I imagine you’ve all seen that Hallmark inspirational greeting card that shows an elderly couple from behind, walking down the beach holding hands. Both of them have on ragged old hats, loose-fitting, comfortable shirts and oversized, wrinkled shorts. It’s a picture on a card that is intended to impart the message that being elderly can be among the best years of our lives, with time to enjoy the best life has to offer and the time to finally enjoy it together. And at first glance, we see all that wonderful stuff and understand the message.
What we DON’T see, but just know if we’ve begun dipping our toes in the tepid water that surrounds the elderly, is this: that couple is holding hands because it helps them keep their balance, (they both had 2 knee replacements and one of them has also had a hip replaced), they’re holding each other UPRIGHT, they’re trying to decide which direction to take to get back to their hotel, and they’re wearing those baggy shorts because they are more comfortable than tighter ones worn over their Depends.
I admit the first scenario is much more attractive but even with Scenario #2, there’s still so much hope and love embodied by that greeting card. Nobody has written a primer on what to expect as we age. Maybe someone should. There’s nothing wrong with being prepared.
My mother told me when we built our new house, now some 30+ years ago, that it was a great place in which to grow old. During that statement of supreme wisdom, she also said that it seems we are old MUCH longer than we are young and that time really does go by faster as we age. That didn’t make a lot of sense at the time but quicker than you can line up the syllables to say Metamucil, time has flown, here I am, and everything she said makes perfect sense.
Don’t misunderstand … I am grateful and feel blessed to have arrived at this level of maturity. It’s a privilege that many of my contemporaries have been denied. I wouldn’t trade the knowledge I’ve acquired, the experiences I’ve had or the cool music and bands I’ve grown up with for anything. The down side is hoping I can retain all that and continue to enjoy life as I drift into my Twilight Years.
There are so many positives, but on the negative side, the sad truth in some cases is this, if you are fortunate enough not to look your age, there are people that will immediately change their attitude towards you and treat you differently when they find out how old you are. Ageism is alive and well, unfortunately.
A few years back I attended a seminar on aging while doing research for a TV show I was hosting at the time. Included with the afternoon seminar was a chance to speak with a number of vendors showing advances in medicine, joint replacement and cochlear implant, make-up, fashion and a number of other cool things. Attendees could also receive a flu shot. Since I hadn’t gotten my flu shot for the season, I lined up to get one. There were a broad range of ages in that line; some people my age, some in wheelchairs that needed a ‘travel companion’ for mobility and several in walkers.
We were seated and given an insurance form to fill out. A nurse came along checking everyone’s form and when she got to me, she knelt beside my chair, looked at my form and said, “And you’ve filled that out JUST RIGHT.” I looked at her in disbelief and replied, “ OF COURSE I HAVE.”
I never really dwell on age. That would be like dwelling on the possibility of extreme and dangerous weather when there would be nothing I could do to stop it. Dwelling on age is a fruitless waste of time. So, I was startled by my first experience with ageism directed at me.
I moved on to get the flu shot behind a partition where another nurse was administering them. She said, “ And what have you been doing since retirement?” I responded, “I’ve written and gotten two books published, I speak to seminars about breast cancer, I’m president of a non-profit that supports 9 charities and sends a local student to Space Camp annually and I host a local television talk show.” She replied, “Awww, I’m glad you’re staying busy.”
I left the seminar.
My closest friend, a lovely woman who looks years younger than her chronological age, went for an x-ray that required the injection of contrast dye for the procedure. The nurse tasked with starting her IV was unable to start it, called in reinforcements who were also unable to start the IV and my friend was asked to wait until a nurse phlebotomist could come and make the attempt. When the very talented woman arrived and checked my friend’s ID wristband and her birth date, she approached my friend and asked, “Are you the little lady with the bad veins?” Feeling the same irritation I’d felt at the seminar, my friend replied, “No. I’m the woman whose IV none of your associates were able to start.”
My friend told me all about it later and after we got past our indignation at being spoken to as though we couldn’t comprehend at our ripe old ages, we both laughed and laughed because we knew that in just a while those young people would have someone speak to them like that because of the age written on their chart or wrist band. What goes around … comes around.
I asked a nurse friend who is my age if we ever talked ‘down’ like that to older people when we were young, new nurses and she said, “Probably.” I hope not but we may have because the vantage point of youth is very different than that of a position of maturity.
There is so much beauty in maturity and there is so much beauty in youth. The youth-thing just doesn’t last long enough. It’s a shame we can’t have youth and that maturity that comes with years and experience all at the same time. My mom was right.
Now days a good day starts when you make it to the bathroom first thing in the morning without peeing on your feet … and we’ve earned every one of those good days.
I think we need to value our older members of society far more than we do … what they have accomplished … what they have contributed … and the stories they are more than willing to share with us – stories of first space flights, flower power, racial equality, turbulent times, peaceful times, great politicians, assassinated presidents and some of the best bands that have ever graced the planet. Listen to them. What they have to say is far better and often more exciting than any continuing mini-series live-streamed by Paramount or Disney.
And mostly you don’t have to yell when speaking to them. Chances are they hear you.
In closing, I’m reminded of Dr. Seuss’ take on growing old. I’m not sure he actually wrote this but he’s been given credit for it:
Dr. Seuss Golden Years Poem
I cannot see
I cannot pee
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
December’s here before it’s June
My goodness how the time has flown
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my … backsides
Thank you, Dr. Seuss. As with most things involving our journey through life – they are made easier if we can laugh a little and find humor at most every intersection and milestone … even aging.
heimdalco 