Landscaping

08 Jul 2013 3 Comments

by signsofsomething in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

I’ll bet you dirty birds are thinking that this post is going to be all about the grooming which is commonly known as landscaping…you dirty birds!

Nope, this post is about yard work…specifically landscapers. I recently heard an acquaintance say that she won’t date landscapers because they don’t have real jobs. I looked at her and made one of my super duper ugly expressions…one of those ones that screams “You’re an idiot!” while still not verbally offending anyone.

“A real job? What’s a real job?” I asked my acquaintance, genuinely curious about what her explanation of a real job would be. She told me that she just felt like field workers, farm workers, landscapers and gardeners didn’t have real jobs, that they were more hobbies or jobs that people get when they aren’t smart enough to get a real job. So I responded with my usual “hmmmm” and waited for the inevitable “Does that make sense?” that came out of her mouth. Cue…my opinion.

“Well, no, not really. I don’t understand how a vegetarian who receives most of her sustenance from the grocery store, a Wiccan who spends much of her life in nature, and the daughter of a botany major might consider those jobs to be less important, less real than other jobs. If you are simply prejudiced and feel that most landscapers and gardeners, field workers and farm workers might be undocumented immigrants, than your socio-political views are tainting your recognition that these jobs contribute to the flora which you appreciate so much. Without these workers, you wouldn’t have most of the things that you live with. So I’m not really sure that your statement makes sense.”

My acquaintance, stunned by that realization, more so than she should have been, then had one thing to say…

“Did you just call me a racist?”

“No, I called you prejudiced. Which is true.”

“I’m not!”

“When you believe a generalization about a group of people, and that belief leads you to a negative emotional or mental response to that group…such as believing that those jobs are not real jobs, it is a prejudice.”

At this point, the acquaintance was flustered and getting angry, and although I do love setting off heightened conversations, I decided that this one wasn’t one that I wanted to have, so I just looked out over the lovely park and smirked, “Wow, this landscaping is just perfect, true art!”

Gone Blonde

15 Jun 2013 Leave a comment

by signsofsomething in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It’s true, my friend the hairdresser came over last night and did this fabulous thing to my hair…it’s sort of a blend of blonde, honey, copper and my natural dark brown. It’s terrific because it has this 1970’s California girl look, and she styled it similar to Farrah Fawcett’s Charlie’s Angels days.

Okay so it’s not blonde like blonde. I think that we’d all agree that most olive complected Mexicans should not be blonde, there’s an air to that look that is just terribly reminiscent of the chola look, which in my less than humble opinion is not a great look for my sisters of la raza.

The roommate loves it. He went on and on about how good it looks, and I drilled him to make sure that he wasn’t just being flattering so that I would make him strawberry shortcake for dessert. He wasn’t. Of course this does not negate my nervousness at anyone seeing me…not because I don’t love what she did to my hair, I do…but because the last thing I want is someone thinking that I’m trying to look less ethnic.

Then I start to think that I’m being a dope, after all, everyone who knows me knows that I love changing my look from day to day but remain proudly Latina…they couldn’t possibly think that I have an aversion to being recognizably Latina.

Why do we have such stringent ideas about appearance? Even within ethnic groups, there is a prejudice that is based entirely on physical appearance…if someone is mixed Afro-Hispanic, then they’re considered too dark, if someone is a blonde, blue-eyed Hispanic, then they’re considered less Latina…is our physical appearance that important that even our own identity is questioned?

Honestly it doesn’t make sense to me, that I would be filled with trepidation, not that people won’t find the new hair color attractive, but that I won’t be seen as Mexican. But then again, I already get the comments of “You don’t look Mexican!” and other comments which I can’t imagine saying to anyone else. Why? Well primarily because for many of us, that’s not a compliment. Our pride in our heritage, our familiarity with our culture is part of who we are as an identity and when that is questioned, it sort of pisses us off.

Even my own daughter doesn’t identify as being Latina…simply because she has red hair and green eyes (actually she’s platinum blonde right now). Her identity is so strongly rooted in what she sees in the mirror rather than anything else and for her mother, it’s fascinating. It isn’t as if she’s ashamed of her heritage, she isn’t. It’s not as if she isn’t comfortable with her culture, she is. It’s simply that even though her surname is still the same as mine, which is still the same as my father’s, a very obviously Hispanic name, she knows that when people look at her, they don’t see a Latina.

