I’m in a bit of a blue mood. I’d say that I’m depressed, but I don’t think it’s that serious. It’s more like the blues in a shade of turquoise, a bit more flashy than out and out blue. This touch of blue is caused by other people, or rather my lack of understanding of the human condition.
Oh I know what you’re thinking, how can a spiritual adviser not understand the human condition. It goes something like this. A distant acquaintance put on his facebook wall a post that said Calling illegal aliens “undocumented immigrants” is like calling drug dealers “unlicensed pharmacists”. Now, this would not bother me if it had come from one of my more conservative acquaintances, but it didn’t, it came from someone who is very heavy into the fight for equal rights for the GLBT community. So therein lies my dip into the blue pool…after all, is this post no less offensive than some that I have seen comparing gay men to pedophiles?
If the intelligent, humanist members of the human race pick and choose who should be given respect and propriety then what hope do we have for the future? Don’t get me wrong, I get it, everyone has their battles, everyone has their prejudices, their passions, and that’s never going to change, but I am finding fewer and fewer people who genuinely, sincerely feel that human beings, across the board…absolutely must be treated like human beings.
So I’m struggling today. I am struggling with hope, I am struggling with faith, I am struggling with the entire idea that the world can become a better place, that mankind can become better, that the divine can be found in each soul, rather than an inaccessible and ethereal attainment after death.
This struggle is foreign to me, I don’t have crises of faith, I believe in the goodness of the human soul…usually. So yes, I am blue today. I still handled my business, talking to clients about their sorrows, their struggles, their lives full of drama, trauma and magnificence. I still stuck with my second week of my diet, although I was tempted to indulge in an entire pan of homemade enchiladas and a large Coke…I resisted. I still made my roommate’s cats give me hugs. I still told my friends that I love them. I went through my day as I always do, but today, I felt fraudulent. I felt like I was acting, I felt like I was pretending.
I don’t want to pretend though. I want to feel that each and every one of us is capable of recognizing that we are all connected, that we suffer like our brothers and sisters suffer, that we cannot battle the demons of prejudice and hatred, of cruelty and subjugation, without empathizing with those who we will never completely understand. Aren’t we? I mean, really…aren’t we capable of that? Aren’t we understanding that although we are all different, we are each responsible for at the very least, offering empathy?
Perhaps it’s just my age…maybe I am just tiring of seeing ugliness. Maybe I am just exhausted by the hatred that seems to spread and spread and spread…like rancid butter. I don’t know. I just don’t understand anymore. I am feeling more and more like I don’t belong to the human race…which is scary since I know that this feeling can also be attributed to sociopaths. I don’t know though, maybe it’s a blessing. Maybe the gods know that I am so distraught by society that they are letting me feel more separate from it.
I’m trying though, I am really trying to get it…trying to get how people who I respect can do or say things which make me feel as if they are…well…just not people that I want to be in contact with. I can’t very well just turn into a hermit right? I mean, if those of us who make sure that our love of humanity is across the board turn into hermits and go off and live in isolation, then what will that do to the world?
So yeah, I’m blue today, but since it is my world, and I am in charge of making sure that I do everything within my power to make a difference, I guess I’d better just peel off that layer of boohoo and put my big girl panties on. I guess I’d better just move on, knowing that sometimes I do have to eighty-six some folks out of my beautiful world.
Hellish Behavior 