off to school, and the social outings that punctuate weekends, the days all run into one. I’ve felt it too, even though I work from home and my routine has not been as disrupted as for many.

For some, after getting accustomed to this new way of being, they found they rather enjoyed it. They would work when the felt like it, eat, sleep and do recreational stuff when it felt right, even if this was at completely different times than they had usually done particular activities. But for others they felt rather discombobulated by it; cut adrift, without the anchor of their usual weekly structures to keep them grounded. I’ve gone through periods when I felt I was coping just fine, keeping busy, quite content with life being different for a while. And at other times my mood has sunk, and I yearned for my life to coalesce into a clearer, more defined shape.

But, all the while, the natural world around us is getting on with it regardless. Migrating birds come and go, flowers bud, bloom and set seed, seasonal fruit and veg appear in the shops. This has also stirred mixed feelings for me. On the one hand, it’s been good to be reminded that we are part of a much, much bigger world that will continue to keep turning, despite the difficulties of the pandemic. On the other, it reminds me of how much world there is out there and how little of it i’ve been seeing; I want to hitch a ride with the migrating birds!

This lovely spring poem by Emily Dickinson touches on some of these feelings; the passing of time, the transience of moments, and how each one of us, and each other thing in the world, is travelling along its one, unique journey, with a schedule all its own. Sometimes we move in step with others for a while, an hour, a day, a decade. But just as often we diverge from other’s trajectories and don’t meet again for a while, or ever. How precious the moments are when we touch somebody, or something else, beyond ourselves, before our orbits go spinning off again along different paths.

Acquisition No. C24785

Over the last year I’ve been taking part in a creative challenge called The Kick About over on my friend Phil Gomm’s terrific blog Red’s Kingdom. Every fortnight a contributor proposes a prompt – a painting, story, piece of music, anything really – and then anybody who wants to join in responds in whatever way they feel inspired to do. Phil gathers all the responses together into a blog post, along with the next prompt, and so on.

The Kick About posts have never failed to lift my spirits during this rather gruelling and unnerving year of the pandemic. People from all over the globe have submitted all kinds of responses to the prompts; animation, photography, short stories, poetry, and even (my favourite) contemporary crochet :-).

The most recent prompt was Ole Worm’s cabinet of curiosities, or Wunderkammer. A great jumping off point this one, and you can see the results on Phil’s blog here.

My contribution was a short story called Acquisition No. C24785 which I recorded and submitted as an audio file. The prompt stirred childhood memories of visiting the local museum in Rotherham where we lived when I was very small and which always filled me with awe with its marvellous collections of all kinds of weird and wonderful things

It’s a small world 2

Tower Garden, monoprint & collage, 12 x 18 cm, 2021

Making more very small images this week, less than the size of a postcard, but i’m finding it quite satisfying for some reason. This is partly because the sheet of acrylic I’m using to make monoprints is quite small itself, so that is a bit limiting. But, despite the size, i’m enjoying it. I’ve always like very small images, like miniatures, and tiny rich landscapes such as Samuel Palmer’s early work and William Blake’s etchings illustrating his poems. I saw an exhibition a few years ago of Samuel Palmer’s paintings at the British Museum and they blew me away, absolutely stunning, intense little objects. I like large scale too, although I really don’t like most of the huge public art that is starting to appear more and more often in cities and across the landscape. I have to come out and confess i’m not a fan of the Angel of the North, sorry!

And With Him Came the Birds 2, monoprint & collage on paper, 8 x 15 cm, 2021

It’s a small world

Sentinel 2, monoprint & collage, 20 x 20 cm, 2021

Our worlds have become quite a bit smaller over the last year and, this week, my work has got smaller too. I’ve been making tiny monoprint collages, the size of a postcard or smaller. I never really make large scale work, but these are little, even for me. I do like big, immersive images that sweep you away into their own universe, but I’m just as fond of very small paintings; they can have a richness and power of their own, different, but equally as satisfying.

Sentinel 1, monoprint & collage, 24 x 30 cm, 2021

I wanted to do something different this week, to keep my making fresh, so I limited the images to three or four collage elements, trying to allow the monoprint textures to do their own thing as much as possible, adding a minimal amount of direct painting to suggest a door or window. The patterns and textures that emerge from the monoprints lend themselves to seas, skies and rocks, so I made a series of mini-landscapes, each with a tower or folly of some sort.

Six Towers, mixed media collage, 20 x 26 cm, 2021

I think of the towers as sanctuaries or refuges, places of safety and shelter, or possibly as beacons, with braziers on the roof to send signals across the landscape.

When I was a child my parents would often drive to Lincoln, about 18 miles north of the village where we lived. The A15 to Lincoln follows an old Roman road, dead straight across Lincoln Heath, and about half way, a strange landmark called Dunstan Pillar appears. Dunston Pillar is a tall stone tower, build in 1751, and, originally, with a large octagonal lantern on top. It was, in effect, an inland lighthouse, guiding travellers through the darkness, helping them keep to the right road. It was built because, at that time, the country round about was dangerous, with treacherous bogs to the east and robbers and highwaymen stalking the drier ground. The light, glowing in the darkness must have been a heartening sight to those travelling that lonely road back in the day.