This used to piss me off…but now, I am just curious, why is it that we are so determined to base so much of our individual identity on something which, in this day and age, and because of the widespread blending of ethnic and racial bloodlines, really shouldn’t even play a part.

So I guess I will stop worrying about any negative responses to my summertime pseudo blonde and just put my big girl panties on and face the music. After I have a few more cups of coffee.

WHAT!?!

06 Jun 2013 Leave a comment

by signsofsomething in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

So…I was in Walmart…yes, I know, I really should stop shopping there, but I was there the other day and as usual, stopped by the makeup section. There was a young person standing there, who looked to me to be a young man, slender, beautiful, closely cropped dark hair, dark eyes and wearing the most god-awful boy’s clothes, baggy jeans and a baggy t-shirt. The young person looked at me, I smiled as I usually do when someone looks at me, the young person smiled back and I resisted temptation of purchasing a new lipstick and kept walking toward the fabric and sewing section.

I was standing there, looking through the jersey knits for my next creation of magnificence when I looked up and there was the young person, standing there, smiling at me…and what a beautiful smile. I now noticed more piercings than most of my friends have all together, and these were all in the smiling youth’s beautiful face.

Then young person then spoke…with a girl’s voice.

Her: Hi!
Me: Hi!
Her: My name is Chris.
Me: Did you say Christina? (I really hadn’t heard exactly what she’d said)
Her: Well it’s Christina but I go by Chris.
Me: Nice to meet you, I’m Mikki.
Her: Mikki, you are so beautiful, and I love your smile…will you go have some lunch with me?
Me: Oh…wow…that is so nice…um…how old are you?
Her: Seventeen.
(At this point, my head began to spin in confusion)
Me: Oh…my…wow, I am so flattered beyond belief, but you’re the same age as my grandson…which means that I am probably older than your parents.
Her: Is that a no? Age doesn’t really matter you know.
Me: Oh…yeah…it totally does.

Seventeen. Yes, I was asked out by a charming seventeen year old girl.

I’m still sort of wigged out by this encounter, for a number of reasons. One, this young person, at the beginning of her adult life, had more balls than most of my peers, deciding that she would be bold and ask a stranger out on a date. She didn’t do it on Craigslist Missed Connections, she didn’t do it in some clumsy, insecure way, she just walked right up and boldly pursued what she wanted. Two, I realized my own prejudice…which as you can imagine, pisses me off to no end…why…when I am up in arms about LGBT rights and equality, when I am up in arms over prejudging someone based on outward appearance, did I automatically assume that the young woman was a young man? Her short hair, floppy boys clothing and slender build were not big billboards saying “I’m a boy” and so why was my mind so limited in its thoughts, that I just automatically assumed that it must be a boy? Finally, what the hell is going on with these young people wanting to date me?

I don’t get asked out by my peers, by fifty year old men wanting to enjoy my company…no, I keep getting asked out by twenty-somethings who could no more work with my lifestyle than I could with theirs. And now, a seventeen year old thinks that I’d be a great date.

Of course, I remember being seventeen. My classmates were much bolder then, than now. Their youth brought them a sense of freedom from fear…fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of failure…all contributing factors in their lives now. I remember being seventeen and having crushes on all of my teachers, those people who I admired and respected, their brains often being the most attractive aspect of themselves, yet all I could see was beauty, the beauty of knowledge, learning, wisdom. I remember being seventeen and thinking that I wanted everything NOW…I was very impatient…oh wait, that hasn’t changed.

I guess I understand that youth is bolder, less confident and yet seemingly unconquerable. I understand that my peers are busy enjoying their own encounters with younger men and women, whatever they can do to recapture their youth, to stave off age for just a little longer, if only in their minds, by dating those who are well outside an appropriate age range. I even understand the appeal due to the physical aspects…after all, there are very few of us who truly feel that age and the signs of age are magnificent. I was once asked how I could date someone who was my own age because “doesn’t he have wrinkly balls?” Well yes, he did in fact…he also had a wrinkly face, chest and butt…but, he could remember all of the same things that I could, he understood my taste in music and he could have a conversation with me about pretty much everything and anything, without any prodding on my part. His glorious physique was not tight and toned, shaved and waxed, shimmering against the sun, it was soft in some areas, hard in others, hairy, weather worn and yes…wrinkled. It was fabulous.

