When we left home at a little past noon today I had every intention of coming home and writing an amusing blog entry about cats. I’d been trying to find some time these last few weeks to squeeze in writing an entry but it just hadn’t worked out. Today I was determined to MAKE the time before I either lost my enthusiasm for what I thought was a good blog topic … light and fun … or totally lost that train of thought that propels us, if we are bloggers, towards an entry we have a certain amount of passion for.
Today we went to a memorial service for my husband’s Uncle Bill who recently died. The service was at the Episcopal Church and I knew there would be a lot of sitting and standing … and sitting and standing. My husband, just 11 days out from having a total knee revision, was probably going to want to come home a little early after an unexpected bit of Episcopal physical therapy, which would give me my blogging time.
I had only met Uncle Bill a few times and those after he had already begun his struggle with dementia. He didn’t always remember who we were but he always made an effort at conversation.
From our first meeting I liked Bill’s wife, Ann. I admired her for caring for him at home and her devotion to him that was apparent. I admired her courage.
When we arrived at the church a special room had been set aside for the family. When we were seated, Ann spoke to us. She assured us that she was doing well, although she missed Bill. She brought many to laughter and tears as she shared anecdotes about her life with Bill, who was 83 at his death, and ended by telling us a well-meaning friend had already suggested she join a dating website. She laughed and said she really wasn’t ready for THAT.
As she ended she said that Bill’s cat, Bud was grieving the loss especially. Bud was a rescue from the shelter that stole Bill’s heart. Because of the unique relationship between cat and man, someone had asked Ann if she was going to take Bud to the memorial service today. She said she decided against it because of what happened when she had taken Bud to see Bill at the rehab center, which she laughingly told us, “wasn’t pretty.” Either Bud wasn’t impressed with Bill’s accommodations or decided that wherever Bill was was where he wanted to be and marked the rehab center’s territory with feline gusto. She thought that would be a very bad experience for the church.
The service began with the pastor speaking about Bill’s life, both before and after the dementia began … the two Bills. He said that Bill was a friend to everyone; that age, religion, station in life and ethnicity meant little to Bill … he was a friend to all. A quick look around the sanctuary proved that to be true. The minister continued by telling everyone that Bill volunteered his time in a number of ways at city events and activities and always volunteered in ways that HELPED people. He painted a lovely picture of a wonderful man … someone that I hadn’t imagined.
The minister also pointed out how Bill loved ALL life, not just human life. He had a special regard, love and respect for animals and Ann had asked that memorials be sent to the local Humane Society shelter where Bud had been rescued, in lieu of flowers.
As the service was about to lead into song and prayer, the minister asked that we turn our Program over and look at the pictures on the back. On the front was a smiling picture of Bill in obviously healthier days. On the back were two pictures … one of Bill sitting in his chair with Bud sitting on his lap, although he wasn’t exactly sitting. Bud was mostly leaning against Bill’s chest with his eyes wide and alert, and Bill, with his lips touching Bud’s ear, was looking at Bud with a look of love and contentment. He was holding Bud’s back foot and his tail lovingly in his hand. The second picture was of Bud sleeping with his head on a hard-back copy of All Creatures Bright and Beautiful.
The minister asked that we turn to the person beside us and just say, “Hello.” He said that Bill on many occasions would address people as “Bud,” so he suggested that when we spoke to the person beside us, we might just say, “Hello, Bud.” Several times during the service the minister mentioned Bud. I was never sure if he did that because Bill called people Bud sometimes or if it was a spiritual nod to Bud, Bill’s cat, for adding love and delightful dimension to Bill’s life until the end of it.
The main thing I took away from the memorial service for Uncle Bill today … a man I hardly knew … was that his best friend … his most accommodating companion was a cat named Bud. They weren’t just a man and his pet. They were friends and companions that enjoyed each other’s company and shared their love with each other … and mutual respect. My heart ached then and now trying to imagine the grief Bud must be feeling at missing his friend.
The other thing I left the church with today is my regret that I didn’t have an opportunity to really know Uncle Bill … to witness his caring for people, for life and for Bud, his friend and companion. It is a huge regret.
While I may not have gotten to know my husband’s Uncle Bill, I will try to make time to stop by to see Ann and get to know her better.
I also want the opportunity to meet that special individual that brought about such companionship, contentment and love to Bill. I’m going to set aside a day to go see Bud.
March 27, 2020 Update: Today, just 3 months after Uncle Bill died, his best friend, Bud (his cat) passed away. Bud had grieved the loss of Bill as only someone who shares a special bond can grieve. Ann feels that Bud died from his grief and missing Bill. This is a special story with a sad ending but I’d like to think that Bud has found Bill and is nestled in his lap, leaning against his chest as both of them enjoy the comfort of Bill’s favorite chair and the company of the other. I’m sure Bud is purring up a storm.
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