Sentinel 3, monoprint & collage, 20 x 26 cm, 2021

With the advent of GPS, structures of this sort have long been obsolete, but they do make wonderful landmarks, especially out in wilder country. They draw our eye, and touch some other, deeper, older sense, a yearning for sanctuary at the end of the day perhaps, a refuge to cling to in an uncertain world.

Sentinel 6, mixed media collage, 20 x 20 cm, 2021
Sentinel 5, monoprint & collage, 20 x 26 cm, 2021
Sentinel 8, mixed media collage, 20 x 20 cm, 2021

‘But the forest IS queer’ part 1

Beech forest, Brandenburg, Germany

‘But the Forest is queer’, or so said Merry Brandybuck in Chapter 6 of Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring. He was telling Frodo and his friends about the strange and rather forbidding woodland that faced them as they passed out of The Shire on their journey east to Rivendell.  

One of the many, many things I love about The Lord of the Rings is Tolkien’s use of the word queer. Firstly, he uses it SO often; 9 times in the first chapter alone! He finds endlessly different ways to apply the word, to people, places, feelings, situations – pretty much anything and everything can be queer in the LOTR universe. It is such a rich and varied use of a single word. 

As a gay man, ā€˜queer’ is a word that I’ve had a particular connection to for most of my adult life, but it is Tolkien’s liberal sprinkling of it all over his great work that is probably my favourite use of it in literature. Again and again ā€˜queer’ is used to describe something out of the ordinary or not easily explained. The meaning of the word itself cannot be precisely pinned down and hence it remains beautifully nuanced throughout the book, no matter how many times it appears. For example, when Merry is describing the Old Forest to his friends he tells them how the paths through the wood seem to ā€˜shift and change from time to time in a queer fashion’. In another example, when Frodo first meets Strider at The Prancing Pony, he doesn’t take kindly to the Ranger at first. Strider doesn’t blame him; Well, I have a rather rascally look, have I not? said Strider with curl of lip and a queer gleam in his eye.’ 

Some uses of the word may make us smile today, if not snigger, as Farmer Maggot says goodbye to Frodo and friends and declares ā€˜it’s been a queer day and no mistake’. There is also writing to delight anybody who has ever felt a bit ā€˜other’, such as in Chapter 1, when the Gaffer is standing up for the Baggins’s during a discussion in the local pub; ā€˜If that’s being queer, then we could do with a bit more queerness in these parts’ – here here Mr. Gamgee! And one my favourite lines, when Merry tells the gang ā€˜We don’t want to go that way! The Withywindle valley is said to be the queerest part of the whole wood – the centre from which all the queerness comes, as it were’.  It sounds like my kind of place.  

LOTR was written between about 1937 and 1949 and ā€˜queer’ certainly had various meanings by then. It was already in use as a term to describe an aspect of gay subculture, namely gay men who self-identified as more conventionally ā€˜masculine’. But it became a much more pejorative word later in the 20th century until it was reclaimed in the 1980s by activists who sought to challenge homophobia and prejudice against people with HIV and AIDS. It was also used by the more radical end of the LGBT community spectrum to set themselves apart from the ā€˜gay’ movement which they felt was too cosied up to the liberal conservative mainstream. 

Today, queer is everywhere, it’s meaning having broadened to include an ever-wider group of minority identities. Perhaps the meaning has evolved into something a little closer to the way Tolkien used it in his writing; unusual and hard to pin down. 

I don’t describe myself as ā€˜queer’ mainly because I’ve never felt entirely comfortable being part of a group or a particular category. I’ve always hated those diversity questionnaires youĀ fill in when you apply for a job where youĀ have toĀ tick a box to describe yourself. I prefer to be a bit more free-floating, on the margins with one foot in and one foot out as it were (it’s typically me that I choose to live life across two countries, Germany and the UK), but maybe that just makes me evenĀ more queer!Ā 

For the birds

A Sudden Spring, mixed media collage on paper, 25 x 32 cm, 2021

It’s been no surprise to hear that so many people have taken up birdwatching during the lockdowns and the Covid restrictions. I guess we’re even more in awe of their ability to fly, and rather envious of it too, as we’re stuck in out little patch, with little prospect of flitting anywhere for a while.

Rain Clearing, Moonrise, acrylic on paper, collaged onto panel, 40 x 50 cm, 2021

Even if you’re locked down in a city, living in a flat, like I do, you can still enjoy seeing these wonderful creatures. Flying, coming and going with the seasons, nesting, raising young, feeding, fighting, getting on with their lives, they help keep us in contact with the natural world we’re a part of, even if we’re not able to engage with it very much at the moment. But from my balcony, in the middle of the city, i’ve seen an amazing variety of birds flying by or in the trees outside our home; woodpeckers, nuthatches, jays, jackdaws, gyre falcons, herons, tits and finches.

Now I’m starting to hear more birdsong too, and I realise how much I’ve missed it and what a wonderful, evocative sound it is.

We’ve had a particularly cold winter here but it’s changed, almost overnight, into a particularly warm spring. This is probably not good news, climate-wise, but it does lift the spirits šŸ™‚