It’s true, I was very flattered by her invitation, by her declaration of attraction for me. It wasn’t the law that prevented me from accepting her kind invitation to eat, which I rarely turn down, it was my own recognition that this young woman, however bold, however beautiful, should not waste even one precious moment of her life, entertaining a woman who was nearly thirty when the young woman was born. She should be out enjoying the company of those women who would actually know who some of the current celebrities are, or be able to go through those troubled early twenties with her, boldly going into adulthood with someone who didn’t go through it before she was even born.

Now I need to go hit my head against the wall a few times to shake loose the prejudice of blue and pink baby blankets.

Disney is Demonic?!

17 Apr 2013 1 Comment

by signsofsomething in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

I recently read a post on a blog written by a pastor who does his blog in Portuguese. Needless to say, I had to use a translating program because I don’t speak Portuguese. Now, granted, the translating programs don’t seem to do a great job at translating, but I did get the gist.

Basically, the says that Disney is trying to invade the minds of children with homosexuality and witchcraft, and that Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was all about Satanism and that the dwarfs were representative of nature spirits and that the beloved animated film was trying to get children to accept nature spirits as good and benevolent entities. The minister continues on to say that the hunter very clearly exhibits the sign of the devil with his hand when he is going to stab Snow White.

I’m sure that it is possible that Walt Disney was a Satanist. I don’t know since I didn’t know him, but it’s always possible. There have been many people in the public eye who have been Satanists and not gone public with that because of the stigma that comes with belonging to that religion. However, regardless of what Walt Disney’s religious beliefs may have been, or what the religious or spiritual beliefs of the members of Disney’s current board of directors or CEO, I think that it’s pretty funny that throughout the years, there have been numerous coalitions and individuals within the Christian religions that have attacked the corporation for such imagined slights as being promoters of sexual practices or sexuality, spiritual practices or even that dwarfs are representative of nature spirits. I wonder how people who have dwarfism feel about this comparison. Oh my gods! That’s it, folks with dwarfism must all be Satanic nature spirits out to steal the breath of our children! Holy Moses! Alert the media!

Here’s my issue with this sort of imagination regarding what evil is done in the world. Let’s be honest, corporations certainly have their evil motives. The price for a family of four to head over to Disneyland pretty much breaks them for the rest of the year…now that’s evil. But seriously, the idea that the favored cartoon characters are actually some sort of way to brainwash and manipulate little ones into worshiping Satan and sacrificing kitties on altars dedicated to Beelzebub, is just silly and yet another unproven speculation by the wild nightmares that float around the minds of the religious extremists.

The truth is that Disney as a corporation isn’t interested in infiltrating the purity of our children. It is interested in infiltrating our wallets certainly, but other than that…no infiltration. There is no evil behind the Mickey Mouse Club, no demons hiding behind the eyes of Goofy, no homosexual agenda behind Minnie’s friendship with Daisy. It’s true, the corporation has continued to show support for equal rights for all human beings, woah….wait a minute…just like Jesus! Holy Moses! Walt Disney was the Second Coming! Wow! Alert the media! Again!

It’s true that the corporation has continued to fight alongside the underdogs in the battles for acceptance. Those things are true. However, the hunter using the sign of the devil? Well as any animator will tell you, sometimes the fingers do look like they’re shooting the Evil Eye, sometimes they look like they are flipping the bird and yeah, I’m sure to someone looking for it, they might even look like they are doing the sign of the devil. It happens. Especially when you’re looking for something to back up your claims.

The fact is that the religious fanatics and extremists will always find something Satanic within corporations who stand up against prejudice and hatred. I remember when my maternal grandmother said that we couldn’t use anything put out by Proctor & Gamble because the symbol was Satanic. A moon and stars…stars representing the thirteen colonies actually, but hey, who needs facts when you can have fiction!

