Hellish Behavior

I don’t really like organized religion. It wigs me out in a manner which is more frightening and more nightmare inducing than most anything else that might wig me out. The idea that a man, woman, child, or council thereof, could come up with a specific dogma and path which others are supposed to take wholly as the word of a higher power or entity creeps me out. It says to me that the members are unable to think on their own, or perhaps they just don’t want to search for their own truth.
Speaking of truth, that’s another thing that wigs me out about organized religion. Whose truth are you accepting as gospel?
The reason that I am on this train of thought is because today is the anniversary of L.Ron Hubbard’s death. Now, prior to actually realizing that I don’t need to be a member of an organization to have my own faith, I actually read Dianetics. It was interesting. It certainly didn’t diverge too far from Hubbard’s history as a sci-fi author, but apparently there isn’t anything wrong with that…according to Scientologists.
A few years ago, I went to a psychic fair with some friends. There, between the booth for crystals which heal relationship issues and the booth which sold cupcakes with zodiac signs frosted onto the tops, was a booth for Scientology. There were three very nice looking men at the booth, two young and one who looked like he was in his forties. There was a box which had two metal bars attached to it, a dial on the wooden box itself, and stacks and stacks and more stacks of the hard cover copy of Dianetics. My friends and I walked by the booth, one of the young men stopped us and explained to us that Scientology and Dianetics can clear your pathway of the troubles and illnesses that plague it…or something to that extent. My friends decided that it would be fun to test to see their levels of plague, so first my male friend sat down, followed the young man’s instructions and held on to the metal handles. The needle on the little wooden box went wonky, back and forth, all the way over. Then my female friend went, same thing. At this point, there are other attendees at the table, watching us, listening to the Scientologists talk about the problems caused by our plagues, and that their way can clear those plagues away, for only the low price of $19.99 for the book to get started. Then the young man asked me to sit down. I told him that he really didn’t want to test me in front of anyone else and he reassured me that this is what they do. I told him again that it should wait until there are less interested people near the table. He laughed sarcastically and said that it would be fine. I sat down and held the handles as my friends had done. The young man adjusted the dial yet again, personalizing it for me. The needle doesn’t move…at all. He adjusts it again, still nothing. He looks up at his young friend as people are whispering to each other and the other young man walks over and adjusts the dial, asking if it was even adjusted correctly. The two continue to converse and adjust, even having the older man come over and check. At this point, there are more people standing there, trying to watch while glancing over at the books. The older man says “Think of something that causes you stress.” I do. Still, the needle doesn’t move. He then says “Think of a person who seems to cause you the most distress.” I can only think of my daughter, since of course we can’t decide whether we like or dislike each other from one day to the next. Still, the needle only jumps slightly, a little gasp before returning to its resting position. The older man shrugs his shoulders slightly, looks at the other two and says “I don’t know what’s wrong with it. She just doesn’t register on it.” Now of course, I do know what’s wrong with it. It’s not as if I am a reincarnated alien spirit who has no plagues in her path. The little box which tests those blockades, the so called E-Meter, is a modified lie detector test and sphygmomanometer all rolled into one. The truth is, which I already knew prior to sitting down in the chair, that I knew that the machine would not bleep on me. Not only do I have ridiculously low blood pressure, I also have Ataraxia. Yeah I know, I shouldn’t exactly be announcing that I have a mental illness, but since it’s an unusual one, I don’t mind so much. The fact though, is that I don’t actually stress about anything. There isn’t anything that I consider to be so stressful that it’s worth the wrinkles, the gray hair and the high blood pressure. I knew that I wouldn’t be a good test subject for their display because it would prove that there are those who don’t have a need for these supposed clearings and audits.
After all, if I am one with my life, with all of the negatives and positives, at peace with the decisions and consequences, actions and reactions, and entirely accepting of whatever may come, each moment, each day, each year, then what could I possibly need auditing for? To remember a past life? To know that I am the reincarnation of an immortal? Hell, I already know that some of my quirks come from past lives, and I already know that the soul is immortal. I don’t need someone who is following the teachings of a science fiction writer to explain that to me.
Plus, I just really don’t like that the followers don’t want to admit to themselves that Hubbard wasn’t this great inventor of this cool religion. They want to believe that he wasn’t an enormous liar, a horrific racist and liked the young girls. Now, if they wanted to admit this, that he simply created this religion in order to make some money and be a big fish, then I’d be a little more understanding. After all, there are many religions that were created by folks who weren’t that great of people, or who may have lacked the holiness that we usually look for in our prophets, and their followers recognize that and follow them anyway.
I would just love to hear one of the more famed Scientologists say “I know that he was a fraud, that he just created the religion to make a buck, to become a big fish and to have a bunch of people follow him, but the religion is fun so I’m sticking with it.” I would totally get that.
Unfortunately, that probably isn’t going to happen, so instead, I guess I will just say that since the E-Meter did not respond at all to me, it must mean that I am already enlightened, already entirely audited and recognize my own holiness and ascension and therefore…
I FUCKING RULE!!!!