A Touch of Turquoise

10 Apr 2013 Leave a comment

by signsofsomething in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

I’m in a bit of a blue mood. I’d say that I’m depressed, but I don’t think it’s that serious. It’s more like the blues in a shade of turquoise, a bit more flashy than out and out blue. This touch of blue is caused by other people, or rather my lack of understanding of the human condition.

Oh I know what you’re thinking, how can a spiritual adviser not understand the human condition. It goes something like this. A distant acquaintance put on his facebook wall a post that said Calling illegal aliens “undocumented immigrants” is like calling drug dealers “unlicensed pharmacists”. Now, this would not bother me if it had come from one of my more conservative acquaintances, but it didn’t, it came from someone who is very heavy into the fight for equal rights for the GLBT community. So therein lies my dip into the blue pool…after all, is this post no less offensive than some that I have seen comparing gay men to pedophiles?

If the intelligent, humanist members of the human race pick and choose who should be given respect and propriety then what hope do we have for the future? Don’t get me wrong, I get it, everyone has their battles, everyone has their prejudices, their passions, and that’s never going to change, but I am finding fewer and fewer people who genuinely, sincerely feel that human beings, across the board…absolutely must be treated like human beings.

So I’m struggling today. I am struggling with hope, I am struggling with faith, I am struggling with the entire idea that the world can become a better place, that mankind can become better, that the divine can be found in each soul, rather than an inaccessible and ethereal attainment after death.

This struggle is foreign to me, I don’t have crises of faith, I believe in the goodness of the human soul…usually. So yes, I am blue today. I still handled my business, talking to clients about their sorrows, their struggles, their lives full of drama, trauma and magnificence. I still stuck with my second week of my diet, although I was tempted to indulge in an entire pan of homemade enchiladas and a large Coke…I resisted. I still made my roommate’s cats give me hugs. I still told my friends that I love them. I went through my day as I always do, but today, I felt fraudulent. I felt like I was acting, I felt like I was pretending.

I don’t want to pretend though. I want to feel that each and every one of us is capable of recognizing that we are all connected, that we suffer like our brothers and sisters suffer, that we cannot battle the demons of prejudice and hatred, of cruelty and subjugation, without empathizing with those who we will never completely understand. Aren’t we? I mean, really…aren’t we capable of that? Aren’t we understanding that although we are all different, we are each responsible for at the very least, offering empathy?

Perhaps it’s just my age…maybe I am just tiring of seeing ugliness. Maybe I am just exhausted by the hatred that seems to spread and spread and spread…like rancid butter. I don’t know. I just don’t understand anymore. I am feeling more and more like I don’t belong to the human race…which is scary since I know that this feeling can also be attributed to sociopaths. I don’t know though, maybe it’s a blessing. Maybe the gods know that I am so distraught by society that they are letting me feel more separate from it.

I’m trying though, I am really trying to get it…trying to get how people who I respect can do or say things which make me feel as if they are…well…just not people that I want to be in contact with. I can’t very well just turn into a hermit right? I mean, if those of us who make sure that our love of humanity is across the board turn into hermits and go off and live in isolation, then what will that do to the world?

So yeah, I’m blue today, but since it is my world, and I am in charge of making sure that I do everything within my power to make a difference, I guess I’d better just peel off that layer of boohoo and put my big girl panties on. I guess I’d better just move on, knowing that sometimes I do have to eighty-six some folks out of my beautiful world.

“Oh, But You Don’t Look…”

29 Jan 2013 6 Comments

by signsofsomething in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

Throughout my adult life, I have heard, far too many times, “Oh but you don’t look…” Now the word look would be followed by words such as Mexican, grandmother, mother, African American, Irish, lesbian, minister, fortune teller, etc. Now…this of course should not really be an issue. People have their preconceptions of what one type may or may not look like. However, it’s said like a compliment, like I should be excited that they don’t recognize that aspect of me. So let’s for a moment take a look at these things which I do not look like.

Mexican: This is actually one that I receive often. This backhanded compliment is usually from someone whose knowledge of Mexican or Hispanic culture is limited to Taco Bell. The person most often is under the belief that Mexicans in all of our glory are only represented by the beautiful Indio features and coloring, whereas the truth is far simpler than that, since those of us who belong to the ethnic group know that we even lay claim to blond haired, blue eyed beauties and red headed macho macho men.

Grandmother and Mother: I have been told that I should feel flattered about this specific compliment since people are simply saying that I look young. Since I am proud of being a mother and a grandmother, as well as being proud of my age and the signs of my aging process, it usually ends up with me spending the day in a tiff, thinking of ways that I can look more like a grandmother, such as buying ridiculous t-shirts with the word grandmother scrawled across the chest. Does this mean that more people end up looking at my breasts? Sure, but I have less of a problem with that than I do with being told that I don’t look like a grandmother.

African American: Okay, I admit, as far as I know, I do not have any Black heritage. However, one day in Indianapolis, while waiting for a bus, a young man came up to me and asked me why I was wearing a head wrap when I’m not a sister. He went on to say that it was rude of me to wear a cultural representation that doesn’t belong to me. He of course did not say it as nicely as I just did, and I am rarely this quick thinking, but I responded by asking him what made him think that I was not in fact African American. I explained to him that he was mistaken in believing that his race was made up of only people of his own skin color, and by believing that, he contributes to the negativity by separating his own race into categories based on skin color or even shades of that color. I then gave him a lesson in the history of the greatness of his own race and that indeed there are those who are lighter as well as those who are darker and that he should be proud that his magnificent race does in fact have such an enormous range of appearance. I also pointed out that head wraps have been used by cultures all over the world and that it was arrogant of him to think that only his culture has utilized them as symbols of beauty, marital status, religious beliefs and even simply to protect against Mother Nature. He apologized, smiled, hugged me and walked away while the elderly woman next to me waited for him to leave before saying “I know that you aren’t black but that was great of you to explain that to him.”

Irish: This has been a difficult one for me, because I don’t identify on an average day as being Irish. This is certainly not because I have an issue with my maternal lineage, rather I am comfortable with what I look like when I see myself in a mirror. I did not inherit anything from my mother but her big feet and her freckles, so on the occasion when someone asks me what a specific tattoo says or means, and I tell them that it is the Irish word for prophetess, I am bombarded by statements that I don’t look Irish. Well, since I have dated four different culturally and genetically Irish guys and each of them have looked different from the next, I’m not sure what Irish looks like but I imagine that this too can run the range of appearance.

Lesbian: Okay, yet again, I am not a lesbian, although I have dated women. During these times, it has been difficult to get past the arguments of labels and categorization, some never being happy with my response of “I love who I love at points in my life. I don’t need a label maker to print out a specific title for who I am at each point.” Besides, this still makes me wonder…what exactly does a lesbian look like? I imagine the idea of a lesbian is the stunning butchy types, but then again, I have known some stunning butchy types of women who in fact have been as straight as boards.

So I guess I can stop with the examples right there, I’m sure that you catch my drift. After all, don’t we limit ourselves by assuming that everyone of a certain community will appear similar to everyone else within that community? Don’t we shame ourselves by feeding into presumptive prejudices? Why does the comment or response need to be “You don’t look like, sound like, eat like, dance like…” Why is that even a thought in our heads? Perhaps we don’t understand the insult that comes along with that statement. We are, in essence, saying to the person that they don’t belong in the community to which they identify with. We are telling them that they are not enough to belong, a mutation of what the community is known for. We are placing them into a state of limbo, a place in between, a place of being an outcast. We are saying that they aren’t good enough to be a part of the group which they have belonged.

These are not compliments. They may be said with good intentions, but like many good intentions, they can pave the road to Hell. It is a Hell where they who feel shunned send themselves. These statements of “you don’t look…” create a line between the recipient of the words and their family, friends, religion, gender, sexuality, community, peers and so forth. From that moment on, especially when it is repeated from time to time, the recipient of those compliments questions themselves when looking at the other members of their circles. They can begin to ask themselves “Do I belong?”

That question leads to joining cults, gangs, and so forth…all in the quest to belong, to have a part of you that you know is connected to others.

However…if you’re feeling like you don’t belong, you can totally belong to my family. I’m just not doing your dirty laundry.

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